Sometimes You Have To Endure The Challenging, To Truly Appreciate The Sweet
KIRK
In all honesty, my start out in the world sucked. Abandoned by a parent, named after the city I was thrown away in, growing up in foster care, that was freaking awful. Don't get me wrong, it could have been much much worse. I was fortunate to have people help me along the way, I kept my mind open enough to see the help and grab it with both hands. I know that I was lucky, we've all seen and heard the horror stories that happen to people raised like I was.
I want to give myself some credit though, I freaking fought hard to get where I am. I studied all the damn time in school, I worked jobs that nobody wanted, and I got paid a quarter of what I deserved. in the back of my mind, even before I knew I wanted to be a nurse, I always had a goal. In the beginning it was get a job in middle school so I could have shoes without holes, or be able to by a sandwich occasionally. As I got older and my goals became more specific, I didn't date or do things I wanted to, because I didn't have the time. I wanted to go on dates, and go to parties. I wanted to have boyfriends and go to movies and shopping, but that was so not in the cards for me when I was younger.
I was so scared about becoming another single mother at 16, that I just didn't give myself an opportunity for that to happen. I saw too many girls in foster care who believed the sweet talking boys and men who preyed on vulnerable girls and boys. So I put my head down, kept moving forward, ignored the temptations of easy affection and easier drugs or alcohol, and I kept heading towards my goal.
The surprising reward to all my hard work, was a career I love, and then, love itself. I fell in love with a freaking biker. A man society has shown us in many different ways, should be a man I couldn't trust or be safe with. He's hard, he has the dirtiest mouth I've ever heard. His work is definitely not 100% on the legal side. He is loud, crude, abrasive and rough. He is also the most loyal man I've ever known, kind and sweet, honorable and fair. He treats everyone he loves with respect and kindness, but if you aren't someone he cares about, or if you've hurt someone in his inner circle, then you best watch out, prayers and luck won't help you if you've put yourself in Grays sites.
He is also a man who grew up with everything I didn't. Money, family, security, all the things that are supposed to guarantee a happy and successful life. He was put down, ignored, mocked and treated like an imposition. We were both thrown out there alone, in different ways, but we were alone to figure out our place in the world. Though his childhood was a hell of a different making than mine, we both escaped harsh and cruel worlds.
Neither of us let our experiences sour us on life and love. We just kept moving forward, knowing that better would be ahead. Gray found his future in the military and in his club. I made my life better with friends, work and then finally, my Gray. The two of us as a pair, well, we found love together.
Like I told nurse Allie, I believe in Karma, for good and bad. Put a bunch of good out in the world, and you're gonna get more good than bad back.
Gray has put so much good out there, military, club, friends and me. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making his life full of love and support, respect, acceptance and kindness, all the things he didn't get as a child. Because the truth is, he does all that and more for me, every damn day.
To say I love that giant man does not even begin to describe the feelings I hold in my heart for him
"Kitten, where the fuck are you? I told you to meet in the back an hour ago, what the hell is taking you so damn long? I need my baby, hurry up girl!" He's barking out his orders, but there is love and a smile under the words.
"I'm sorry BigGuy, I was just changing into something more comfortable, I'll be right there." I shimmy out of my jeans and into a pair of leggings and a long sleeve t and a cozy thick flannel. We're in late fall, and it's cold outside, Gray is crazy to want to eat outside tonight. Sliding into my soft boots, I head out the kitchen and onto the deck.
I stop in freaking amazement. The sight before me is beautiful, and unexpected, I'm stunned and freeze in place. Lights and flowers, candles and music hit my senses.
Fairy lights are in all the trees surrounding our patio, twinkling and flickering, some hurricane lanterns with candles inside burn brightly along the path. Candles are scattered on the table and cafe lights are strung around and across above my head.
At the end of the path is Gray, dressed in a long sleeve shirt, his cut, jeans and boots. His hair is brushed and his beard trimmed. He is looking at me with love and devotion, smiling at me, joy shines from his eyes, he walks towards me, his arms reaching out. jumping up, I throw my arms around his neck and nuzzle into him, kissing and loving him.
"Oh Gray, this is so beautiful! I can't believe you put this all together! This is so lovely and unexpectedly romantic!" I know I'm gushing, but my sweet man is so loving and good to me, but also he isn't known for his soft and romantic side.
Gray has a happy smile, but he also looks very serious, a slight crease between his eyebrows, and a bit of tension around his mouth. He kisses me deeply and completely, a kiss I feel down to my toes. His arms are tight around me, and for the millionth time since I've met him, I revel in how safe, protected and loved I feel in his arms. Kissing me softly on the lips, then a slight kiss on my forehead, he puts me back on the ground, and drops his forehead to mine. Breathing deeply, he lets go of me. I open my eyes and watch as he drops to one knee.
"Kirkland, my sweet little Kitten. I fuckin love you baby, from the moment I saw you, you grabbed my attention, and I haven't let me go. When I met you, I was fuckin happy in my life, I loved my life and didn't feel I needed anything more or different. I've never craved a woman till I met you, never felt the need to share my world with anyone other than my brothers. Then there was you, sweet and spicy, strong and smart, confident and innocent, things I didn't know that were missing in my life, were all bundled up in a tiny pint sized woman. Loving you is like breathing for me, you are a part of me, fuck it, you're the best parts of me." I drop to my knees as he continues talking, my hands on his cheeks, staring into his beautiful eyes.
"The first 18 years of my life I learned to depend on myself, the next 12 I learned that I could count on the military, and then I learned I could depend on my brothers, that the club guys were my real family. I was good, solid. When I met you, I just wanted to care for you, be surrounded by you, make you see that even though I'm totally fuckin different from you, our hearts are the same. My world changed that night at the bar, if fucking exploded in size, it was huge with addition of you. Everything was brighter and stronger, music sounded better with you, food tasted better with you. Things I loved before like riding on my bike, that shit was off the charts hot with you next to me. You in my world makes everything perfect, whether we're riding somewhere, watching that shit on TV you love, cleaning the garage out, or me just watching you breathe. It's all more than I can describe, and for damn sure, more than I ever thought I'd get." I notice as his voice gets raspier, his eyes are starting to shine with tears.
"I want to make you feel the way you make me feel. Give you the joy and comfort, love and adventure. Everything about you makes me want to be good enough for you, but I'm not, I never will be, because you're ..." I have to interrupt him here, he will never talk down about himself on my watch.
"Gray, you are all that to me, you're the best man I've ever known, the only man I will ever love, you are ..." Gray interrupts me.
"Baby, let me finish before I embarrass us both with fuckin crying like an infant." When he says that, I lean forward and gently kiss his eyes, feeling the damp of his tears on my lips.
"We were destined to find each other, when the time was right, you appeared right in front of me, and I was fuckin greedy enough to grab and hold onto you. And I will, I will hold onto you for the rest of our lives, honor, love and protect you from anything that could ever put sadness in your heart or tears in your eyes. I love you Kirkland Sophia Turner, and I will love you till I'm six feet under, and even then, I'm loving you till forever. When we're stars in the sky that other people look up to and wish upon, I'll still be lovin on you. Baby, my sweet Kitten, marry me. Make our worlds perfect, marry me, lets make babies, lets give our babies the parents we would have wanted, I love you Kirk, love you so damn much." He slides a ring on my finger, then we stand and he wraps me in his arms, whispering the sweetest words of love.
"Yes Gray, of course I'll marry you! I love you BigGuy, you are the best man I've ever known, and I am so lucky that we found each other, I love you baby." I'm crying now, probably the ugly cry, thank goodness I'm not wearing mascara, so at least I don't have black train tracks running down my cheeks.
All the crap we've dealt with in our lives, the sad and the scary, the infuriating and the mundane, it all led up to us. Now we've found each other, we get to start a whole new adventure, a life that we are going share with each other, and children that we'll have in the future.
It all started when I took a chance by working in a bar, a random referral from someone I had worked with in the past, who knew then, that my future was in a bar called 'Dirty'.