"Did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?"
~~~
It wasn't long before it was time to go back to sleep. You and In-ho decided to share the small bed together. The two of you felt like scared animals, desperately holding onto each other for any sort of comfort. It was nearly impossible to sleep with the anticipation of what was to come.
When you awoke, they served food again. This time you really had no appetite, and were just picking at your pastry.
In-ho looked at you with concern. "You should eat."
You sighed and reluctantly took a bite. With your mind racing, you could barely register the flavor and texture. But you kept eating just to placate him.
Shortly after eating it was time for the next round. You and In-ho lined up and walked through the pastel hallways like before. You shuddered as you remembered the last time you were there, fear starting to permeate your mind.
You entered the room with light blue walls, clouds painted on them. Large, oversized playground equipment filled the room. The bright colors made you sick, knowing what would really end up happening to people here. Four shapes were on the wall at the end of the room, a guard standing next to each of them. The players were instructed to choose a shape before beginning the game.
You looked at In-ho apprehensively, unsure of what the shapes could mean. You could choose any shape you wanted, but it could mean life or death. He was looking at the shapes carefully.
"What should we do?" you asked.
He furrowed his brow, gathering his thoughts before responding. "Maybe we should choose different shapes, just in case."
"Okay. What will you choose?"
In-ho sighed, unsure, and shook his head, deep in thought. You considered the shapes, and after several moments decided on the umbrella. It seemed to be the most different out of the other shapes, so hopefully that'll mean you'll have some sort of advantage. It was a shot in the dark.
"I'm going to the umbrella."
You began walking but felt In-ho pull you back. Looking back at him, you noticed a conflicted look on his face. He was clearly contemplating something.
It took him a few minutes, but he eventually guessed what the game might be. The shapes reminded him of eating dalgona candy as a child, carefully cracking off the edges to get the shape to come out unbroken. If that's really what they would have you do, it would surely mean your death if you chose the umbrella.
He pulled you back, but deep down he hesitated. He hated himself for it, but for a moment he considered letting you go. If you chose the umbrella, you'd die, and that'd mean he'd be closer to winning. I mean, honestly, how likely is it that both of you would make it to the very end? He should be thinking strategically.
He shook his head, disturbed by his thoughts, and pulled you close to him.
"Stay with me. We'll choose the triangle." He gave you an intense look before looking away, willing you to believe him but unwilling to explain what was really going through his mind.
You looked at him curiously. You couldn't guess what he was thinking, but you decided to trust him. There was nothing else to go on anyways.
You waited in line for several moments, and once you got your metal tins, In-ho's theory was confirmed. He sighed in relief as you revealed the dalgona candy. Sitting down together, you watched him bewildered as he got the needle ready to carve the shape out.
"You knew."
He looked at you for a brief moment before continuing. "Be careful now. Start by carefully carving it out with the needle, then gently pull the sides off."
You stared at him for a few moments, an inexplicable feeling swelling in your heart. He knew what it could be, and kept you from choosing the umbrella. It made you feel safe and protected, even if just a little bit. You shuddered at the thought of trying to carve that shape.
You sat closer to him, whispering as you began to carve your triangle out. "Thank you."
After a few minutes, you heard the first gunshot. You flinched and almost cracked your triangle, a pang of fear coursing through you, but luckily it stayed intact. In-ho looked at you with concern before a cacophony of gunshots surrounded you.
You squeezed your eyes shut, bracing yourself against the sound and refusing to witness the horrors around you, people getting shot for simply breaking a piece of candy. The metal tin shook slightly in your hands. In-ho reached for your arm, gently grasping it.
"Y/n. Focus."
You turned to him, opening your eyes. He looked scared, but you could tell he was trying to comfort you. You took in a deep breath and nodded, returning to the task at hand.
In-ho watched you for a moment before continuing as well. He was beyond scared, just like you were, but he wanted to be there for you and wanted to make you feel better. Having someone there to give comfort to made himself feel better. Just like your first night together, he liked the feeling of being needed by you. It made him feel like he was more than he actually was. More than just a meaningless player in this sick game.
In-ho successfully carved out the triangle and waited for you, finishing shortly after him. You presented your shape to the guards and quickly left the room together, anxious to leave the dead bodies behind. You were relieved to have made it through, but would you be as lucky next time?
The two of you went straight to your bed, silently comforting each other again. People talked and walked around you but you barely registered them. After a while, you were served food again, though it could barely even be considered a meal. Just soda and a single egg. You ate quickly and returned to bed. You both laid on your side, with In-ho behind you, his arm gently around your waist.
You sighed. "Remember when it was snowing?"
In-ho gave a half-hearted smile. "Of course."
"I wonder if it's snowing now."
In-ho silently dwelled on your shared memory. He wanted nothing more than to be back in that moment with you.
"Somewhere, it's snowing, and you're singing, and we're together."
Your heart was silently breaking, tears swelling in your eyes. "Maybe we could've been there right now, instead of this awful place."
In-ho sighed and held you tighter, unable to find the words to help.
You gently pushed him away and sat up, your thoughts starting to overwhelm your mind. It was almost painful the way they weighed on you. You felt yourself start to come apart, tears freely falling and your breaths becoming shallow and quick.
It became painfully apparent to you how screwed you were. Yes, you made it through the last round, but what about the next ones? Sooner or later your luck would run out. The more people that died, the more likely you'd be next. On the outside, this seemed like the only option, but coming back forced reality to come crashing down on you. What did it matter trying to win the prize when you were seemingly destined to lose anyway?
Of course it was possible to win - there had to be a winner after all. But why would it be you and In-ho? What made you special? Could there even be more than one winner? If you were lucky enough in the first place, you wouldn't have found yourself in such a situation that led you here. You could've taken your chances in the outside world, tried to run away. It would've been easier to do so with In-ho too. How could you be so careless with your life?
"In-ho... I don't want to die," you cried. "I don't want to die. Why did we come back?"
In-ho sat up behind you, taken aback. "Darling... you know why."
"No. Why did we come back? Why didn't we just stay?"
In-ho was silent. There was nothing he could say.
Your body shook with your sobs, but you continued. "You should've stopped me. You should've stopped us. We shouldn't have come back, what the fuck were we thinking?"
"Darling... we had to. We had to." In-ho reached to touch your shoulder, but you shoved him off of you.
"No we didn't. We could've been home right now, out on the street, anywhere but here."
His heart was breaking for you, but he couldn't understand how you couldn't see why you came back. Why you had to come back. "Y/n. Stop. Stop crying, please."
His words just made you cry even harder. All the suffocating feelings you'd felt before were just coming back worse than ever.
"I said I'd protect us. I promise I'm going to."
"How can you say that? How can you promise that to me? You don't even know what's going to happen next."
"I can because I want to. I can try. Isn't that enough?"
You looked at him with disappointment. He wasn't understanding you at all. "It was enough when we weren't about to die."
He looked at you silently, dejected.
The more you thought about you and In-ho, the more you started to feel alone. The more you realized you didn't know much of anything about him, anything of substance, yet you put so much of your trust in him.
"All you can do is say sweet words to me. But what does it really mean? What do you really feel?"
Inside his heart was breaking, but he didn't have an answer for you. He didn't know. He reached for your hand, but you pulled away.
"What am I to you?"
"Y/n..."
"Would you really protect me? If it were truly life or death?"
"Of course I would, how could you say that? I helped you just now, and I helped you in the first round. You would've run to the door like all the others, you would've chosen the umbrella, but I saved you."
"You didn't even know me at first. You said you saved me because I'm pretty? What the fuck does that even mean, In-ho? Am I just here to be pretty for you, to look good for you, to make you feel good? If you really wanted to protect me, you wouldn't have let me come back."
In-ho was stoic on the outside, but your words were cutting him deep. He was highly uncomfortable with how much you understood him, even more than he understood himself. How much you seemed to sense his deepest, darkest thoughts. And that look you were giving him, that disappointed look, made him sick inside. It frustrated him to no end, a burning rage beginning to build inside the more you spoke.
You scoffed, and looked away. "What about me?"
In-ho looked at you with fury in his eyes. He pondered your question before answering, venom in his words.
"What... about you?"
You stayed silent, turning towards him, your heart slowly dropping.
"What about you?" he repeated, his resentful eyes meeting yours, pausing for a few moments before continuing. "So what if I was drawn to you because of your looks. I'm a selfish man with simple desires, what's so wrong with that? You had no problem spending your time with me, eating the food I bought you, taking the pleasure I gave you, taking the comfort you so desperately needed."
He scoffed as if he was disgusted with your behavior. "You should be grateful I wanted to help you."
Your face was twisted in hurt, and you were too overwhelmed to say anything. He looked at you again, giving you a look that would've broken your heart if it wasn't by his next words.
"You'd be dead without me."
You felt yourself break instantly at those words. Nothing could adequately explain that moment for you, the pain, betrayal, overwhelming shame and regret you felt. You stood up, and before walking away, turned to him.
"I think I already am."
~~~
The night before the 3rd round, tug of war, you slept alone. You'd never felt so low in your life. The despair and regret burned through your body, making it impossible to fully rest. When it was time to form teams, you felt emotionally and physically exhausted. But you had to push through. You had no other choice.
As teams were forming, you found yourself constantly watching In-ho, wondering what his next move would be. You met eyes a couple times, and you could tell he was conflicted as well, but you couldn't bring yourself to go to him. Not when you were trying to survive.
After a few moments, a small group of players approached you, and you joined their team. You stood silently with them as they gathered more people. One of the players eyed you curiously, before turning to another.
"Go ask her friend over there too," he said before nodding towards In-ho.
You gave him a panicked look, but there was nothing you could do. It's not like you had any good reason to stop him. Out of the corner of your eye, you watched him ask In-ho to join your team. They walked over to your group together, but In-ho kept away from you. The others definitely noticed the awkward tension but you were too anxious to care.
Once the game was explained, your anxiety was made even worse. Your team seemed good enough for tug of war, but you could tell some other teams definitely had an advantage. You weren't the strongest person in the bunch, but you could definitely hold your own. You just hoped your team had enough to make it.
As you stood in the elevator taking you to the platform, you briefly glanced at In-ho. He seemed plagued by his thoughts, just as you probably looked as well. For a moment, your heart dropped, thinking this might be the last time you see him. If you were to die here, you didn't want it to end like this with him.
But your time had run out. You were cuffed to the rope now.
As soon as the game began, you pulled with all the intensity you could come up with. For a short time both teams stayed put, the force of each side equal to each other, but you could feel your team starting to falter. Slowly, you were forced to take small steps forward. Each step made your stomach drop as you were sure the next would be the last.
As your team got closer to the edge, you could feel the desperation rising in everyone. People around you started screaming, yelling at each other to pull harder, crying out of fear. In-ho was right behind you, and you had the overwhelming urge to look back at him. Just one more look, if this was the last chance you'd get.
Tears started to fall from your eyes, mixing with the sweat dripping from your brow. Your grip was tight, the texture of the rope starting to burn. You didn't know how much longer you or your team could hold out. Time seemed to slow as you were sure you were about to lose control.
Amongst the loud cries, you heard a quiet one from a familiar voice. In-ho began to cry softly behind you. If you hadn't known him, you wouldn't have identified it through the noise. But it became the only thing you could hear. Your muscles were burning, your skin soaked in sweat, but all you could think about was him.
The person at the front of the line was dangerously close to the edge. You kept pulling but began to brace yourself for the inevitable loss. You were about to turn around to look at In-ho, before you heard him speak, his voice shaken.
"Y/n..."
The instant you heard his voice, you were pulled backwards by an unknown force. You almost tripped on yourself but regained your footing. Looking ahead, you realized someone on the other team accidentally tripped and fell, causing the rest of the team to fall with them.
A jolt of hope spread through your body, along with the rest of your team, and you began pulling with all your strength. The other team could never get their footing right, and your team quickly pulled them over the edge. In almost an instant you went from being convinced you were about to die to winning the round.
Exhausted, sweaty, and crying, you laid on the ground as you waited for the guards to unlock you from the rope. You basked in the relief, catching your breath. You'd made it another round. Who knew what would come next, but you survived now, and that's all that mattered.
Back in the elevator, you watched In-ho again. You heard him call out to you before, but he didn't seem to acknowledge you at all now. He looked beyond exhausted. On instinct you wanted to comfort him but kept yourself from doing so. Even though you desperately wanted his comfort, you didn't want a repeat of your last conversation. You didn't want to relive the hurt.
When you returned to the player room, you could tell the mood had changed in everyone, for the worst. You weren't even served food before lights out. As you laid in bed trying to sleep, you heard a group on the other side of the room start to argue. You tried to ignore it, but you heard one of them pull a metal beam from a bed frame and start beating the other with it. After a few moments it was clear he had just killed them.
Others around you started to react, screaming for the guards to stop the fight. But of course, no one was coming for them, and no one was there to stop players from killing each other. Once this realization hit the group, people started going after each other.
It became complete chaos. People getting beaten to death, bed frames being taken down completely, people being pushed off the highest beds as they came tumbling down. You quickly scurried to a corner of the room, desperately searching for anything to defend yourself with. You couldn't bring yourself to go after anyone else but you had to protect yourself.
You found a small metal beam and hid under a pile of bed frames that had fallen onto each other. Dreadful sounds filled your ears. You felt yourself on the brink of losing your mind, but you willed yourself to stay as silent as possible so no one could find you. Hopefully you could hide away from the carnage before the night was over.
You were successful in doing so until someone had been pushed near your corner, getting beaten over and over in the head. The assailant was deranged, covered in blood, hungry for his next target. He spotted you quickly after he was satisfied with his kill, and you quickly crawled your way to the other side of the pile you were under.
You heard him screaming behind you, and you cried loudly out of fear. Reaching the other side, you turned around to find the man just seconds behind you. You reached for your metal beam to hit him, but before you could do so someone rushed next to you and hit the man in the head. He was knocked out instantly.
You looked up and saw In-ho, a crazed look on his face. He smashed the man's head several times, ensuring he was dead and wouldn't come for you again. You held yourself close to the wall, wrapping your arms around your knees, overwhelmed. Fear was the only thing you could comprehend in that moment.
In-ho rushed to your side, holding your face, examining you for any injuries. "Are you okay?"
You cried, unable to speak, and nodded.
He sighed out of relief. His face was marked with panic. "Stay with me. Don't leave. Please."
You nodded again, following him as you snuck around to a more secluded location. He held your hand tightly as you navigated the apocalyptic scene. You sat next to each other on the floor.
"How long will they let this continue?" you cried.
"I don't know... I don't know." He held your hand tightly, unable to say anything else.
You leaned your head back on the wall, crying uncontrollably. You were so tired of constantly feeling like you were about to die. In-ho looked at you sadly, and gently pulled your head to his shoulder. You sighed, trying to calm your breath, welcoming the little comfort it provided. Your thoughts were beyond confusing, beyond comprehension, but you couldn't deny yourself the comfort.
"Y/n, I'm..."
In-ho was interrupted by a sudden clamor of gunshots filling the air. The lights instantly came back on. You squeezed your eyes and covered your ears, the harsh light and sound burning your senses. As you slowly became adjusted, you noticed guards filling the room, pointing guns at everyone.
The players were finally ordered to stop killing one another. You breathed a heavy sigh of relief as everyone started to settle into a bed, or what little was left of them. The guards retrieved the bodies and left.
You and In-ho found some bed cushions and blankets and put them in a secluded corner, surrounded by bed frames as a little protection. In-ho removed his jacket and began to wipe your face with the sleeve. You just sat there, crying.
"Y/n, I'm sorry."
You looked at him through teary eyes. "I'm sorry too. I'm so sorry."
He furrowed his eyebrows, his lips trembling. Tears filled his eyes but he held them back. "You have nothing to be sorry about. Come here."
He held you close and you cried into his shoulder, desperately grabbing onto him. He laid you down and pulled the blanket over the two of you. Gently caressing your face, he leaned in to kiss you softly a few times. Each and every kiss took even the smallest amount of torment out of your mind, and you were grateful. He wiped every tear from your face as you slowly calmed down.
In-ho sighed, looking like he had something heavy on his mind, something he had to say to you. You reached for him, gently holding his face.
"What is it?"
He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. "I'm just sorry. I'm sorry I said those things to you."
Your heart dropped at the memory, but you pushed those feelings aside. There was no use going back and forth on why you came back here. "It's okay. There's nothing we can do now."
He pulled you close, his body shaking. He took a deep breath. "You asked me what you are to me... remember?"
You sighed. "I know... it doesn't matter. It's okay."
"Tell me what you want."
You paused, struck by his words. "I... I don't know." What could you even say? What would it change now that you were stuck here?
"What do you want to be? My friend? My girlfriend? My soulmate? Tell me, and I'll let you be it. I'll let you be anything." He held your face gently while he spoke with intensity.
You felt a conflict of emotions rising in you. You knew you should be upset with him, you knew he was still using you for his own comfort, but you couldn't deny your connection. You couldn't deny your need for him either. It didn't even matter if you used each other anymore, or if there were bad intentions. It wasn't worth going through this hell without each other.
You pulled him close and wrapped your arms around him, resting your head near his neck. He laid on his back and held you close.
"I just want to be with you."
Ever since you stayed with him that first night, that's all you ever wanted. That's why you were so unbelievably upset when you realized you probably wouldn't make it out of here alive or together.
He sighed and kissed the top of your head. "Alright."
You took a deep breath and let yourself relax, finding comfort in his warmth. You wanted to sleep but neither of you could, that underlying anxiety too pervasive to ignore. All you could do was enjoy what little comfort you had in that moment.
In-ho gently rubbed your shoulders. "Sing for me. That song from before."
You were pulled from your thoughts, surprised at such an odd request. It was such a fleeting moment, but he replayed it in his mind over and over. The pure happiness he felt in that moment was something he wanted to constantly relive.
You began to sing Fly Me To The Moon, softly and gently, as if it was a lullaby. It was almost hauntingly beautiful, the way you created such beauty in that hellish place. He soaked up your words as if it were a prayer you were reciting that he could answer for you. When you sang "hold my hand," he held your hand tightly. When you sang "kiss me," he leaned down and kissed your forehead.
When you sang, "I love you," he held you tighter than ever before.
Your heart was swelling in the most delighted and devastating way. The closer you got to In-ho, the more you fell for him, and you loved that feeling. You wanted to love him more than anything. But it made it all more difficult to face what could come next. You couldn't help but feel the more you fell in love with him, the more doomed you became.
~~~
You awoke, completely unrested and exhausted. Shortly after waking up everyone was brought into the big white room from before. You and In-ho stayed close together, holding hands tightly.
"Welcome to your fourth game. This game will be played in teams of two. Find someone you wish to play the game with. With mutual consent, shake hands and you will become partners."
You looked at In-ho apprehensively. He held your hand tighter and turned to you.
"We're a team. We can do this."
You nodded, reassuring yourself of the same thing. In-ho reached out his hand, a somewhat playful smile on his face. You shook his hand, and he quickly pulled you in for a hug. You hoped that as long as you had each other, you could protect yourselves and make it through.
You were led into a large room with small buildings scattered about, little dirt pathways surrounding them. It was like you were instantly transported into a small neighborhood. The lighting even looked like the setting sun. Guards approached each team and led everyone to spots around the room. You looked around in confusion, wondering what it could be.
You stopped in the middle of a walkway, the guard turning towards you. The voice from above began to speak.
"Please take one pouch each."
You slowly took a pouch from the guard, anxious.
"There are ten marbles in each pouch. Please check how many there are."
You opened the pouch to reveal ten marbles.
You looked over at In-ho, watching him count his marbles as well. Although you didn't know what was to come, you had an increasingly sinking feeling settle in your body.
"In this game, use your ten marbles to compete with the partner next to you. The player who takes all ten marbles from their partner wins."
You froze, unable to breathe, unable to move at all. From the corner of your eye, you saw In-ho turn to you slowly. You were in utter disbelief. After all you had been through...
This is how it would end.
"You have 30 minutes. Let the games begin."
You turned to In-ho. He held his marbles with a shaky hand, and couldn't bring himself to look you in the eye. Though you had felt so close to him just moments ago, you felt so far away now. You felt your sanity start to break down completely, the culmination of everything you'd gone through crashing down.
"No... no no no. Please. No, we can't do this. No!"
In-ho let out a sob, squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn't bring himself to say anything. It devastated him inside just as much, but he couldn't give in. He knew no matter what you did, no matter what you said, you'd have to go through with this.
You screamed. "I'm not fucking doing this!" You turned to the guard, shaking the marbles in their face. "We're not fucking doing this!"
In-ho stayed silent, tears flowing freely down his face. You turned to him in bewilderment. He should be fighting just like you were, but he was dreadfully silent.
"In-ho... we can't do this. We can't. I won't... I won't do this! Please. There has to be another way, there has to. Help me find a way! Why won't you fucking help me?!"
You shoved him, but he wouldn't talk. You cried out in frustration. "In-ho!"
The guard stepped towards you, putting the barrel of their gun to your head. In-ho looked up and audibly cried at the sight, pulling you close to him. You were losing your mind, sobs coming out uncontrollably. You tried pushing him away, but he held you even tighter, unwilling to let you go.
"In-ho... why? Why? Please, just help me. Help us."
He leaned his head into your shoulder, sobbing. "I'm sorry... Y/n. I'm sorry. There's no other way."
You felt a wave of despair overwhelm you, so much so that you tried to scream but no sound could escape you. Your knees went weak and you collapsed to the ground. In-ho knelt down to you and wrapped himself around you again.
"Y/n... we have to start. Time is running out."
You took a few deep breaths and sat up, willing yourself to calm down as much as you could. In-ho leaned forward to wipe your tears but you turned away.
"Just tell me what to do."
Inside, In-ho's heart was breaking, but he knew there was nothing to do but play the game. He hated himself for it but he just wanted to get it other with, whether that meant he would die or you would die. He couldn't handle sitting with the despair of it all.
You began to play odds and evens. For a while, you stayed at an equal count of marbles, but each time either of you got the answer correct, you couldn't help but let out a small cry. Inside, you were beyond tormented. You didn't want to die, but you didn't want In-ho to die either. No matter how it ended, you would lose.
After a while, you started to realize your marble count was becoming low. You looked in your pouch, revealing only a few left. In-ho looked at you sadly, feeling an immense amount of shame. As time passed, he was slowly starting to win.
He could feel himself start to shut down, start to close himself off emotionally from everything happening around him, but inside he was breaking down completely. He thought of all the moments you had together, all the times he said he would be there for you, and said he would protect you.
Your words echoed in his mind. "Would you really protect me? If it were truly life or death?"
He had never hated himself more than he had in that moment. He should protect you, he should let you live, but... he wouldn't. He couldn't give himself up that much, he never could.
You began to shake uncontrollably, your body involuntarily bracing itself for what you knew would come. You grabbed the rest of your marbles and held them out in a closed fist, waiting for In-ho to guess.
You watched him sit there in his torment, studying his features. You thought of all the time you'd spent with him, all the moments you watched him like you were now. After everything you'd been through, was it worth it? You truly didn't know. How could you? All you did was try to survive. All you wanted was a better life. In those passionate moments you had with him, you had that. You had everything you wanted. You couldn't bring yourself to regret it.
In-ho took in a shaky breath and gently held your fist. He looked down, too ashamed to look at you.
"Odd."
Your heart dropped, and you opened your fist to reveal three marbles. Your eyes became blurry as In-ho brought his closed fist next to yours, opening it as well.
Three marbles.
You lost.
Waves of fear overwhelmed you, but you managed to stay calm. There was a strange peace in finally knowing what would happen. You knew it had to be one of you. There was no use in crying or screaming anymore, it wouldn't change anything. After everything that went down, you knew exactly what you were getting into when you decided to stay with In-ho.
You gently put your marbles into his hand and reached for your empty pouch, handing it to him. His face dropped when he realized you were out of marbles. He looked at you in despair, dropping everything and pulling you close.
"Y/n... oh god, I..."
"In-ho..." you let out a soft cry, gently wrapping your arms around him, savoring the feeling of him around you. You found yourself wishing you were anywhere else with him instead of there. Back in his apartment, back on the snowy street, even back in the player room desperately holding on to each other.
He sobbed into your shoulder. "I'm sorry."
You cried, knowing this would be the last time you felt his embrace, the last time you'd hear his voice. The last time for everything.
You felt the guard pull you backwards, out of In-ho's arms. In-ho cried out as the guard put their gun to your head. He held your hands tightly, his head hanging low, almost resting in your lap. You let out a sob but willed yourself to be more quiet, for his sake.
He sat up and looked at you, the look on his face breaking your heart, though you were already completely shattered inside. He couldn't bear the thought of going on without you, but deep down he knew he couldn't sacrifice himself. His own selfishness wouldn't let him. And that absolutely broke him. Call it a desire for survival, but he knew in the end it was wrong to let you die. He'd promised to protect you but couldn't follow through. He used you the entire time he'd known you, just like he was using you now to live.
He wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. He just sobbed frantically, squeezing your hands as tight as he could. He wanted to reach for you, wanted to comfort you, but nothing felt right.
You held his hands tightly. "In-ho... just forget about this, okay? Forget about me. And win."
His face was twisted in torment, and you reached for him, gently resting your hand on his face. You just wanted one more moment of peace, one more moment of anything even close to happiness. In-ho closed his eyes, basking in your gentle touch.
In the next moment, he heard a gunshot, and felt your hand fall from his face.
In-ho stayed perfectly still, eyes closed, unwilling to see your dead body. Your hand was still in his other hand, but when he realized you were no longer grasping it he broke down completely. He leaned forward and rested his head on your hand in your lap, crying out in complete agony. Sobs wracked his body as he tried to cope with the overwhelming grief.
He lost all sense of time, seemingly kneeling at your body for an eternity before being forced to return, forced to continue the game that took you from him.
The game that he let you die in.
~~~
The rest of his time there was a blur.
He'd completely lost any emotion, becoming numb to everything around him. He wanted to win just so you didn't die in vain, but other than that he couldn't bring himself to care. If he cared enough, if he let himself feel his emotions even a little bit, the grief from losing you would've killed him from the inside.
When he made it to the glass bridge round, he'd gotten one of the last numbers simply because it was the last one not taken. But it worked to his advantage, and he made it across easily. He was served dinner before the final round, but could barely taste the food as he ate it. It was as if all the color of life had faded into a dismal gray.
During the final Squid Game round, it was too easy to overtake his opponent. In-ho was devoid of fear; no fears of dying, no fears of getting hurt, nothing. He couldn't feel anything at all, not even hatred towards the other player. His opponent was strong, a man similar to him in age, but his fear was a detriment. He was shaky and unsteady on his feet. In-ho quickly made the fatal move and killed him, unphased.
He won.
It was only when he returned home that he let himself feel even an inkling of emotion. He looked around his room and was only reminded of you being there. He let go just a little bit but quickly couldn't hold it in any longer, and he broke down completely.
He wanted you so badly, in the most simple, basic, purest way. Knowing it was selfish, knowing it was wrong to hold you back, he wanted you before because you made him feel better. You made him better. So why did he let you go? What was it worth living without you when he could never experience you again?
He only knew you for a short, fleeting moment, but you stuck with him forever. You told him to forget you, but he just couldn't. He didn't even want to try. As years passed, he still remembered you in every little thing. When he walked outside while it was snowing, he saw your face lighting up at the glistening flurries. When he walked through a museum, he saw you walking with him, thoughtfully looking at the art.
And when he heard that song, he saw you singing next to him, beautiful as ever.
He spent the next few years in a haze, never spending much of his money, never tending to relationships much, just passing by. He spoke to his family just enough not to raise any suspicions, but inside he was wholly, completely empty.
When he was approached for the Front Man position, he couldn't say no. Going back to that island felt in a sick way like going back to you. The last place he saw you. The last place he touched you, felt your embrace, saw your face, heard your voice. Becoming the Front Man, going back to that organization, was the only thing that felt right to him anymore.
In preparation for the next round of games, you haunted him constantly. He intentionally made the games identical to what he had played, down to the food that was served. In a twisted way he felt closer and closer to you as time went on, as the start of the games became near.
Once the first round began, he settled into his chair in front of the screen. After months of preparation, the players were beginning to play Red Light, Green Light. The first game he played. The place he met you. He thought of that moment, when he held you back from running away. Little did either of you know he was leading you to that door anyway.
He pressed play for the music, sounds of Fly Me To The Moon filling his ears. As he sat there, whiskey in hand, players on the screen, he'd never felt closer to you since your death. It was almost a delusion. He was convinced that if he turned around, you'd be standing there.
What would he say to you? He wondered this as the game began. What could he say?
Are you there? Are you real?
Were you ever real?
Do you still remember me? I can't forget you. I don't want to.
Please come back to me.
I'm sorry.