Emmanuelle
"You're quiet." Dimitri said as he turned down the volume of the radio.
"Hhmm?" I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, pretending not to know what he was talking about.
"And you've had that look on your face all afternoon."
"What look?"
"That look. As if all the world's problems have been dropped on your shoulders. Is it because I told you that I love you?"
"No." I shook my head.
"No? What is it then?"
I gulped. It felt exactly how he explained it; as if I was carrying the weight of the world's problems on my shoulders due to my overthinking.
"I didn't say it back." I pointed out the obvious, curious to know what he thought of it.
He smiled as his eyes found the road again, "I told you I love you and you're worried because you didn't say it back?"
"You're not?"
"I want you to know how I feel about you. That's why I said it. Knowing that things might have been different if I had been this vocal from the beginning—" he paused for a millisecond. "It's what made me want to tell it to you now regardless of your response. Besides," Our eyes met again. "I know you care about me too."
"Very cocky ending to such an emotional statement."
"I can't go too soft on you now, can I?" He smirked.
"You have to let that go." I shook my head, feeling relieved of the weight of the world's burdens. "I do care about you." I admitted without any struggle. The words rolled of my tongue with ease. I did not ponder upon these words as I did before Dimitri's explanation.
He took my hand in his and placed them in his lap. "And if Anthony asks?"
For a moment I had forgotten that we were heading to his apartment for dinner. I drew in a deep breath as the clearness in my head was soon once again filled with thoughts, this time about that what Dimitri asked.
"There's no point in hiding it from them. They already saw us together. Might as well just say it."
He nodded in agreement. "From his reaction this morning I could tell that he wasn't very happy about it. Are you okay with that? I know how close you two are and that his opinion matters to you."
'Is this Dimitri talking?' I asked myself as I looked at the man sitting next to me, not able to believe my ears.
"What?"
"You're a clone, aren't you?" I answered in my most serious voice.
"What?" He asked again, this time with a facial expression full of confusion.
I smiled to myself, watching the wheels behind his eyes turn as he cracked his brains trying to understand what I meant. "I'm just not used to this— you. Talking the way you do. Acting the way you do. It doesn't feel real."
He did not reply to what I said as his focus shifted to making a turn into Anthony's narrow street. The car was parked right in front of the place that we were supposed be at. We got out at the same time and were walking next to each other when he held my hand, leading me there. As our fingers intertwined, I could not help but stare him in the face in astonishment.
"You're staring."
"Just checking to see if I'll catch something that proves that you're a clone."
He sighed, stopping me by my shoulders. "This is real. I'm not pretending, but I am trying." He gulped. His hands fell down to my waist. "So, be patient with me and promise me that if you feel like something is wrong— you'll bring it to my attention."
"Of course." I replied, though the ending to his sentence felt like he was foreshadowing. We took two steps closer to the apartment before my lips parted, "What do you mean by that?" I asked. "Why would I feel like something is wrong?"
"I didn't mean anything. I was just saying."
"Yes, but—"
"Hi, come in." Nessa's cheerful voice caught me to stop mid sentence.
"Hi." I said in an automatic response as I walked into the familiar place. Dom was sitting on the carpet floor across from Anthony, drawing in a notebook. He was so into it that he did not even notice us walking in until I called out to him. Dimitri took off his coat, joining the two others on the floor whilst I followed Nessa into the kitchen.
"Wine?" She held up a bottle of the cheap red liquid we often drowned all our worries in before she fell pregnant.
"Yes, please." I sighed.
"So," She handed me a glass full of the liquid. "How did that happen?" She asked carefully as her eyes motioned towards Dimitri.
"Well," I took a big gulp of the wine, rearranging my thoughts in the process. "Depends on what part you're referring to."
Her eyebrows raised and her lips were pressed together. "Maybe don't drink everything at once."
I ignored her comment and continued swallowing until the glass was almost empty. "Did Anthony say anything?" My heart began beating faster when I asked this question. Dimitri was right. Through out the years I had tried to care less about people's opinions, however I never succeeded in doing that when it came to Anthony.
Nessa shook her head 'no'. "Not one word." She said which was followed by a moment of silence that was soon interrupted by the sound of the oven's timer. She took a kitchen towel and attempted to bent over to reach the oven's height until I stopped her, taking the towel from her hand and getting the dish out.
"I'm pregnant, not sick ehh. You and that brother of yours need to stop doing everything for me." Nessa had often referred to Anthony as my brother, yet each time I hear her say it my heart flutters with love. The kind of love I used to dream of feeling for the Mulaney's.
"I know. Also know that those swollen things don't make it easier." My eyes went to her feet. "Now, go have a seat. You already did the cooking, I'll serve. I insist."
She waved her hand at me in a dismissive manner before she turned halfway, calling the others to join us at the table. Anthony and Nessa sat next to each other, Dom sat at the head of the table. Dimitri sat across from Anthony, leaving the seat between him and Dom for me.
"Thank you for having us and doing all of this." Dimitri said as I was serving up the food.
Nessa replied, saying that it was their pleasure. Anthony's face however, did not depict this emotion. "How long are you in town for?" He asked.
"Leaving tomorrow."
"And I suppose you'll be in town more often now?"
"I will now that I also have responsibilities here."
"Responsibilities? Hmm. Hopefully not ones you abandon once you get tired." Anthony casually took a bite of his food.
Nessa put her fork down. Her eyes moved to the side, openly telling Anthony to stop.
"Just making conversation." He said to her when he noticed the look on her face.
"Which I don't mind." Dimitri added blandly. "You know me well enough—"
"I do."
"Enough Anthony." Nessa intervened. "Mattia and Nuelle are our guests."
The two men stared each other down in silence whilst Nessa held her head, the emotions on her face showing how stressed she was by this. I calmly fixed my plate, taking a seat next to Dimitri afterwards. From the corner of my eyes I could see his knuckles tense up.
"We've decided to give it a try." I put my hand on his as my announcement left my lips.
"And you have our support." Nessa replied, placing her hand on Anthony's.
"You don't have mine." Anthony stood up, throwing his napkin onto the table. He had barely turned around when Dimitri stood up as well.
"I don't need your support." He said as the two men stood face to face.
"You were the one who said that he cares about me— and about Dom" I came in between them. "You were the one who gave him information about me and now you've a problem with this?"
His eyes shifted to meet mine, but he did not say anything to me. "Congrats on the casino." He said to Dimitri instead.
Dimitri's eyes found the ground as he rubbed his right jawline. When he looked up again, I expected him to say something, but he did not which was not like him.
"We won't be there for you when things don't go as planned." Anthony spoke to me. Nessa stood up when he said this and because he knows her so well, he put his hand up towards her when she wanted to stop him from continuing. "You've worked hard to get where you are, you really want to go back to what messed you up in the first place?"
It was as if my mouth was wired shut. I was hesitant to answer when just half an hour prior to this Dimitri convinced me that I had no reason to be doubtful. And the staring, waiting for my answer did not help either.
"Things are different now." Dimitri replied when I could not.
"I'm aware of that. I'm aware of how different things are." Anthony scoffed.
"Don't do this Anthony. Don't make me choose." I begged.
"Choose not to get yourself hurt again." Anthony coldly replied.
"Anth. That's enough. Don't do this." Dimitri added.
"What is it going to be?" Anthony was getting impatient, staying on his questions and ignoring what we had to say.
My head fell down as my eyes closed and I drew in a breath that was immediately puffed out, "Let's go." I calmly said to Dimitri. "Thank you for having us, Nessa." I walked up to Dom, telling him that it was time to go, and we made our way out of the apartment with Dimitri following close by.
He opened the door to the backside of the car for Dom and me to get in. The first thing he did when he got behind the wheel was to look in the rearview mirror, "Are you alright?" He asked.
A question that drove the tears I tried to hold back, out of my eyes. "No." I swallowed the lump that was stuck down my throat. My eyes found Dom and the realization that we had no one else in the city hit me, "I just gave up my family. I don't have anyone else."
"You have me." He replied.
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Q: Thoughts on Anthony making Nuelle choose?