Ashton's POV:
"This seems like the soul searching part of your journey, so I am going to go. Okay? Good luck. I will hear all about it however this goes so tread carefully." Ezekiel told me before abandoning me in the Kingston's lounge room.
I guess him leaving me here was probably for the best. I didn't really know how to respond to him anyway, and maybe he was right.
Soul-searching part of your journey.
I froze when Soraya told me how she felt, for a few reasons. First, was that there was much going on that I didn't know when we had the time to develop any of those feelings. Second, I wasn't sure if she wanted to feel that way, not with her past. Third, the thought honestly terrified me, not that she liked me in that way, but that I cared about her.
I fucked up relationships, ended them before I got too involved, and risked being in pain from heartbreak. I stuck around for the chase, got what I wanted, and left. There was no way I could do that to Soraya, which meant I had to choose right now between risking everything for whatever we could be or lying to her and saving myself from future pain.
It would be a lie to end it before it began, to say that I don't feel that way about her, because I do. I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment it happened, nor did I want to. My feet took me to the stairs, but I froze at the bottom of them. It was only a few hours ago I was telling Sora I only wanted a relationship if I thought it would last, all the while briefly looking at her so she wouldn't be able to tell that the person I thought about being with was her.
I didn't really remember when I first thought that either, but I had a sneaking suspicion that it was when she punched Luke Pierce in the jaw after he lightly threatened me at that stupid baseball game. The same day she got angry at me because of my risk of re-injuring my ankle. When she refused to pitch what I was calling to avoid putting me in pain, which pissed me off to no end but made me realise how much she cared about me. When she went to field the ball on the third base line and I saw Pierce running towards her like a fucking bull and all it caused was panic to hit my veins, forcing me to get to her first and get her out of the way. When I first called her petite colombe. My dove. A nickname I hoped she still hadn't figured out.
This would be it if I went up these stairs. There would be no way that I could turn back, no way to take back what I say and no way back to being friends. Not like we have been, anyway. If this doesn't work out, and if we did somehow stay friends, it wouldn't be as comfortable or as close. It would be an echo of what we have. But she had probably already thought about that, which would explain why she had been so quiet on the way back home.
She had thought about that and still told me how she felt.
Well, if she would risk it, what was stopping me?
I took the first step, and when it didn't cave in, I took it as a sign that this was a good idea, so I took the next one. And the next one. It was probably the slowest that I had walked, but I needed to stretch out the time just a little longer.
I needed to work out exactly what I was going to say.
Hey, I know I didn't get to respond to you down there when you told me you liked me, so... I like you too, Soraya. If you want to see where this will go, I want to go there with you.
Okay, that's not too bad. We could go with that. With each step closer to her room, I felt confidence return to my body. This was something I could do. I had gone through this routine with other girls plenty of times. I'm well practiced. Yeah, but you never actually really liked them, did you?
Shit. My subconscious was right. While I did like them all, I liked their bodies more than who they were as people – and that was definitely shitty on my part. This was different, severely so. From when I first saw her, I knew I was attracted to her, but becoming friends with her, learning who she was and everything about her, how strong she was, how determined and caring and protective...
I had lifted my hand to open her door but froze.
You don't just like her, you idiot. It's more than that.
Fuck, why am I so out of tune with my own emotions? I didn't love her... I couldn't. We weren't even in a relationship yet. Or maybe that part didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. The situation didn't matter; the outcome did. The outcome of getting close to her had led me here; too scared to open the door to Sora's bedroom because I...
I was a coward.
That's what Alistair and Xav would say if they saw me here and knew what was happening in my head. Well I couldn't let my imaginary set of friends be right, so I opened the bedroom door and walked in, seeing Soraya sitting on her bed in front of the window, staring up at the sky through the glass.
While I couldn't see her hands since she was facing away from me, I could hear her fingers tapping the ceramic mug in quick succession, see the tension in her shoulders.
"If you don't like me back, just rip off the bandaid." She said with a quiet voice, not even turning to look at me as she spoke. I looked over to her bedside table where my mug was, but left it there. The hot chocolate wasn't important. What she said was.
"Sora, I..." Oh great. I had that entire speech prepared and now I had a lump in my throat that wouldn't dislodge.
"Zeke left over seven minutes ago. I heard your footsteps. Heard you freeze at the bottom of the stairs and at my door. You'd only do that if you were putting off the inevitable, so just get to the point already." Shit. I climbed onto the bed, which was pushed against the wall. If I couldn't stand between her and the window to get her eyes on me, sitting next to her on the bed would have to do.
After I settled in next to her, I took a deep breath. Hearing how shallow her breathing was spurred me into action, because I couldn't let her feel rejected for a second longer.
"Hey, you remember when we were wrestling for me to have your terrible art diary and you were trying to save my poor eyes from ever seeing it?" I asked. She nodded, still staring out the window.
"We ended up on the floor. You were nestled comfortably between my legs." She answered, and I swear I saw her cheeks flush at the mere mention of it. I hadn't even noticed that's how we had been positioned, but later that day, when I couldn't figure out why I was desperately horny, it came to me. And even now just thinking about it – don't get distracted, Ashton.
"You remember asking me what I was staring at?" I asked next. She finally looked at me. The light from the window caught in her irises, brightening the dark blue to the colour of the ocean.
"Obviously." She said, seemingly a little too impatient to bother with my long method of storytelling.
"I lied when I said it was nothing." I said, thinking back over it. "I was looking at the way your cheeks flushed, how your hair surrounded you like a fucking halo, the way you were looking at me with wide eyes and your lips parted just a touch with shock, like they are now. I was looking at you." I said, watching her close the gap in her lips since she was now aware of it.
"So?" She asked, the question showing her confusion over why that meant something. I guess it didn't, really.
"So, I realised that maybe... maybe I thought of you far differently than how I should think about a friend." I watched for her reaction to my words, seeing her jaw clench as she realised I wasn't moving closer to her, wasn't reaching to touch her like I probably should be. "But I didn't know what to do about it, so I shoved it down and pretended it hadn't happened. Then you grabbed my arm before, and all those thoughts I ever had about you in that way came back."
"Then why are you still so far away from me?" She asked. Her voice was shaky, and her eyes were turning red. I looked at the short distance between us, an arm's length to be safe from making a mistake I couldn't come back from.
"Because I'm terrified, okay? I haven't done this before." I said, but I realised how that sounded far too late.
"You've been with plenty of girls, Ashton, don't lie to me." Her sadness was turning into anger, which was the signal that I had to move fast or she would kick me out before I could get to my point. Before I could tell her what I wanted to.
"Yes, I've been with girls before, but not like this. I know how this is going to sound, but I wasn't with them to fall in love. I used them, and when I got bored, I ended it. Or I ran if I got too attached because I couldn't let myself be vulnerable to them," I said. Her body tensed at my words.
"How is this different?" She asked, her eyes staring into mine to force an answer from me. The way she looked at me though, like she was still bracing for impact, nearly stopped me from saying anything.
"We're friends, Sora. I'm already emotionally involved with you," I said. "And aside from the fact that I fear losing our friendship if this goes wrong, I'm more terrified that I'm going to get hurt in the long run. Because I know you, I wouldn't be able to leave you. I wouldn't want to, but you..."
"You don't trust me?" She asked, her head tilted to the side as she tried to piece everything together. I shook my head, an inherent need to move taking over my body, so I jumped off the bed to walk a few steps and turn back around to face her.
"You'll get bored with me. Eventually you'll realise there are better people out there for you, that other people can give you more than I can." She climbed off the bed as I spoke, leaving her mug on the windowsill. While I didn't know what to expect from her after my words, I hadn't expected anger.
"Do you think I'm that fucking shallow?" She asked, pointing a finger at me that ended up poking into my chest as she walked up to me. "You... you think I would leave you because I see something shiny and new? Why would I do that when I know I can trust you with my fucking life? When I cried today because I realised you are probably the only person who would allow me to go at the pace I need to, who would never pressure me into anything, would make sure I was okay with whatever we're doing and stop without a second thought if I asked you to."
The finger she had poked into my chest had shifted into her pressing a palm against my sternum. The arm's length she had held between us condensed down to an inch between our chests. Her eyes had started by looking into mine, but now they were focused on where her hand touched me. My right hand, that had started at my side, was now on her waist. I was unsure of what to do with my left, but knew I had to get her eyes back on mine.
"Sora..." I sighed as my left hand decided to do something. My fingertips ran up her covered arm. She watched the movement until I felt her bare skin beneath mine, my touch trailing her shoulder and her neck. Her eyes landed on mine as my fingers worked their way into her hair, my palm cupping her jaw. "Do you really trust me?" I asked, unable to raise my voice any louder than a whisper.
"I do." She pushed her jaw into my hand. "Do you trust me?" She asked, and for once I didn't let my brain get in the way.
"Of course I do." I said, a smile twitched on her lips as a strange twisting sensation settled into my stomach. Was I nervous? I had to be, because I knew what I was going to ask next. "Can I..." I trailed off, my breath shaking as I quickly ran over what this all meant one more time. "Can I kiss you?" And the second she waited to answer felt like a goddamn eternity, but I couldn't move until she said the word to.
"Please." She said, and I lowered my head slowly towards hers, hovering when there was just a breath of air between us, staring into her eyes before they closed and I began wondering why I had made this so hard for myself. My apprehensive moment was apparently too long for her, as she lifted onto her toes and reached her hand into my hair, pulling me down and closing the gap between us.
Our lips collided and with the connection, all the worry I had felt left my body, instead I felt whole and safe.
It was almost as if this was my purpose, to have her in my arms and against my chest. As if I was made to be hers... and that thought didn't scare me in the slightest. Not as my hands pulled her against my body, needing to be closer, to get rid of the space between us.
I pulled my lips away from hers, creating just enough space for me to look at her and make sure she was comfortable. Her eyes opened and looked straight through to my soul, her soft smile pulling at my heart. As my thumb brushed over her cheek, I moved to pull away from her, assuming that the kiss would be more than enough, but she didn't let me move.
"Sora-"
She cut me off by pulling me back down to her, her lips on mine. Who was I to go against what she wanted? Especially when I wanted it just as badly.
I felt her smile against my lips. The sensation was unfamiliar to me, so I took it in and allowed it to warm my entire body. I tightened my grip on her waist and pulled her with me as I walked to the bed, sitting on the edge and pulling her to straddle my lap. She pulled away from me, shifting herself around.
"If you want to stop-"
"I'll let you know." She said, still smiling. "I need to readjust myself and thought it would be best for me to see where my knees are going." I nodded, waiting for her to settle herself on top of me, making me groan as she wiggled her hips against what was a very sensitive area. "Are you already hard? We're two kisses in."
"That's two more than I thought I would get." I said, schooling my breathing to be calm. If I could pretend she wasn't affecting me as much as she was, then maybe my body would listen.
"Are you prepared for a third, then?" She asked, her hands on my shoulders as my arms wrapped around her ribs to pull her against me.
"Very." I replied before lifting one of my hands to her hair, angling her head so I could capture her lips again. And again. And again. I was counting each kiss, so I knew it was real and could commit each one to memory. On the eighth kiss, she opened her lips just slightly, so I ran my tongue over them to test the waters. To see if that's what she wanted. As her tongue brushed mine, I slowly pushed against her. Her body tensed, so I pulled away.
"Is that okay or..." I trailed off, her muscles still taut under my hand.
"Um... no, not yet. He..." she trailed off, and she didn't need to say anything else for me to understand. I nodded.
"Do you want to stop?" I asked. She shook her head. "Is it okay if we lay down?" I asked next.
"Is it okay if I stay on top?" She asked, her eyebrows furrowed.
"Is it... is it okay?" I asked with a smile on my face, and I could hardly believe she had asked that question. "Yeah, it is one thousand per cent okay if you stay on top. And for future reference, you should just assume that it's okay, and that I prefer it."
"You're an idiot, Ashton Klarence." She said. I gave her a quick kiss.
"Well, now I'm your idiot, Soraya Kingston." I said, while slowly lowering my back to the mattress and pulling her with me. She kept her hips on top of mine, her hands on my chest to hold herself just over my face, her hair falling around us like a curtain.
She kissed me again. And there was something freeing about not having any expectations to do anything other than exactly this. There was no pressure on me to find the right pacing, to move just right, to make sure she was enjoying herself and that she was satisfied. Listening to what she wanted, not thinking about what came after, just existing in the present second...
I was the most at peace I had been in a long time, so much so that I had stopped counting each kiss. That I lost track of time and just focused on Soraya.
At least until there was a knock at the bedroom door. She sat up on top of me, and imagining this in a different situation was sparking a kind of excitement in me that almost felt feral.
"Shit." She whispered.
"Soraya, are you in there?" It was Zeke. How long had it been since he left? How long had we been just kissing for?
"Yep, one second!" She shouted before jumping off of me and pointing to her pillows. "You, up there, cover up your dick." She whispered.
"He's going to know." I whispered back.
"Shut up."
She stood up and walked to her bedroom door, cracking it. But Zeke just shoved his way into the room, his eyes landing on me straight away.
"Okay, you need to talk to Xav about leaving that house because..." he trailed off as he looked at me, realising how I was positioned with the pillow covering my hard-on. "I see I have interrupted something." He turned to look at Soraya. "Sorry."
"Sorry implies you are going to leave. I have a feeling you aren't going to do that." She said as she came back to the bed, jumping onto the mattress next to me and resting herself against my side.
"Funny guess, because you're right." He said, also coming over to the bed and sitting on the farthest corner from me, crossing his legs. "I have given Xav the push he needed, I think. We just need a plan to make sure he follows through."
"This couldn't wait?" Sora asked, and as the conversation continued, I felt my body calm down. It had to.
"No." I said. She looked at me as I could finally take the pillow away from my crotch and instead wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Xav's parents, they..."
"Oh." She said, putting two and two together.
"If Zeke has pushed him in the right direction, then we need to jump on it before he talks himself out of it." I said, sitting up a little straighter.
"Well, what's the plan, then?" She asked. I shook my head.
"I don't know."
"I have an idea, but it may backfire, and with your track history as a group of friends, a lot of things could go wrong." Zeke said.
"Okay, what's the idea?" Soraya asked, and I was just as curious.
"Well, you lot and your history of parties... if something bad were to happen in that house again, it might push him to want to leave." He said, and I had to think over it for a second. Well, at the last few parties, Soraya got sexually assaulted, I got roofied and Xav fell off a roof and broke his face.
"That might actually work..." I trailed off. Soraya shook her head.
"You two are idiots. This isn't going to work." She said.
"Petite colombe, you don't think that one more tragedy at that house won't push him out?" I asked.
"No, not that. It would work in that capacity, but who is going to get hurt for it to happen? And how badly will they get hurt? It's irresponsible."
"We'll be careful. Limit alcohol consumption, for us at least, and we'll all watch each other's backs. Even the threat of something potentially bad happening would be enough." I said. She shook her head.
"I just... I have a horrible feeling about this, with Adam around I..." She looked over to Zeke, who seemed confused. She hadn't told her family yet.
"Adam?" He asked. She sat up slowly.
"I think it's time I told my family..." Soraya said, pulling away from me. I nodded and took the signal, brushing a kiss on her forehead before I clambered off the bed.
"It'll be fine, I promise. This plan will work. I'll go to Xav's now and start planning." I said. She nodded, even if she disagreed with the plan. "You sure you don't want me to stay?" I asked her.
"No, I'll be fine. Go, I'll text you later." She said, standing up from the bed and going to the drawer we had been putting all the evidence of Adam's stalking into. I nodded, not really knowing what to say. I turned away and walked out of the room and then into the house, bumping into Kelley and Dave in the driveway on my way out.
"Ashton." I heard Dave's voice echo towards me.
"Mr Kingston, I-"
"Did you enjoy yourselves today?" He asked, even with Kelley giving him a disappointed look, which he ignored before he walked over to me.
"Not too much, sir." I said with a smile. He smiled back.
"Good. Just so you know, I think you're a good kid." He said. "Kel also thinks that you're alright. But you hurt Soraya..."
"I won't." I said, my voice confident.
"We'll get along just fine, then." He said as he held a hand towards me. I took a hold of it and gave him a firm handshake before he walked away.
"Have a good night!" I shouted to both Dave and Kelley once he reached his wife again.
"Thanks Ashton, you have a good night too!" Kelley shouted back, waving at me as I got into my car.
That was the most wholesome encounter I had ever had with any parents, and I was ecstatic that I had their approval. It wasn't something I ever thought would be important to me...
But then again, I never thought I would care about a girl as much as I cared about Soraya.
I knew now, after our conversation, that I loved her. I just couldn't tell her yet, in case it scared her away. In case it was too much for her.
It would wreck me if I fucked this up, so I had to take it slowly, which I wasn't at all used to doing.
Surely it would be a piece of cake.