It took me a good while to even process the meaning of those words.. My conclusion?
He.. Knows me??? But doesn't??? But does???
I'm so confused!
*deep breaths*
'Just.. Who is he?'
Silence filled the room for a good few moments.
Then, I decided to open my mouth and speak, since-
This silence was killing me!! Especially since I didn't really socialize with another human being for quite a long time.
"..You.. I- I need a moment to think alone.. I need to recollect myself.. And process this. Could we, talk about this.. Later?"
It came out as a quiet whisper.. And I stuttered-?!
Not at all how I wanted it to come out-!
WAHHHH
I wanted to sound confident- *sobs*
To my surprise, he heard me and listened to my opinion.. Respecting my decision?
He nodded firmly at me and stated.
"Of course. I'll be back later.. Rest up and don't overdo it."
Then.. He left.
Though I could've sworn I saw a slight smile..
Was it just my imagination??
Without noticing it, the sun was down and gone.
Long gone.
I was still sitting on the bed though, in the same position, staring out of the window and still in deep thought. While the sun disappeared and changed, I did not. While time passed and continued to move forward.. I did not.
I just, had so many questions.. So many speculations.. So many fears.. Insecurities..
Where to even start? I did not really know.
First of all, How long was I even sleeping for? Where exactly am I? Am I actually safe here? Will I be a danger to him? Is he a danger to me? Did I successfully escape?What will I do now?
I had no clue!! No clue at all!
Just, why did he take me in? Will he leave me now that I'm awake? What should I do from now on? Will I be mere baggage? A burden? Again..?
I didn't know anymore.. My mind was muddled. Quite frankly, it was a mess.
I just.. Didn't know anymore.. And I have no confidence in myself, whatsoever.
*creak*
Suddenly I heard a noise.
A door was opened?The door to the room in which I'm currently residing in.
That sound snapped me out of my thoughts and I turned my head in the direction of that sound.
'Is he back? Am I ready to face him? Do I even know what to say-???'
Such absurd thoughts flooded my mind.
I just.. Didn't know anymore. I'm overwhelmed..
Then, I heard it.
That voice.
His voice.
I don't know why..
But his voice calmed down all my anxiousness. All my insecurities..
My fears..
I really want to know.. just,
'Who are you?'
...
'Do I know you...?'
"I'm back.. Can I come in?" He calmly, yet hesitantly asked me. Seeking my permission.. And getting it.
"..Of course, please, come in." I hesitated to speak but did so in the end anyways.
I didn't want to reject him.. I didn't want to push him away..
For whatever reason that may be.
And so, he walked in and closed the door.
Instead of walking into 'my' room, he asked me from the doorway.
"Have you eaten yet? If not, shall I make something for you?"
...
*ba-dump*
'Has someone.. Ever asked me that?'
I didn't know.. Either we ate together or someone missed it, not eating at all.
For some reason..
My chest felt warm and I unconsciously smiled, while cheerfully answering him.
"Please.. I'd love that."
Either I was imaginating it or imaginating it..
Because, I could've sworn I heard a heavenly quiet chuckle.
It was music to my ears for some reason..
Then after that, I heard scurring noises and cooking noises.. He was making me food!!
I felt.. Happy at this moment.. Though at the same time, a dreadful feeling built up in my gut..
'This peace and happiness won't last.. Will it?'
Every time I felt happy.. That happiness quickly disappeared..As if reality was laughing at me, ridiculing me, spitting in my face and telling me my efforts were worthless..
Further proving that my eyes were proof, of my curse. That I was the cause of all the suffering happening around me.. Me. All on me..
'I'm scared.. I don't want that to happen.. Not again.'
Before I knew it, I buried my head in between my legs and was silently crying. Totally haven forgotten about the beauty.
However, at some point.. My nose picked up on a certain smell..It pulled me out of my depressing thoughts. Bringing me back to the current situation.. I quickly wiped my tears away and prepared for the meal.
A delicious scent. I don't know how it did it, but it successfully distracting me from my thought process.
My eyes shot up with anticipation and I unconsciously gulped.. Anticipation filling my eyes.
I didn't know it before but.. I was hungry.. My stomach- starting making noises!!
'Oh how embarrassing-!! What if he heard tha-'
As if reading my thoughts he stated with amusement lacing his voice.
"It seems you're quite hungry. Excuse my lateness."
AHHHHHHHHH
I swear- he'll make my heart stop one day!!
"So, you want it.. or not?"
...
"Of course I want it!!"
I couldn't help but to shout out due to fear of the food disappearing.
"Pfft-Bwhahaha-"
He- laughed???
...
Wait...
HE'S LAUGHING AT ME-!!
I was about to just take the food from his hands and push him out.. But.. I don't mind seeing him like this.. It made me.. Happy.
..Happy?
HAPPY???
I can't help but feel like that something's wrong with me.
Horribly wrong with me.. I keep acting so unlike myself around him.. Then again, I don't really know myself. All these feelings, are foreign to me.. Yet, they aren't to bad. I felt.. Contend?
Why am I like this? I've never acted like this.. Why.. Does this feel so, natural?
I honestly didn't want to care anymore at this point.. I didn't want to think about it.. I just wanted to laugh and be happy, so I decided to let go of my worries for now and.. Laugh.
Usually I'd be way more cautious.. And have my guard up, however all my resolve and believes seem to crumple in front of this man. I'm just.. Me. Simple me.
In front of him, I'm just another stranger, a normal person.
I feel so.. Relived.. so, Happy.
We both just smiled and enjoyed the peaceful quiet, before my stupid stomach- I mean, my wonderful stomach decided to interrupt and complained.
AHHHHHHHH
"Hand it over already!!" I couldn't help but to shout out in shame, while looking the other way with my hand held out in his direction.
I heard another chuckle and.. A mumbled?
"Ah.. I really can't with you.."
I didn't understand but.. He sounded, happy, relieved, yet.. Defeated..?
Before I could think any further into it, I noticed that something warm was placed in my hand.. And the smell was closer.
Quickly pushing all other thoughts aside, I looked at the food and.. It was the same as always-
'Why does he keep giving me the same food everyday-??'
I decided to ask him this question later and just enjoy the food, since.. It is delicious.
After I relished in my meal and finished it with satisfaction, I noticed that.. He didn't leave!!
"..."
"..."
'Talk damn it!'
I took a deep breath and tried to look at him 'fiercely', obviously failing miserably-
I know I can be slow at time but why do I keep embarrassing myself?!
I must really look like a weak ass puppy... Why can't I ever look threateningly?!
*sobs internally*
"Ah.. You really-"
He mumbled to himself, seemingly haven forgotten or just given up with the whole cold, indifferent mask facade thingy.
I took a sip of water and then took a deep breath, before deciding to ask him resolutely.
"I have.. Questions. Could you, answer them?"
...
He blinked at me pushed out a chair next to the bed on my right, before sitting down on it.
"Ask away." He stated. All the laughter and smiles gone, like an illusion. Replaced with his serious, stern expression.
I really had no plan and decided to just come as I go.. Like I always tend to do-
"How long was I.. Asleep?"
I decided to ask this first.. How much time.. Had actually passed?
"..Two full moons have occurred, since your slumber."
He seemed to struggle saying that.. Was he that concerned?
...
*Struggles to count*
'I've been unconscious for two months?!'
...
"What happened during that time..? Anything major?" I decided to ask in a round about way, so smart.
.
Doesn't he already know anywa-
Dumbass.
Shut up own self-!
"Well, there is a search warrant out for you. Chán Juān, the 'traitorous' or shall I say rebellious concubine."
Right.. When you become a concubine, your life belongs to the emperor.. You must never leave the palace without his consent and you must always please him.
And I, broke all of those rules.. If they find me..
Well, I'm as good as dead.
I bit my inner lip and couldn't help but want to leave.. I'm a danger to him.
A burden.. If they find me with him.. He'll be recognized as a traitor as well..
As a conspirator and he'll be killed.
Because of me.
Not again.. I won't let others die because of me again.. I'm sorry, but..
I have to leave you.
Maybe it was evident on my face or I was to quiet for to long.. But, I could've sworn I saw a glint in his eyes.
...
Moving on to the next question. Might as well enjoy these last few moments.
Yeah.. I'll do just that.
"Where are we currently?"
He paused for a moment and reluctantly answered.
"We're on the outskirts of the city, in a forest."
He didn't seem to be lying.. Yet, I felt like he wasn't telling me everything.. Or maybe I was just to nervous?
"Next question.. Who are you really? Do I.. Know you?" I honestly.. Really wanted to know. Please.. Tell me something.. Anything!
"..." He was quiet for quite some time, I couldn't help but to feel scared.
Scared that he won't tell me a thing.
"..I'm but a lonely traveler, searching for happiness.. As for your other question, well.. Yes, but no. We know each other, yet we don't. You could call it fate.. Life.. Is cruel."
I couldn't even grasps the meaning of half his words, yet I could understand that he wanted to stop talking now.. He looked.. Lonely.. So very lonely and hurt.
Without realizing it, I stood up from the bed and nearly fell down due to my numb legs, yet caught myself last second and.. Hugged him-
I don't know what came over me.. I just.. Wanted to hug him.. And whispered.
"I'm sorry.."
...
Silence was all I could hear.. Until I felt firm arms wrap themselves around my waist and hug me back tightly.. His shoulders.. Seemed, shaky?
Let's just stay like this for now.. I'll leave soon either way.. Might as well..
This wouldn't hurt anyone.. Now would it?
And like this, we hugged each other seemingly all night.
Keeping each other company and sorting out our own thoughts.
'I'm sorry.. Wait.. What was his name again-?'
-----------------------------------------------------------
LMAO I JUST NOTICED SHE DOESN''T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME YET-
*Ahem*
Thoughts so far?
Please tell meeeeee
Listen, if you confused moi understand. You'll understand in due time.
I know it's probably a little weird in the beginning.
Just, bear with me :D