Her heart wanted to burst out of her chest, but she knew she had to do this. And it wasn't even for herself. She had to do this for her son's future which she couldn't afford to ruin more than how much she had ruined it so far. She didn't find her in the living room, and even though Sabeeha knew that the number of times she had been to Hajia's bedroom could be counted on both hands and there would still be more fingers left in the years she had lived with them, she knew for a fact that this conversation couldn't wait.
So, with a racing heart, she knocked on the door and waited to hear a response from inside. When she had stayed for five minutes and there were no words, she knocked again, silently praying that she would hear it and usher her in. Even though she might never even imagine that Sabeeha had the guts to come to her room.
"Come in," she heard her voice uttered and she heaved a sigh out of relief before she walked into the room.
It was as exquisite as every other part of the house. But there was something warm and homey about the room that made her instantly want to sleep, she was so tired. But she knew she couldn't afford any sort of distraction at the moment and would have to walk on threads for this conversation.
"Good afternoon, Hajia," she greeted the moment her knees got in contact with the floor. She knew it hadn't even been two hours since after what had happened in the kitchen and the fact that she was here, yet again, to beg this woman over the betterment of her life was so depressing that she wanted to break into tears right there. But so what if this was the life Allah had planned for her? She'd embrace it with full faith and see what she would make of it.
"What the hell bring you to my room?!" She had already flinched and put up her hands to cover her face when she remembered that Hajia didn't have something to throw at her now. She had only done that out of habit.
She ducked her head down and began fiddling with her fingers. Where were all the words she had practiced on? What was it that she wanted to tell? To beg for? "Hajia, I came to beg you about something."
"Which is?" There was an edge to her voice, which made Sabeeha know that her request would never be accepted and even though she had that knowledge even before she came, she still wanted to give it a try. Because then, guilt wouldn't be ripping at her with every breath she took.
"I can't get married to Idi, Hajia. I know that I should've spoken up the day you and Alhaji revealed that I was going to, and I'm so sorry about that. But what Idi had told you about the incident wasn't true. Wallahi tallahi I've never as much as thought about Idi for a minute in my life. He came to me and forced himself on me. And if Anas and his friend didn't come in time, I would've been ripped off of my dignity by him..."
Hajia threw her head back and laughed and something sank in Sabeeha's heart. She knew that all the humiliation she was going to get now was caused upon her by herself but then she didn't have a heart made of stone. She felt pain in her chest when insulted and right now, even though the insult didn't come yet, she could already feel her chest squeezing.
"Which dignity? Do you think you have some dignity left? Wait, do you think that you're seen and viewed as a worthy woman after you become a divorcee twice? People don't even rate you and wouldn't. Your dignity lies in your husband's house and that's where I'm going to make sure you walk into, today. In a few hours, in fact..."
She gulped down a lump in her throat and wished all the words she had lodged in her chest could come out. But she wasn't that courageous. "Hajia, Idi is abusive, just like my other two husbands. I'm not saying becoming a divorcee twice is something to be proud of. But after what had happened today between me and Waleed, I believe even though not what I wanted, walking out of those marriages was the best thing I've done to myself."
Hajia gasped dramatically, the laughter never leaving her eyes. "So, what exactly is the point of you coming to my room? Let me tell you something even before you start rambling about it, nothing will change. You will still get married to Idi as initially planned and that's final."
Sabeeha closed her eyes and let the tears flow from her eyes. She opened them again and laid them on the face of the woman that did nothing but severely hurt her for twenty three years of her life. And despite how obedient she had been, how patient and tolerative of all they dished out to her, this woman still hated her so much and had never for once considered her to be human enough to be lenient on her.
She didn't even try to stop her tears. "Hajia, we were talking with Waleed today when he told me that he isn't going to get married because one has to be beating his wife if he gets married and he didn't want his wife to be crying everyday the way I did, and it struck something in me.
"Hajia, you're a mother and you definitely know how that motherly guilt feels. I've never realized the kind of damage I had done to the mentality of Waleed until today. And I can't even imagine the kind of damage I had done to his mental and entire wellbeing now. Maybe I had ruined him for life, maybe I still have the chance to show him even a fraction of what a beautiful place this world is..."
Hajia lifted her hand to stop and she got shut in a minute. "What do you think you're doing? Interrupting my nap time only for me to listen to this poetry you've gotten out of a book or what?" She said, anger already blazing in her eyes. "Get out of my room and get ready to be conveyed to your husband's house later in the day."
Sabeeha opened her mouth to speak, to beg her to please listen to her, but she thundered, "I said get out of my room!" And with everything in her breaking down and not having the will to get back to its original place, Sabeeha got to her feet and walked out of the room. She slumped in her bedroom and broke into painful tears.
She wished she had someone that she could run over to. Someone she was sure without a doubt would help her from this situation. She knew she had no power to take Idi to the police station for what he did to her. Nor did she have the money to sue him and beg the court to force him to divorce her, because she knew that Hajia and Alhaji will stand for me and will be willing to spend a huge amount of money to see that she didn't win.
And after she lose, which she will, they'd make life even harder for her to the point that she would never even think of going to the law in her life. And none of their relatives, which never dared look her in the eyes. It was as though this hatred they had for her had started somewhere long and deep. It felt generational and she wondered why?
Even though she was a little girl then, she had someday asked Alhaji Babba why none of their family loved her. And he had told her not to worry about it because he loved her and would keep doing that until his last breathe. And she should be like her mother, who was so strong that it didn't bother her. And she should keep on being good to them no matter how bad they acted towards her.
And so, Sabeeha had long since then realized that the hatred her entire family had for her was generational and there was nothing she could do about it. Right now, while she cried and felt the way her heart was shrinking with so much agony and helplessness, Sabeeha wished she had somewhere to run to and never come back. Because she was tired of this life. Tired of being treated like a rag when she was in fact, a human with a beating heart in her chest.
She closed her eyes when she heard the mosque attached to the Barkindo mansion started their prayer, stopping her tears entirely because they wouldn't be of use to her in the next thirty minutes from now. When she was sure by then, she had been forced into her marriage with Idi and nothing she would do or say would revoke it. Not that she'd even do or say something.
"Ya Allah, please come to my aid. Rabbi inni maglubun fantasir. O Allah! I am overpowered, so help me." She closed her eyes and kept reciting this du'a until she fell asleep. Having in mind that certainly, when she woke, she believed Allah will surely help her.
∞
Zaid stared at all that had enfolded and was still unfolding right before his eyes. And even though this man was Anas's father, he loved the kind of look he was seeing on his face and enjoyed even more, the look on Idi's face. He watched as the people from Shari'ah court spoke to them and they had no choice but to relent or be taken away, he believed that no one was beyond the law, right? And today, even though he had never appreciated being a Shitu, he had enjoyed the benefits of one.
He knew he shouldn't have been enjoying the scene happening in front of him, but he was. Just like how he was supposed to think of what they did with Anas but was evading from it. That was like a last minute call they had done, which in his right mind, Zaid had never imagined doing but he ended up doing. He'd think about it along with the consequences later on.
He dialed Anas's number for the maybe hundredth time in just an hour and it still wasn't going through. He wondered what had happened. He had just told him that he'd be back in ten minutes before it was getting to two hours since when he had last seen him and he wondered if things were fine.
He had told him of the encounter he had with his mother and how battered he had been over the words she had uttered to him and the way she had beaten Sabeeha in front of him. He wished he was fine, wherever he was. Because he had never seen Anas so disheveled as he was today. He sent him another message and leaned back on the wall in the mosque, watching the way anger was blaring from the eyes of Anas's father.
A call came through his phone and he instantly pulled it out of his pocket and walked out of the mosque, thinking that maybe it was Anas but when he saw that it was Jawahir, Zaid felt as his heart lost a beat and in a second, all that had happened to him came back to his mind. And now, he felt that he really was in a dilemma. What the hell had he done?!
The call ended while he thought about what he had done and how damaging it was to him and how messy it'd turn his life. He didn't even know what had come over him and when another call came from Jawahir, he knew he had to pick it. He hadn't been in contact with her since when he came to Adamawa and he knew she called him only when she had finished sulking over it.
"Hi," he whispered, feeling how heavy his heart was weighing with each breath he took.
"Are we breaking up? Do you want us to?" Those were the first words she had uttered and when he heard her crying voice, Zaid found himself sliding down until he sat down on the slope in front of the mosque. Just. What. Had. He. Done?!
"Jawahir, I'm so sorry. I've been so caught up with so much work and dealing with some personal issues that I didn't even get the chance to call you or reply to your texts if you've sent any. Please forgive me." He was talking as though he were an alien. As though the words had already been programmed in him and he only had to voice them out.
She cried some more while he listened. He knew he should be consoling her right away, but he needed the consolation as well. He wanted someone to tell him that what he did, be it a mistake and all, wasn't so bad. And it wouldn't create a havoc in his life. And everything would be fine. All things would be taken care of. But then he couldn't get those words to be uttered to him. None but Anas knew about that and he was no where to be found. Even though he knew that he'd likely not get these comforting words from Anas because he was dealing with his demons too. But it would've at least been better if he had someone to talk to about it.
"Zaid! Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Her heard her screaming voice, which brought him out of his trance and he palmed his forehead. He had messed things up again.
"I'm so sorry, Jawahir. But can I call you back please? I'm really not in the right mental state. I'm so sorry." He ended the call without even waiting for her reply and got to his feet.
He walked into the house while he kept dialing Anas's number but it was the same thing, not getting through. Zaid sent him a text after he had walked into the room and slumped on the bed before he threw the phone away. He needed to sleep. He had always done that when his mind was jumbled and there was too much to think about, and that's what he was going to do.
Tenths of messages kept coming to his phone and the notification sound annoyed him. He hissed and pulled the phone to him, when he saw that they were messages from Jawahir, he hissed softly and turned the phone into silent mode before he closed his eyes. But he could only see two eyes staring back at him instead of the darkness he would've enjoyed and went to sleep for.
How heartbroken she was this morning. How pained she looked with those tears in her eyes while she spoke with her child and probably wondered the kind of damage she had done. Maybe that looked was what prompted him to do what he had done. Or simply, it was something his heart secretly wished for and now, he had to deal with the consequences, whatever they may be.
∞
Sabeeha was shaking her head while she cried and her entire body shook. "No!" That was what she kept repeating as she stared at the face she had never wished to see again, staring back at her with so much evil and venom in his eyes. Waleed's father. And she wasn't just having those vicious dreams of him, he was actually there, and he was holding Waleed's hands, and they were telling her that he came to take his son home.
She wiped at her tears to see things better, maybe she was simply hallucinating. It was night already and when she had been called, she thought that she was going to be taken to her new husband's house but they were telling her a different story, none of them even spoke about the marriage that had happened some hours ago.
"Why would you take him away? You told me that you didn't want him, didn't you? Please don't take my child away." She turned to Hajia while she kept crying profusely. "Please, don't let him take Waleed away, Hajia. Wallahi he's not going to take care of him. I promise to do everything you say, but please don't let him take him." She had lifted her hands in a begging manner, so helpless that she didn't know what to do.
Hajia shrugged and turned away. "He's his father, how can I stop him from taking his child away? And you can't go to another man's house with another man's child, who would want that? Maybe that's even why you ended up getting divorced again. We figured it out and decided we'd take Waleed back to his father's house."
"Kabir," she choked on her words when she called his name and he fixed his eyes on her while he smiled mischievously. "We both know that you aren't doing this because you want to. And I know you want to do everything in your power to hurt me and I truly wouldn't mind whatever it is you're going to do to me, but please, don't take Waleed away from me, please."
He shook his head and looked away, staring at Waleed that seemed too shocked to even react. This was his first time seeing the man they all called his father. "I can't allow my child to stay in another man's house again. I was planning to come when I heard that you got married again, even if they didn't call me. So please, if you may excuse us."
Sabeeha rushed to him and she held his legs. "Please don't take him away." She didn't even know how to beg them about this. But she knew how life in Kabir's house was, and she wouldn't dare wish that upon even the greatest of her enemies.
Kabir threw her out of his way with his leg and dragged Waleed with him while he bade both Hajia and Alhaji goodnight. She ran after him, begging and trying to get Waleed from him but he overpowered her. That kept happening until they were in the courtyard and she was crying so hard that she might pass out any minute.
She saw Zaid walking to his car and ran to him, nearly bumping into him. "Will you please help me? He's taking my child away." She broke into tears and ducked her head on the car. She had never felt as hopeless as she did today. One, she was married to Idi and two? They mercilessly got her child taken away, where he'd have to live a painful life, more than the one she had ever experienced.
When Zaid stared at her with a confused look, Sabeeha took a hold of both his hands and stared into his eyes with sheer agony dripping with every tear she shed. "Zaid, help me please." She slurred painfully and felt the way he squeezed her hands.
End of preview chapters 🎉❤️ Run to OkadaBooks or Selar to grab the complete book for yourself😍❤️
The links are on my bio ❤️