The next morning, the walk back to the palace is completely different to how you'd both left. Your hand in Loki's...him gently squeezing it...your eyes meeting at times and a blush rising to your cheeks. The circumstances are suddenly completely different. You're his fiancé. His betrothed. It barely seems real.
The gardens are quiet at this time of the morning—the majority of Thor's guests still sleeping off their mead-induced hangovers. But there will be games today. More festivities to celebrate Loki's brother's existence rather than any real achievement. Loki could only imagine that it'd get worse once Thor was King of Asgard. The lavish parties, the silly excuses for award ceremonies—and most of them still for Thor. I don't think I will even be able to stand it.
Despite all these years, Loki still didn't fit in. There was no getting around that.
"What do we do now?" you ask softly, looking up at him.
His stomach clenches ever so slightly. "I inform Father of our intention to marry."
"And...how do you expect that will go?"
Loki smiles, but you quickly notice it doesn't meet his eyes. "It'll be fine, Y/N. Mother already likes you."
But Frigga's previous words ring like an alarm in his head. "You are a Prince of Asgard. She is a mortal woman. The fact that she's here in this hall right now is a blessing. You know it's not our way of doing things."
They aren't going to take it well.
****
You and Loki step into Odin's throne room, the guards on either side of the hall eyeing you both carefully but ultimately letting you pass. And you find yourself squeezing Loki's hand tighter—the impending sense of dread only intensifying when you find yourself surrounded by so much gold. You don't belong here. You know that. But it's even more impossible to ignore when in a great room such as this.
Thankfully, it's only Odin, Frigga and a few guards, but your heart pounds all the same. And you glance up at Loki, wondering whether he's feeling the same, but his face is suddenly one of such serpentine indifference that you have no idea what he's thinking.
"Mother...Father..." he says as a means of greeting. And despite only standing a few metres away from the King and Queen of Asgard, you can't feel more distant from them.
"Loki," Odin booms, getting to his feet. His beady blue eyes dart to your face. "Where have you been?"
"With Y/N," Loki answers simply. "We have reconciled our disagreement."
Both Odin and Frigga look at you then, assessing you as if that might possibly be the worst news they'd heard in a while. "Is that so?" Odin answers softly. And Loki picks up the threat in the tone immediately. "Then why are you both here? Is it to ask for my blessing?"
Loki bristles, trying to keep his cool. The last thing he fucking wanted was his father's blessing. He couldn't give a shit what he thought. But if Odin were to oppose the joining, he could make things pretty hard.
The God of Mischief smiles instead, a warm beaming smile which you immediately realise is not genuine. But what you can't work out is why. "Your and mother's favour is desired, yes."
Frigga glances at Odin, unable to mask her worry. She doesn't mind what Loki does...or whom he chooses to do it with, but she knows Odin won't take kindly to his son building a life with a mortal woman. Despite him not having as much responsibility as Thor, Loki would still have to toe the line...extend their family's reach...marry an Asgardian woman and put a child in her belly. Loki knows all of this.
"You expect my blessing for you to bed a mortal woman?" Odin asks curtly.
Adrenaline spears your heart. "Excuse—?"
"I'm not just bedding her," Loki cuts you off. "She's to be my wife."
Odin's eyes flare, his face reddening immediately. Beside him, Frigga shrinks, knowing what's coming. "Your wife?! Your WIFE?! My son marrying a Midgardian peasant?! I thought you were being insolent just bringing her here, but this?! This arrogance! This treason! And you intend to spit offspring into this woman? The treachery of your actions..."
Loki fumes silently, dropping your hand so as not to break it. "If I remember rightly, Father, you saw no issue with spreading your seed across all of Yggdrasil—mortal or otherwise."
"Loki!" Frigga admonishes, getting to her feet. "You know not to speak to your father like this."
But Odin rounds on her. "Silence, woman! I do not need you to answer for me!" Turning back to Loki, he fixes him with a look of pure steel. "I may have bedded mortal wenches, but I never joined names with any! Your marriage to an Asgardian noblewoman has already been predetermined. Do you renounce your position as my son by sullying our name? Our bloodline?"
As Loki and Odin glare at each other, you can barely lift your jaw off of the floor. The sudden exchange between the two of them has completely caught you off guard—tearing a hole through your chest and leaving your heart bare to pound wetly against your ribs. The words used to describe you are unlike anything you've ever heard in your life.
"As you have reminded me many times Father," Loki growls, his fists clenched, "my name and bloodline are far different to yours. I wouldn't be sullying anything by choosing to be with Y/N..."
Odin steps slowly towards him, and it takes all his resolve to hold his ground. "You may not be of my actual blood, but you belong to this family. We took you into this house, boy! Gave you riches, titles, lands. If you think you can marry a peasant girl from some remote country on Midgard, you are sorely mistaken!" The smile that starts to creep across Odin's mouth is suddenly cruel. "That is...unless you wish to forsake all those things."
Loki frowns, taken aback. "Forsake...?"
"Yes..." Odin glances at you and something cold lances through your stomach. "...either you forget about this idiotic idea of marrying a Midgardian...or...you do as you wish...and, by doing so, you relinquish all your Asgardian privileges—including your magic."
"My...my magic...?"
Odin's face is triumphant, and inside your chest, your heart begins to break. "Indeed. If you choose to marry this girl, you will have nothing."
Loki shakes his head, suddenly lost. "No...you can't do that..."
"I can and I will. The choice is yours, boy."
You already feel your feet moving of their own accord, backing you away. And you suppose part of you had expected him to stop you...to turn around and grab your arm...to say the words he said last night. In fact, a big part of you had. But he doesn't do it.
Loki...
Nothing had prepared you for him to freeze. To stare into the distance. To not come to your defence.
Was your love so easily shunted out of the way if his privileges were called into question?
By the look on Odin's face, you can tell he's hit Loki where it hurts. He knew his son well after all. I thought I knew did too...
You will never know him, you suddenly hear Odin's voice in your head, his eyes fixed on you—cold and calculating. No matter how many years you were to spend with my son, you would never be able to comprehend him...what he needs...what we expect of him as a Prince. He is to marry someone of noble blood...have children that are worthy of our great name...and that is not with you. Go back to Midgard where you belong girl...and leave my son to get on with his life.
Tears are already streaming down your face before Odin finishes, but you glare at him anyway, wishing beyond anything that you had a fraction of the power to hurt him back as much as he's hurting you. But you don't...and you can't. "Loki?" you croak, bereft suddenly.
But Loki doesn't move. Doesn't even look at you.
And out of everything that's happened in the past week, it's this that makes your heart shatter.
Leave my halls, girl, Odin booms inside your head. Go to the Bifrost. To Heimdall. He will return you home...and you will not think about my son in this manner again.
***
Your feet can't carry you quickly enough; colours blurring from the tears streaming down your face. Inside your chest, your heart is in a thousand pieces, blown outwards and impaling all the surrounding organs—including your lungs. In the gardens, you crash to a stop, clutching your stomach and trying to breathe. But it's impossible. Loki is your air. Without him, what are you supposed to do?
Sobbing, you look over your shoulder at the palace. Before today, when you'd looked at the beautiful gold turrets, the way the building pierced the night sky like a star itself, you'd done so with awe. But now, you can't see it as anything other than it is—a cruel and unfeeling metallic shell.
And Loki had chosen to stay. That part was the most confusing out of all of this. Even Sif had said he hated it here. But that'd been before his magic was called into question. Did that trump everything? Including our love?
With a rolling burst of anger, you turn away from the palace, letting your feet pull you onwards to where Odin had instructed you to go. Loki hadn't even turned to speak to you. Hadn't even watched you leave...nor said goodbye. He'd been as cold and unfeeling as the gold shell he was standing in. And you'd wanted to hate him.
I still want to hate him.
But your heart is hurting too much to pick apart the tangled emotions right now. You need to go home.
***
"This is for the best."
Loki can't even move when his mother places a gentle hand on his forearm. Doesn't even blink when she leaves. Odin had left a long time ago, but he hadn't even noticed.
All he knows is the absence of your presence. And the gravity of that.
The shame.
Everything that people had said to him...all that Thor had taunted him growing up. It's all true. He's a coward. Weak. Destined to fail.
And for what? His magic? His place in Asgard? It's a position that hadn't been his to begin with. He'd lucked upon it, as he did with most things.
As he had with you.
Loki winces as tears sting his eyes, his hands trembling at his sides.
Yesterday, if anyone had asked if he could've felt worse than he already did without you by his side, he would have said no. But this...this was beyond anything he thought he'd ever experience in his life. The cutting guilt of just standing there. The mind-numbing void of you...eating away at him...leaving a cavity as big as Midgard inside his chest.
I didn't fight for her...I've ruined everything...
Loki looks down at his shaking hands. What use is his life in Asgard? Had he really made a difference to anyone? Everything I do brings pain...anguish. Loki scrunches his eyes shut. I constantly disappoint them...
The only person that had loved him...made him feel like a good man...was you.
And he'd failed you.
"Y/N..." Loki croaks, his voice echoing in the empty space of the throne room. Raising his head, he glares at the two golden chairs before him...and what they represent. He would never sit in them. Not officially. And since meeting you, Loki wasn't sure anymore that he even wanted to. His entire perspective had shifted. Now, all he sees is you.
Then why did I do nothing?
"Loki?"
The voice startles him, and he turns to see his brother standing there in the vaulted doorway. "Thor? What are you doing here? Have you come to gloat?"
Thor frowns. "Gloat?"
"Yes...now that I've lost basically everything important to me."
The God of Thunder takes a deep breath and steps inside, and Loki notices that he's dressed casually. His clothes could even be Midgardian. "Have you actually lost everything?"
"Of course, I have," Loki spits before starting to pace. "It's not like I'd expect you to understand that concept."
For a moment, Thor watches him steadily before folding his arms. "Let me guess...Father said no to your union with the mortal girl. Told you that he would strip you of your title...your gifts...?"
Loki scoffs. "So...Mother told you then."
"No." Thor sighs, looking down at the floor. "He said the same thing to me...with Jane."
Loki can only stare at his brother, the cogs whirring in his head. Odin had given Thor the same ultimatum...and yet, here he stood... "You picked Asgard..." Loki whispers, astonished.
"I did," his brother answers grimly, the look on his face more serious than Loki had ever seen. "And if I were to have the option presented to me again...I would choose differently."
Loki can barely believe what he's hearing. Thor wouldn't choose Asgard if he had the option again. He would pick Jane. "But you...you're going to be King..."
"I know that," Thor answers gruffly. "Sometimes it takes pain to show you what you really want."
"Why don't you just go to her now then?"
"She's moved on with someone new," Thor sighs, glancing up at the ornate ceiling. "I no longer plague her thoughts...but I don't have that luxury. I suppose I will do what Father wants and marry a noblewoman...or a shieldmaiden..."
Loki steps closer to his brother, feeling closer to him in this moment than he'd ever felt in his life. "Sif loves you. You do know that, right?"
"I know," he answers quietly. "And I care for her. Out of all the women on Asgard, it would be her I would choose to be with. But still...I can't help regretting my choice." Suddenly the look on his face intensifies, fixing Loki to the spot. "Go to her, brother. To Y/N. She is what you want...what you need."
Loki shakes his head, his voice breaking. "You know what Father threatened to do...my magic is a part of who I am..."
Thor reaches out and drops a paw of a hand to Loki's shoulder, shaking him slightly. "Exactly...! It's who you are. Father can make his threats, but it was Mother who taught you what you know. That magic is inside you. It is not his to take. And titles and lands don't matter when you've found the person you're meant to be with. Go to Y/N."
After a moment, Loki takes a deep breath before looking up at his brother. And for the first time since Loki can remember, they share a smile. A bridge built over turbulent waters.
Thor nods and says again, "Go to her...enjoy your life..."
And Loki squeezes his brother's hand, silently thanking him, before rushing out of the throne room.