"Parasomnia runs in families, so there may be a genetic factor..." Vanessa reads, as her brain tries to wrap itself around the new word. Parasomnia. So she wasn't insane? The voices inside her head that begged her to keep her mouth shut at the doctor's office weren't there? Regular people didn't have this problem?
'You stupid girl! We told you to keep quiet.' The voice growled, sounding like it was sitting in the seat right behind her. Vanessa turned quickly, checking to make sure there wasn't anyone else in the car.
"So, did either of your parents have it?" Talon asked, his fingers gripping the steering wheel.
"I have no clue." Vanessa turned back to her phone, reading a few more of the Google articles about parasomnia.
"I wonder if they can do genetic testing to see where it comes from?" Talon muttered to himself.
"I have no clue, but this means I can't ever have kids." Vanessa shook her head, searching through the words, all talking about how it could be passed down. She refused to allow anyone else she loved to live like this.
'Why? We aren't so bad.' The voice muttered again with a tone that made it obvious if there was a creature in the back seat they were rolling their eyes.
"Whoa, don't say that. You will be able to have kids one day." Talon tapped the steering wheel nervously. "What if I wanted kids?"
"What? Are you insane?" Vanessa turned in the passenger seat to get a better look at Talon. His lips were pursed, his brows furrowed as he drove.
"Look, I know it's early in the relationship, but yeah, I'd like to have kids one day. I love kids, and can't wait to take care of them. But it's so early in the relationship and hell, it's pretty early in your diagnosis. I don't think that's what we should really be talking about right now."
"I didn't know any of that." Vanessa mumbled, shaking her head as she looked back at the road.
"Yeah, it's not really something you mention when you first start dating someone. That's why my previous girlfriend and I didnt work out." Vanessa could tell Talon was lost in his own world of thoughts, but hers were swirling around her head like they were in a blender, and she needed to make sense of something.
"Understood."
"Look, I don't want there to be any awkward pressure now. Let's talk about that at a later time. I just want to make sure we are getting you taken care of. Have you thought about the sleep study the doctor mentioned?"
Vanessa felt like she needed a moment to breathe. Normally she was collected, and so sure of herself, but her world had been flipped upside down, and the voices hadn't stopped beating her in the process. She reached forward and pushed the button to roll the window down. A burst of fresh cool air whipped through the car, pulling her hair in every direction.
Talon shook his head. Vanessa couldn't help but feel like he was annoyed with her. She didn't have an answer for him. She wasn't mentally prepared to think about a sleep study, or what that would mean for her.
"I'll think about it." Vanessa grumbled. She stared out the window, the trees on Talon's street whizzed past until they pulled into the driveway.
"Are you actually going to think about it?" Talon said after they entered the house and he closed the door behind him. Vanessa glared at Talon, feeling a little snubbed by his question.
"Yes!" Vannessa snapped.
Talon looked shocked by her reaction. He pondered for a moment, searching the room around him. Vanessa could feel the tension building in her fingers from clenched fists. After what felt like ages, he closed the distance between them, grabbed her hands and pulled her closer to him.
"Hey, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to push you into something you aren't comfortable with. I'm just so worried about you." Talon wrapped his arms around Vanessa, allowing her to melt into him.
Talon planted a kiss on her forehead. Vanessa could feel all of her fear wash away and she allowed the warmth of the hug to calm her.
"I know." Vanessa managed to spurt out, her voice just a whisper against his chest.
"I just want to help you out, and make sure you are taken care of and it kills me that you don't get enough sleep while you are here."
"I'll be fine Talon, I promise!"
It amazed Vanessa that Talon cared so much. The longer he held his arms around her, the more she felt like she couldn't pull away. Did he need this hug?
"What are we going to do for the rest of the day?" Vanessa felt like she needed to be productive in some way. She'd lucked out by having the day off today, but she'd been slacking off her work for far too long. Vanessa rubbed her stomach, finally acknowledging the empty feeling.
"Are you hungry?" Talon questioned.
"Yeah, I'm pretty hungry, honestly."
"Want to re-try our picnic?"
Vanessa nodded.
It didn't take the couple long to gather all the things they needed for a backyard picnic. They opted to stay at the house after the events of their last adventure. Vanessa had snuck upstairs to put on some more comfortable clothes after fiddling with her denim shorts for far too long.
She looked at her reflection in the mirror, taking a mental picture of the bags under her eyes, the knots in her hair, and the hollow expression in her eyes. Vanessa hadn't realized how unwell she actually looked.
How can Talon look at me like this and still think I am beautiful?
She ran her fingers through her hair to get rid of as many knots as possible, but without her hair brush, it was a useless task. If Vanessa had all of her things here, she'd try to cover the purple circles on her face, and at least attempt to smooth out the waves cascading around her shoulders.
"This will have to do." She muttered to herself, feeling the comfort of being alone in Talon's room. She needed a moment to breathe and process the events of the last twenty-four hours. How could things have gotten so bad?
"Yes, look at how beautiful that porcelain skin is..." The voice slithered from behind her, and if Vanessa hadn't been looking at her reflection, she could have sworn there was someone standing behind her with a long sharp talon tracing her jaw bone.
"Stop." Vanessa shook her head and hoped the creature or whatever it was would go away. She was sick and tired of these visions, these moments where she feared for her life.
"Oh, come on, don't be such a buzzkill now." The voice was smooth through the air and Vanessa could almost imagine the long pointy tongue dancing around behind a wall of razor-sharp teeth.
"I need you to leave me alone!" Vanessa shouted, feeling the words shoot out of her body with such a force she was scared it'd break the mirror in front of her. She searched her reflection, looking for any sign there was something behind her. All she needed to do was to see it.
Vanessa shot around on her feet, twisting so fast she nearly knocked herself over.
"Oh, the girl thinks she can fight back?" Another voice whispered, but this one was new, much more feminine than the last. "I like when they fight back..."
"I'm not trying to fight back. I just want to be left alone. I want my life back. I can't remember a time when I wasn't tormented." Vanessa shook her head and fell to her knees in the middle of the room. She felt the tears slip down her cheeks, covering her face in hot liquid.
The feeling of someone being in the room with her had dissipated. Vanessa would have looked around the room to check and see if she was alone again, but she knew she couldn't see them anyway. Looking for them would be pointless.
"It's just my mind. This is a genetic thing that I have. I'm just having a hallucination." Vanessa tried to remind herself, repeating the words to herself as many times as she needed before she felt like she could head outside and put on a fake smile for Talon.
What if Talon had heard her?
Vanessa jumped up off the floor and tried to press the wrinkles out of her lounge shorts. She glanced in the mirror as quickly as she could to avoid the voices coming back, but she needed to get the tears wiped from her face. Once she had cleaned herself up, she rushed down the stairs and was thankful to find Talon sitting on the picnic blanket in the backyard, too busy playing on his phone to have noticed her.
"Okay Vanessa, take a deep breath." Vannessa whispered to herself, pulling as much oxygen into her lungs as she possibly could before slowly blowing it out. Vanessa rolled her eyes, feeling annoyed with herself for talking in third person and out loud.
When she grabbed the handle on the sliding glass door, she froze. She watched the man sit on the blanket in the yard.
This boy is insane for wanting anything to do with me after yesterday and the doctor's appointment this morning.
Talon dropped his phone into his lap and placed his hands on his face. He seemed stressed, his movements tense as he used his fingers to rub his temples. He leaned back until he was lying on the ground with his knees in the air. Even though Vanessa wasn't outside, she could still hear the sigh that escaped his lips. She wondered what was running through his head. Was he having second thoughts about her? Did he want her to leave?
Had Vanessa become too much for the only person who seemed to care about her?
She thought about her life, and how boring it was before Talon. Sure, she couldn't describe it as the most fun filled life now, but compared to where she was, things were completely different. She felt like she had a social connection, a reason to wake up in the morning if she managed to fall asleep. She had something to look forward to. Instead of just dying inside every single time she went to her dead-end job. Vanessa wasn't needed anywhere in the world.
Jeffrey would just hire another person to take over her position. Talon would eventually move on and find another 'perfect' girl. Oh boy, she hated when he called her perfect. In no way, shape, or form, was she perfect. Vanessa was broken, haunted by everything that terrified her the second she closed her eyes.
She couldn't remember all the dreams she'd had. So many horrendous faces flashed in her mind just at the thought of a nightmare. Different moments that felt so real, she had a hard time telling the difference. It terrified her how similar to Talon's mother she felt, when she'd really only talked to her that one time.
Vanessa's thoughts drifted to Sherry. The poor young woman who couldn't remember a thing about her life. She was forgetting her only son, and had already lost her husband long ago. What was she even doing? It seemed when Vanessa was around, she wouldn't interact. She would have breakfast with the pair and then disappear into her room for most of the day. But Sherry had never appeared rude. She was always so kind to Vanessa. Vanessa just wanted to know more.
Talon sat up, turning to look at the door, and only when he made eye contact with Vanessa did she notice how long she must have been standing there. He waved for her to come outside. Her feet felt frozen to the ground. Vanessa took another deep breath and tried her best to push the thoughts aside.
After a few seconds, she finally opened the door and went outside.