⚠️ warning mention of mental health problems and self harm
Waking up and getting out of bed was the hardest thing. What's even worse it that I woke up in the middle of the night and sat over thinking a little bit more .
Mainly about that job offer. I need the job it would earn me a lot and that's exactly what I need .
I should stop being selfish, my family needs me I can't just reject such offer just because a guy kissed me then pretend like nothing happened.
I went over to pick my phone that was tossed on the pillow beside.
No more messages.
*How much does a bodyguard earn * I searched on Google
Salary Ranges for Personal Bodyguards.
The salaries of Personal Bodyguards in the US range from $10,001 to $237,999 , with a median salary of $42,816 . The middle 57% of Personal Bodyguards makes between $42,819 and $107,629, with the top 86% making $237,999.
I jolted off the bed as I saw the numbers. What the fuck , at this rate I mine as well quite working at the club.
I had already set my mind the second I read those numbers, I quickly checked the time to see it was 5 am.
I still have two whole hours to get ready , what do I wear . How should I look , what type of question would they ask me ?
It's not time for overthinking now .
Wow I haven't worn that suit since............I don't even remember. I pulled out my suit from my closet throwing it on my bed as I swarmed around in the room , phone in hand reading all about body language and how should a bodyguard act like
at 7 exactly I was out of the house and in my car . I still don't know how the fuck would it be possible for them to ever accept me ,there is no fucking way , I never even worked as a bodyguard. The only time I ever protect someone or whatever is when am out with my sister and mom . You know keeping an eye on them and such and sure that doesn't count as experience in the guarding filed.
" You are accepted, you seem to have a good build and the will to protect a client which in that case is our Star Axel, you will start training next week, you will be on training for a couple of weeks then you will be out . Axel had asked me to make you his personal guard but that would be after you are done training" a man in his 40's seated on a fancy office chair in a brown expensive looking suit said as he stretched his arm for me to shake .
I shook his hand as I nodded to what he was saying.
I was later out of the company and to my surprise I found someone leaning on my car , Axel was to be exact. He was leaning on the front of my car one hand in his pocket and the other holding his phone scrolling through it.
I slowly uproched my car , the second he sensed my presence he lifted his head to look up at me .
" Hay " he said with a smile on his face.
"Hi " I replied, this is the first time that I ever felt that awkward talking to him .
" Were you accepted" he asked as he slid his phone in his pocket.
" I think you already know but yeah I did " I coldly replied as I went to open my car's door but he quickly pushed back closing it .
" We haven't sat and talked properly in a while , would you maybe like a coffee or something? " He asked as he rubbed the back of his neck.
" I don't like coffee " I simply replied keeping that cold expression on my face , I don't know why I was speaking coldly to him but it is way better than showing him that what he did to me got me fucking sleepless and exhausted.
" Would you like a RedBull then " he said with a smile.
I tilted my head to the side , how did he know I like RedBull.
" I saw you drinking it a lot before, that's how I know you like those stuff , are there any other energy drinks that you like ?" He asked trying to start a conversation but I wasn't here for it .
" Axel what do you want " I asked getting irritated.
" I just wanted to talk to you like we usually did " he said trying to sound friendly and all
" Axel hear me out , I just knew you for like 3 weeks maybe. We are not friends okay and please try to control yourself a bit, am going to be your bodyguard soon and I don't like to bring shit into work . But still thanks for the job offer." I once again coldly replied to him before swinging the car door open and sliding in .
I don't know why I was treating him like that. Oh wait I do because am scared, am a fucking coward who tries to push everyone and everything away when they Sense uproching pain or a confusion causer.
Yes I run away from my problems, know why ? Cause I know pretty well that they will never ever be solved just like how I was never able to fix my self .
" Don't do it . Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.............." I kept repeating to my self , am relapsing, well i never really healed. Am thinking about self harm again .
" Don't fucking do it you mother fucker" I shouted to my self but still in a tone where no one can hear me from the outside. I was sitting in one of the corners of my room . I had my knees up to my bare chest while my arms wrapped around my head in an attempt to block those thoughts.
I stretched out my left arm to look at the previously made damage, I don't think it's damage though, I love them , I love those scars that covered half of my arm all the way from my wrist to my elbow.
They look really gorgeous....like .......like a peace of art ........... What if I add more ........would it look more beautiful?
What if I add one......here . I thought as I picked up the blade that I had previously discarded on the floor.
Wh....why didn't that hurt ........why!.......why the fuck am I not feeling any pain .......why ......how .......
I kept whispering and talking to my self as I cut my arm more and more to still feel nothing.
" W........why did I do that ......what have I done to my self " I said as I regained my self and mind .
My arm was covered in thick blood that kept slipping off the sides of my arm and dripping on the wooden floor.
I just sat there staring at the ceiling. What am I doing, why did I do this , I promised to stop . Why am I making such a big fuse about something very insignificant .
I Hate my self man and I hate my mind.
If you know me and have read my works before you know I gotta add some shit here and there and from time to time 😅😅 sorry y'all