Lilia decided to leave the track after had somewhat cleared the air with Max. After all, she was supposed to be resting. But naturally, she still used her computer to keep an eye on the testing session. By the time she had made it back, the other drivers only been out on the track for a few minutes.
"Lilia Aleksandra is one of the drivers who will not be participating in today's testing session after reports of sickness yesterday." Crofty said.
"Yes, Crofty, there seems to be a bit of a sickness bug going around the paddock recently doesn't there?" Martin replied.
"I believe so. Keep that mask on Ted!" Crofty said and laughed.
"So, Max Verstappen was ruled out of testing yesterday to a mechanical issue before the session even started, I believe. Hopefully we get to see the two red bull drivers on track at the same time. It would be, obviously, beneficial for the team." Martin said.
"Yes, absolutely. I would say it was a bit of a disappointing day for the team and Lilia yesterday, so they will definitely be hoping there isn't too many issues for Max today." Crofty replied.
Lilia rolled her eyes and silenced the volume.
She hated listening to other people talk about her. But at the same time, she needed to hear it; then she could do better. It's kind of like a toxic relationship. It's not good for her, but she can't ever stop. This time, though, she did. Her mood was far too down to bother focusing on every minuscule detail about herself and trying to perfect it.
She took a look at her phone that sat in the same place she left it last night, and then she went to pick it up.
She went into her messages and clicked on 'Mum ❤️'
'I'm an idiot, and I don't know what to do. I just wish I could tell you everything.' She typed.
It was just something Lilia did after her mother's death. She only got the number from snooping in her fathers phone. She didn't yet have a phone when her mother passed away- she was too young, but he always kept the number saved, so she added it to her contacts and whenever she felt low, she would message her with all of her problems. There would never be a response, of course. She knew that. It just helped to make her feel a little better.
'I know you'd say I'm not an idiot but I really am. I think I love this boy. But I don't know. Can you really call it love? It's the stupidest thing I could ever do because I don't even really know him that well. We kissed once and now I'm attached. I can't stop thinking about him. What would you tell me to do?'
She sighed deeply and put her phone to the side.
Then she heard the noise. A notification.
A text notification..
Her stomach did a backflip. A haunting fear, and also a great longing, shot through her body. But that's not possible- surely it's just a coincidence.
She snatched her phone back and saw the reply.
'Sorry, I think you have the wrong number. Who is this?'
Her heart sunk, even if it was impossible for it to really be her mother. She figured the number must've been given to someone else.
'Oh I'm sorry. This was my mum's old phone number. Sorry about that, I'll delete the number.'
'It's okay. I'm sorry- I'm assuming she passed away?'
'Yeah, she did.'
'I'm really sorry to hear that. Can I just say that I think she would've wanted you to do what is best for you. Think about what you want. If you really love this boy, you should go for it :)'
Lilia smiled at her phone.
'Well, thanks, but really it is stupid. We haven't properly spoke since we were kids, he just kissed me when he was drunk and said some nice things. I'm just lonely, I think, haha. Thank you though.'
'No problem.'
'By the way, keep the number if you want. I understand what it means to you.'
'Thank you.'
She put her phone down again, feeling a rush of emotion flow through her body.
No words in this world could describe how much she missed her mother.
'She would've wanted you to do what is best for you.'
But, the truth was, Lilia didn't know what was best for her. Did she really love him? To be in love with someone within such a tiny time frame didn't seem possible to her. She really did want to open up; to let Max in, and get to know him.. but her brain just wouldn't allow it. Every single time she got close, she stopped herself. And especially now, after Max told her what his father said, her brain just took that and ran with it; used it as another reason to push him away. There was only negatives in her mind, now. She closed the laptop, knowing that she just needs to switch off from all of this and try and find a calm state of mind instead.
The next morning, Lilia woke up feeling rejuvenated; prepared and motivated for the testing session, and she decided that to keep her mind clear she should try and steer clear of Max that morning. She still didn't know exactly what to do, but she figured that perhaps just being friends would be the best solution considering Max's father was so disapproving, and Lilia knew her own father would be, too. And what's more, there was Kelly. Lilia didn't know her at all- they've never even spoken- and getting involved with another woman's boyfriend wasn't in her nature.
So, she got changed into a new colourful tracksuit: it was purple and blue, as advised by the fashion guru of the paddock, Lewis Hamilton, and headed to the track.
***
She drove carefully by a group of fans who were outside the track, waving and smiling at them. For once, she actually managed to sign some caps without the chaos. Because this wasn't an actually race day, there were way less people. Usually it was like a swarm of bees to a hive.
"Hey." Her teammate said as he appeared next to her, signing one of the fans shirts.
"Hi." She said.
After all of the taking pictures and giving autographs, they went to the garage.
".. How are you?" Max asked her as they walked.
"I'm fine. You?" She asked.
"Yeah, I'm good." He said with a smile. "I'm only asking because I thought you seemed a bit off yesterday." He added.
"Oh. Really? Sorry.. I wasn't feeling too well.. but I'm fine, honestly." She half lied to him.
"Oh right, well you better not give me any sickness bugs." He said, laughing softly.
She smiled. "Hm.. If you annoy me I'll cough on you." She said.
"You wouldn't.." He said.
She raised her eyebrows at him and pretended that she was about cough. He covered his face and turned his head away, laughing.
"God, you nearly made me give myself whiplash." He said.
"It's just part of my plan. You can't race with whiplash." She said.
"Wow.. Pure evil." He said.
They arrived at the garage giggling between each other, but then all fell silent as they were both greeted by the sight of their fathers talking with each other a few feet away. They exchanged a knowing look and separated themselves; acted as if they hadn't even acknowledged each other.
"Dad?" Lilia said, walking closer.
"Hi Lili." He said, smiling, as if he never sent those awful text messages just the other night. He looked well, too.
"You tested negative?" She asked.
"Yes, just last night. I booked the flight over here as soon as I knew." He said.
She smiled half heartedly. "Well.. I need to go prepare for the session." She said.
"Okay, I'll see you after." He said.
"Yeah.." she said, walking away quickly to her driver room.
Just a few seconds after she closed the door behind her, there was a knock.
"Who is it?" She asked.
"Me." Her teammate said.
She opened the door to Max. "I don't know who 'me' is, but luckily I can recognise your squeaky voice." She said.
"It's not squeaky!" He said.
"It really is." She said.
"Whatever. I just came to see if you were alright." He said.
"Didn't I already say I was fine?" She said.
"You're always fine." He said.
"Yeah? Maybe that's because I just am. Why do you sound like some kind of therapist right now?" She said.
"Lilia, I know about your dad."
"And I know about yours."
He bit his cheek. "Yeah,.. you got me there." He said.
Lilia gestured for Max to come inside, and then shut the door behind them.
"I just don't want him here." She said, sitting down.
"He puts so much pressure on me and makes me feel shitty and it affects my performance in the car."
Max nodded. "I learnt to just tune my dad out." He said.
"I just can't though, Max.. I can't do it." She said. He sat next to her.
Then came the tears. "I just get too overwhelmed. I know I'm supposed to be strong.. it's part of being in this sport but I'm a human too.." she said.
He put his arm around her and pulled her into a hug. He knew that she didn't want him to say anything, but she just wanted someone who was there for her. The guilt of not telling Lilia about his fathers engagement plans was eating him up, but he couldn't tell her. Not while she was in this state. There was no time. Jos had it all planned to upload the Instagram pictures that night. Then, no doubt the media would pick it up instantly. He would have no time to tell her- and then she would feel so betrayed. That was the last thing Max wanted, or needed.
"Sorry." She said, her head still rested on his shoulder.
"Please, don't apologise." He said as he kissed the top of her head. It was an action that caused her to feel the butterflies in her stomach, and a slight smile appear on her face.
"We've only got 45 minutes before the session starts, you should probably go." She said, and he agreed.
As Max lifted himself up off the floor, he held out one hand for Lilia to use in aid of standing up herself, and then he reminded her: "Ignore him the best that you can. Focus on yourself, and how you feel in the car, and don't criticise yourself if something doesn't work out straight away. Everything is a learning curve. Plus, I'd like to see your dad get in that cockpit and even be able to make it out of the garage." He said.
"I'll try my best." She said, laughing softly. Max was always able to make her feel better.
"Thank you, Max."
"No problem." He smiled at her, and squeezed her arm supportively. Saying goodbye, he turned to the door and left the room. Once he was outside, he gave a heavy sigh. He didn't expect to fall so easily for someone, let alone his rookie teammate.
***
'Verstappen sets blistering benchmark to go top on final day of 2022 pre-season testing' The headlines read as articles are already being published. It caused Lilia anger. Not towards Max, but herself. And perhaps her team. She was in that same position, yet ended up finishing P7 overall because her team wished to test other setups. She understood that experimenting was important, but if she had felt something worked for her- why change it? Now there's going to be an easy target for everyone to create a conversation that she's simply not as good as Max.
The positive from today was that she had some confidence in her car and her ability. For now. She knew that her father wouldn't understand. Even if she tried to explain the team's reasoning, he wouldn't care to listen. She really did try her hardest, and all she would get was criticism now that he was here.
Moments after she got back to the garage and out of the car, her father came to her.
"Well it was good until you decided to stop leading." He said.
"I didn't decide." She said.
"Well then you didn't try hard enough." He said.
"I tried as hard as I could but this is testing and there's always flaws. They have to test set ups, too-"
"Don't argue back with me, Lilia." He said sternly.
She bit her tongue, her body filling with rage. All she wanted to do was scream at him and tell him straight.
"I just hope you're not as disappointing in a weeks time during the real race." He said. She stayed silent, staring at him, and as she felt that ache rise in her throat, she walked away, back to the drivers rooms again, but this time she didn't go into her own, she went to Max's.
As she sat on the floor, her head in her hands, she began to sob desperately. In a few minutes time, the door opened; Max had returned. He got to the floor within a millisecond of seeing her.
"Lilia.." He said, touching her arm gently.
"Hey.. what the hell happened?" He asked, noticing how distressed she was; her wide eyes- like a dear in headlights. She opened her mouth to speak but couldn't get anything out.
"Lili.. please tell me what's wrong." He said softly.
"..Why do you care, Max?" She snapped back at him, tensing up.
"Lilia you came into my drivers room, you know I care." He said.
"You don't care- just leave me alone, Max." She said.
"Of course I care. You know I do. You're going into defence mode and I know that because you wouldn't have come in here just to tell me to go away. I want to help you, because I'm not just going to leave you here on your own. You look like you've seen a ghost." He says.
She looked at him, her eyes filled with tears.
'Trust him. You can Trust him.' She told herself.
"Tell me what's wrong. And.. you can yell at me if it helps?" He offered.
"Okay." She said, and they both agreed to take it away from the track. They managed to leave without raising suspicion, staying far apart as they returned to their respective cars and driving off. No one would know they were driving to the same location of the hotel Max was staying in, and even if they did, they wouldn't question it since it could just be red bulls arrangement.
***
"He just did the usual. Made me feel worthless and stupid. Let me know that I'm just a disappointment in his eyes." She said.
"You know that isn't true." He said.
"I do.." She said.
"It just hurts a lot coming from someone who is supposed to love and support you?" He said.
"Exactly." She said
Max sat back on his bed and offered Lilia the space by his side, to which she took.
She laid her head on his chest, and then he started to play with her hair, delicately plaiting a section which made her smile.
"Are you.. plaiting my hair?" She asked.
"Yeah.. sorry- is that weird?" He said.
"No, no. It's cute.. keep doing it." She said.
"Okay." He said, and although she wasn't directly looking at him, she knew he was grinning.
"I used to do my sisters hair before my parents properly split up." He said.
"She wanted my mum to do it but she was.. always having to deal with my dad.. so Vic came to me and I taught myself ways to do her hair."
Lilia placed her hand on Max's arm comfortingly; just letting him know she was there for him. "That's really sweet of you.."
Max breathed deeply. "Leaving them behind was the hardest thing I've done." He said.
"I know.." Lilia said, using her thumb to stroke his arm.
"I just.. I know I had to for my career but.. my mum was my biggest true supporter.. even when I wasn't winning.. she cheered me on. And Vic.. she had no idea why I had to go. She didn't understand back then- I just hate she had to witness all of that." He said, and she squeezed his hand. It made her feel comforted knowing that she could share her issues with someone and encourage him to do the same.
"None of it was your fault, you know that right?" She said.
"Yeah.." He said.
"Good. Your mum and Vic love you so much Max. And you are just as much of a victim of that horrible situation as them. None of you should've had to go through it.. and I'm so sorry that all of you did." She said.
She sat up. "And I'm sorry for snapping earlier. It was just self defence."
"It's okay." He said, smiling at her.
They were so close to each other again, and it felt so normal. Max's lips hovered over hers for a moment before he pulled himself away.
"I just.. We can't keep doing this, Lilia." He said.
"I know."
"There's nobody here, granted. But if I kiss you now I won't be able to stop. And then I'll think about you, and want to kiss you all the time, all while I have to ignore your existence in front of everyone else.." He said.
She gave a sad smile. "Do you think we could ever change your dad's mind?" She said.
She shook his head. "Probably not.. he's already got his mind set on.. what he wants." He said. He brushed his hand against her cheek.
What Jos wanted was an easy relationship to make his son more marketable, as if he was some kind of business product. He also thought that real love would be a distraction to Max's career, so making an agreement with Nelson Piquet - one of Jos' friends and Kelly's father - was an easy solution.
She started to tense up a bit now, looking around. "Shouldn't you go back to your girlfriend and say these things to her, Max?"
"Girlfriend? What girlfriend?" He said
"Kelly."She said.
"Ohhh, Kelly! No no, it's all fakeeee we aren't even dating!" He said, laughing.
"Sure.." she said, not believing him whatsoever.
"I wish I didn't have to do it." He said, nudging closer to Lilia.
'You have to tell her now. She'll never forgive you if you don't. Tell her. ' He said to himself.
"Lilia.." He said.
"Yeah?" She said.
"I have to tell you this now. I wanted to say it yesterday.. and I completely understand if you hate me- you can scream at me all you want.. and I just want to say I'm sorry.." He said.
Concern grew on her face. "What is it..?" She said.
He took a deep breath. "I'm going to have to get engaged to Kelly." He said.
Her mouth dropped open slightly. "Oh.. wow.." she said.
"My dad has everything planned out. In fact .." He checked his watch. "if you open Instagram now there will be a post on my account announcing it." He said. Lilia picked up her phone; unlocked it and opened Instagram. Sure enough, it was right there. A huge diamond ring stared back at her. A ring on the hand of Kelly Piquet, entwined with Max's hand which also sported an equally beautiful ring.
"I don't want you to hate me.. or not trust me. You have to understand the situation-'
"I do already understand Max, don't worry. Doesn't mean I'm completely okay with it, because I'm assuming that she doesn't know about us being together right now." She said. Max shook his head.
"I did tell her about our kiss. The thing is, it's just what we have to do. Now, I'll admit that Kelly used to see it as something real between us two.. but over time she understood the situation, and now she see's her ex in secret all the time. We're just sort of.. friends, I guess." He said.
"I don't know what to do. I don't want to go ahead with this marriage, and she doesn't either. It restricts both of our freedom." Max said.
"... I don't know, either." Lilia said. They were both fairly clueless of how they were supposed to handle something so much bigger than either of them.