Desperately trying to rid his thoughts of the new boy and instead trying to fill it with chemistry, Shinji was struggling. The past 30 minutes had dragged on and on, unrelenting. Misato had gone astray from the lesson talking about the chemical miracles in our everyday lives.
Class, which was already tiring, became even worse. Shinji tilted his head, tuning out Misato's garbling, and looked out the window. The sky was dull and gray, the leaves all sorts of warm colors, providing a nice contrast.
The gray cloud cover was a nice backdrop to the cheerful, saturated colors. They go well together, Shinji thought wistfully, just like how maybe me and -
No. He shook his head in frustration, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to blank his mind. Stop thinking about him. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it -
Shinji opened his eyes to the whole class staring at him, Kaworu included.
He had a look of curiosity on his face. Once they made eye contact, Kaworu looked as though he was trying to suppress a smile.
Shinji's horror must have been apparent, because the whole class laughed. He flushed red and looked bashfully up at Misato. "Shinji, as I was trying to ask you, what are ionic bonds?"
Being put on the spot, naturally, Shinji's brain ceased to function as usual. "Um," he muttered. "I don't know."
Misato sighed in exasperation and looked around the class, her lips pursed in disappointment. Shinji felt ashamed. "Does anyone want to help him out?" Misato asked.
A pale hand rose in the air, belonging to none other than Kaworu Nagisa. "Aren't ionic bonds magnetic? Like an attraction," he looked behind him to Shinji's flushed face. "Between positive and negative ions?" he asked, unsure of his answer.
He was still staring. "Good job, Nagisa," Misato crooned. He seemed to have realized he was staring and hurriedly looked to the front of the classroom. The dismissal bell rang, and Shinji began to stare off into space, his face still uncomfortably heated.
This heat began to turn into anger inside Shinji's heart. That Kaworu boy was making fun of me, wasn't he? I, of all people, considering who my father is, should know the answer. I should already know everything in this damn class. So what's the deal?! Why did that stupid silver hair have to show me up, huh?! Why did he have to make me look bad? Why did -
Shinji's angry thoughts were interrupted by a tap on his desk. Purple-haired Misato was looking at him, a little exhausted. "Shinji, what's up with you today?"
"I don't know, but please don't tell my dad . . ." Shinji started, growing nervous.
"Hey, no, I won't. Don't worry," she put her hand on top of his head, gently mussing his hair. "Just wanted to make sure you're doing okay."
She walked out of the classroom and Shinji realized everyone had left. His notebook and pens were still out on his desk, while the halls were beginning to empty.
He gathered his things, accidentally rolling a pen off with a clatter to the ground. Shinji stared at it for a moment before hot tears began to spring up on him. What the hell . . . he thought to himself, wiping his eyes with his wrist. When he bent to pick up the pen, he touched the same warm, comforting hand he had earlier. He jumped.
Kaworu was crouched down, one of his knees on the ground, holding the pencil up to Shinji's hand. "Here," he smiled.
Shinji realized Kaworu could probably see his swelling eyes and overall redness. He grabbed his bag and snatched the pen from Kaworu's hand, careful not to touch him. "Thanks," he muttered without looking back, extremely embarrassed. He left the classroom quickly, trying to make his way to the bathroom to calm down.
When he powerwalked into the boys' bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror, he felt a new wave of embarrassment. His hair wasn't framing his face right, his eyes were red, and his lips looked and felt dry. He gripped the sides of the sink, looking into his own eyes, and began to hold back sobs.
Today was not my day, he thought sadly.
It all came back to Kaworu. Asuka and Rei being drawn to him, him answering the question perfectly, him distracting Shinji so that he couldn't focus, all of it was his fault. Right . . ?
Shinji immediately sobered when he heard footsteps coming onto the marble tile of the bathroom. He looked over - and, speak of the devil - there was Kaworu.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked gently, taking a step towards Shinji. "You seemed kind of off earlier."
Shinji hardened his gaze. "I'm fine," he said, walking past Kaworu, bumping his shoulder and promptly exiting the building.
If you don't let anyone new in, you can't get hurt. Right?
The next few days were overall uneventful. The same as usual.
An abrupt wake-up from Asuka, seeing a glimpse of Gendou before school (not talking to him, of course), a chilly walk to school, and sitting down to see Kaworu surrounded by people.
As usual.
Kaworu got a confession from at least one girl a day. They tried to give him homemade cookies, cards, and gifts, but he sweetly turned them all down, telling them that they could be friends. Shinji would only watch, bored but jealous, as it all went down.
Every time Kaworu would try and talk to Shinji, he would shut him down and leave the situation.
Shinji's train of thought?
He was clearly jealous of this new boy, feeling utterly inferior to his looks, charms, and personality. He had nothing to even compare to Kaworu and felt terrible because of it.
Though, a problem arose with this solution. Shinji still felt some sort of affection for Kaworu, deep inside his psyche. How, why, or when, he did not know. He didn't know if he wanted to be Kaworu or be with him.
All he knew was that Kaworu was familiar. His wide smile, his happy eyes, his silver hair, and his scars. He knew Kaworu from somewhere.
Instead of confronting this, Shinji (being Shinji) decided to avoid Kaworu.
After many attempts of trying to talk to Shinji, Kaworu eventually gave up trying to approach him, and their only forms of contact were Kaworu's sad gazes from across the classroom. Shinji felt bad about it, but not bad enough to want to talk to Kaworu and end up possibly harming himself.
Because Asuka had to stay after school and get tutored, Rei and Shinji would often walk home together.
"What's up with you and Kaworu?" Rei asked on their way home.
Shinji stayed silent for a few seconds. "What do you mean?"
Rei looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "Seriously Shinji, you don't know?" She brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "All he talks about is wanting to be friends with you. He's so sweet, but you won't even give him a chance. Why?"
Shinji thought about this. Someone wanted to be friends with him?
"I don't know. I get jealous, you know that . . . and seeing him immediately get so many friends and so many confessions just made me feel awful."
Rei nodded thoughtfully. "I get that," she mumbled. "But maybe give him a chance. Maybe he can help you?"
"Help me with what?" Shinji asked flatly.
"I don't know, maybe tutoring, if you're struggling. Or he could introduce you to people, or . . ." Rei went on and on about the things that Kaworu had that Shinji didn't.
Shinji tuned out of Rei's ramblings and thought about it for a minute. He was mistrustful. Why would someone want to befriend him? Someone as plain, boring, and negative as Shinji.
"Doesn't he seem familiar, though?" Rei asked, snapping Shinji out of his trance.
"Now that you say it, yeah," Shinji replied, looking into the gray sky. "I don't know. He just seems like we were friends before, but I've never met him."
"I get the same feeling. It's weird, isn't it?" Rei grimly smiled. "Anyways, I think you should talk to him. Get to know him. Then, and only then, you can decide what you want to do with him, whether it's avoid him, trust him, or do nothing."
Rei was right. Rei was always right.
"Okay, you little punks! Since I can't tell if you all are understanding the properties of water well enough, I'm going to assign a group project - oops, pair project. You can choose your partners," Misato looked at Shinji with a friendly glare. "But don't make me regret it."
She continued. "I need you all to find a way to test each of the properties of water and take pictures and do a writeup of each. It's due by next Friday! You have a week," Misato playfully plugged her ears to drown out the groans of the class.
This would be easy. The project would be, anyway.
Shinji thought about what Rei had said yesterday. He looked at the back of Kaworu's silver head and made up his mind. Today, he would be brave. Today, he would be strong. Today, he would not be a coward.
Kaworu turned his head slightly to look at Shinji, but when he noticed Shinji was already staring, he quickly looked away.
Shinji quietly stood up in the ruckus of students trying to get their friends to be their partner and made his way over to Kaworu's desk. He saw that Rei and Asuka were paired, Toji and Kensuke were paired, and Kaworu had a plethora of pining girls asking him to be their partner.
"Kaworu," Shinji said quietly.
He whipped around, surprised.
"Want to be partners?" Shinji asked simply, his face hiding his pounding heart. He tried not to show his sweaty palms, or his shaking legs.
The most heartwarming smile came across Kaworu's face. His crimson eyes brightened what seemed 10 shades lighter as his grin grew. He sighed, flicking his bangs to the side with his delicate fingers so he could look up at Shinji. He nodded, "I've been waiting for you to ask," he said playfully, all tension between them suddenly gone. All of the girls, obviously disappointed, left.
"When do we start?" Shinji asked, wringing his hands behind his back.
"How about after school?"
Oh, boy.
Rei, what did you get me into . . ?