Lisa dropped her legs into the pool, letting the cool water wrap around her calves and ankles and feet. She'd always wanted a pool, one that she could just walk outside and jump in, instead of having to drive to a community pool or a YMCA. It was her favorite part of hotels.
When she couldn't sleep, she'd slip out of her room and wander outside to the pool, hopping the locked gate and settling on the deck, the lights in the pool illuminating the dark night. It reminded her of being a kid and sneaking out for a night with friends or a quick bike ride around the neighborhood to clear her head. If she'd planned a little better and known there would be hotels and pools and sleepless nights, she probably would have brought a bathing suit, just to feel her body suspended underwater, weightless.
"Tits," Jennie cursed under her breath after stubbing her toe against a pool chair.
She had definitely had a few more whiskeys on the bus ride to the hotel, which had helped convince her it was a good idea to bother the woman she saw by the pool through the window of her hotel room. But those whiskeys made her a little clumsier than usual, so she knocked into a second pool chair as she made her way over to the pool's edge.
"You okay?" Lisa asked, preparing herself to jump in the pool if Jennie stumbled all the way into the water.
The singer somehow gracefully, dropped down onto the edge by Lisa's side, her bare legs slipping into the water and her guitar resting in her lap.
"You told me to play you something meaningful," Jennie said with a slightly furrowed brow, her words just a little slurred from the whiskey.
"I did," Lisa nodded. "Your song tonight was meaningful."
"But I did it. I got unstuck," Jennie explained, holding up her journal with a hesitant smile. She set it down next to her boxers-clad hip, opened to the page she'd been scribbling words onto ever since Lisa had left her in the dressing room tonight. "I don't have a full song yet. It came in flashes, you know? Just words painted in my mind that I had to get down."
"I'm glad you got unstuck," Lisa said softly, watching Jennie intently and loving the excitement on her face about this new song that she was working on.
"Want to hear it?" Jennie asked with a beaming smile on her face, her fingers hovering over the strings of her acoustic guitar.
"Absolutely," Lisa replied, almost matching her smile with her own.
"It's only three lines, and it- it's probably not the chorus or anything-" Jennie started to say as if she were now backtracking.
"Don't make apologies before I've even heard it. Just play," Lisa breathed out, turning her full attention to Jennie and not the pool. She hadn't seen the lead singer this nervous before. She hadn't seen her jittery, but she also didn't know if Jennie had ever really been nervous with the other songs, the ones that were simply hits without much meaning behind them.
The singer let out a long, shaky breath, looking deeply into Lisa's eyes for a moment as if she were searching for something. And then, as if she'd found it, she looked down at the guitar in her hands.
She tapped the neck of the guitar twice before she let out another deep breath. And then she started to strum, her fingers moving tenderly over the strings and producing a soft melody.
"I don't know how it'll start. Something sweet. Something that'll pull you in and make you think I'm going to sing about something that'll make you smile," Jennie hummed, plucking at the strings.
"You gonna catch people off guard?" Lisa asked, loving this side of Jennie.
"Love also starts sweet, doesn't it? Before it turns bitter," she observed, her eyes shut as she reached a part in the melody she was strumming where she changed up which strings she played. The softness made way for something equally tender, but heart-wrenching and haunting.
"It doesn't always turn bitter, but write what you know," Lisa mumbled sadly, hating the pain she could see in the woman next to her.
Jennie lost herself in the chord progression, her fingers moving across the strings as if she were caressing the instrument, with a love and a care. It didn't seem like she'd even heard Lisa's response, taking in a deep breath before voicing the lyrics she'd been able to produce tonight.
"To know is to love, but my heart bleeds otherwise," she sang, her voice huskier and smokier than it usually was on stage. "Where you once saw the universe in my heart, You now see no constellations in my eyes."
It felt right, the lyrics and the chords she'd paired with them. She could already hear the rest of the song in her head, and she had flashes of more lyrics too. Which she would definitely write down when she was a little soberer.
"That's all I've got, but... I'm unstuck," Jennie murmured, finishing off with a final strum, her eyes still shut.
"You're definitely unstuck," Lisa agreed with a smile. "It sounds great. It sounds like I'll be writing you another article."
Jennie scoffed lightly with a shake of her head, her eyes opening as she looked over at Lisa. "It's not a song yet. It's just a something. Nothing article-worthy yet."
"It's a meaningful something, and it's a something that you're actually excited about," Lisa countered, reaching out and squeezing her hand for the briefest moment.
Jennie felt Lisa's touch linger on her hand even after the writer had taken her hand away. Her eyes looked down at her hand, as if she could see the physical imprints of Lisa's touch there if she looked long enough.
"The other day I... I meant not anymore. Not- not no," she explained, her forehead creasing slightly as she spoke.
"Not no about what?" Lisa asked, pulling one leg out of the water to turn her body so that she was completely facing Jennie.
"If I sing to someone. If I write about someone. It's not a no, it's a not anymore," Jennie explained, lightly grazing her fingertips along the strings of her guitar, her attention drawn there.
"That's okay," Lisa hummed. "I'm- uh... well, I'm sorry that someone hurt you, even if you've made some beautiful music out of it. I'm still sorry you were hurt."
Jennie spent a few moments plucking at strings, playing nonsensical but beautiful melodies.
"You actually mean that," she observed, no question or hesitation in her voice.
"I completely mean that," Lisa promised, leaning back on her hands and watching Jennie play.
"What's your favorite song?" The singer asked, the change of topic sudden.
"Of yours? I told you," Lisa chuckled.
"Of all time," Jennie replied with a small smile.
"That's an unfair question," Lisa grinned as a list of songs flew through her head.
"Pick one I can do on the guitar," Jennie hummed, knocking her knee into Lisa's just like the writer had done to her earlier in the evening.
"Don't make fun, but 'Candle in the Wind' is my song," Lisa answered with a slight blush.
The corners of Jennie's lips pulled into a smile, one tinged slightly with adoration. She quickly changed her hand position, starting to strum the opening chords of the song Lisa had requested, trying desperately to remember the lyrics.
She fumbled through the first verse, only half-remembering it. But then she got to the chorus, her fingers dancing across the strings.
"And it seems to me you lived your life, like a candle in the wind. Never knowing who to cling to when the rain set in. And I would have liked to have known you, but I was just a kid. Your candle burned out long before your legend ever did," Jennie sang, her voice still smoky and earnest. She smiled as she continued to sing, hearing Lisa hum the lyrics along with her.
"Loneliness was tough, the toughest role you ever played. Hollywood created a superstar, and pain was the price you paid," Lisa continued softly, her voice nothing to write home about compared to Jennie's. "Good song," she murmured, leaning further back on her hands and looking at the pool.
Jennie nodded, finishing out the final few chords. She could hear the hurt in Lisa's voice and now felt like the shoe was on the other foot. Earlier, it was Lisa weathering an emotional storm by her side, and now she was doing the same.
So instead of saying anything, Jennie kept playing, moving seamlessly into her nonsensical playing again.
"Elton fan?" She wondered, her voice soft.
"Don't tell anyone. I'm supposed to be into new stuff," Lisa grinned, thankful for Jennie's soft guitar playing.
She chuckled and spared a quick look over at Lisa, matching her smile. "I like him too. I like him a lot, actually."
"He's a nice guy," Lisa said, letting her eyes flutter closed as she relaxed next to Jennie.
The singer arched a brow, starting a new song. "We'll come back to that," she murmured, smiling as she strummed the guitar.
Lisa let out a laugh and softly tapped her foot against Jennie's leg.
"You're right... It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside," Jennie sang softly, chuckling a bit. "I'm not one of those who can easily hide. I don't have much money-"
"But boy if I did," Lisa hummed.
"I'd buy a big house where we both could live," Jennie finished for Lisa, green eyes meeting brown as she played the familiar tune and sang a familiar song with someone becoming heart-achingly familiar.
"If I was a sculptor, but then again..." Lisa paused dramatically.
Jennie snorted at the thought. "No," she sang with a laugh.
"Or a wo-man who makes potions in a traveling show," Lisa sang, enjoying making Jennie smile. Her stomach bubbled with a desire to make her smile like this all the time.
The singer giggled at the changed lyric and enjoyed the fluttering in her heart. "I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do. My gift is my song, and this one's for you," she sang back to Lisa, her stomach flipping as the words felt entirely too true leaving her lips.
"Thank you so much," Lisa teased, shooting a wink in Jennie's direction. "That's really thoughtful."
"And you can tell everybody, this is your song. It may be quite simple, but now that it's done. I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in the words. How wonderful life is while you're in the world," she continued, her eyes never falling from Lisa's as the lyrics spilled out of her.
"I don't mind," Lisa whispered, sinking into the green eyes in front of her as a terrifying thought flashed through her mind. This felt better than sinking into the pool.
———
"Hey, babe," Rosé grinned from the driver's seat.
"Yes?" Jisoo answered cautiously, hearing that teasing lilt in her wife's voice.
"I hear everything's bigger in Texas. Want to check my rack?" Rosé joked as she drove them over the state line and into Texas.
"I'm sure you'll have a line of women wanting to do just that in El Paso," Jisoo hummed as she made sandwiches for everyone on the bus.
"Didn't you hear? I'm not accepting undergarments from anyone other than my wife now," Rosé called back, getting a wink and a nod from Jennie, who was sitting on the couch.
"Oh? When are we burning those on stage?" Jisoo teased, spreading peanut butter along a piece of bread.
Rosé laughed and bobbed her head to the music on the radio. "Whenever you want, hon. Whenever you want."
"I'm gonna go ahead and keep my collection, hon!" Irene yelled from the bathroom, making herself burst into laughter.
"Do you keep yours?" Lisa asked, glancing up from one of Jisoo's books that she was borrowing and looking at Jennie.
The singer pushed her glasses up and fixed her with a curious look. "My what?"
"Souvenirs," Lisa mumbled, suddenly feeling her cheeks flush a little.
"I don't get souvenirs," Jennie replied simply, returning her glasses to their proper place and looking back down at her notebook.
"I find that hard to believe," Lisa muttered under her breath.
"The occasional proposal, lots of I love you's, but no souvenirs," Jennie replied, chewing on the end of her pencil and then scribbling something down.
"No bras?" Lisa hummed, her eyebrows lifting somewhat, surprised that the lead singer wasn't getting souvenirs like her bandmates.
With a small smirk playing at her lips, Jennie looked up through her lashes at Lisa.
"In my experience, they're usually picking them up off the floor on their way out. After I take it off for them, I think the idea of me keeping their bra has lost its charm."
"Ah... so your groupies are more conscious about the rising price of undergarments," Lisa said, lifting the book a little higher even though she knew it wouldn't hide the blush on her cheeks.
"She's fucking with you," Irene chuckled as she moved out of the bathroom, towel-drying her pink hair. "Jany doesn't do groupies like I do, or souvenirs."
"Cool," Lisa forced out, rereading the same paragraph she'd been staring at for the past thirty minutes.
"I prefer midnight meet-ups by the pool," Jennie hummed under her breath, just loud enough for Lisa to catch.
The writer's heart fluttered in her chest. Her stomach rolled, and it wasn't just from Rosé's driving. She had to force herself not to look at Jennie or knock her knee into hers. She had to force a deep breath in and try to think logically and rationally despite the completely irrational way she was falling for the lead singer of a band she'd completely trashed in her article a few weeks ago.
"Sandwiches?" Jisoo offered, handing them plates with a slightly knowing look at Jennie.
"Thanks, Kim," she replied with a bashful half-smile and a slight blush, ducking her head back down immediately.
"Thank you," Lisa echoed, still feeling warmth in her cheeks that she couldn't get under control.
"Anyone just really wanting to get tacos after the show?" Irene asked through a mouthful of sandwich. "Oooh and margaritas. Lisa can drive."
"I'm in!" Rosé called from the front, taking her sandwich from Jisoo and getting a cheek kiss too.
"Guess I should nap," Lisa sighed happily, shoving the rest of her sandwich in her mouth.
Jennie watched her get up from the couch and shuffle over to the bunk beds, crawling into the bottom cubby and sprawling out like she usually did. She watched for a bit longer than she should, knowing it wouldn't take the writer long to fall asleep at all. After a few moments, Jennie saw Lisa's left leg twitch twice and she knew the writer had slipped into slumber, bringing a fond smile to her face she desperately tried to hide.
"She seems sweet," Jisoo whispered, dropping down into Lisa's abandoned spot.
"Hmm?" Jennie asked, moving her attention onto her friend, blinking her eyes to try and focus on whatever words Jisoo was trying to say to her.
"You've got your sappy eyes on," she said, smiling at her friend as she spoke.
Jennie scoffed and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "I don't own a pair of those. Not in this repertoire," she replied, gesturing at her face.
"Lisa does," the older chuckled.
"That's nice," Jennie replied vaguely, dropping her eyes back to her notebook.
"Mhm, she looks at you like you're the best song she's heard in her entire life," Jisoo murmured, wrapping an arm around Jennie's shoulder.
Her pencil stilled on the page, her heart completely at war in her chest. It simultaneously raced and ran in the opposite direction. It both breathed a sigh of relief and broke.
"Yeah, well- she might be looking in the wrong place for meaning," Jennie murmured softly, running the tip of her pencil in mindless patterns at the corner of the page.
"Do you think she is?" Jisoo asked.
"Of course she is," Jennie sighed, closing her notebook with a snap. "She came here for something I don't know if I can give her."
"Oh, please," Jisoo scoffed. "She came here because Irene told our lawyer to be scary. She's not looking for anything, but if you play your cards right, I think you both found something."
"You can't find something that doesn't want to be found," Jennie argued, her voice weak and wrecked as she got to her feet, Jisoo's arm falling from her shoulder.
"Well, you should let her down easy then because she's got sappy eyes too," Jisoo sighed, picking up her own sandwich and starting to eat it.
Jennie moved to the front of the bus and dropped down into the passenger's seat, needing a change of scenery, especially when her heart was as conflicted as it was right now.
"The thought of getting dinner after this show is carrying me through everything right now," Rosé practically groaned.
Jennie just hummed and chewed on her thumbnail, unwelcome thoughts turning through her head. What if's and if only's battled it out in her mind and heart, leaving her unsettled and unsure about where to go from here. Not when she'd gotten so badly burned before.
———
This was maybe Lisa's favorite part of the tour bus. When everything was silent aside from Irene's soft snoring. The couple were asleep in the back room, and Jennie was silently snoozing in her own bunk.
Lisa had always enjoyed driving, especially at night when everything was quiet and sleepy. She had a cup of coffee next to her that Jennie and Jisoo had insisted on getting when they'd stopped for tacos. Her glasses were on her nose, and the map was unfolded on the passenger's seat just in case she needed it.
She didn't really need the coffee or the map, though. The signs on the highway were doing a good job, and her mind was reeling with way too many thoughts to be sleepy. She'd been thinking about what she'd asked Jennie about souvenirs since waking up from her nap. She'd been thinking about Jennie's comment about poolside meet-ups.
She'd been thinking about Jennie.
Lisa had watched from the wings, enjoying the pure joy she got to see on Jennie's face at every show. She was no longer doing a job or criticizing. She was just watching, completely in awe of the green-eyed woman who was completely in love with music and wanted to be remembered.
And that was nerve-wracking and dangerous because she was the jerk who'd hurt her. She was also the person who was tasked with writing a positive article, and she was finding it harder and harder to write one. She didn't want to be finished, to go back to Chicago and her empty apartment. She didn't want to go back to work when she was enjoying herself more than she ever had in the office with Stewie.
"Is the map taking my spot?" Jennie asked with a small yawn, leaning against the back of the passenger's seat.
Lisa jerked in her seat momentarily, surprised that Jennie was awake. "The map isn't as helpful, so the spot's yours."
The singer pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders and moved the map so she could curl up in the chair.
"Couldn't sleep?" Lisa asked.
"Must be the smooth, bump-free driving," Jennie hummed with a tired smile, rubbing at her nose a bit before yawning again.
"I'll do better," Lisa chuckled, veering to the side enough to hit the rumble strip on the side of the road.
"That's more like it," Jennie replied with a soft laugh.
"Ask and you shall receive," Lisa sighed, picking up her coffee and taking a sip.
"In that case, why 'Candle in the Wind?' I've been thinking about it since Santa Fe," Jennie asked, leaning her head against the seatback and fixing Lisa with a curious look.
"It's a good song," Lisa answered as she put her coffee cup back in the cupholder.
"A favorite isn't a favorite because it's good. It has to have, as a writer for Rolling Stone once said, meaning," Jennie replied with a smile.
"It was the first one I really learned. My dad was a big fan of it, and he taught me," Lisa shrugged, ignoring the pang in her chest she felt at that admission.
"So it's a song with good memories," Jennie supplied, taking in the slight furrow between Lisa's brows and wondering why the girl's favorite song distressed her so.
"It's sentimental, and the lyrics are meaningful. Some good memories and some bad. The older I get, the more the lyrics seem relevant," Lisa mumbled, following the signs for San Antonio.
It took Jennie a moment to run through the lyrics in her mind, humming them softly to herself until she felt like she understood.
"Oh," she breathed, feeling a strong urge to grab ahold of Lisa's hand sitting next to the gear shift and not let go until the haunted look on her face went away.
"It's a good song," she repeated simply, drumming her fingers along the gearshift. "You don't have to be a good person to have good taste in music."
"Music opens its doors to all," Jennie murmured, her chest getting tight at the sadness in Lisa's tone. It wasn't a fresh sadness either. It was a sadness that spoke of a gaping wound never healed.
Lisa just nodded, picking up her coffee cup again and taking another long sip. "What about 'Your Song?'"
"What about it?" Jennie wondered softly.
"Good memories?" Lisa asked, looking over at Jennie briefly before she focused back on the road.
"I've never sung it for anyone before the other night, so... yeah, good memories," Jennie replied with a slight blush in her cheeks, the war in her heart favoring the hopeful side for now.
"Good memories for me too," Lisa grinned, the sadness and weight on her chest melting with those words from her. "Your version rivals the original."
"Not true," Jennie chuckled breathily with a shake of her head. "Not true and not possible."
"For me. It rivals the original for me," Lisa breathed out.
And so the war favored hope again as Jennie gazed over at Lisa, feeling her heart flip-flop in her chest at her words. She shouldn't be doing this, letting herself be lulled into submission by the sweetness that always came at the beginning of something new. She shouldn't allow the sweetness to mask the taste of the bitter to come. But she allowed it, and she was a fool for it.
"I sang to you, you know. In Santa Fe. I- I wouldn't have sung 'Sunshine on a Cold Day' if it weren't for you," Jennie admitted quietly. "So my answer isn't not anymore... anymore."
"I've only been listening for you the past few shows, so I'm glad the answer isn't not anymore... anymore," Lisa admitted right back, her stomach and heart flipping quicker than they ever had.
"I hope you don't mind but, I'll sing for you tomorrow night too," Jennie said, reaching out and running the tip of her pointer finger along the back of Lisa's hand sitting next to the gear shift.
"Why would I ever mind that?" Lisa asked, flipping her hand over and catching Jennie's fingers in her hand.
"I hope you don't mind," she sang in answer, her eyes locked on where Lisa's hand now enveloped her own.
"Yeah, that rivals the original. Don't tell Elton," Lisa smirked, brushing her thumb along the side of Jennie's hand.
She took the segue for what it was, leaving matters of her erratically beating heart behind for the moment. "Oh, speaking of. You know Elton? Let's get back to that," she chuckled, sinking into the feeling of Lisa's touch.
"I don't know him. I've met him," she answered with a laugh.
"Details, Lisa. I need details," Jennie pressed, squeezing her hand gently.
"Shorter than I expected him to be," Lisa said, looking over at Jennie with a smile. "It was someone's birthday party, and for some reason, they put me on the list. He's a very nice guy and humored me as I gushed about his music."
Jennie continued to listen as Lisa regaled her with story after story, each one featuring a different band or singer, and all the while, her hand remained in Lisa's and her heart stayed on the side of hope.
———
The hope prevailed. Stubbornly and maybe slightly annoyingly. But it prevailed nonetheless and it had Jennie's heart doing backflips and somersaults, things her heart had no business doing.
It wasn't hard to have the hope though, not when Lisa was proving to be not just nice and sweet, but terribly kind and thoughtful as well.
Lisa dropped down onto the couch next to Jennie, a steaming cup of tea already outstretched toward her.
With a small smile, she took the tea and wrapped her hands around the warm ceramic of the mug, sighing almost inaudibly.
"I could say pretty much anything right now, and you couldn't get upset," Lisa smirked, looking down at the pad of paper Jennie had been writing on all day since she was on vocal rest until the concert in Dallas.
She just rolled her eyes and sipped her tea, letting the warmth soothe her aching and tired throat, letting Lisa's proximity do that heart-flipping thing it had been doing for longer than she cared to admit.
"Don't write down that I'm weird or anything, but there's definitely apple cider vinegar and slippery elm in that. I'm not a fan of the licorice taste, though, so I tried to dilute that."
Jennie picked up her pencil and scribbled onto the notepad in her lap, flipping it around and showing Lisa what she'd written down.
I like the licorice taste, weirdo.
She made sure to underline the word weirdo three times too, smiling at Lisa as she continued to sip her tea.
"I'll remember that next time," Lisa hummed, pulling a blanket off the back of the couch and covering both of their legs.
Jennie went back to her notepad, writing a longer note this time before showing Lisa.
How's your article shaping up? Haven't seen you using that typewriter-in-a-briefcase lately.
"I'm on my second notepad, so I'd say it's good," Lisa said with a small smile, knowing for a fact that she would be much further if she wasn't absolutely terrified of finishing the article and leaving.
Jennie returned her small smile and wrote something else down, leaving the notepad she was using sitting on her lap so Lisa could see it without her having to keep flipping it around.
What could possibly be filling the pages? The names of the groupies Irene spends time with?
Lisa laughed at the note, leaning to the side slightly, coming into closer contact with the sweet-smelling cocoa butter lotion she'd definitely seen Jennie use before. She pulled her notes out of her back pocket, essentially forcing herself to sit up again and not sink into Jennie's side.
She flipped through a few pages, stopping at one and holding it out for her to see. Jennie took the notebook carefully, running her thumb along the margin of the page as her eyes read over the notes scribbled down in Lisa's scratchy handwriting.
Best band chemistry I've ever seen. Private moment on stage. Pure joy = obvious, especially on Jennie's face. Two taps?
She tapped that note and lifted her questioning gaze to Lisa, her brows drawn and her stomach twisting at the fact that Lisa noticed these things and thought these things.
"I've been assuming it's for luck or maybe just a ritual, but I'm not so sure since you did it when you were playing for just me. You tap the neck of your guitar twice before you play," Lisa explained.
Jennie got that look on her face again, like she was searching for something in her eyes. And then she was delicately placing the notepad in Lisa's lap and grabbing the pencil again, writing something down on the notepad resting against her leg.
It grounds me before I play. Two taps that match my heartbeat. Doesn't matter if it's for a crowd or just for myself or for you. I always do it.
"I won't write that in the article," Lisa said softly. "Some things are meant to be private. And I've already invaded it enough."
Jennie offered her a grateful half-smile, finishing off her tea and setting the mug down on the couch next to her before writing another note.
You're not invading. Not anymore.
Lisa smiled softly at Jennie's words before flipping through her notepad again and handing it to her, her cheeks already flushing as she did it.
67 - 'I love you's.' 15 - 'will you marry me's.'
Jennie let out a soft snort, covering her mouth with her hand as if that would help remind her she wasn't supposed to be talking or making any noise for the next six hours.
"Shhh," Lisa laughed, putting her own hand over hers. "You'll wake up Rosé and she'll punch me again."
Jennie narrowed her eyes playfully and dropped her hand from her mouth, her eyes looking back down at the notes Lisa was accumulating.
With an eye roll and a darker blush, Lisa flipped to the next page.
Understandable. She's extremely beautiful and doesn't do groupies or collect souvenirs. Probably makes her even more mysterious.
She ignored the flutter in her heart and looked up at Lisa, arching a brow and smirking just a bit as she embodied that last word - mysterious.
"I only write the truth," Lisa shrugged, her smile growing at Jennie's facial expression.
The singer used her pencil to make an edit in Lisa's notepad. She crossed out the word mysterious and wrote something underneath it, leaning back so Lisa could see.
Not as mysterious as the writer behind this note.
"I don't think that's true," the writer chuckled.
Jennie just tapped the notebook as if to say, everything in here is true.
"What's mysterious?" Lisa asked, tilting her head to the side and looking at her favorite pair of eyes.
Jennie gazed right back, losing herself for a moment in the softness of the look Lisa was giving her. And then she cleared her throat and pulled her notepad back out, writing for a few moments to answer her question.
The pain behind the words you wrote. Haven't figured it out yet, no matter how many times I think about Candle in the Wind.
"I am sorry about those words," Lisa said with a grimace, hating that her article had hurt these people who she was growing to love.
Jennie shook her head and wrote something else, letting out a soft, pained sigh as she did so.
You were right. About some things.
"Being right about some things doesn't counteract being a dick," Lisa mumbled, running a hand through her hair.
Jennie couldn't help the breathy laugh that escaped her lips, her eyes widening in surprise when she let out another noise during her vocal rest. She lifted her notepad and lightly smacked Lisa in the shoulder, faux-annoyed that the writer was making it hard to stick to vocal rest right now.
"Sorry," Lisa laughed. "I'll shut up."
Jennie shook her head and wrote something down, underlining it.
Please don't.
"So... you're analyzing 'Candle In The Wind' now?" Lisa asked curiously.
Jennie blushed lightly and dropped her attention to the notepad in her lap, spending time writing her thoughts out.
The Norma Jean/Marilyn Monroe theme threw me off for a few days. But then I focused on the chorus and the legend who never burned out, despite the candle going out. I just can't figure out who your legend is. The legend who made you hate us before you knew us.
Jennie slid Lisa the notepad and leaned back against the couch, propping her elbow up on it and dropping her head onto her hand, gazing over at her as she read the note.
"I didn't hate you," Lisa hurried to reply, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as she thought. "I would keep ignoring Norma Jean and Marilyn Monroe."
Jennie reached over and wrote something else, inadvertently bringing them close together since the notepad was in Lisa's lap now.
You did hate us. You made it seem like we were an insult to Rock.
"I grew up with Rock," Lisa shrugged. "It was my everything. I didn't think you were an insult to Rock. Maybe some of the pop-esque songs your fans enjoy so much."
Jennie pursed her lips and stayed close, replying to Lisa in real-time on the notepad in her lap.
Fair. That was something you got right. Those songs are sugar-sweet, not real.
"They pay the bills, and they are catchy. I have to admit, they've been stuck in my head on loops for the past month."
Rock isn't about paying bills. It shouldn't be, anyway.
"Sometimes paying bills is important, though," Lisa murmured.
Jennie hesitated and then slowly wrote something else, her hand slightly shaky as she did so.
You writing the truth made me feel like a fraud.
"You aren't a fraud," Lisa said with a jerky, shake of her head.
Jennie leaned back and shrugged, fiddling with the pencil in her hand, her green eyes holding a sadness to them.
"A fraud is someone who throws stones without their own art to back up their criticism," Lisa admitted, her jaw tightening as an apologetic smile fluttered across her face.
Is your love of Rock not art? Is love not art in another form? Jennie wrote beneath her admission to feeling like a fraud.
"Maybe, but I'm not sure that gives me license to shit on other people's expression," Lisa replied, feeling guilt flood her chest again.
Jennie leaned into her space again, trying not to get distracted by the scents of cinnamon and notebook paper that seemed to cling to Lisa at all times of the day.
Meaningless expression. You got that right too. I can admit that now.
"Hey, I'd rather listen to only your album for the rest of my life than someone's album with songs on it that they're trying to pass off as their own. There's meaningless and then there's... worse," Lisa sighed, looking down at Jennie's neat handwriting.
The singer gave her an appraising look, her eyes dancing across Lisa's withdrawn features before she added to her notepad.
Knew we'd make a Plane Pink fan out of you.
"Congratulations," Lisa laughed, looking up at her again.
Jennie smiled softly and scribbled something down, tapping the page when she was done to get Lisa to look at it.
Tell me that story someday. I shared my hurt with you. You can share yours with me.
"I can do that," Lisa nodded, swallowing thickly at the idea of telling Jennie that story, parts of it she hadn't spoken aloud before.
Want to know what we call fans of The Pali Blues? Jennie wrote, sensing the need to lighten the mood.
"What's that?"
Motherfuckers.
"Yeah right," Lisa laughed, a smile spreading across her face and making her eyes crinkle.
Jennie tried not to laugh again. She really did. But Lisa had that light, breathy sort of laughter at this time of night that just made it impossible not to laugh along with her.
So, she laughed, louder than she should.
"I can hear you!" Irene sing-songed from her spot in the driver's seat.
Jennie leaned forward and dropped her forehead onto Lisa's shoulder, trying to stifle her laughter with a hand over her mouth but finding herself unable to.
Lisa just ran a hand over the back of Jennie's head, feeling her smooth, straightened hair slip through her fingers with each brush of her hand.
———
"Dallas, how we feeling tonight?" Jennie asked into the microphone, beaming at the large crowd gathered in the outdoor arena.
"I LOVE YOU, JENNIE!" someone yelled.
She laughed and looked off-stage, meeting Lisa's eyes quickly. The writer held up her notepad to her, a large number 68 written so Jnenie could see it.
With another laugh, she looked back out into the crowd. "Thank you, thank you," she replied, readjusting Fran around her shoulder. "I don't know if many of you know this, but we have someone on tour with us. She's been tagging along since Seattle."
"It's the MOTHERFUCKER!" Irene cheered from her spot behind her drums.
Jennie quickly quieted the chant of motherfucker and the boos with a raised hand and a shake of her head.
"It is," she admitted to the crowd, bobbing her head to the slow beat Jisoo and Rosé were playing on their instruments.
More boos filled the venue, making Lisa laugh from her spot in the wings, shaking her head at the loyal following the band had, a group of people who would definitely slash her tires if she'd driven her own car on tour.
"She's come on tour with us to realize the error of her ways. And it took her, oh maybe two days to figure out we're amazing," Jennie explained, shooting Lisa a wink off-stage. "And since she's been here, we realized the error of our ways too. Rock isn't just about the sweet stuff. Rock is raw and real. It's got meaning. So... do you guys want to hear something like that?" she asked, sliding the microphone back into the stand and holding tightly onto it, a smile gracing her lips as she looked out into the audience.
A few 'fuck yeahs' and a venue full of cheers followed, just like they always did when Jennie spoke. And all Lisa could do was watch, completely in awe of the woman at the front of the stage.
"If you've talked to your friends in New Mexico, you'll know this next song is coming. It's called 'Sunshine on a Cold Day,' and I'll try not bawl this time," Jennie laughed, turning to nod at Jisoo to get them started with the slower piano ballad.
"You say beauty lies in brevity, but I never want us to be brief," she sang, the words coming easier to her this time as she let her eyes close and her lips brush across the microphone.
Lisa shoved her notepad in her back pocket, wanting to just watch, wanting to just see the emotions play across her face. She wanted to be completely present for Jennie, to listen to the song that had made Jennie become 'unstuck.'