After Autumn Fest our routine turns back to normal hectic days with assignments and group projects due every other day. We still somehow manage to keep our Saturday movie nights and gaming sessions alive.
"Others are planning for a meet-up in a club. They are asking about us". Taehyung informs, his head leaning on my shoulder as I type the last bits of my cooperate management assignment. Classical music plays softly in the background while he is typing his assignment on Word, sometimes muttering the lyrics of songs lowly.
" When?" I question, focusing on the last sentence, with a sigh of relief I close my eyes and finally relax, the professor is strict in markings, and meticulous about historical preferences.
"Don't know. Jimin said something about showing a new side of Seoul," my ears perk at the mention of Jimin, he seems to get along very well with others, enough to share his personal number and ask for outings," One of his friends owns a club in downtown, said it'll be fun". Fun, his definition of fun might be different from ours. Forcing my eyes open trying to convince him that it would be way better to work on music or watch the Mo Dao Zu Shi series he wanted to start, his eyes are closed the long lashes cast shadows on the apple of his cheeks, and he has a habit of licking his lips unconsciously wiping out the dryness, It's not the first time I have noticed this habit. His lips gleam with saliva maybe he tastes like the strawberry shake we shared just minutes ago. Maybe.
"Hyung, there is no fun in those shady bars, cheap booze with an unhygienic setting's all there to be". He takes the bowl from the table saved for the gaming session and munch on the chips rather loudly, there are crumbs on his mouth from clumsiness, and with my thumb, I remove the debris. He can be a baby sometimes.
Maybe it's not just the crumbs I haven't noticed before but the loose shirt which isn't doing a job at hiding his collarbone looks tempting, not pale or fully tanned but just right enough to coax a desire to caress it, the loose shirt engulfs his whole torso so, he looks like a ball of fluff in his slack shirt and equally loose pajamas. I turn off my laptop just to distract myself from those thoughts.
It's not the first time this useless thought has occupied me, the damned dreams about a plain chest, smooth skin, and fragrant hair on my bed whispering sweet nothings have caused me the sleep after an exhausting day to fade away. It shouldn't be this, these things never happened before.
It has to be the study of stress and lack of recent sexual activities. I need a break and maybe visiting a bar won't be that bad, I'll go with Tae, he is lightweight and not the biggest party person out there. We won't spend a lot of time there anyways, a quickie would suffice.
" How could we know, without being there".I nod nevertheless, His deep and breathy, sleepiness apparent, taking the bowl I also start chomping the salty chips. Our legs tangle after some time later as he takes the remote hidden under a stack of books and plays a movie. It's one of those thrillers we have watched enough to remember not only the dialogue bit but also the expressions of some scenes, but who cares.
Fifteen minutes into the movie I hear shuffling beside me as Tae curls up in a ball, a big cute ball of fluff, his hair slides in all directions the blond color contrasting his tanned skin, he unknowingly cuddles with me, I have currently replaced the two pillow in his bed. Pouty lips and hands curled into a fist as a child does and here he is, a big child who on some occasions tries to convince me, 'he is the Hyung'.
Shuffling my clothes for the phone and after five minutes of useless search, I realized it was near my bed, charging. I pull his phone tucked into his side, smoothly opening the camera roll for a few shots. After taking enough snapshots God why is he so cute, I open the app, and there are recent pictures of him, most selfies with unique filters one with a watermelon hat and another with a cute little white cartoon attached like glue to his cheeks as he blows it away. God knows where he finds these stickers, there are also pictures of me, one beside the painting with Ana.
One selfie we both took backstage, and here goes my scrolling mission, there are just images, of Sangwoo and His boyfriend, Hoseok Hyung in his studio some videos of his choreography even Yoongi Hyung, most of his pictures seem to be taken without his consent, taken from a distance with him talking to others, or him snoozing like a kitten he is, there are also few of Jimin, grinning, he looks so different, when he smiles just like he used to, his eyes disappearing to crescents, when he was younger a little chubby sometimes worried about his weight but still enjoyed my father's cookies. He loved dancing at that time, and never stopped talking about all the dancers, he doesn't seem to be interested anymore. That time seems so far away as I have experienced them in another life another time. Everything changed, He transformed a lot, but that's what industry does to you, it just ruins your innocence and forces you to mold in some higher Godlike standards.
As I continue scrolling, a notification pop up from none other than Bogumie Hyung, huh? Without a second thought, I press the icon.
Bogomie Hyung 😎
Tae, am comin' to Seoul, next week. Let's enjoy some time together. It's been so long since I saw you.....
Missed you a lot 😕
Park Bogum, well for a starter I Don't like him, for real. Some might ask why, well there's a whole list but most importantly, he is annoying, immature, self-centered, nosy and a smart ass, and most opulently, he thinks he knows Tae more than I do, that goes on top of the list, like how is that even possible. The fact that he met Tae before I did doesn't change the fact. He is more annoying than that High School girl Tae used to be friends with, her rich ass always bragged about her father's car company in Dubai. I was more than glad when she left.
Tea might think my opinion is biased or subjective and 'Kookie, you'll like him once you get to know him.' We have met a lot, and despite my keen displeasure I tried my best to at least bear his existence and I have been successful so far. But texting your friend Missed you a lot, what is this even supposed to mean?
Now that I am on it why not check their conversation, Tae or Ana wouldn't be happy about this but Ana's not here, and Tae's sleeping. Of course, only for good reasons, it's not like I expect to know what they talk about (oh, God. That's exactly what it is ) but anyways, reading one or two texts wouldn't be that bad. It's not like they are dating or something. The dating Park Bogum, that's out of the question Tae would never have such poor taste in men, Definitely.
Hyung, how was the shoot?
I had a lot of fun, how bout your day? I'll share some pics, guess who did I meet today?
What type of question is this, how would Tae know who the hell you met, Stupid questions and then naming some director as if Tae knows them? Most of them are just, these types of dumb questions. Some are Tae asking him about his father and his work.
Tae who's more handsome, Park Seojun or Lee Min Ho?
Hyung, you know. You are the most handsome.
I am flattered but seriously, what's your type? Cuties, tall, muscular, sexy... Tell me, maybe I'll find your soul mate.
What, now started matchmaking without telling me? That's not fair.
Taehyung, let's be serious. It's not that you are planning to stay single and make work, work and work your life motto, my friend needs to get laid, and as your best friend, it's my responsibility to find you a date. Boys at your age have gfs and bfs, here you are wasting time, you must go out attend parties make connections.
Hyung, I have better things to do than partying as learning piano is way better than being drunk and wasted.
From all the things I said, you just picked partying. And look at that boy you keep on talking about What was his name, Jeon?
Hyung, please I don't understand what's the problem. You both need to fix it over a drink or coffee. He isn't as bad as you imagine He is the best person once you get to know him.
I have my reasons, Tae. First of all, he's a Jeon. And he is a brat. End of discussion.
Don't say that, he is my friend, one of my best friends People always judge him, that's not fair, and what about being a Jeon... You don't even know him
I am sorry, I didn't mean it like that.
You know, I am just worried about you. You trust people blindly and he...
All the text messages were unanswered with other missed calls, my chest bloomed with endearment, he would never talk shit about me, he isn't like others. But the thing is people do talk shit behind my back, as this certain Park Bogum, who seems to hold a distinct grudge against me, knows stuff that the naive Tae doesn't know about especially when Bogum is part of the industry, amidst a small part.
A groan escapes my lips even thinking about things Tae must have heard about me, about the vicious Jeons feared in the whole industry.
But what the hell is getting laid have to do with him, Tae has his own life it all depends on his nature to take a step forward. A thought unceremoniously occurs it's the presence enough to inflict my teeth to gnaw the smooth flesh of my lips, a habit, my mother claimed to be treated gush back at these times.
What if asking and insisting Tae have a relationship has to deal with him having an interest in Tae? Park Bogum is just good-looking a struggling actor with a sharp tongue and a compelling urge to prove how better he knows Tae, the idea of him being in a relationship with Tae doesn't sit well with me, even his existence gets unbearable most of the time. No, that can't be true I most certainly won't let it happen. Park and Tae won't look good together what the hell am I even thinking?
The voices of characters speaking merely white noises as my thoughts swarm my poor brain, what if I am just overthinking, I do have a habit of mulling over even insignificant matters, not the best character to hold.
My eyes stuck to the chat, random thoughts popping, beside me Tae snuggles further to me, his breath coming in soft puffs. My fingers tingle urging me to touch his face, and I do. His skin soft and warm against my ragged frigid tips.
With tiredness overcoming my senses I loosen up leaning on his body, my eyelids dropping and I sleep beside him, Park Bogum isn't here so I'll deal with him later.
"Kook, wake up ", reaches the deep voice beside me, still clung to my sleep I don't respond, slumber clouding my senses, there are movements and I feel him getting up and with him goes his warmth, "it's too early, les 'sleep ", I mumble more to myself.
After a few moments he calls, "Jeon Jungeuk," from a distance, his voice deep as pacific calls even after mere hours of nap. Forcing my eyes open to contemplate my life choices I find him rather amusingly observing me, only if I had a pillow to throw directly at his gorgeous face.
Still gawking I ask him, why the hell he woke me. "You look like a baby when you sleep, cute". Dumbstruck and slightly irritated," You Woke me up to say that I Look Cute, and 'am not cute. Hyuuung...." I sentence intended as a threat turns to a whine.
With a mischievous grin, he sits beside me grabbing my cheeks and molesting them, the skin taunting as he keeps pushing and shaking it as if I am a child, groaning I free myself from him leaning on the sofa.
Maybe he took pity on my poor soul as he smoothen the skin, his hands, warm and soft as always. Turning away the few strands from my forehead he tells "We are going out tonight," I nod absentmindedly, his skin glows as the rays fall from the window, there has to be something special about the evening light, the color of his eyes glows in light as hot coffee, not the regular one but the one you drink after a tiring day and it calms down the nerves. He looks beautiful as always even with messy hair and a serious face.
*a Few hours later...
By his going out I didn't know he meant going out with Jimin and others to some downtown club or whatever that is. However, after a session of me whining like a child demonstrating how we can spend our time together by watching movies or even playing games, "No, Jungeuk we have already watched all movies and we are not playing tonight. I wanna go to that party ", came a curt reply.
After further discussion, he announced, quite done with arguing " Okay, you don't want to go, that's fine. But I am certainly going. It's been four months since I attended any sort of party. Just don't keep calling, asking if I drank too much or something".
"Oh yeah, alright. Then I am not gonna come to take your sorry ass when you get drunk".
" Noted. I'll probably crash at Yoongi Hyung's or even at Jimin's place ". He said before leaving and shutting the door in my face. Jimin's place, huh?
I wouldn't have gone with him, of course, but Mr.Kim gets drunk after just three drinks like that's not even starting point for me, and because he gets extra clingy after drinks and I don't want others to handle him. And God knows who would be there, I can't Tae leave alone.
So, here am I sitting on my bed cursing Jimin and his stupid ideas under every breath I take. Wearing my dark denim shirt combined with ripped jeans, my hair dripping water from the detested bath I took last minute, I manage to look party-goer, Taehyung's getting ready, before penetrating in confines of those four walls he mentioned something about a smokey look he is gonna try tonight.
"Tae, it's been an hour, open up. We'll be late", banging on his door hoping that we get late and he shifts his mind. " Okay, just a sec," comes a voice with the door opening. He sprints back to the bathroom.
I lay on his bed, there's a clutter of shirts and pants and he comes out. He comes and I am awestruck, dazed by his look, wearing a navy blue shirt with the first buttons undone, his collarbone untouched and alluring, and pants too tight as a second skin to his slender legs. He carries a single silver earring and two loops with a cross. No one would look this good in such an outfit, noticing my penetrating gaze he asks "What is it that bad?" He adds, with a laugh, and shaking my head, I go near him, dwindling our distance.
"You look, awesome like... I don't know what to say. I feel jealous ". I mumble, his eyes, his lips, his collar everything appears kissable and I am more than willing to do the deed. I close my eyes, forcing that thought far away, relishing his smell, he smells like home, calm and peaceful, despite using the same product how come he smells so fine? It's unfair.
He looks out of this world maybe he is, a Greek God, to say the least, He smiles shyly his eyes lowered, and maybe it's my soul leaving the earth, 'cause if I die he is gonna be my death.
We arrive at the club, farther to the south surrounded by motels and a few resorts. The club gives a chilly vibe, loud bass music can be heard from a distance. Purple and pink lightening radiant the Rock n Roll in italics.
Passing the main door, we are greeted with sweaty bodies, and senseless limbs tangled in erotic dance moves, probably too high to form a single thought. I have attended these lame things, at initially, even enjoyed the craziness in name of freedom or mere rebellious attempts against my Mother, as she would say, 'Ruining the reputation of Great Jeons'. But she never knew, that's not possible though, she knows everything as they all say, but decided to turn a blind eye to it, why would she waste her precious time on me?
The dance floor is crowded, and the main area of the club exhibits diverse liquors, from soju, vodka, whiskey, tequila, and regular cocktails. This area is less congested, nevertheless clamorous, we move toward the stools. Tae's eyes grew larger as he takes the surrounding, probably surprised, he has never been a party person, never had enough time for these things, working part-time jobs while studying.
The bartender is busy making concoctions and passing drinks, " Wanna drink something", I ask, moving my chair closer to his to hear him properly. "No, others haven't arrived yet, " he mumbles surveying the area.
"Wanna danc-", the words interjected mid-sentence by a loud cheerful voice which could only belong to Hoseok Hyung, " Hey, Tae you came, even Jungkook is here ". Taehyung gives him the equivalent animatic smile, and that's when Park Jimin comes into view, looking intensely at our adjoined hands as if his intense gaze could possibly detach them.
In his black suit, the jacket dangling in his arm came right from some formal meeting, his gaze travels across the room after brusque greetings, he smiles at an approaching figure, Yoongi Hyung trots around the area, avoiding any human touch.
It was a sight to witness, his nose scrunched, eyes hard a clear implication of irritation. How was someone able to get him to this place? He would have rather loved to spend the night watching some cute animal videos and call it a night.
I was not the only surprised person, " Hyung, you came. Really!", Taehyung says, astounded. He gets closer looking at him as if Hyung was not here, "you never come, last time I asked you soo much, that's not fair".
"Oh, Tae. Guess what, Jimin here pleaded him, for a whole hour, said he wouldn't join if Yoongi refused to come." Hoseok Hyung informs with a satisfied grin.
And I could imagine the wheels turning in Tae's head, he had said about Jimin trying to get his place by being Yoongi Hyung's favorite. He smiles nevertheless, maybe he forgot about the slight competition together.
"That's great, Jimin. Next time, I'll make sure to use this card". They both high-five with a chuckle. Yoongi Hyung huffs in response but a small twitch of lips could be witnessed.
" Jungeuk, your girlfriend is also here, she was there when you came". Jimin delivers after a few minutes, pointing toward VIP booths," she was asking about you, you didn't notice her".
I didn't notice her, and even if I did I would rather spend time beside Tae, but now that he has stated it clearly and cut, I had to excuse myself and see her. Before leaving "I'll be back in a sec", I whisper only for Tae to hear, he nods mumbling a soft okay.
I do find her, talking to another girl, with exaggerated makeup and glittering eye shadows, the other girl noticing me gets up and greets me, all smiles and lovely words. God, I don't even know her name. With an awkward smile, I sit with them.
Haeyoon with a kiss, introduces her, the great Rosie, the girl she usually talks about. Rosie keeps swinging drinks, and despite Haeyoon's protest she mutters a 'night's for party '. She comes off as tolerant of drinks.
" Last week I was at Yeojin's party, and I'm tellin' you, those are nightmares. Like real ass nightmare even for me ". Haeyoon's retort comes quick and simple, " why would you go there in the first place. He is havoc, the more distance the better".
"You know I like mess". She asserts skillfully, getting up, sighting a boy or a girl difficult to tell the difference, and leaves with a wink to which Hayeon bestows a disappointed look like a mother would do.
" Who was the boy you came with?"
"A friend".
" How come I have never seen him?"
"He doesn't attend parties that much, what's with the interrogation". She discerns the response by dropping the subject. I also chug alcohol curbing my urge to leave her and go to Tae, unfazed she starts again in a futile attempt to keep the conversation going.
" I didn't know you could paint, you really are good at everything as they say". She beams, all pretty and elegant. Maybe I would have smirked in return and say some shit but not now, I want to be with him, he gets drunk pretty quickly.
"So, not that we are in a rom-com movie sharing our hobbies and having love talks. We had an agreement, no questions but today you seem to be playing investigator, I guess".
" Yeah, it's just everyone was chattering about it and I didn't have any idea, " She stays quiet, and somewhat busy ogling at others.
After a few minutes which seemed to be hours, Rosie appears her lips now shining with black lipstick contrasting her red glittery eye shadow. "Guess what, " her words slurred " Daddy, ordered me to be back by 12, my curfew starts". She finishes off with a laugh finding the situation amusing.
Haeyoon doesn't join and gets up, with a peck and short see you later, she leaves tugging her arm with all refinement going down the drain, she clasps her hand muttering profanities, and scampers through the herd.
I see her retreating body, grateful she had left already, with quick steps I reach the previous place only to find it occupied with newcomers. Pulling out my phone I dialed Tae's number, only to get no reply.
"You're back, I presumed you were gonna stay with her, " Jimin says teetering green-colored liquor in his hands. How come the person to be avoided comes out of nowhere?
"Where are others?"
'Having drinks' he says pointing at another private booth that likely belonged to him, but Tae wasn't there, I couldn't witness him laughing at some random thing others say. I look, and even at my third attempt, I could not catch a glimpse of him. He wasn't there.
"He isn't there, he's having some real fun". He states reading my thoughts. He sips the drink nose scrunched in disgust, eying the drink he says something I couldn't quite catch. My eyes were searching for him, I shouldn't, he is not two years but I find myself looking for him, in hundreds of bodies swaying in rhythm to some pop song.
I leave him, he didn't inform me where is Tae, I guess he wouldn't tell me, after some minutes of frantic search I find him, sitting on the detached area behind the dance floor, sitting leisurely enjoying the best time of his life, and here I was being desperately looking for him.
He was not sitting alone, there was a man with him, and both were cracking up as he whispered in Tae's ear, Tae was probably too drunk to notice the evil grin as he gets closer and closer, too close.
"Hyung, here you are. I've been searching for you, everywhere". I say plunging myself between them to create some better distance. With a glare, he moves away. "What are you, his boyfriend?", the man utters in a throaty voice, his small eyes squinted hideously.
"No, we are just friends ". Tae enunciates with a giggle the shut the fuck up remains unsaid in my mouth. The stranger gets up, and instead of leaving he leans closer to Tae, "See you later, pretty boy". Fixing his suit, he mumbles, thrusting a card in his hands.
Enraged at his action, I get up getting the card as if Taehyung will see his fucking stupid face again, he'll have to get his jaw fixed tonight though, These useless creeps, fucking assholes.
Only to be pulled back by Tae, his grip firm despite the words that blur in a sloppy voice. "You're leaving again", he accuses.
"No, I'm not leaving. Hyung, you shouldn't just talk to anyone. These types of places are full of queers".
"I wasn't talking to him, I came for a drink and to maybe dance a little bit but then he pops out of nowhere", gesturing his hands in wild movements he tells,"and says he owns a unicorn or something about showing me one, and I was like, no man unicorns don't live here, they live high above sky maybe in paradise. He kept on saying the same thing, and what the hell is giving cards, I thought people used to share numbers, is giving cards a trend or something".
He eyes the dance floor, a boyish grin softening his features, reading his thoughts we go to the floor, even in this shabby place, he looks like a prince, young, naive, and beautiful. On the dance floor with hundreds of bodies jumbled, we get together, our bodies developing a rhythm, and we sway laughing at our antics and random dance moves, Hoseok Hyung wouldn't be happy to see us ruining his choreography to this, we laugh at the possible outcome.
"How's your girlfriend?", his raspy makes it arduous to focus, with a second try I understand he was asking about Haeyoon. Fine, I tell.
"You know, she is downright your type". And now he is literally and figuratively drunk, he'll talk the talk and talk about anything and everything, and I'll listen, listen and listen.
"My type, " I chuckle, "I have a type!". His hands are on my shoulder, leaving trails of warmth, it has to be the jammed place.
"Of course, you have ", he says matter of factly, as I am not aware of this reality, and I should be, "you date rich, pretty girls, with dark shiny hair, who don't ask many questions, you don't share your hobbies or the fact you like iron man, or that you used to have addiction for banana milk and still do but won't admit, or the fact that you are sensitive to smells, she doesn't know you prefer video games over golf, bet she didn't even know you paint". He states in a breath.
"Hyung, these things don't matter".
"No, they do. Ana says relationships should be dealt with care and love. If you don't like her why do you date her in the first place? You should do things you enjoy, like your favorite subject arts, video graphics, and paintings. You should have chosen Arts". In his soberness, he would not ask, the topic of my major selection long gone, I could care less about my majors but Tae was adamant about choosing my passion.
"I couldn't". I tell him, whispering.
"Yeah, I know. I re,-- remember, your mother chose Business for you. " We fall silent, he remembers, he knows everything, to change the subject and dispel the awkwardness, I ask"What's your type, though? "
I have thought about that a lot, on some Monday mornings sitting in a cafe with one of the girls, as many pairs pass by hands in hand laughing, smiling. I thought about him, about the person who would be lucky enough to have him, to hold his hands. I could never pinpoint what he would like.
"I don't have a type, " he murmurs leaning on my shoulder, we get off the dance floor and head toward the chairs, I insist, we all have a type, not a specific list but some traits we look for in someone before dating anyone, he scratches his neck out of shyness, and it is endearing his bashful smile flushing his face a dark shade of red even in darkness,
" Well, I will probably like someone caring, cuddles me, bear my late-night whines and laugh with me at my stupid jokes, goes on dates with me, eat ice cream as we stroll in street, share my love for food, kiss me in rain, someone who tells me that, they love me and mean it".
I notice his smile growing as he names the things, I never did anything like that, now that he says them I never thought about that in the first place. He is a total romantic. But as he gets farther, 'someone who tells me that they love me and mean it, He says and I notice his smile fading into a lost, dismal expression, casting his eyes downward.
When he looks up the smile I have cherished the most is replaced by a pretentious smile a consolation, holding his hands I tell him, " The person you love would be the luckiest person to ever live on this whole universe. And you know we love you, You know that right".
"I don't think so". He says more quietly and I want to tell him how much we treasure him, how important he is to us, for Ana, for Yoongi Hyung, for Me. I want to tell him, how much he matters to me, I am grateful he came to Seoul, he came to that park and I am appreciative that his grandmother made him such a good person. A part of me wants to pry to know why he sometimes looks so sad, who hurt him, but Ana said to give him time, and he will share whenever he wants to.
But I'll prove it, he is not just a friend. He means a lot.
"Jungkeukie, let's go home. I wanna sleep ".
"Yeah, let's go home".
_______________________
So, I'm back, after spending 1 month dedicated to our Family reunion, with the least usage of electronics and ofc, I couldn't possibly write ff in front of my family.
And the next thing I know classes start and so ....
This ff is slow burn so, I hope y'all don't get bored cuz we are making progress, gradually.
💜💜 Hope you'll enjoy .