Semper Augustus
A rare tulip with red and white vertical lines running through the petals. The lines were so distinct it felt like someone had painted over the thin leathery red corolla. Hua Cheng had doubted that first, and only bought a bouquet when he was absolutely sure they were authentic.
'You will find her under the oak tree'
Xie Lian was stuck at a conference and he did not like the feeling of leaving his mother alone on her birthday.
This was all Hua Cheng knew, and so he was riding his bike with E-Ming, heading over to the location Xie Lian had sent. It was in the outskirts of Tai Cang, the suburb right next to the metropolitan city.
Whenever Xie Lian talked about his mother, it was a bit ambiguous. Hua Cheng knew a bit about her, but never enough to actually understand her. And the topic was always a tad bit uncomfortable, he felt so every time Xie Lian changed it to a completely different line of conversation.
Hua Cheng had assumed that maybe Xie Lian had a family issue that he did not know how to resolve. Or maybe he did not like his father much, Xie Lian never talked about him. Or maybe his mother was sick?
But Hua Cheng himself felt excited.
He'd be meeting his Gege's mother!
He knew about her love for nature, and so, he was not extremely shocked when the navigation led him to a deserted alley, the cemented path ending abruptly in front of an old church. Hua Cheng frowned, though. Quite an unusual place to spend your birthday - he thought.
Hua Cheng let E-Ming down and pulled out the bouquet and his backpack from the storage compartment to straighten it a bit.
Xie Lian's mother...
Should he call her 'Ma'am'?
It sounds formal.
'Mrs Xie' sounds good too.
Calling her Mother would be a bit too much, would it not?
Hua Cheng was snapped out of his thoughts when E-Ming tugged at the harness. He was sniffing at the dust, growling and hissing low. His claws were out of his paws, and E-Ming crouched low, as if preparing an attack.
"Easy E-Ming. It is an abandoned church. There might be garden snakes and lizards around. Don't pick up a fight." Hua Cheng tutted, securing the bracelet tight around his wrist.
There was no sign of life when Hua Cheng pushed open the huge iron gates. The gates protested with a bone chilling shrill groan, immediately swinging back behind the boy. A gravel path led to the fossil of a church.
Cobblestones munched under his boots, seldom a twig would snap. E-Ming walked right beside him in sync, noiseless as they neared the skeleton of a chapel. The white walls of the cathoic church were no longer clear. It had thick patches of black fungus and green moss running almost along the marble. The beautifully arched windows had rusted, half-eaten panes, with shattered, or no glass, through which branches of the surrounding trees and shrubs burst in. The ceiling was partially broken, giving way for the mild winter midday sun to filter in. The higher windows had coloured glass panes, forming patches of rainbows wherever the light fell. The floor however was almost not there. Instead, a thin veil of creepers softly carpeted the entire narthex and nave. The Cross was without Jesus. Behind the cross, was a tapestry, but the art was so old that Hua Cheng could not say what it was, though he highly suspected it to be Virgin Mary.
Miraculously the benches were intact, so were the bibles at the ledges. Hua Cheng gently brushed his fingers over the furniture, and thumbed gently at one such bible. The pages were dull, crickley and yellow, with the words almost illegible. There was a grand piano towards the right hand side and a small door. Hua Cheng gently nudged his way towards the ajar door and pushed it open. Seeing open space behind, E-Ming dashed in to stop almost immediately. Hua Cheng had to bend down a bit to walk through. It was a neatly maintained graveyard outside.
Tall trees around, shading the white marble tombs, carpeted by the soft green grass, the graveyard was not even gloomy to be classified as one, its condition in sharp contrast to the church in front of it. Hua Cheng looked up and around at the treetops and at the gentle rolls of land around, like the playful waves of the ocean. Hua Cheng would have walked further in, but E-Ming remained rooted.
"Come, E-Ming, Mrs Xie is waiting for us. We mustn't let her wait any longer." Hua Cheng said, and tugged at the leash.
But E-Ming growled threateningly at the nearby bush. He crouched on his paws, as if preparing for a pounce. E-Ming's growl grew louder and louder till suddenly he lunged forward. Almost immediately with a great deal of rustling in the bush, a huge white dog flashed in Hua Cheng's view. Before he would understand what was happening, the two creatures were in a fight.
E-Ming was slightly smaller than the Samoyed dog, but that was not a disadvantage. There were growls, barks, hisses, and screeches. No matter how hard Hua Cheng tried to pull E-Ming away, somehow, with an opponent in front, E-Ming turned out to be even stronger than Hua Cheng's arm strength. The dog did not really attack. She just defended herself.
In the end, a caracal was a predator.
Hua Cheng did not want a bloodbath here. The samoyed was probably someone's pet, and he should stop E-Ming from hurting the dog. At the moment, the dog was thrashing over, with E-Ming on top of her, biting her ear. He sighed, held the bouquet under his chin and ran his hand through his backpack. From there he extracted a veil of catnip. He sprinkled it over both the creatures, hoping hard it works.
It did.
As soon as E-Ming sniffed the green powder in, he stopped. Then, as if nothing happened, both of them rolled over the grass as Hua Cheng sprinkled the whole vail over them.
E-Ming got high pretty quick and forgot all about the white fluffy dog. He headbutted a nearby tomb and plopped on the grass, pupils dilated.
Hua Cheng crouched down in front of the dog and extended his hand to pat her head.
"Did you get lost?" He asked. The dog wagged her tail and arched into the touch. She had a red collar, and Hua Cheng made out the words, 'Ruoye'
"Sit, Ruoye." Hua Cheng said.
Ruoye sat back on her haunches and looked up at Hua Cheng for praise.
"Good girl" Hua Cheng ruffled her thick fur.
"Have you seen someone here? I need to meet her" He said, knowing fully well the dog could not really help. But, to his surprise, Ruoye barked in response. Given her size, her voice was still that of a puppy, small and slightly high pitched. Hua Cheng pursed his smile and snorted.
'This samoyed is cute'
Hua Cheng picked out the polaroid pictures from his wallet and showed it to the fluffy landcloud.
Ruoye barked joyously, got up and started walking ahead, as if showing him the way. When she noticed Hua Cheng was not following her, she turned back and barked again.
"Alright, alright. I will come along."
Hua Cheng literally had to drag E-Ming over the paved aisle way, the feline was acting way too out of his character, rubbing his body over random graves.
There was a bald oak tree at the end of the aisle, on top of a little higher ground. But there was no Mrs Xie, or any other human. Nor was there any sign of a kind of celebration, or sense of joy.
Instead there was a grave, quite similar to the other ones.
Ruoye trotted right up to it and sat down next to the grave post which read:
Her keys played the music of her beautiful soul.
Beloved wife and mother,
Xie La
Wait, wait, wait.
What?
Hua Cheng lowered the bouquet on the tomb, mind racing. All this time, he did not even realise that Mrs Xie was...
It was difficult to process. All this long, Xie Lian was talking about his deceased mother- and he did not even catch on.
His eyes fell on the year and Hua Cheng released the breath he did not even know he was holding.
Xie La died exactly eight days before Hua Cheng had first appeared in the hospital, in front of Xie Lian.
Suddenly everything made sense.
"Gods don't exist."
"Life is too tough a teacher."
"A torn tapestry which cannot be mended."
"A second chance which many don't have."
Hua Cheng knelt in front of the tomb and bowed deep.
The sky was getting cloudier and Hua Cheng felt a cold touch at the back of his neck, gently asking him not to do so. He straightened up slowly and looked up.
It was snowing slowly. Feathery light flakes of snow fluttered down lazily around them. Seeing now, E-Ming, who was behaving weird, was now behaving like a drunkard. He tried to stand on his hindlegs and smack the falling flakes of snow. Ruoye was probably sleepy because she was curled up beside the grave.
Hua Cheng sat down crossed legged at the foot of the tomb and said,
"Gege has told me about you. And I was... uhh, looking forward to meeting you."
Obviously there was no reply, but the wind made the oak creek soothingly. The sun was no longer over the horizon, but it was still a while for the dark to come, settle in.
Hua Cheng smiled a bit and continued,
"If you are wondering if he was lonely these two years, he was. Gege never opened up about that, but I know. Still, he helped me through my troubles. He has helped many more. But I am his first." Hua Cheng heard what he said, and quickly, in a flustered manner he corrected himself, "Wait, it must have sounded weird. Let me reframe, I am his first patient."
E-Ming, in his catnip high state, made it back to Hua Cheng and plopped down next to him. Like a reflex, one of his hands stroked the caracal's head, in between his eyes, lulling him to deep sleep.
"Gege is an amazing doctor." Hua Cheng declared.
Hua Cheng did not even realise he had started talking about his first day meeting Xie Lian, and he kept talking all about his sessions with him. And somehow he managed to make his sessions sound like weekly dates. He described everything with great detail, as his brain took a backward trip to the past. He did not hold back his feelings for his doctor and his time away from him, and how miserable he felt without Xie Lian. He was sure Mrs Xie's soul wouldn't mind his musings.
The sky darkened as the evening fell heavy over the now white snow patched church compound. There was no other sound other than him talking in a whisper, Ruoye snoring lowly in her sleep, and E-Ming's complaining mew whenever Hua Cheng stopped stroking his head even if it was for a second to relieve a hand cramp.
Hua Cheng did not notice the change of light until he heard the groan of the metal gates and rapid succession of heavy footfalls, as it came closer and closer. By the time Hua Cheng stood up and turned around he saw Xie Lian at the small door.
Xie Lian was in a white coat over milky blue jeans, his ID card hanging from his back, a heavy backpack dangling from one shoulder. He looked battered, worn out, and he was panting hard, looking at the boy in red, a look of realisation burning in his wet reddened eyes.
Ruoye lifted his head up and wagged his tail, head still full of sleep.
But Xie Lian did not register that. He just saw Hua Cheng.
San Lang was there.
He came.
San Lang waited...
Patiently...
On his own accord...
Xie Lian dropped his bag on the snow unceremoniously and dashed.
He did not know why he was denying it for so long, he also did not know what was holding him back. It has been extremely obvious that he enjoyed being with San Lang, maybe more if not the same as San Lang himself did, if it were possible at all. He has been an idiot. But now, nothing was binding him, all his insecurities, fears and second thoughts were pushed out of the window, as he fell into the safety of Hua Cheng's embrace.
And Hua Cheng just knew how to hold him right. Warm arms around his torso and waist were the exact weight around him that Xie Lian missed all these days. He crashed into him so hard that Hua Cheng had to dig his heels in the dewy grass to ground himself, feeling the impact head-on, enjoying it, realising how he wanted this every waking moment of the last entire year.
"You stayed." Xie Lian said, in a teary voice as he buried his face on Hua Cheng's neck.
"Yes, I did." Hua Cheng replied, dipping the tone of his voice unknowingly to match Xie Lian's.
"T-thank you."
"Gege, you don't need to"
"I do! I need to thank you for e-everything. Without you, mom would have to be alone on her birthday... again. The thought of it was so upsetting. I-" Xie Lian spoke in broken sobs and pants, his body jolting.
Hua Cheng softly brushed his thumb over Xie Lian's eyes, wiping away the tears.
"Gege, please... don't cry like that." He breathed, holding Xie Lian tighter. "Mom is not alone. You are not alone. I am here, right? I am here."
Xie Lian's grip turned bruising around Hua Cheng's torso and he called out softly.
"San Lang..."
"Hmm?"
"I am sorry."
"Gege..." Hua Cheng chided gently, cradling his head, softly pressing a kiss over his soft locks of honey brown hair.
"San Lang, I left you. I just fled. I'm so sorry. You already had so much up your plate. And I just ruined everything. I ripped off the bandages so hard that the scars were wounded again. I am really sorry. I am sorry. So sorry."
Hua Cheng pulled back a bit, just enough to look into Xie Lian's eyes, and smiled at him.
"Gege, you have not done anything to apologise for." Hua Cheng smiled, and leaned in to kiss Xie Lian's forehead. "There is nothing gege can do which will ever hurt me." he said against the skin, moist with thin perspiration.
"You were hurt... You are hurt..." Xie Lian sniffled, looking away, feeling a bit shy all of a sudden at how flushed close they were holding each other, under the darkening sky, with light flakes of cottony snow littered around.
"Am not." Hua Cheng chuckled, and nudged his nose at the vaguely blushing cheek Xie Lian tried to hide by looking away. "Look at me, gege..." He whined when Xie Lian buried his face back into the nook of his neck.
"You look well..." Xie Lian admitted.
"Just that?" Hua Cheng urged.
"A-and happy..." Xie Lian said, looking away again.
"En. Because, Gege reached out to me first, when he needed help. I am really happy that I could."
"Hah, San Lang, I was not thinking when I called you. I was just being selfish."
"I am happy, I could stay by your side." Hua Cheng breathed, pressing their foreheads together, his words leaving puffs of white condensation around them. "And that you called me, and not anyone else."
"You wouldn't have liked that?" Xie Lian cocked his eyebrow, noting the tone Hua Cheng used. It was almost like...
"Nuh-uh" Hua Cheng said, tightening his hand at the back of Xie Lian's head, locking him in place. "You see, I can be territorial."
"Territorial? About me?"
"Why wouldn't I be? I love you so much."
Xie Lian chewed on his lower lip, the wheels in his mind turning. Hua Cheng did not really want to confess this way. But when Xie Lian did not look repulsed, his heart knew more courage.
With their words, thoughts, and breaths mingled together, it was difficult to say who leaned in first.
The kiss was a hesitant peck.
But Hua Cheng stopped as soon as Xie Lian stiffened.
"San Lang, we shouldn't..." he said, in a shaky voice, and squeezed his eyes shut.
Shouldn't...
Not can't.
Right...
They were out in the open, that too in front of Xie Lian's mother's grave.
That's a bit...
Hua Cheng nodded as he understood immediately. He never wished to make Xie Lian uncomfortable.
"Y-you are my p-patient at the end of the day." Xie Lian stuttered over his words, his face burning redder by the microseconds.
"..."
Hua Cheng blinked at Xie Lian exactly thrice, bewildered at what he heard.
Then he laughed out aloud.
"Pfft- hahaha, Gege!" His chest rumbled warmly against Xie Lian's as he continued laughing and peppering light pecks over his face. Xie Lian looked too confused but he did not push Hua Cheng off.
"Sa-San Lang..." Xie Lian whined when he failed to connect the dots.
Hua Cheng calmed himself down. Eyes shining with mirth, he gently grasped Xie Lian's chin in two fingers, and tipped his head up a bit to make him look up at him.
"Didn't Dr Mei make it clear that I was not a patient anymore?" Hua Cheng whispered, a teasing smirk playing over his thin lips.
Xie Lian stared at him for a while, lips apart, brows drawn slightly.
Hua Cheng kept smirking till...
There was a tug, a strong one, so strong that Hua Cheng could not think for a moment- the moment Xie Lian collided their lips in a hungry kiss.
Hua Cheng's heart beat faster and faster as he melted under Xie Lian's hold, hands brushing over his waist and hip. His own chapped lips tenderly glided over Xie Lian's soft ones. The grip around his neck tightened as if trying to press their bodies closer, which was not possible anymore. Hua Cheng wished humans did not need to breathe, given how often they had to break away to breathe heavily into each other, and chase after the kiss again. One was longer than the other, like they were parched, so desperate. Hua Cheng nudged to the side, and gently pushed Xie Lian against the oak tree, cradling his head with one hand, tipping it further back, kissing him deeper. His other hand trailed back to grab Xie Lian's, and he interlaced their fingers in a tight hold against the gnarled bark. Their red rings clacked against each other. So many things happened together- their tongues met, Xie Lian shuddered bodily, moaned, and bit his lip, making Hua Cheng see stars, abdomen churning with a deep excitement he has never felt before. He wanted to go on and on, with Xie Lian in his arms, loving him just the way he had always loved him. Even though he did not mind the taste of his own blood in his mouth, Xie Lian did, and he pulled back.
"Oh god! I am sorry," He hissed as he pressed his thumb at the cut.
Hua Cheng smiled cheekily and kissed the pad of the finger.
"San Lang!" Xie Lian slowly tugged Hua Cheng off him. He then looked at Hua Cheng, his two contrasting eyes, one dark like the starless midnight's sky, the other red like burning fire.
"I love you."
A heavy silence veiled over them as the words sunk in. Hua Cheng let Xie Lian go with one more short peck over his mouth, and stepped aside.
Xie Lian nodded in appreciation.
He walked upto the tomb and knelt next to it, looking carefully at the marble slab, more intently at the flower bunch neatly wrapped in cream white sheet of wrapping paper.
"The flowers are beautiful." He said in a small voice.
"En. I raided every florist." Hua Cheng said proudly as he stood behind, under the tree. The air grew chillier, rustling the dry branches of the oak. He leaned back against the tree, giving Xie Lian time.
The smile one the doctor's face curved melancholically, his gaze softened as he brushed his fingers over the cold stone and laid his head over it.
"I am sorry, I could not be with you today." he whispered as he patted the tomb, "But I am sure you loved San Lang's company. Happy Birthday Ma.". He continued talking about his day, and how he got held back. He apologised over and over.
For being so late and also for being a bit indecent in front of her grave.
Finally Xie Lian got up and dusted himself. When Xie Lian looked over his shoulder at Hua Cheng, his smile was small, but warm. Hua Cheng could look at that smile all his life.
"San Lang, you must be cold... do you wanna come over for some stew?"