🎶 4'0 clock by RM and V
Sleep and tardiness envelop me as I make my way back, the only clear thought in my mind is to lie in the softness of the bed and wander off to dreamland. Yesterday, meeting with Jimin and conversing about Jin Hyung, still lurch my brain to uneasiness. Taehyung would probably be
sleeping or getting anxious about tomorrow's event. The Autumn Fest has come up earlier than anticipated.
As I place my things on the side table in the main room, the lights of the Art room are turned on. The blond may be revising the part of his chorus. He has the habit of feeling queasy before events. The lack of sound infers he hasn't started yet.
After freshening up, and making two hot chocolate mugs I enter the great Art room, named after the inspiration and creativity we can muster here, according to Taehyung, the revolutionist. It has the grand piano always polished and tended Casio PX-870 positioned near the rear window, there the smooth black surface reflects moonlight on some nights making the musician and piano both look out of this world, there are also numerous paintings and sketches scattered around, some finished others blank canvases urging to be replenished with colors.
The paintings hidden in the murkiest cabin of my wardrobe were taken forcefully by none other than Kim Taehyung, one evening when we were watching a movie in my room. They were examined and I was instructed to paint more. I was scolded to hide the art pieces. 'They are the best ' he has said, proudly. He always says that. Except for him just Ana and Grandpa know I still paint. Dad may forget about my hobby, like a lot of other things.
As I peek inside he was setting the seat in front of the instrument. He seems to be lost in thoughts, his facelifted in his chin leaning on the piano stand.
For a moment I travel back to the sculpture of the Madonna of Bruges in Belgium. We visited it at night when the full moon was illuminating it, I don't remember clearly, but I guess, it was representing a Virgin and a child. The sculpture looked sacred, the marble carving molded the stone into a mythical creature, untouchable and frigid. It shone in its full glory and I had the absolute desire to caress it, despite being tactile, I couldn't touch it to discover if it was factual or just an illusion. The bright sculpture captivated me for days to no end.
And now the full moon shines yet again, glistens his features, his eyes that light up when he smiles truly, the rectangular smile unique and distinctive just like the owner, his smile that radiates the lives of people surrounding him. I just stand there gazing at him, he looks beautiful with his sly smile as he thinks about something silly. I enter and pass him the mug, he takes the mug from my hand and takes a sip, being pleased with the taste, he moans and talks about exaggerations.
Still lost in thoughts I didn't notice as he place another seat beside his and guides me toward it. I sit beside him, as he starts playing the keys, there's a ghost of a smile on his lips, closing his eyes he tests the sound and plays.
He is playing the All Of Me piano cover by John Legend, his slender fingers sliding smoothly across the natural notes, sharps, and flats pressing delicately with affection. The music plays softly and I watch in fascination.
"How's it?" He asks as the chorus fades to silence. I nod still mesmerized, he looks unreal when he plays, don't blame me. "No, tell me. I am gonna play this tomorrow, was it good?"
"Good, No!". I tease but his smile falters. " It was awesome ". His eyes light up and yes it was incredible. " Will you sing?" I inquire, shaking his head he takes another sip from the mug which wouldn't be hot anymore, but who cares.
"There will be a vocalist from a band, some performers might come to the event, not sure though. And Mister I am not a singer, you might like my voice but that's all".
" Well, it's their fault for missing such a melodious voice". He is flabbergasted at the quick reply but smiles nonetheless, I have just stated the facts.
" Did you take part in something other than musicals?"I implore again, that there was a list of activities, tagged on hallways denoting musicals, theater, and movies produced and directed by the Arts campus. Painting exhibition and many others.
"Hmm, I also took part in a drama, it was spontaneous though, the one who was supposed to play the role had an injury and they selected me. I am not sure, I think I will mess it up". He leans on the music stand uncertain, presumably about the role. " It's about a love story, but not the typical ones".
"And what are you, a prince?" I ask and he nods In affirmation. He resembles a prince with blond hair and an aesthetic persona.
"But you know, I think you would adapt to the character more, you would be a prince with beauty and a strong body, only if you work on your acting skills".
" Am I not a good actor?" baffled I ask, losing my prince title because of my acting skills. He partakes in a set of giggles. "You and acting. With an exclamation mark, not a simple sentence, Kook. You are an open book, if someone pays close attention your expressions are a telltale ", I grumble in response.
" But without that, you are a prince, your eyes...." He doesn't resume and I get restless to know, what about my eyes? Tell me, I whisper and tug his hands, I want to know what he thinks about me. Does he dissects my broken pieces and disregard them like others? "They shine.." Still dissatisfied I urge him to continue.
"Back in Daegu I used to go to the farm with Grandma and Grandpa, sometimes it got late and we spend some time laying on the grass, the fresh breeze tempting in the summer heat, staring at the sky it was hypnotizing and I love stargazing, the sky was always clear, the constellations fascinating, I didn't want to go home those nights, and sometimes after the rain, I could smell the daisies and roses from the gardens nearby. Laying there, I never felt sad". His hands that we were holding the mug were now holding me, my jaws being held softly in his hands, his skin isn't calloused like mine rather soft and warm. The touch is calm and it unravels throughout my whole being.
"When I came here, to Seoul, everything here came off as artificial and blank. But then I met you, In an empty park, with your starry doe eyes, staring at me suspiciously and uncertain, Your eyes, they always reminisce me of home, it's not just stars but I can see galaxies in them, calm and loving, and especially when you smile, when you talk about things you love, about childhood memories in Busan and U.S, late story nights, your passion for art, they sparkle. Has anyone told you before, they brighten up like galaxies".
His chapped lips whisper as a secret and I listen, never to forget. How could I ever forget this,
I feel the rush of warmth traveling in my skin it tingles where he touched, I remind him of home. The scent of lavender candles was not enough to calm me down, I wanted his hands to hold me for eternity, he smiles and I love it when he smiles, I smile back involuntarily. I remind him of home.
I close my eyes, to engrain these words, I can't forget this. The fatigue is long forgotten, replaced with a yearning to map his skin, I couldn't touch the sculpture but now I can touch him, caress his skin, and feel the softness under my fingers. The loss of his touch makes me ache, and my erratic heartbeats make it difficult to focus, It has to be the exhaustion.
I tell him to rest, he complies and we stride to our rooms, as I lay in my bed, the heat coursing my body for foreign reasons, the sleep vanishes despite spending enough time staring at the mirror. He said he saw galaxies in my eyes but I couldn't find any. The honesty in his voice and softness the sleep and I smile like a fool.
My eyes remind him of home, his haven.
The night spends in a daze, and the next morning, we get up in a rush, Taehyung went earlier, 'cuz he had to do some rehearsal and I being free, spend a good amount of time weightlifting in the gym. The exercise invariably ascends my dopamine levels.
After texting Ana as a reminder and sharing the time of the event I arrive at the campus, unlike other brooding and hectic days, today the students are enthusiastic about the event. The halls are decorated with ornaments including variegated plants and aesthetic paintings.
On entry to the Arts campus, the main highlight, it's adorned with figurines representing whiffs of a love story represented by butterflies emblazed with virtual lights. There are posters of the main idol singer that would be present, his name written in red flashes Rain, the spotlight, for today's event.
The event opening is at nine in the morning, starting with an art exhibition, and the theater and performance later in the evening. I have texted Ana, and she might be here by eight, so she won't miss Tae's performance.
With her leaving I head toward the Painting Gallery, I could kill some time there viewing this semester's work. Occasionally, good works can be used as means of inspiration. It was empty despite occasional pupils who were busy sharing their artwork with fellows.
The gallery is equipped with several different arts ranging from Oil paintings, Abstract, Surreal, Acrylic, and Modernism. Some artworks of History, Pop art, and Realism are also present, just limited in numbers.
Art is a way to convey the artist's feelings, From the paintings, it is not mere colors poured on the blank slate but the stories and thoughts we feel unable to express using any language other than art. Only an exceptional artist can deliver the message properly.
The artwork varies from decapitated houses to glamorous parties, and dances to mourning widows. Some of them are done by amateurs, lacking the sense of theme or color pattern. Some are impressive works of skill, exhibiting the value it carries.
There is a painting of a little boy, in the right corner, the boy is staring at the sky with his wild eyes which have the purity of a child, he looks at the sky, longing. The story of a boy desiring to conquest the world. I once held the same look in my eyes, not a single speck of malice but as the child grew, he changed. The strokes were not held properly, scarring the aesthetics, even though the portrait is deficient in refinement and it lacks the grace of a trained painter, its glory piece of art.
As I walk deeper, there is only a single painting left to be reviewed but the sudden pressure on my shoulder renders any movement, "Got you, Mr.Jeon, here you are. I was waiting for you". Of course, the devil. I free myself from the headlock and observe Taehyung, ignoring my glare he merely shrugged. His blond hair is now turned dark ebony hair, " they used hair spray, after two washes it'll turn the same", He says.
"Thought, you would be busy. You know... Getting the stuff ready, etcetera ", he loosen his grip on my shoulder to glance around, "I had a feeling, you would be here". He takes a double check around the gallery and pulls my arm towards the entrance, "Wait, there's one left". I tell him, but he keeps going grumbling, we can watch later, during the final exhibition.
" Ana might also be here, do you realize what time it is. The program is starting any time now". Not believing his statement, I peek at my watch and it shows eight-thirty. Eight-thirty I have spent an hour walking in the corridors and gawking at paintings. He grins, seeing my stupefied expression.
"We can come a few minutes later with Ana, she also wanted to see the exhibition". His eyes wander around the hallways, leaning on my shoulder putting all his weight on me, and if I ask the answer would be 'i can't walk, I was soooooo busy. So, I remain silent and let him do that.
We find Ana, conversing with another professor, they both appear to be in deep conversation about philosophy, life, or something like that. Ana just like Taehyung can engage any person in conversations. As a matter of social skills, I am the only socially awkward in our trio.
She is wearing a chestnut turtleneck paired with a cedar knee-length dress. She looks simple but elegant, she came probably here right after a meeting with some clients. On seeing us, she excuses the professor, the hall is nearly empty as all students must be in the seminar hall," How have you both been?" She ask giving us a bear hug, and pinching my cheeks brutally, all the while Taehyung laughed hysterically at my squashed face which certainly looked like a crushed tomato. The task is usually done by Tae.
"How about preparations? I was thinking on my way here, one day we will have to buy tickets and maybe wait in long queues to watch you play when you become a distinguished pianist". She says thoughtfully, and we both look at Tae for a response.
" Ana, don't be like this. If I ever become an orchestral player, you both will be granted free tickets with special seats in the front row, that's for sure".
"Of course, Ana. We deserve special treatment. And if you ever dare to forget, I'll make funny faces right there, then you'll crack up in front of an audience. That'll be so much fun". I state as a matter of fact. We would continue our bickering but Ana intervene leading to the nearby seats.
As we continue explaining the timing of the programs our conversation drifts from Taehyung's performance to the Art Exhibition. They both share a suggestive look, and it always ends with me getting in a mess. The talk about Paintings turned into discussing some hidden artists, whose paintings got selected by judges. They go on and on about how the painting deserved to be in an art gallery.
" There was just a single painting left if you had let me see it. By the way, whose that artist you both seem to share a deep infatuation with, is he from another department". I grumble, but the exhibition is in fifteen minutes so I can see it.
They don't answer, Taehyung fiddles with his shirt, bouncing his legs, excited about the day. We pass the rest of the time chatting about our days, talking about Grandpa, and how after Fest all professors will strike with tons of assignments. She patiently listens to our ranting sometimes telling us about her work, and the dishes she tried. She doesn't like talking about herself that much.
After fifteen minutes which merely pass in a blur, we set for the art room. Unlike previously, now it's surrounded by students and professors from different faculties, ogling at the paintings and creating their versions of themes.
With Taehyung, he comments on every single painting sometimes offering odd explanations, like a painting with a pair sitting on a fish as they fly from Tae's point of view, comes from a dystopian world where aliens rule Earth and some humans have trained fishes to fly, Ana and I burst in a fit of laughs, getting scowls from others. Taehyung shrugs, focusing on other paintings.
As we reach further, into the Abstract arts collection, Taehyung nearly shouts, at the painting with different colors splattered on the blank canvas. "Ana, Kook, I can also become a painter " his eyes widen in acknowledgment, "look all I have to do is splash some paint over the canvas, I do that all the time". Talking about Abstract paintings, our talk is cut short by announcements as the winners will be introduced now.
Taehyung moves away from me, probably to see the well-known painting they both keep talking about. There are three paintings in the canter of the hall with the dean from the Art department and the professor.
One painting is of the boy I had seen earlier, another one was an abstract with several paints merged to give a vibrant color. In the middle is a painting of a man leaning in the open cafe shop starting at a distance, but the more I focus I realize it's mine, I had painted it during the holidays, so the suggestive look they both were giving me earlier was about this. Taehyung avoids the glare directed at him, by pulling his lips in a nervous smile while talking to that boy who is more than interested to explain his theories.
" Ana, this is not right. I didn't paint it for others to judge". She pats my shoulder and says softly, "Art is not about judgment, it's about expression. Tae, he just wanted you to know that your work is fascinating, and it deserves to be acknowledged". The culprit still avoids the holes I have been digging in his head.
I am not mad, well maybe just a little bit but I can't stay angry for long, not with him. He is still talking to the boy, who is explaining his ideas with wild gestures and a wide dimpled smile.
The dean starts calling the contestants, encouraging them as they name their paintings. The abstract artist names her painting Emovere, a Latin word meaning emotionless. The other guy names his painting Lost soul, and now they all gaze at the last one in the middle, I clasp my hands waiting for some verdict but it doesn't come. The professor in his blue suit smiles, " This artwork is done by a business department student, which is often assessed as a profession for money makers. Thus, art is not limited to any field but rather a universal belief ". His rough voice echoes in the room. From the page in his hands, he calls my name, and nervousness envelops me, what if he asks to elaborate as others did?
Taking a few steps I move forward to shake hands as the dean congratulates me. They look at me questioningly, for the name but I don't have a name I usually don't think about naming them.
So, out of nowhere, I start rummaging my mind for ideas, wishing maybe some name will pop up miraculously in my brain. I painted it after Taehyung left for Gwangju.
The man sits in an open cafe with an empty mug staring at the distance, he appears to be lost, and, The flowers are bleak, the atmosphere gloomy, passersby don't mind his longing eyes, sadness etched in his soft features, they wander away. They don't care. From a distance, there's a figure coming. The path around him flourishes in life, his colorful, wild character, an angel as he lightens the lives of people with him. The nameless man found his happiness.
" Waiting," I blurt out just to get away from all of the attention. Taehyung looks at me apologetically, shaking my head I assure him, it's okay, I can't stay angry at him, "This painting is about waiting", I clarify. All the eyes turn to paint to uncover a new perspective.
They examine the paintings for some more time and then they all disperse. A certificate is handed to the winners. Taehyung comes a few minutes later with my favorite coffee frappuccino, it's not helping that he knows everything about me, the fact that I can't resist sweets, especially after nervous shots.
With the agreement not to do these types of stunts without my permission, we patch up pretty quickly. Ana drinks her espresso " So, you said the painting was about waiting. Who was the person waiting for ", she inquires, but I think she already knows, just wants me to say it. I look at Taehyung, who's practicing his dialogues memorizing them and making the diversity of faces for better expressions.
" For an angel", She considers the answer. "You believe in angels?"
"I didn't. But now I do". I smile, he had said I remind him of home, no one ever said that. Even all the praises held some double meaning behind them.Taehyung is an angel in my barren life. If angels exist they would be like him, beautiful, kind, and caring.
After finishing our respective drinks, Ana leaves about meeting with a fellow professor. The rest of the time we both spend together. On asking for Sangwoo, Taehyung says he might come by eight when the night event begins. We spend our brunch together in the nearby cafe and talk for the rest of the time.
In the evening before the start of programs Backstage, I look for Tae to say some encouraging words and I find him absorbed in the manga series "Why are you still wearing a tee shirt and pants, where is your costume ". I inquired, reaching for his phone his performance will start anytime and here he is reading a manga.
" Oh, yeah. I was going to change and then the author finally shared the next episode and you know I can't resist it. I have some time left though". I show him the time, his eyes getting the size of saucers.
" Oh God, the crew will chew my head off. Oh, hell...." He rambles and I push him to the main hall. Oh, God, he is amusing and a fool.
He leaves and I took off for the auditorium, The program starts with introductory parts, the miserable parts where they introduce guests and other prestigious visitors.
" Here you are, I thought you wouldn't come". A high-pitched voice calls and there stands Haeyoon, clad in a royal blue sheath and a dusky halter top paired with shiny strap heels. Her eye shadow and dress hue resemble and give a murky look, contrasting a dark red lip gloss. Wearing a seven-centimeter heel and trotting she embraces me. "You look gorgeous". I tell her, and she smacks my shoulder, smiling " So do you. Look at you, are you trying to impress someone huh".
I chuckle, "No one in particular," she pouts in turn, "Where are others?"
Another girl arrives, throwing a brief glance at me, she adds in urgency after basic greetings "Rosie, is freaking out. She can't find her dress, and damn her hair is a mess, she's calling you, like right now. Come on, " Hayeoon's arms are pulled away and she excuses herself.
I spend the tedious time, my eyes wandering around. Haeyoon is not here yet, probably still with her friend. Park Jimin enters the hall, his red blazing hair demanding the attention of onlookers, with a black shirt tucked in his pants he laughs at the whispering girls beside him, with a smirk he leaves her and studies the students in the first rows.
His gaze meets mine and he waves at me as if we are some college best buddies. Abruptly, he starts coming toward our chairs, and unfortunately, there is a free chair beside me. Really Great.
"Didn't think you'll be here". I comment, not seeing him before in Arts fest intrigues me, scrolling through my Instagram feed is just getting boring so it's probably better to ask.
" I also thought the same but apparently my girlfriend was performing, so had to come". He says smiling at a girl sitting a few rows in front of us". Talking about his girlfriend while flirting with others, Jimin is precisely the exact playboy, as others depict him.
After minutes of silence and chomping at the popcorns, he asks or more like states "You here for Kim, heard he is playin' and performin'", I nod waiting for the host to end program intros, "You seem quite close to him".
" I am, we are friends". I remark, there's defensiveness in my tone but that can be overlooked with the hussle around us. He stays silent playing with his finger rings. "I didn't know, you still paint".
I remain silent. There are a lot of things I do, he has no idea about. " It was beautiful, the painting," he says as I continue giving him a silent treatment. I mutter thanks and we both focus on the stage.
"For how long do you know, Yoongi Hyung?" He asks out of nowhere after ten minutes of awkward silence. His legs keep bouncing on the surface distracting him to focus on the true meanings behind the question.
"For two years, why?"
"Just wanted to know... Do you have any idea what he might like.... ", the question of why the great Park Jimin is interested in finding out His likes is a new thing, I open my mouth to ask but he beats me to it," well, he helped me for something and I just wanted to return the favor. That's all".
His rambling, about something, and returning favors are all out of the question because Park Jimin doesn't take help and return favors, when did this all happen? Maybe he is just stressed out with work.
Looking at him, biting on his lips out of pure nervousness, the lips might start bleeding anytime now. Still unsure I nod. He gives a wide smile in return.
"Sleep's on top of the list, then more sleep, next comes food and drinks", he interrupts mid-sentence with " yeah, that I know. I once called him in the morning, said good morning to which came a crude remark,' there is nothing good about mornings especially when you awaken a sleeping person".
"He is not a morning person, man loves his beauty sleep more than anything". He laughs, his bouncing legs halt as he gets more comfortable the discomfort fades to comfort.
We both look at the stage, a group of girls has started dancing to a pop song, in sync with the music. Meanwhile, I muster my mind to find ideas for things Mr. Min might enjoy.
" Basketball, if there is anything that prevails on the list of Hyung's preferences it's Music and Basketball. He used to play in high school and likes attending basketball matches". His smile widens, eyes disappearing in crescents. He murmurs, delighted.
Ana comes, with a pleasing smile while conversing with her friend. I start explaining about Tae's performance, in a drama, "said, he'll become a butterfly in the drama, so we'll have to keep his track. Can't lose him". To that we both cackle in a fit of laughter. This is what he mentioned as a result of my pestering on the scenes.
The performances start, and soon Taehyung appears dressed in Hanbok, gray cloth with light floral prints on the finishing lines. His blond hair turned to shady black, with slight curls giving him a more handsome look, if that's even possible.
The theater is transformed into medieval times,
with forests surrounding the huts, with people beginning the usage of livestock. The people dressed in hanboks differentiated women from males based on lightened colors with hefty jewelry, and the males dressed in darker items of clothing.
The story narrated from centuries ago, it's a tale about a naive youthful lad Hansung, starting his life at a Confucius academy for becoming a scholar. In the training camp, he meets Sooheen, a girl disguised as a male. The girl is disguised as a male due to her eagerness for knowledge. With an agreement to keep her identity a secret and return, she sets for the Confucius academy far away.
They both bond, sharing a collective interest in philosophy and combat practices. As time passes their bond strengthens. The nights spent together star gazing in summers, sharing meals, conveying opinions on books, hands in hand walking, presenting casual intimacy.
After a few years, they part ways, the women as promised returns home and soon gets engaged but her feelings for the Hansung, persist and one day the handsome male appears at her doorstep, the single eye connection reveals the secret about her and the feelings blossom as spring flowers with winds whirling around, Hansung sends a marriage proposal but as Soohee is already arranged her parents reject the proposal.
Throughout the whole play, Taehyung easily manages his expressions, the bashful smiles, sadness reflected in his eyes, and his shy nature. The character suits him, a naive, young, beautiful boy.
Due to rejection, Hansung's condition worsens, (and he still looks beautiful as ever), sends the last letter to his lover, requesting her to light incense on his grave. Soohee devastated, on receiving the letter rushed to his grave and fulfilled his wish to bring him peace, she cries ruining her wedding dress, a bolt of lightning falls and the ground unfolds, she descends, and her parents gashed but to no avail.
Later, two butterflies emerge from the cracked turf and flutter away, free from the bounds of societal constraints. Beside me, Ana smiles, she whispers 'What a heartwarming story. I nod.
Maybe that's how people suffer in love, stupid and fool, ready to die for a person. Maybe, it's the unconditional love deciphered in paintings, poetry, and novels, the whisperings of praises. Love that hurts and comforts, the idea is a mystery to me and it's better that way.
The drama ends, with the group of stage and crew members bowing, Even though there is no need to hold hands, the actress, Soohee still holds Tae's hands, as he talks to another person. Before exiting he waves at us, using a hand gesture to show a butterfly.
Next starts several other programs, short movies related to domestic abuse, fashion designs, and other stuff. Ana and I indulge in our discussion of recipes.
After two other programs, the final and the most awaited Singing project begins. The lights were now multicolored their rays falling on the stage showing the performers. The singer appears first as he is the focus of the main lightning.
Then a few seconds later the other members appear, Taehyung on the right side, a guitarist on the left, and a drummer just beside Taehyung, the singer begins his voice soft just like the music, Taehyung had played the same music last night. The singer smirks as the girls chant his name frantically.
My eyes fixate on Tae as he plays, the same smile as last night, his fingers smoothly gliding on the keys the perfect notes, after the second chorus the singer lowers his voice
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh-oh
Taehyung and others start playing their instruments the only sound resonating by these, they play in perfect synchronization and the audience starts singing the song.
The song ceases, with cheering and roaring of fangirls and fanboys. But my eyes were still fixed on Tae as he smiles nervously in front of the stage, as the other members talk about the singing and it was perfect by the noise his nervousness dissipates to a prideful smile. He glances at the audience for the first time and meeting my eyes his smile widens. The other members shake hands and bow, confirming the end of today's events.
Later on our way home, he asked if I saw him and if I enjoyed it, 'yes, you were amazing ' I tell him. Didn't say that I had just looked at him, just him.
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I will try to update frequently, but this thing (the thing being, I found a wonderful ff on aO3 and I got so involved in the book, I got emotionally, and mentally invested in the book but then on 16th chapter I realized the author hasn't updated for the past two years and now I feel lost. I hope the author update soon), happened but now, I have recovered to some extent.
Hope you all enjoy 💜, and things have started to get spicy.