Juneau's POV
"Damian, I want kids."
My hand clamped over my mouth, but it was too late. As soon as the words left my mouth, my eyes popped wide at Damian.
Oh, fudgeknuckles.
He froze like a statue, as did I. The heat that burned in his eyes when he first saw me simmered. Still dressed in his work clothes, he pushed back his leather coat and palmed his hips. My heart eyes appreciated the giant erection tented in his pants, a teasing damp circle at the crest, and I cursed myself for killing that mood.
Stay hard. Stay hard. We'll talk later.
One blink. Then two.
Damian's eye blinks offered his only movement for a full minute. My heart pounded harder and faster than the ticks on the kitchen clock. It pulsed lines of electricity down into my mound, keeping the interest stirred deep inside me.
Even as his eyebrows drew together, his cock stayed hard.
Must have heard my prayers.
"You... sorry, say that again?" His tongue flicked out and wet his lips. Bringing one fist to his mouth, he coughed, clearing his throat. Twice. Thrice.
Words weren't my friends as one of my hands wrung the other, "I uhh... umm... yeah."
Dropping his eyes down to my outfit, now grossly inappropriate, he croaked out, "Is that... why you're wearing that?"
Oh fuck, he thinks I'm trying to seduce him.
I mean, I am but not for his swimmers.
"Oh no. No," I spoke between my fingers, still clamped over my mouth. "No, this was so you could lean me over the sofa armrest with a nice view while you fucked me from behind because I've had a really, really shitty day and you flooded my underwear with your court picture."
The midday sun glimmering in his eyes, Damian's full navy-blue dress uniform selfie turned me into a molten pile of heated arousal. I was surprised I didn't leave a puddle on my subway seat as I returned from the lingerie store. Crossing one leg over the other was no help. Neither was side to side shifting of the train car, or the struggle of jiggling myself into this strappy contraption. Kegels offered a vaginal warm up and pep talk.
Damian's throat bobbed, the tensed cords tugging as he swallowed hard. His darting eyes revealed an internal debate best described as agreeing with me and utter panic. The head above his shoulders prevailed and he steered me to the sofa.
"I'm trying hard to listen but..." His eyes dropped to my exposed cleavage, flushed pink from how my heart plotted to burst through my chest. "This isn't helping."
My shoulders slumped, dropping my breasts lower. "I had lunch with Celia and Adam today. It came up... I know we talked the night of the party but I do want to have kids someday."
At the concern rounding his eyes, I palmed his closest arm. "Not now, not this year, probably not even next year but someday... I do."
"I know, June." His thumb found my cheek and stroked softly. "And I think any kid would be lucky to have you as a mom."
My heart melted into a puddle in the center of my chest. Hot tears sprung in the corners of my eyes at the answer I hadn't expected from him. "Really?"
"Really." The soft smile he offered dissolved. "I can't say I feel the same way though. With my job... And fuck, June, I'm an asshole sometimes. If I needed a reminder, I was called one twenty times today in a court of law."
"Damian..." While my tone stayed light, I worried we headed into another 'you're better off without me' conversation. Many, many times in the beginning of our relationship and whenever Damian's job exposed its rougher sides, he reverted back to self-sabotaging thoughts.
The shift of his feelings from love to self-preservation had definite triggers, women and children victims in particular, which comprised most of his cases. Thankfully, he also had solid and dependable counseling support a phone call away, which he used when needed.
My tears tipped over, tickling hot down my cheeks with how much love poured out of his mouth, "June, for once in my life, I'm happy. I'm so fucking happy that it feels unreal. Before I met you, I couldn't ever imagine being in our relationship. Now, with what we have, there's absolutely nothing about us that I'd change."
His words, and more important the ones he didn't say, settled inside me. The lightness and warmth his love filled me sank, weighed down with uncertainty.
In a low, steady voice, I filled in the missing 'but,' "You don't want to get married or have kids someday."
"I... can't see it right now," Damian's heavy tone implied he feared disappointing me. "I'm sorry, I just..."
"Don't be sorry for how you feel at this moment." Harder beats in his heart pulsed through his shirt and encouraged my unreasonable questioning, "What will you want in the future, Damian?"
That wasn't fair. I shouldn't expect him to be able to answer that.
Given that I was an only child who lost both parents at sixteen, the fact I wanted a family was no secret. I cooed and waved at babies so much that Damian probably thought I'd steal one. I rubbed Celia's belly like a good luck Buddha. My ovaries swooned from thinking about a miniature Damian, with the dark, tousled hair, golden-hazel eyes, and a fierce, tenacious streak.
Fuck, I'm probably substituting kids with multi-legged, or zero-legged, fur, feather, and scale-babies right now.
Hesitation threaded into Damian's deep voice but his eyes stayed glued to mine. "I want what we have. Open talking, no doubts of how we feel. Mind and dick-blowing sex. You and me, these crazy feelings that fill me up with purpose and scare the shit out of me."
Aww, he had me at dick-blowing.
My heart somersaulted at those shared words. His job had risks, risks that scared me but I believed in him. I trusted him to handle what his job threw at him because he demonstrated how capably he managed his stress. With zero doubt in my mind, Damian did everything within his control that he returned home from that job.
It's the uncontrollable that haunts him.
"First, I am happy, Damian." My hands patted his chest. "So, for now, I'm not going anywhere."
"For now," he echoed, sadness rounding his eyes. "And if you change your mind?"
With no hesitation, I offered the blunt, harsh truth, "Then I will tell you."
He nodded stiffly, flickers of appreciation in his eyes, so I patted his chest again. "Look, I still have three months left of vet tech school. I'm not thinking about a damn thing else until I finish and get a real, adult job that for once in my life has steady dental benefits," I started in the pragmatic approach. "But every fucking cell in my body is happy. I'm happy with you."
When his shoulders and jaw relaxed, I reached down, patted the crotch of his pants, and teased, "Don't make me list all your good qualities again because your ego still hasn't gone down from last time."
Damian's sharp exhale out his nose proved me right. He had a lot to boast about, particularly what swelled up under my grazed fingers, but his blunt honesty was my favorite quality.
Ironically, because it drives most people we know bonkers.
"But..." My lips pressed together at the tightness that squeezed around my heart. "I'd be lying if I said I haven't dreamed of a family. Not now, not next year but eventually, someday, yeah."
His face fell, eyes averted, and shoulders dipped. "I don't know if I can give you that."
I saw right between his honest, mumbled apology. The slight part in his lips, wrinkle between his eyebrows, and round eyes.
He's scared.
"All I want is what you have to give," I offered quietly. "You're it for me, Damian. I'll never ask you to give more than what you want."
I can't change how I feel and don't want to push him... I just hope we won't diverge someday because family shit makes or breaks a relationship.
"I can do that, June." With his warm smile, heated euphoria spread over my body but concern filled my mind.
Conflict spun thoughts around my overcharged blender brain. A part of me was thrilled that Damian was happy with where our relationship was, and I could acknowledge that was a huge step for him.
To reassure him, I was happy but a small whimper in my mind reminded me that someday I wanted my own family. The loss of my parents left two giant, gaping holes blown through my heart. Damian hadn't filled those holes but swelled my heart larger and pushed them aside.
As quickly as the thoughts formed, I second-guessed them.
But that's not his place, to replace them. My parents should have nothing to do with our relationship goals.
"This." His hand palmed flat into the center of my chest and, like it communicated, my heart pounded harder. "This is more than I deserve, June."
"Damian..." I reached to palm his heart when he stood up.
"June." Shivers ran down my spine at the heat he wrapped around my name, the version of it only he called me. Bending over, he smoothed a strand of hair behind my ear. "What I need is to lean you over the sofa armrest and fuck you from behind."
"I need to stand up." A hiss left my lips as his hands gripped my hips, then pulled me to the edge of the sofa. The warmth from his palms smoothed up my thighs. He parted them, trailed the tips of his fingers over my hips, and stopped at the thin, scrappy lace below my navel.
Soft warmth caressed the curve of my shoulder. Damian trailed his lips upward along my pulse point. His smooth, even exhales fanned hot over my skin. The sound clenched muscles deep in my pelvis.
"Not yet," he whispered and nipped at my ear. "Stay until I'm done."
My whimpered protest died before it started, replaced by my tongue feeling heavier. His erection strained high, curving to the side in an upward slant. All thoughts evaporated from my brain, except those related to him ramming into me from this position.
Damian removed his belt, unbuttoned his pants, and adjusted himself. The red tip poked up to his elastic band but he ignored it and dropped to one knee. The sight stirred a different swell of emotions inside me, my heart racing harder.
With a gentle touch, Damian grounded my heel into his thigh. With annoying, painstakingly slow movements, the pads of his fingers rimmed around my ankle, and slipped up my inner thigh until he stopped at the elastic on the thigh straps.
Warmth built where my palms braced into the sofa, my right hand's fingers curled inward. My hips lifted half on their own, half with my arm's effort. My elbows shook, not from strain but anticipation as both Damian's knees hit the floor and his shoulders lined up with my heels.
He hooked his fingers around my waistband and relief pushed out a loud exhale from me when he pulled down my underwear. Wetness pooled in between the hot throbs. They elevated once his breath fanned between my legs.
"Lean back," he murmured and took my right foot in his hands.
His hands guided my leg to the side, then cupped the sole of my foot into the side of his neck. He repeated the movements on my left leg, opening me up like a fucking clamshell. Exposed and breathless, my chest pitched.
I was beyond ready.
My eyes fluttered when his head dipped down low enough that his eyes up to his forehead stayed in my view.
What a fucking view though.
"Look at you," he whispered.
The searing look he shot me incinerated my pelvis into a smoldered pile of anticipation. Darkness pooled in his pupils, haloed by his golden-brown irises, and slight lines wrinkled his forehead. If I hadn't been drenched, swollen, and throbbing for contact, I would've smiled at his level of concentration. Instead, I rolled my lower lip under and caught it with my teeth.
My chest and chin lifted with his first soft lick. I released my lip with a soft pop and rounded my mouth as he gently tongued, kissed, and sucked my entrance. In reactions out of my control, my body flinched. Heat rushed through me and settled on my cheeks when he moved higher, into the apex of my inner folds.
One of his fingers hooked slightly. His knuckle dragged up my center seam, then back down. The combination of his light upward and downward presses, combined with the flicks and sucks applied to the sensitive nerve cluster released whimper after whimper from me.
Heated ache flamed through my body, to the point where sweat beaded up in all the uncomfortable junction spots - my armpits, back of my knees, and if I hadn't positioned my legs so widely open, right where my now swollen mound attached to my inner thighs.
Every suck, fuck even slurps, the urge I clamped my thighs together quivered through them. Instead, I squeezed my calves into the back of my thighs and flexed my heels. If I strangled Damian's throat then he showed no signs of it and stroked his tongue harder.
Tickles of sweat dragged down like the wetness that flowed out of me. Nose and chin deep in my internal leak sprung, Damian withdrew his finger and lapped leisure strokes up and down my entrance. Slickness coated my heated skin.
His fingers slipped up and down my ridiculously puffed up, sopping wet folds, which flung my head back. After a gentle intrusion, his finger hooked into my inner wall, right into the hardened, spongy tissue. Each stroke sparked miniature explosions of pleasure. My fingers and toes curled inward.
At the intensity of pleasure that rolled through me, my chin shot up to the ceiling. Vibrations bobbed my throat when my groaned, "Ohhh..." changed into a staccato chorus, "Ahh ahh ahhh..."
Each sound I squealed out reached me higher, locked my muscles tighter, and flushed heat under my skin. I arched, writhed, and cried up to the neighbors above us.
One hum through his lips, one more curl of his finger, and a final flick of his tongue and I was gone. The rush of wetness out of me resulted in an embarrassingly loud slurp from Damian's lips, which squeezed my eyes shut. My heart pounded in my whole face. Arousal thrummed in my veins, which surged another rash of heat through my body.
With a shake sit up, my hand slipped down to his pants. A quick flick of my fingers was all I needed and zipped them open. The soft, sensitive skin on his head contrasted the hardness down his shaft as my knuckles brushed down them.
A low hiss pressed out between his lips when I removed him from his boxers. Hot and hard in my palm, I tugged up and down and smirked at him. "Talking to me, or Ella there?"
"You June." He groaned and rolled his eyes, then matched my smirk with one so sinister that my glowing lady bits throbbed.
Damian fixed his eyes on mine as I pumped my hand down in one hard, slow stroke. With my hand clutched right under the head, I swiped my thumb up and over the center slit. His hips snapped forward when I dragged it from the front ridge to the back.
"June..." his warning died under the tortured tone in his voice and he swallowed.
With a lean forward, I flicked my tongue out to wet my lips before they met his soft, sensitive skin with a tender kiss. I parted them and circled the red, sensitive skin with my tongue, soft and slow at first. I teased the tip with soft sucks between my lips, then released.
"Please... I need you."
My heart soared at his words and the heady desperation he wrapped around them. They were three simple words but the most difficult for him to express, even more difficult than 'I love you.'
The tangy taste of his precum hit my tongue, so I sucked him in deeper and massaged his tip with circular swipes. A shudder rolled through him. The firm hand clamped on top of my head drew my eyes up.
Even after a year, his dark looks of arousal struck hard into my core. My true core, what comprised my whole being, not the one that cheered back at him from in between my legs.
Knelt down, submissive and him rammed in my mouth, I felt amazing. He was the only guy who cared for me first when he deserved to be taken care of. His dick and balls could've been purple from lack of release and he still made sure I came first.
The helplessness and dependence that came along with loving someone scared some people but I fucking craved it. The emotional high that rushed through me matched the warmth between my thighs as I sucked with hollowed cheeks, massaged what I could with my tongue, and he threaded himself back and forth.
Future dreams aside, he was what I needed now.
And he needs to be flooding my throat right now.
Determination that my actions conveyed the feelings roared through me, I swallowed. Suck after suck, I took him deeper and sagged my jaw when his tip pushed into the back of my throat. A look of half-pain, half-relief filled his eyes and made me groan around him.
Control and power were the farthest from my mind as I let Damian set his pace. His chest expanded as I sucked in tandem with the soft guidance of his hand. My eyes fluttered and nostrils flared as I took a few recovery breaths but my mouth never stopped. His fingers threaded in my hair but he cupped the back of my neck gently, tender like always.
For a man who worked around violence, kept his body in tight physical shape, and loomed over me, Damian was gentle. He railed me hard whenever I needed it but never when I serviced him. Sure, saliva pooled in the corners of my mouth, stiffness threatened my jaw, tears beaded up in my eyes, and I was one wrong poke into my gag reflex away from choking but beyond all that was... love.
From where my hands hugged around the back of his thighs, I lifted one up and cupped his warm, pink sacs in the junction between my fingers and palms. With as light of a caress as he held me, I rubbed and tugged until his cock twitched and warmth surged down my throat. I swallowed and moved my hand up to his base, smiling around him at the shudder that dragged through him.
With a soft clench, I withdrew him back and milked him forward. My heart pounded as hard as it did during my orgasm. Warmth pooled in my cheeks at the relaxation that took over his face, softened his lines of worry, and sated the fire in his eyes. They widened as his hand cupped around my jaw, the rough pads of his fingers stroked over my cheek.
"I need you," he whispered again.
My heart reacted the same way as I swallowed again, with a hard clench. Once he finished, I pressed my warm cheek into his thigh and gazed up at him. A fresh set of tears surfaced.
"I need you too."