Warning(s):
Explicit language
My hand grasps a hold of his as he helps me out of the car, shutting the door behind us and clearing his throat as we approach the overlook of the bright city.
"So, this was the big surprise?" I ask him in a teasing tone, smiling, and he shrugs.
"We haven't been up here together since that time I was trying to get in your pants a third time and you weren't giving me the time of day...I figured what better time than to revisit it." He chuckles, given our circumstance, and I push at his shoulder.
"I wouldn't give you the time of day back then because you were Devil-Spawn." I retort.
"No, you were a prude and were trying to repent, or whatever it was." He replies, and I open my mouth to argue, but I can't because it's true.
"Well, we got married so it doesn't matter, now." I suppose. "And you're not gonna have me bent over the hood of the car this time, so toss out whatever agenda you have." I add, laughing.
"If anyone's trying to get on the other, it's you." He furrows his brows.
"Oh, really, how so?"
"'Why won't you kiss me?'"
"That was an actual question." I say. "And I shouldn't get punished just because you can't control yourself."
"I'm not punishing you. I'm trying to be respectful since I really wasn't when we dated the first time." He brushes off my comment with a sincerity in my voice, and I look at him.
"You were respectful." I assure him and his eyes bug.
"Vivian, I was an asshole, are you serious?" He questions, and I try to think back to when we first started dating, and can't think of any time in particular that he was a blatant asshole to me.
All of that started when he got into smack once we married.
Maybe I was just that blinded by my obsession with him.
"Well...I was a prude bitch for awhile when we got together, so..." I try to make him feel better.
"...Yeah, you were just a little bit." He agrees with a grin before I'm asking:
"What do you think it was that attracted us to each other? Aside from the obvious sex-crazed bad boy and sexually supressed goody-goody bullshit." I ask, waiting for his response, and he thinks for a second before starting.
"I wanted you and felt like I couldn't have you, and I don't like wanting something and being told it can't happen because of something dumb like you being like Tommy's second sister and loving the Lord." I can tell he resists the urge to roll his eyes at the latter, but he manages to say it with a semi-straight face. "But then I realized we had more in common than I thought but still had enough not in common that it wasn't completely boring and monotonous." He explains. "What about you?"
"I was bored and you were fun." I reply, jokingly, before saying, "You were cute, and got me out of my bubble, and you were my first big decision I made for myself that didn't have any dictation on whether my mom would approve or not – you helped me not give a fuck about that stuff." I add, seriously.
"Have you even talked to your mom since you had Monroe?" He asks next, curiously, and I take in a breath and exhale.
"No, screw her." I say it as tough as I can but I feel my throat twitch with the uncomfortable lump that forms just thinking about her. "I don't really care as long as she's nice to my son, and Dad says she's, like, head over heels for him...so..." I shrug, reaching down to wipe a smudge of dust from the strap of my heel. "At least she's finally proud of something I had a hand in doing."
It's odd to think it's been six years since she and I have spoken.
"What about Deana?" I ask him without another thought.
He just shakes his head as if it's not even worth talking about.
"Just two less people we have to worry about at our wedding...again." I try to lighten the mood, smiling at him and he gives me a tiny grin.
"Yeah, same old same old." He agrees.
"Speaking of that, we should probably start planning that." I raise my brows.
"What much is there to plan? It's just a repeat." He asks and I can tell by the look on his face that the look on my face is concerning him. "...It is just a repeat, right?"
"Ohh, no, no, no," I shake my head. "'We'll do what we can, now, and then when I'm making more money we'll go all out,'" I quote him from years back and he winces.
"I did say that, didn't I?"
"Yeah, you sure did." I confirm and he sighs. "Think of it as a late Valentine's Day gift since I don't get one tonight."
"Okay, how much money am I gonna be shelling out for this thing?" He rubs his forehead.
"It's not like we're going to Hawaii or something." I assure him. "We'll just have to pick a day to get together and figure it out this week." I add with a shrug.
"Sounds good to me." He replies.
I hadn't realized that since he had gotten sober, he was also going to be picky about our second wedding. I didn't give it much thought because the first time he let me handle all the plans and specifics that we could afford and he just showed up to the church and that was that. But the second time around...
He and I are caught in a staring contest, seeing who's going to break first with the metaphorical fork we've hit in the road, notepad on the glass coffee table in front of me, pen between my fingers as he sits next to me with his elbow propped on the glass.
"I want to have it here in L.A., Nikki, in the same church."
"That's where we got married, though, Viv."
"That's kinda the point of a vow renewal." I pipe.
"Well, none of my family could make it so I want it in Idaho." He explains.
"That means all of my family that's coming are going to have to fly out there." I reply.
"Your dad's already agreed to officiate it wherever we have it, and your mom's not even going, that's all the family you've got." I don't think he means for it to come off as harsh as it does.
"Tommy, Vince, Sharise, Mick, Axl, Tansy, Izzy, Slash, Duff, our baby." I count them on my fingers. "Having baby on the plane will just — "
" — Be a breeze because by that point he'll already be a pro at flying since having flown back and forth plenty between staying with us and visiting his dad." He points out and I chew on the inside of my lip.
"Duff hates flying, Nikki, it freaks him out." I remind him.
"...Well, does your ex really even want to be there?"
"He's not just my ex, he's one of my best friends. It would be like not having Tommy there."
"Not really being that you've known Tommy for much longer and you two have never gone down on each other." He shrugs and I breathe out and close my eyes to collect my thoughts.
"Okay, at this point, Duff and I never happened. I created Monroe all by myself and a stork brought him here." I state.
"Look, I'm sure he wouldn't want to miss it, whether he's scared to fly or not and all of our friends can afford to fly out so he won't be on a plane by himself." He tells me. "I really wanna do this for Tom. He's been acting off since Nona's been gone."
Right at the heartstrings.
"Okay, we can have it in Idaho." I relent, and he sighs out with relief. "But what about our honeymoon?"
"You're gonna be in Canada for six months, that is the honeymoon." He jokes and I elbow him.
"Nikki, seriously."
"We won't have time for a full blown thing." He warns me.
"I just want a couple days without anyone else." I nod, knowing it won't be some extravagant vacation.
"There's a Motel 6 out there." He says with a shrug.
"A ratty Motel in the middle of Idaho? That's our honeymoon destination?"
"We've fucked in worse places." He reminds me and I think about it for a moment.
"You're right." I mark "motel 6" on the pad. "Food. What about food?" I ask next.
"I don't know, Viv."
"Well, what about cake?"
"Baby, can we please take a break? We've been going back and forth for almost an hour, I need a timeout." He falls back on the carpet, groaning, and I'm leaving the pen and notepad on the coffee table, crawling over to him.
"You brought all this up, remember? Wanting to be more involved?" I remind him.
"Yeah, yeah." He closes his eyes, scrunching his face up for a second. "I'm getting a headache." He adds.
My leg is swinging over his hips before I'm straddling him, deliberately sitting on his groin, my palms resting on his chest before I'm leaning forward.
"You're Satan." He tells me, painfully, as I kiss at his jaw.
"I am not. I'm just being affectionate." I reply.
"You're just being mean." He corrects me, raising his brows. "You're a cruel woman."
"You know my cruelty is only cruel the longer you hold out." I say, twisting my finger in a strand of his soft hair.
"I'm holding out to prove to you I can." He shoots back.
"Just put out already, Nikki, all the other boys are." I sarcastically joke, getting off of him, laying beside him as he chuckles, and I turn my face to look at him, my fingertips brushing along his cheek.
"I love you." It's his turn to twist a red strand around his finger as he says it.
"Just a tiny one?" I give my best attempt, not even having to explain what I'm talking about. "No tongue." I add, repeating what we established the first time we tried to kiss again back in December.
He doesn't make an elaborate build up when he pecks my lips, sticking to our pact, but it still has my head spinning and craving to chase after it when he pulls away and sits up.
"I gotta get back home..." He clears his throat as I stay on the floor, mouthing, "holy shit," to myself.
I don't know how he's acting so casually about what just happened.
"Okay, um, when are we leaving, again?"
"Saturday." He replies. "I'll probably stay here Friday night, if that's alright. That way it won't be a huge bustle for me to get across town and stuff."
"Yeah, no, that's fine." I nod, sitting up. "I'm gonna go check on Monroe." I add as he's grabbing his keys off the library table by my front door.
"I'll call you tonight, alright?" He calls as I head down the hallway.
"Alright..." I say, wanting to bang my head into the hallway, having to grasp ahold of it to keep myself up right. "...I love you." I add, having not said it earlier when he did.
"I love you, too."
I hear the door shut and I'm sliding down the wall, dramatically, but my legs feel like jelly.
"Holy shit." I say it out loud. "Holy shit."
I'm pulling myself up and going to the phone in the kitchen, plucking it from the hook and dialing a number.
"Hello?" Tommy's voice answers.
"Nikki just kissed me for the first time in, like, forever."
"...Umm...ew?"
"Tommy, you're supposed to squeal and jump up and down with me." I flatly inform him, leaning against the wall.
"I'm supposed to squeal at the fact that you two are one step closer to banging it out?"
"We're one step closer to how things were before everything went to crap." I remind him. "I thought you'd be happy about that."
"I am...it's just weird to hear you call me about it because you haven't talked to me about boys in, like..." He thinks for a moment, "...Well, never. Except that time you told me you like Ricky Wallon in tenth grade and I tried to get you two together."
"No, you kept harassing him about going out with me until he finally asked me to hangout and I threw up because you didn't give me a heads up he was even going to acknowledge me."
He's quiet for a second.
"Well, it worked out because he didn't play for your team, anyway, you were just gonna be his cover."
"Tommy — "
" — Which I honestly thought maybe you didn't play for his team."
"Tommy."
"Which would be fine. You could get any chick you wanted." He adds. "Tansy's into girls, too, there's nothing to — "
" — Tommy." I finally catch his attention.
"Yeah?"
"We're having our vows renewed in Idaho." I change the subject. "And I want you to walk me down the aisle again."
"What about Mr. K?"
"He's officiating it." I reply.
There's silence on the other end.
"Well, I'm not sure I need to do it again."
"What do you mean?" I furrow my brows.
"I mean...well, Viv, you know...I just don't feel like I need to since we're trying to work through our own stuff, too. I don't know it just won't be the same as it was before and I don't wanna mess with that."
"All our stuff is worked out, Tommy." I assure him. "If it wasn't I wouldn't have asked you about it. Besides, it's not even a big deal. You just walk with me. That's it."
"I don't know. It just feels off this time."
"There's nothing 'off' this time. Everything's gonna be perfect — down to you walking me down the aisle."
It's quiet again.
"We're not close like we were back then, Viv, it doesn't feel like you're mine to give away, again."
"You're not giving me away, Tommy, it's basically just walking without meaning to it other than handing me off to my husband for the sake of nostalgia and reiterating the importance of our renewed marriage."
More silence.
"Okay, who else would I have walk with me, if not you?" I question.
"Vince?"
"No."
"Mick."
"We don't even know if Mick will go. He told us it was a waste of money to renew our vows, anyway."
"Okay, then why not Duff?"
I laugh.
"Seriously, Tommy, who else?"
"It makes sense. He had you for a while, now he's giving you back."
"I appreciate the sentiment, I really do, but I'm a bride. Not a rental car." I point out.
"Look, just talk to him about it. I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem with it."
"No, but Nikki might." I mumble back. "You know, since he's my ex-boyfriend and all."
"Sixx doesn't have any room have a problem with it since he called Vanity earlier this week."
I feel like I've been hit by lightning.
"...He did what?"
"...Y-you didn't know about that?" He cautiously asks.
To avoid sending him into a panic, I clear my throat and reply, "Oh, oh, yeah, never mind. He told me. I must've forgot."
"I told him not to, Viv. But he didn't listen. Apparently that shrink that put him on his anxiety medicine said something about him needing to make amends with relationships he feels he should let go before he starts on this new chapter of his life with our first sober album and new and improved Mötley." He says. "Well, not make amends, more so get some closure."
"Hmm." I scoff. "I gotta go, Monroe's about to wake up."
"Alright, b — "
I hang up and let out a heavy breath.