Song for this chapter: Tolerate It - Taylor Swift
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January 1st, 1998
Despite my lack of sleep and my slight hangover, I wake up early the next morning. The first bit of morning light is slipping in through the cracks in my blinds and casting across my room and bed.
Theo's arm is draped across my waist and I can feel his steady breathing against my shoulder. I carefully roll onto my back and Theo doesn't even budge.
A sliver of light is casted across his face and his hair. I reach out and brush his hair out of his face. I ghost my fingers over the freckles on his face. I'm really looking at him. He's shirtless and the duvet is pooled just above his hips, and Theo's body is radiating warmth.
I go to touch his hair, which looks incredibly soft, but I pull my hand back before it comes in contact with his brown hair.
Everything clicks into place.
I like Theo Nott.
Oh, I am completely fucked.
I get out of bed, trying to be as quiet and as quick as possible. Theo's hand reaches out for me against the sheets but I'm already halfway across the room. I pull on pajama pants and a jumper, which is probably Theo's, and I head downstairs, closing my bedroom door softly behind me.
The house is still quiet since everyone was up late and we have a few hours until we have to leave for Kings Cross. I heard my mum come home around one, but Matthew didn't come home until almost two. I could hear him stumbling in the hallway and bump into the wall.
I go down the stairs in need of some tea. Maybe that will help me get my thoughts together because they are completely scattered right now.
I can't like Theo.
When I reach the kitchen, a single light is on and Matt is sitting at the breakfast nook with a cup of tea. He has a throw blanket on his legs and looks like he's still half asleep.
"I didn't think you'd be awake yet," I say.
"Same to you," Matthew replies. "I'm so hungover that I woke up half an hour ago and felt like I was going to die."
I stifle a laugh and get a mug from the cupboard. I put a tea bag in and pour the still hot water from the kettle on the stove. "I have Pepper-Up potion underneath my bathroom sink if you need some," I suggest.
"So do I, but it only did so much," Matt says.
I grab my cup of tea and go sit next to my brother in the breakfast nook. He shares his blanket with me and takes a sip of his tea.
"What time did you get home last night?" He asks.
I shrug, "A little after midnight. We weren't out late but we didn't go to bed until after two."
"I know, I could hear you and Theo giggling through the wall," Matthew teases.
"And I could hear you stumble your way in and crash into the wall," I reply.
Matt rolls his eyes and a smile tugs at the corner of his lips. I take a sip of tea and hold the warm mug in my cold hands.
"Why are you up early then?" Matt asks.
I sigh, debating whether or not to tell him. Part of me feels like I do need to tell someone.
"I like Theo," I say.
Matt laughs, "Well I would hope so, he is your boyfriend."
"That's the thing though," I mutter. My brother raises his eyebrows and I lower my voice even though there's no one else awake. "If I tell you something will you promise not to tell anymore. Like Unbreakable Vow promise?"
"Alex, I swear to Merlin if you're pregnant-"
"Bloody hell, I'm not," I cut him off.
Matthew takes a sip of his tea and waits for me to continue. I take one look at my younger brother and the words come tumbling out of my mouth.
"Theo and I aren't actually dating, it's fake, all of it," I explain. "His dad was going to force him into an arranged marriage if he didn't find someone on his own. So Theo and I started fake dating to buy him some time to find someone and to get his dad off his back. It's all a lie."
Matthew gaps at me for a few seconds and then he's frowning. "There's no way," He says. "The way that he looks at you-, that you look at him. That's not fake, Alex."
"That's because I fucked everything up and caught feelings for him, real ones," I sigh out, dropping my head into my hands. "I'm such an idiot. I have feelings for my best friend, who I'm pretending to be in love with, and it's all going to end because he's going to find a real girlfriend and he's going to marry her and they're going to have beautiful children-" I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. "I'm a fucking idiot."
"And how do you know that Theo doesn't feel the same way?" Matt asks.
I lift my head up and look at him, tears slipping down my cheeks. "I just do," I say. "I know Theo, he's my best friend. If he was in love, I think I would know."
Matthew doesn't say anything for a solid minute. "You never know how things will turn out. But he'll always be your best friend."
"I'm not sure about that," I say. "I think we've crossed too many lines to go back to the way that things were before this whole situation." The realization of this causes more tears to fall down my face and I feel incredibly pathetic crying over a boy.
"Oh Alex," Matthew says, his voice dripping with pity. He pulls me into a hug and I let my head rest on his shoulder for a moment while I get the tears to stop.
"Is everything okay?"
I pull back from the hug to see Theo standing in the doorway of the kitchen. I didn't even hear him come in. "Yeah, everything's fine," I say. I quickly wipe my tears from my face while Theo keeps trying to catch my eyes. I get up and go over to the fridge and start pulling things out. "Are you hungry? I can make breakfast."
"Alex-," Theo starts.
"I'm fine, Theo," I say, quickly meeting his gaze. He glances over at Matthew, who is avoiding his gaze and sipping his tea, then his eyes scan over my face.
Theo doesn't look convinced, but he drops it. "Yeah, breakfast sounds great," He says.
- - - - -
After breakfast, Theo and I go back upstairs to pack and get ready. I'm being quiet and Theo is picking up on it but he doesn't pry.
I say goodbye to my mum, then Matthew, Theo, and I take the floo and step out onto Platform 9 ¾.
Matthew spots his friends at them and waves at them before turning back to me. "I'll see you later, Alex," He says and gives me a small smile.
"Yeah, see you later, Matt."
He says goodbye to Theo and disappears off into the crowd with all of his friends. Theo takes my trunk from me and we start walking towards the train. I get on first and walk down the length of the train car until I spot Draco, Pansy, Blaise, and Daphne in one of the compartments.
Theo and I file in and I sit next to Pansy while Theo sits across from me, next to Blaise.
Draco and Pansy are both wearing sunglasses, the former looking like he's on the verge of throwing up.
"Good morning," Daphne says, smiling so widely that it looks like it hurts. Her engagement ring is sparkling in the light and she's leaning back against Blaise who has his arm around her.
"Morning," I say. I dig through my bag and hand a small vile over towards Pansy. "For the hangovers."
"Alex, I'm in love with you," Pansy cheers. "You are a godsend. There wasn't any at my house." She takes a swig of the potion and passes it to Draco. Within a minute they are both looking a lot better and take off their sunglasses.
I settle back into my seat and look out the window as the train starts to roll out of the station. I listen to Pansy, Draco, Blaise, and Daphne talk, but I don't say anything and neither does Theo.
We're about 15 minutes into the train ride when Pansy looks at Theo and I.
"Okay, are you guys fighting or what?" She asks. "Because neither of you are talking and you're usually all over each other."
"We're not fighting," I say.
"We're not?" Theo asks.
Our eyes meet and both of us are looking at each other surprisedly. "You thought we were fighting?" I question. "Why'd you think that?"
"You've barely talked to me all morning, you're being all cagey," He lowers his voice so only I can hear, "And you were crying to your brother this morning."
"No, no-," I say. "We're not fighting. I'm not mad at you. Why would I be mad at you?"
Theo's shoulders slump in relief. "I don't know, because of last night?" When I don't get what he's talking about, Theo glances over at our friends who are watching us, and then leans closer so that he can whisper in my ear. "Because we had sex," Theo whispers, "Multiple times, if I remember correctly."
"No, I could-, I would never be mad at you for that," I say. "I wanted it."
Theo pulls back but we're still close. "So you're not mad? We're not fighting?" Theo asks.
"I'm not mad. We're not fighting," I confirm.
"Oh thank Merlin," Theo says. He leans forward and gives me a quick kiss. My heart flutters and I lean back into my seat, silently cursing myself for being so stupid.
I never stood a chance.