She had been laying on her praying mat, wide-eyed as she stared up at the ceiling until the adhzan for Subh prayer was called and she heaved a sigh, closing her eyes to be able to get through with the pain that had struck her veins at once. Remembering that it was only less than ten hours left until she got mercilessly hitched with the man she had never even looked at twice.
Yes, she knew her choices didn't matter, they had never mattered. Not even on non-important things, but even the most important ones, like her marriage. She had been married twice, but she had never been privileged to even see the grooms until after she was taken to her matrimonial home. Maybe she should be happy about this? That she got to even know him, bad and terrible as he was as a man.
She got up and decided to bring an end to these thoughts because if she continued recalling her life, nothing could stop her from having yet another mental breakdown and she knew for a fact that today was going to be one hell of a ride, so she couldn't afford to exhaust herself.
She prayed her raka'atanil fajr and then offered her subh prayer before she stayed on the prayer mat and brought out her Qur'an to read from and when she pulled it from her drawer, she didn't know when she broke into tears. She fondled the Qur'an lovingly and remembered when Alhaji Babba gave her this Qur'an. It was her tenth birthday.
She opened the Qur'an and stared at what he had written for her. That year, he had told her that his birthday gift was going to be something so huge and she had been anticipating it for almost a month and when the birthday came, Sabeeha could hardly wait for morning when she was going to leave for school. Hence, after she prayed her Subh salah, she waited for him in his living room until he arrived.
She ran and hugged him, grinning at him widely. "Alhaji Babba, it's my birthday today." She said excitedly and he chucked softly before he fondled the top of her head.
"I know, Diyar Albarka. And happy birthday to you. You promised this year there won't be any trip to Disney land, right? You agreed, right?" He had asked, and she chuckled, eagerly tapping her feet on the floor as she escorted him to sit on his usual chair.
"That's because you said that you have something huge than any trip could be. And I'd have to cherish it forever. Where is my gift, Alhaji Babba? I want to sleep before Ladi comes and gets me ready for school." She whined and he chuckled, placing his rosary by his side.
"Go to my room, on my bedside drawer, there's a package, bring it over." And she ran to his room and brought out the package. She wondered what was inside the middle boxed package and Alhaji Babba promised that it would be so huge than any trip she'd ever take.
He opened the package and there laid the most beautiful Qur'an she had ever seen in her life. She was smiling when he handed it to her and he brought out a rosary that was sparkling beautifully. She collected them both and said a brisk. "Thank you, Alhaji na. Now, where is my gift?" Because foolishly, Sabeeha thought that wasn't the gift he had made her become excited for.
"That's the gift. You see this Qur'an? You need to read it everyday, it'd guide you and bring so much light into your life. It will ease all your worries and enlighten your heart. And for the rosary, make sure you are tasbih everyday with it, because in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find peace."
At that time, she had cried and thrown a tantrum because she felt cheated. I mean, ten was a big number to her. She had expected something so huge and glamorous that it might take another year while she thought about it. And when Alhaji Babba got tired of her tantrums, he promised her that they'd go on a trip and this time, he got to choose where they went to. And when they traveled, he took her to Saudi Arabia. The first and probably the last time she'd ever visit the sacred land.
She didn't know she had been crying until she subconsciously moved her palm on his intricate handwriting. 'May this Qur'an be a guide to you in your entire life. May it bring so much ease and Barakah into your life. Happy Birthday, Diyar Albarka. Alhaji Babba loves you, little one.'
Alhaji Babba was her grandfather, but he had taken up the space of both a mother and father that she had never known of. And even though for the beautiful memories she had in life were of the first thirteen years of her life, she would forever be thankful that she once had someone as strong and sturdy as Alhaji Babba in her life. And the knowledge that if he were alive, how different her life would've been, always brought the most dirtiest of tears to her cheeks.
In the most melodious Qira'ah, which she had gotten from when Alhaji Babba used to teach her Qur'an himself, Sabeeha started reciting the Qur'an and she didn't stop, never minding that she would be late for breakfast making until she felt the peace she had always felt whenever she recited the Qur'an and then she got to her feet after making her supplications. Feeling her heart getting filled with so much strength and trust for the plans the Almighty had for her life.
She went to the kitchen and began working while she subconsciously supplicated and around 7:30am, she heard Waleed calling her name distinctively from the window. "Ammi, I'm leaving for school."
She washed her hands first before she opened the door for him. "Come on, get in. Have you taken your breakfast?" She had asked. She knew she had never asked him that, because she was afraid of what Hajia would say or do to her when she found out that she fed him breakfast exclusively.
And it wouldn't be because the food mattered. She wouldn't even mind if Sabeeha was going to empty the entire pantry for him. But because she knew feeding her son would most definitely make her happy, that's when the problem would be and she had this severe allergy to Sabeeha's happiness that she tend to cut it off no matter how flimsy it may look.
He stared between her face and the kitchen before he spoke. "Uncle Zaid is waiting for me, Ammi. And he's going to buy me something on our way to the school." He said kindly and she smiled at him.
"Go and tell Uncle Zaid that you please need 20mins more, Ammi is going to feed you today, I'm sure he won't say no." She watched him ran away with excitement evident on his face.
And when he came back, he sat down on the kitchen island while she quickly get the breakfast for him. She sat down beside him as he ate while she stared at him. She didn't know what would be of Waleed's life in the next five years to come. Even though she knew no matter how painful life would be, he'd still live through it, just like she had. But she was only alive, and she didn't want her son to have the same life. She wanted him to live life, to explore new things and feel new emotions everyday.
He was quickly done and gulped down the remaining drink before he got to his feet. "The food is delicious Ammi, will you be cooking more for me, please?" He asked as he moved to the hand basin and washed his hand. One thing about Waleed, he was a neat freak and that had always made her smile. Because he reminded her so much of Alhaji Babba and she wondered how he would've been pampered if Alhaji Babba was alive.
"I will, Waleed. Now, give Ammi a hug and leave before Uncle Zaid gets tired of waiting." He walked up to her and hugged her as tightly as he had never hugged her before. And when he pulled away from her, Waleed smiled and motioned for her to duck her head to his height, and she softly chuckled before she did.
He kissed her forehead lightly and hugged her again. "I love you so much, Ammi. Uncle Zaid told me to be praying for you, even though he didn't tell me what it is, but I've begged Allah for you yesterday and I'm sure he answered it. Please don't cry, Ammi, okay?"
She felt the way her eyes instantly got filled with tears over his words but she wanted him to keep his strong faith in Allah, so she nodded her head and forced a smile on her lips. "I'm sure he has answered, Waleed. Now, let's not make Uncle Zaid wait for us, we don't want him to be angry at us, do we?"
He shook his head, hugged her one more time before he walked out of the kitchen and it took less than a minute before Meeral walked into the kitchen with her pajamas as she sleepily rubbed her hands on her eyes. Sabeeha didn't know when she heaved a sigh out of relief, she didn't know what would've happened if Meeral had seen Waleed in this kitchen, taking breakfast as though he were one of them.
"Hey!" She called out to her when Sabeeha had turned to continue with what she was doing. Even though she felt as though she had been stabbed in her heart, she turned to look at her. "Quickly make me some scrambled eggs and tea. I want the tea to have all those spices in it. It should be in my room in less than twenty minutes."
Sabeeha closed her eyes and imagined the first time she had held Meeral when she was only a baby, barely a week after she was born. She was thirteen at the time. And at that time, she felt so much love for the baby and now look, how that little girl had turned out and is now treating her.
"Meeral, I'm making breakfast for the whole family, it'd be done in the next thirty minutes, how about I bring that up to you when I'm done?" She asked with the softest of tones and prayed that it wouldn't be misunderstood by the eye candy of both Hajia and Alhaji.
Meeral chuckled for a minute and turned to fully face her. "What? Are you telling me that you won't do it or what? You need to be clear for me to know how to react to this."
Sabeeha gulped down the pain that latched itself in her throat and shook her head. "I didn't mean that, Meeral. I was simply suggesting. Because it's going to be time consuming for me and I have lots of other works to get to on time before Hajia comes down and it'd be another issue if she finds out that I'm not done with it."
This time, Meeral gave a full blown laughter and placed her hands at akimbo. "It'd be another issue? What exactly does that mean? And when did you have a voice to be opposing..." She tilted her head backwards in an understanding manner. "Ohhh, is it because Ya Anas has chosen to take pity on your worthless self..."
Sabeeha didn't know when she scoffed bitterly. "Meeral, are you the one speaking to me this way? You know what? I believe that you think you're the one worthy if you can truly refer to me as someone worthless, right? Then why would you, as worthy as you are, let someone as low and worthless as I am to make your breakfast and take care of lazy self? Don't you think that's like you downgrading your worthiness to my unworthiness and..."
Sabeeha wasn't able to close her mouth when Meeral slapped her across her right cheek and before she made a move or even did as much as breath, they heard the sound of a slap. Shell shocked, Sabeeha turned and found out that it was Anas that slapped Meeral, and he was fuming with rage!
He slapped her again across the other cheek and lifted his finger in a warning manner. "I don't know how you've turned out this way, Meeral, but to say I'm disappointed in you would be an understatement. How dare you say that to her? The woman that has taken care of you when your so called mother moves around town to weddings and events? Or even sleeps because she has someone else to take care of her baby? And you proceeded to even slap her?"
"Ya Anas, how could you slap me because of this worthless woman and..." The next thing he did was pull the the belt on his trouser out and in a matter of seconds, Anas had started beating Meeral so hard that no matter how much Sabeeha begged him to stop and how much Meeral had been screaming to the top of her lungs, he didn't listen.
"You dare call her worthless when you're the one being worthless! Such an ingrate that you are!" He kept on lashing it on her body until they heard the way Hajia yelled his name when she walked further into the kitchen and Sabeeha didn't know when she took a step back, her heart pounding against her chest as she could only imagine how bad this was going to turn out for her.
"Have you gone mad, Anas?!" Mommy thundered and when she stood in front of him, she slapped him so hard across both his cheeks and Anas let the belt slipped off of his hand without even knowing when. Mommy had never slapped him in his life. In fact, she had never laid her hands on him.
He quickly masked his pain and surprise before he took a step back and examined what he had done. Meeral was laying on the floor, crying badly and there were patches on her skin caused by his belt. He wished he could add more to her.
"You should ask her what she did..." Meeral beat him at it even before he got to finish his sentence.
"Mommy, I was so hungry so I came to ask Sabeeha to make eggs and tea for me. But she said that she won't make it, I should eat what she's making for breakfast or don't eat at all. I..." She broke into tears and Anas only closed his eyes, because somehow, he had forgotten how his action would badly affect Sabeeha until now.
He heard as Meeral cooked up a different entire story, not that even if she told the truth what Mommy wanted to do would be changed and he watched the way Mommy, furious as she was, took the belt that had fallen from his hand and in a swift, she had landed it on Sabeeha's back, whom screamed softly before she used her palm to muffle her cries. His entire being stopped moving and he didn't know when tears found way to his eyes.
He moved to where Mommy was mercilessly beating Sabeeha as she throw insults on her, calling her all sorts of names while Sabeeha tried all she could not to make a sound. And her eyes watered with the agony she felt. He took a step towards them and Mommy turned with her eyes that had turned a shade of blood.
"Don't you dare make another move, Anas Tukur Barkindo!" She thundered and he found himself frozen where he was. And she turned, continued beating Sabeeha that was now laying on the floor until she got exhausted and then punched her stomach with her leg.
"And you!" She turned to him, and right that moment, he was sure he didn't recognize the woman that was staring back at him. There was no way this woman was his mother. "I've heard all that you did yesterday and whether or not you're planning on doing any sort of rubbish today. Before, I've decided to just let you continue with your foolishness, but not anymore."
He knew it, he knew that someone would snitch on him. Among the Uncles and Aunties they visited yesterday, even though none of them had even agreed with what he wanted, but he knew they'd do this to him.
"I can't say you should stop loving her, because I'd never know whether you do or not. And your love for her wouldn't even matter in a year to come. But for planning on marrying her behind our backs, wallahil Azeem, if you dare as much as utter a word while the nikkah is being solemnized later on, not to even think of getting married to her yourself, Sai na tsine maka albarka!" (I'll curse you!)
Anas didn't know when he slumped on the floor and his heart gave a twitch that stopped the circulation of blood throughout his entire body. He watched Mommy placed her once loving hands on Meeral's body as she inspected her wounds and she turned to him.
"And I won't ask you to stop doing all your attempts in protecting her. Today, you've beaten Meeral and I wish I had more strength to beat her worthless self more than I did. Just know that a single move from you would cause her a hundred damages and more agony than what I've planned for her."
He was crying badly, shaking his head and not even being able to turn to where he could hear Sabeeha's painful whimpers. "Mommy, please..." He didn't even mind about the Meeral case anymore.
"I know you're well educated to know what my words means to you and the life of your entire generation. Again, Allah ya isa, Anas, so long as you make a move with whatever it is you're planning pertaining you and that worthless woman. And I won't hesitate, if you dare do as much as say a word about her marriage, not to even have your way to get married to her yourself, wallahi sai na tsine maka!"
For a moment, Anas's heart went into a hiatus and he sincerely wished it didn't start beating again.