Warnings - smoking, alcohol, flirting, mentions of trauma, mentions of rape, dark magic, regulus hate, unkind friends, negative sibling dynamic, telling secrets, touch starved, overwhelmed
It was the night of the party, and for some reason, the only thing I could think of was wearing something Regulus would like. Yes, my parents were rich, but they didn't give me anything. I had to use a couple of spells to spruce up an old dress of mine.
In the end I was wearing a white, glittering, strapy, gown. It somehow looked sexy but also innocent, I was happy with my choice. I didn't want to stick out that much.
Regulus was waiting for me outside the Ravenclaw common room. When he saw me, his usually half mooned eyes widened in shock. His jaw went slack.
"Merlin's bloody fucking beard," he said, and the way he said it made me look around for enemies.
"What?" I asked.
"You just look, fuck, you look bloody amazing," he said, running a hand through his curls.
"Oh, thank you, you look stunning as well, green really looks good on you. I mean I know it's your house color, but it was made for you."
"Thanks," he said bashfully. He offered his arm to me. I took it, chills washing over my skin. I leaned into him a little more than I would have to, trying to reassure him.
He lead me down to one of the dungeons. I could hear the music and the feel the thumping of dancing before we even got in.
"Y/n!" Andromeda squealed the moment she saw me, and pulled me away from Regulus. I was rushed to the drinks where I was given a shot of fire whisky for 'courage'.
"Courage for what?" I asked with smile.
"To ask my cousin to dance. He's never said yes to anyone, but me and Ted have a bet going on whether he says yes."
"I-I don't know what to say," I said, and took another shot as my body heated.
"Come on, he talks about you constantly!"
"H-he does?" I asked.
"Well, I mean he's still the pensive, quiet type, but if he's talking, it's usually about you," she said, wiggling her eyebrows.
"Stop that, we're just friends," I said. I realized I was terrified of it ever being anything more. Friends stayed around longer than crushes and partners. Plus, I'd only just gotten good friends, I didn't want to ruin it.
Yet, I found myself moving toward Regulus. He was smoking... something. It was a very thin, golden cigarette. I knew muggles had them, but where would Regulus get one.
"What's that?" I asked.
"Sorcerer cig," he replied, blowing smoke away from my face. "It calms you down."
"Let me try," I said suddenly.
"You wanna try?" He asked in shock.
"Yeah, is that okay?"
"Sure, just take it easy. It may make you cough, and if you take too much, it'll make you loopy," he instructed.
I took the gold tube. I inhaled, and the smoke was sweet as I blew it out. I realized I'd accidentally let it out in Regulus's face.
"Oh I'm so sorry," I said, moving in and waving the smoke away from his face.
"It's okay," he chuckled. Then realized how close we were.
"It's, okay," he said again in a whisper, and I felt like I might not mind if he'd blown the smoke in my face. I wouldn't mind breathing in his essence, having part of him.
"Let's dance," I said.
"What?" He said, eyes like saucers.
"Let's dance, together," I smiled.
"You and me?" He asked.
"Yeah, who else would I mean. Why? Are you nervous?"
"Um, I only know ballroom dancing," he said sheepishly.
"What?" I giggled.
"In the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, it's a requirement. Sirius knows how too. So does Andromeda, they've just been to enough parties to learn others."
"Well, come on then," I said.
"What do you mean?" He squeaked.
"Let's look like idiots, we can do it together," I said. I took his hand, and made the stance for a waltz.
"You're ridiculous," he chuckled, as we waltzed through the couples grinding on one another. He spun me, and I was laughing. He caught me in his arms. We were chest to chest, and I could hardly breathe.
"Okay, now I'll show you my lame way, much more lazy and plain," I said. I was already pressed against him, so I moved his hands to my waist. He was bright pink as I looped my hands around his neck.
"What do we do now?" He asked.
"Just kinda sway," I chuckled. I felt him begin to breathe heavily.
"Hey, hey, it's okay," I whispered. "Is the touch too much?"
"Just give me a second to calm down, it isn't a bad feeling, just nervous."
"Don't be nervous, just steady yourself," I said, and I rubbed my thumb on the nape of his neck.
"Okay," he said and blew out a breath. "It's just when you're touch starved for so long, having it is overwhelming."
"I know what you mean," I told him gently. The song ended and Andromeda grabbed me again.
"Thanks for 5 galleons," she chuckled.
"Has he really never danced with anyone before?"
"When would he get his time to brood?" She rolled his eyes.
"Can I have more fire whisky?" I asked as I watched a very sexy woman walk up to Regulus. I didn't wait to see what he did.
"Yeah, help yourself," she said. I took another shot or two, enjoying the burning sensation in my stomach. Some attractive Slytherin asked me to dance, and I agreed. However, every time I was spun I began to feel sick.
I stumbled over to Regulus.
"Hey you," I giggled.
"Oh dear," he said with a small smile. "You're drunk."
"Maybeeee," I sang.
He smirked and took another tug of his sorcerer cig. He blew the smoke out of the corner of his mouth.
"Blow that smoke in my face Reg," I begged, feeling something in my core heat.
"Huh," he asked. I moved forward abruptly, half purposeful, half stumble. I grabbed onto him, and we were pressed against one another.
"Hi," he said, he looked stunned.
"Who do you have a crush on?" I asked.
"What?" He squeaked.
"I said that wrong, who was a childhood crush of yours?"
"Aw mines embarrassing, you tell me yours," he said as he gently guided me towards the door. I could tell he thought I was too drunk to still be here.
"Mine is easy," I waved it off, and let him guide me.
"Sirius," he said, with a bit of a growl. Why did I think that was hot. Was he jealous of his brother or of ME and his brother.
"I had a crush on all three of them at one point," I said.
"You did? And none of them liked you back?" He said in shock.
"Well Moony was the only one I told," I shrugged.
"Why do they all have those nicknames, I mean I know what Remus is, but why do the others have those names?"
"Because they're animagi," I said simply, and then I realized what I'd done. I pressed Regulus against the wall and put a finger up to his lips.
"You can't tell anyone I said that! Please, Reg, you have to keep it under wraps, they'll kill me!"
Something had changed in Regulus's eyes. It was a look I'd never seen. His pupils were blown out, and he was looking at me intensely. His lip was between his teeth.
"I won't," he swore. "I promise."
The rest of the way to my room I explained what each of them were, and about how they'd done it. Regulus was amazed. He said it made him furious that Sirius was obviously so talented, but he wouldn't use it in school work.
"There's life outside of Hogwarts," he said in exasperation.
"I know what you mean," I said.
"Well, we're here," he said.
"Thanks Regulus, I had fun," I said.
"Hey, you helped me out. Andromeda would have been pestering me all night otherwise," he chuckled.
"Goodnight," I said, and stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. I couldn't bear to look at his face as I turned away. I was doing that thing again, crushing on someone I had absolutely no chance with. I didn't want to mess up whatever I had with Regulus.
I woke up in the morning with a pounding headache. I was grumpy in the morning as I helped Sirius, James, and Peter study. Remus and I did this a lot.
"What is wrong with you today?" James asked after I'd snapped at him again about a History of Magic fact.
"Sorry, I'm hungover," I said.
"And why would you be hungover?" Sirius asked, with squinted eyes.
"I went to Andromeda's party," I said quietly.
"After mum and dad specifically told you not to!" Peter screamed.
"Shut it you!" I snapped.
"No, he's right," Sirius said. "Literally everyone who cares about you said not to go!"
"I wouldn't say my parents care about me," I muttered, and for some reason, Peter looked panicked. I was confused, but then James said.
"I told you I'd bring you to one of our parties, are we not good enough?" James asked. Again, the weird closeness of James and I.
"That's not it," I tried to think of a reason.
"It's just that you have to go against the grain," Sirius rolled his eyes. "This isn't a fun game. Regulus is dangerous! He is grooming you for something."
"First off, you're one to talk," I snapped. "Also, why can't Regulus just enjoy my company, why does he have to be plotting something. Am I not good enough?"
"That isn't what this is about at all, and that's the issue. You keep seeing it through the eyes of social standing, this is about serious dark magic. I don't even want to talk about the things I've heard are going on." Sirius was lecturing me with fire in his eyes.
I rolled my eyes. Mr. carefree, prank the Slytherins, was suddenly serious about the real world?
"We all know what you're implying," I snapped. "You think Regulus has the dark mark. Well he held me in his arms the other day and I checked. He doesn't!"
"You what!!" I was shocked that it was Remus who was yelling.
"I-I," I couldn't speak, I couldn't make it sound more innocent when I'd been dramatic.
"This is bad y/n, you're being a real idiot," Peter said, sanctimoniously.
"You stay out of this," I hissed.
"He's right, y/n, you need to stop before your dead or, Ensorcelled, or raped," James kept listing things that made my head spin.
"You guys don't know what you're talking about!" I nearly screamed.
"I think I'd know better than anyone!" Bellow Sirius.
"Sirius, we've had this fight, and it ended in you apologizing. So why don't you reevaluate what you're doing and make a better informed decision!"
"I'm just trying to help you," he growled.
"Look, why can't I judge for myself?" I asked.
"Because you have no references, no comparisons," said Peter. "You don't exactly have any friends. How would you know if you were being bamboozled. You're naïve."
"Really?" I looked at the other three. "You're going to let him speak to me that way?"
No answer. I got up with a finality, and I prayed I could keep my voice steady for the next part.
"Well, I guess I can forgive James. He's been an only child with millions of galleons and nice parents. But you two," I pointed to Siris and Remus. "For two people who know what trauma is like, you're really bad at being empathetic. Mr. carefree, and Mr. see something, say nothing. You say all these things about Regulus, but you want to know the meanest thing he's ever said about you Sirius? That you're too smart to be lazy and get the grades you do."
When I'd finished my speech, I stomped away. I felt the tears fall and I began to run. I just wanted to be in my bed. As the scenes blurred past me, I tripped. I plummeted to the floor. I opened my eyes to see Andromeda.
"Sorry for the tripping jinx, you were running too fast to grab," she said.
"Ugh, it's okay, I guess," I said, feeling my head.
"Wanna tell me why you were running through the halls, wailing like a banshee?"
She helped me up and I told her everything. Well, everything other than my more than platonic feelings for Regulus. She'd probably tell him, and I couldn't risk that.
"You know what, let me show you something," she said, and began to guide me back out onto the grounds.