Fen is mantra-ing, Lili is bad copping, and Bobby is discovering who Lili is. That's what's up.
TW: There are mentions/references to DV, drug abuse, child neglect, and inference of suicide. It's not detailed, but they are brought up.
**
Four days flew by way too fast.
Lili watched Isla everyday while Bobby got the grinder repaired–again– and ground the coffee for the day. She encouraged him to make a list of pastries that were easier and less time consuming than the delicate, difficult ones he'd been making. He even built a monthly schedule of what he planned to make each day so he could get his ingredients weekly, instead of wasting time by shopping daily. He even added a rotation of simple vegan cookies that could be easily stored, so he'd only have to worry about them once a week. It was all manageable now.
Outside the shop, his days were spent talking to Lili, playing with Isla, and baking. It was as close to heaven as Bobby could imagine. Well, heaven for a few days anyhow.
Before Bobby even opened the door to his flat, he could hear Isla's wails. He stepped inside to quite a scene.
"Want da and dada!" Isla screamed, tears streaming down her face. Lili was attempting–and failing–to wrestle the wriggly, shrieking toddler into a new nappy.
"I know you do, muñequita," she said, sounding exhausted. "They're coming back tonight, like."
Bobby dropped his bag and rushed over. He knelt and gently nudged Lili aside. Her shoulders sagged with relief as he took over.
"She's had a proper cob on since she woke up. It's been one meltdown after another, and I haven't been able to get her down for a nap..."
"God, I'm sorry." Once he got Isla into the nappy, he scooped her up, bouncing her as she sobbed her little heart out. "I'm tagged in now, so you can leave the ring. We'll figure out lunch after you've had a rest." She nodded but stayed there, hesitating.
"Liliana, go and take a break," he said.
She gave him a tired laugh. "Okay, now I get the Robert thing."
"It's hot, right?" He waved her off and she disappeared into the bedroom.
Isla, who had quieted, suddenly dialled up the despair. "Want da to sing me!"
Aww. She missed Louis's singing. Bobby made sure to video call them for her every night so she could see them, but obviously it wasn't enough.
"I know, you want that darlin'," he said, holding her close. "They're going to be here tonight."
"No!" Isla punched him in the face with her tiny fists. "Now now now!"
"Hey there, that is Uncle Bobs' money maker. That is not how we handle our feelings, is it?"
"No. I sorry. Sorry!" She collapsed against him in a puddle of misery. "Daddies!" she wailed.
"It's alright." He soothed her and eventually she calmed to hiccups and sniffles, but she was on that toddler alert where anything could set her off, so he needed to get her to take that nap. "Want to watch Balamory?"
She nodded wearily. He stretched out on the couch with her still on his chest and rubbed her back with one hand as he found her show with the other. She turned her head as the intro began. He sang along quietly to the song, and soon, she joined in.
Balamory! Balamory!
What's the story in Balamory, wouldn't you like to know?
Isla didn't even make it halfway to the episode before she fell asleep. Which was a right blessing, because the show was nearly unwatchable unless you were still in nappies. He gently carried her to her crib in the bedroom. Lili was stretched across his bed, her face buried in his pillow, snoring softly. He laid Isla in the crib, and then sat on the edge of the bed. He tucked a frizzed curl back into Lili's ponytail and just looked at her. She was taking so much stress off him, by putting it on herself. Did she truly know how much he appreciated it?
Maybe he should order her something special for dinner. He pondered this as he left his two girls snoozing. He set about tidying up the flat so Lili wouldn't feel like she had to do it when she awoke. While he was sweeping, he got an idea. Moving like a freckled ninja, he snuck out for a few minutes and bought some things at the pharmacy.
Isla awoke almost immediately after he returned, and she was in a much more cheerful mood. Believing that her dads were on their way had her nearly manic. She touched every toy she had, picking it up, cuddling it and then throwing it aside for the next one. Then she demanded to play 'bears' and then 'cats', watched multiple tedious episodes of Balamory, and then asserted her intense need to look at bugs in the grass.
Despite their naps, Lili wasn't nearly as refreshed. Isla's intense energy had her looking ready to fall over. Good thing he anticipated that she'd need more than a nap.
He tossed Isla over his shoulder, making her giggle. "Alright, I'm taking this wee monster outside. You, however, have other plans."
"I do?"
"Aye, you do. Check the bathtub. We'll be outside for... I'd say, forty-five minutes. Then we'll come in for dinner." He held Isla in place with one hand and his phone in the other, clicking with his thumb. "And there. Scran is ordered."
"I could have made someth–"
"Bathtub," he called out cheerfully over his shoulder as he left. "No arguments."
While he dug for worms with Isla in their tiny patch of grass that doubled as a yard, he smiled, knowing that right that moment, Lili was soaking in a warm bath full of soft pink bubbles. Hopefully she liked everything. The fuzzy robe and slippers. A cooling face mask. And the nicest body butter he could find at the pharmacy.
"Lookit, Unca Bobs!" Isla held up a disgustingly long worm in her dirty fist. He fought the urge to shriek and scramble away from it. Never show a toddler your weakness. If he did, she'd be showing him worms till doomsday.
"Oh wow, that's so cool!" he said, as if he wasn't screaming inside.
Isla looked closely at it. "What's it fer?"
"Ah." He pointed at the pretty flowers against the side of the building. "It wiggles in the dirt and makes food so the Cuckoo flowers can grow. And do you know what happens then?"
Isla screwed up her mouth. "Cuckoo makes futterbuys."
"That's right. The butterflies come because of the flowers."
Isla considered the worm for a moment. Then, she dropped it back into the hole she'd pulled it from and waved at it. "Make futterbuys!"
He smiled and gave her a fist bump. "Good job!" The rough sound of an engine caught her attention, and he glanced over as a scruffy delivery guy jogged to the building, swinging a bag of food. He dropped it in front of the door.
"Oh, scran's here," Bobby said. "Come on, Queen Isla." He grabbed the heavy bag and headed up the stairs, while Isla slowly climbed up in front of him.
As soon as he twisted the doorknob, Isla shoved it open and rushed inside the flat. "Widdy! I got a worm, and it makes futterbuys!"
Lili was sitting on the couch in the fuzzy robe he'd bought her, her foot propped up on the coffee table while she applied body butter to her legs. He looked away from her hands stroking her smooth calves.
"You caught a worm? You are so brave!"
"Aye, I brave!" She ran for Lili, her filthy little hands outstretched. Bobby swept her up before she could hit her target.
"Oh no, madame. Lili just took her bath and she's all fresh and clean. You can't climb all over her in your muddy dungarees. You need a bath." Isla's face turned bright red, and it was clear that another fit was on the horizon.
"Oh god, good luck," Lili said, recoiling. "My ears are still ringing from when I tried to wipe the scrambled egg off her face this morning."
"I know. Normally I'd let her be boggin'. Stinky mood, stinky child. But Dean and Louis are coming tonight. Gotta look like we kept her clean and fed."
It didn't go well. Isla's tantrum was epic. She sounded as though she were being jabbed with hot pokers when he washed her hands and tried to remove her muddy clothes and get her into the tub. He managed to scrub the dirt off her before the little monster became too slippery to hold onto and ran laughing from the bathroom, naked as the day she was born.
"Beware, we have a naked wean on the loose!" he shouted.
"No! Not naked!" Lili shouted in return. "My eyeeeeees!"
Isla squealed with laughter as she threw herself on Lili and wrapped her arms around her neck. Lili squeezed her back, her face softening, love shining from her like sunrise. After a moment, she patted Isla's behind. "Now, you don't have to wear clothes, but let's put a diaper on that bum!"
Bobby flinched, waiting for another tantrum, but Isla gave an aggrieved sigh and squeezed her arms tighter around Lili. "Kay."
"You have the magic touch," he said quietly.
"I didn't a few hours ago." She gave him a soft smile. "The bath gave it back to me. Thank you."
Her smile made his chest feel like it was full of futterbuys.
What had Gary said so long ago? Love is making someone toast when they're sad. He'd rejected that at the time thinking it wasn't very romantic, but now, he could hardly think of anything more beautiful than having someone who would drop everything for him and someone he'd drop everything for.
It wasn't a romance between them anymore. It couldn't be. But still, it was a kind of love, and it was beautiful both to receive it and to give it.
He set the table while Lili nappied the wee mongrel and hoisted her into her seat. "Oooh that smells divine," she said.
"Ordered you Jalandhari curry. It's spicy as..." he glanced at Isla. "As heck."
Lili gave a happy squeal and sat at the table, looking excited. "Spicy as heck is my favourite spice level!"
He grinned at her. "Alright, so there's a little price to be paid for this meal."
"What is it?"
"You have to try one of these." He slid a platter of pakoras at her.
"That's not a hardship. I love these." She grabbed one, dipped it in the sauce bowl beside it, and took a bite. Her brows drew together. "Did you make these?"
"Aye, I did, while you were sleeping. I've been trying to perfect the recipe for ages."
"The texture is different..." She chewed thoughtfully. "It's quite spicy. What is it?"
He shifted excitedly in his seat and spread his hands wide. "Haggis. Pakora."
She barked a laugh. "Seriously?"
"It's amazing right?"
She reached for another one. "Actually, it is."
"Ha, see? I'll get you to try my jerk haggis next time!"
A peculiar look came and went in her eyes, and a ping of pain bounced in his chest. He was making a massive assumption that he'd see her again, wasn't he? Maybe he'd misunderstood everything. What if this was just a one-off and she only came out because he fell apart and cried at her? What if she–
Lili reached across the table and squeezed his hand, as if she could see the spiral of anxiety swirling around him. "I would love to try your jerk haggis the next time I visit."
Isla giggled. "Unca Bobs jerking habiz!"
Lili's eyes widened so much he feared her eyeballs might just fall right out. He let out a choked laugh. And then he couldn't stop. Isla shrieked happily, eager to join in the fun.
"I don't want to hear about your jerking habits," Lili whispered. Which only made him laugh harder.
"It's pretty much what you'd expect," he whispered back. "Towel. Lotion. Website where they do unspeakable things with cupcakes. The usual."
She threw her head back and gave that braying laugh he loved so much. The one that came from sheer surprise over the jobbie that came out of his mouth.
The rest of the meal and evening were pure perfect. At least it was until Dean rang in a hurry, to let them know that they'd been held up by family drama and wouldn't be returning until the morning.
Oh dod.
They had to tell Isla. And when they did, she lost her shite.
"Ay, pobrecita," Lili crooned as she held the squalling child. "The world is out to get you, isn't it?"
"Yessssss," Isla cried.
Lili's lip twitched but she didn't laugh. "I'm sorry that things don't feel fair. It's okay to be sad about it." She rubbed her back soothingly. "Tell me why you're so upset."
"Want da and dada," she said, a sob strangling her. "They leave me."
Bobby's heart seized up and twisted for her.
"Oh, my darling girl," Lili said. "It's scary and painful to be away from family, isn't it?"
"Yeah. Don't like it."
"I wouldn't like it either. But sometimes these things happen." She leaned Isla back, so she was facing her. "Remember how brave you were with the worm?" Isla nodded. "Well worms are small. It's a small thing to be brave for. But when you're upset about missing your dads, that's a big thing you have to be brave for. So, you can be sad about them not coming home tonight, but you can also be brave."
"How?"
"Well, being brave means knowing that it might hurt or make you sad, but you'll try to remember that you are tough and strong and can get through it."
"I brave," Isla said, with a hiccup. "I very brave."
"You are!" Lili snuggled her. "You're brave and smart and strong."
Isla breathed out, the tension leaving her body. "I still sad."
"That's how it goes," she said, giving her cheek a smooch.
When her tears dried up, he took Isla from Lili and plopped her on his lap. "Are you ready for sleep, my strong, brave Queen Isla?"
"No," she said. "No' tired." Then she yawned.
"How about I read you a story?" he asked. "Maybe Hettie the Highland Cow?"
She screwed up her face. "Widdy read?"
Lili laughed. "I can do that."
"You traitor!" he hollered as she scrambled off his lap, all knees and elbows. To add insult to injury, she stomped directly on his bawbag as she abandoned him for the person she'd terrorized all day.
His eyes watered from the pain, but Isla just giggled and settled herself on Lili's lap. "Why did I ever think I wanted one of these wee gremlins?" he wheezed.
"Because you adore them."
"Tell that to my baws."
Lili held Isla with one hand and leaned over and turned her face toward his lap. "There there," she said. "You'll both be fine."
"Aye, very soothing, Lil."
She gave him a sunshiny grin as she swept Isla up and took her in the bedroom to change her and put her in her pyjamas. He followed behind and put the reading pillow into place so Lili could sit up to read.
"What would you like to hear?" Lili asked. Isla grabbed a book and opened it to a random page. "This?"
"The Little Match Girl? Oh no, sweetheart, that's a sad one." She reached over to the pile of books and straightened them, before handing Isla the top one. "How about this?"
Isla screwed up her face and opened the book, studying the illustrations. Bobby sat beside them. "I don't remember that match story," he whispered.
"It's about a neglected child seeing visions of her greatest wishes and dreams while she burns all the matches she's supposed to sell, to keep from freezing. And she dies anyhow." Lili whispered. "It's about hope... sort of. But it's a bit too grim and confusing for a two-year-old."
Isla yawned and jabbed her tiny finger at the book on her lap. "This."
"There was a Wee Lassie Who Swallowed a Midgie?" Lili's mouth twitched. "I'll try."
Her Scots was atrocious. Her soft breathy Scouse was at odds with the heavier thud of Scottish vowels. It was fine though, because Isla was sound asleep before she'd mangled the words on the third page of the book.
Bobby put Isla in her crib and came back to the bed, flopping beside Lili.
"How were Louis and Dean doing when you talked to them?" she asked.
"They were in a rush, but I guess things went as well as they could. But at the last minute, Dean's shite family pulled some nonsense and they had to stay to clean up their mess. He sounded really upset."
"Poor Dean." She pulled her knees to her chest. "It's hard to feel okay when your family is so fucked."
"Don't I know it. Though I still have mine." Guilt scrubbed his heart. "And they're great. Better now. But I know what it's like."
"You don't have to do that. Family is complicated. It's okay to love them and still feel all kinds of ways about things that happened." She looked away for a moment and stared at the wall.
Curiosity pierced him. He wanted so much to know her. In a way that he hadn't in the villa. But there they'd built up an intimacy they no longer had. Or did they?
He struggled with his thoughts and Lili laughed softly. "I can hear your gears grinding, la."
"What happened? To your family?" He said it baldly and felt bad about it, but he couldn't think of a way to ask it gently. She was silent a moment, her fingers tugging on her lower lip. The silence made him itchy and he had to fill it. "Now I can hear your gears grinding."
She laughed and ran her hands up and down her legs as though trying to soothe herself. "It's a terribly sad story, to be honest. I'm not sure you need that energy right now."
He shrugged. "Life has sad stuff. You know my story." He reached over and poked at her collarbone where her tattoo was peeking out of her tank top. "And we've been each other's sad stories. You can tell me whatever you want. I can handle it."
She looked at him for a long moment. "You've changed a lot."
"Nah. I'm still me. All natural one-hundred percent Bobby, full of gluten and jokes!"
She laughed, before smoothing her legs again, and sighed. He shifted as the silence dragged on, but he knew now that she'd speak when she was ready.
"This is hard. I don't– I've only really talked about it a few times," she said. "My mum, she wasn't always a terrible parent. She and my dad were addicts. But she left him when I was around three. Sobered up, and for a while things were alright." She smiled sadly. "Not perfect, but we were happy. When I was–" she paused, and her brows drew together. "Six maybe? My dad showed up like a bad dream. Said he'd changed. She took him back. By the time she realised he hadn't changed at all, she was pregnant again. Then again. Then again. And everything fell apart, like."
He wasn't sure if she wanted to be touched, but he felt like she might. He sat up and cleared his throat, leaning toward her dramatically. She gave him a soft laugh and rested her head on his shoulder.
"You've never told me their names," he said. "Your brothers and sisters, I mean."
"Eliana, Oscar, Andres, and Angel. I did my best to take care of them while my parents just... destroyed themselves and everyone around them."
"That's a lot for a kid to handle."
"It was too much. Though, what else could I do but make it work?" She ran her nails up and down his forearm while she thought. "Changing nappies. Doing schoolwork. Calling 999 because someone had overdosed again." She looked away from him at the shadows on the wall. "My parents died within a few months of each other. One was accidental, the other wasn't."
"Jesus."
"Right? It's so fucked up." She groaned. "I hate talking about this stuff. It's maudlin, and I feel like the Little Match Girl or something. Hey, do you wanna hear a story about a giraffe that wouldn't stop chewing my hair? It's much more entertaining."
"Why did the giraf– no. Tell me that story later." He turned toward her. "Keep talking or I'll chew your hair." He gave a rage-filled snort growl and gnawed on the side of her head.
"Nooooo!" She squealed and giggled, before looking over to check on Isla who was still sleeping soundly. "Giraffes don't growl," she whispered.
He raised an eyebrow. "Did a giraffe tell you that?"
"No, a zookeeper did. They don't make noise at all, like!"
"Have you considered that maybe they just didn't have anything to talk to the zookeeper about?" She smacked his shoulder and he smacked hers back. "Come on Little Match Girl. Tell me your tale of woe."
"Alright." She sighed. "Well, after they died, we didn't have anywhere to go. Taking in five children is a lot to ask of anyone, especially with the limited number of foster families available. And most of them aren't keen on taking in teenagers as it is. Young kids are cute, and they seem less... broken, I guess."
"They separated you, didn't they?" Bobby tried to imagine what it would be like to have been pulled away from Abigail when they were young, and it was too horrible to contemplate.
"Yeah, at first. Then they found a family who was willing to take all my siblings. By then, they were only between three and seven years old. The family was–" she grimaced. "They were... well, you could tell how much they loved them."
Something, some tension in her face, made him reach out and take her hand. She stared down at their intertwined hands and smiled sadly.
"Anyway, long story long, I used to visit them." She sighed. "Then one day the family made me a nice cuppa and smiled kindly while they asked me not to come back."
He'd been looking down at their hands, but his head snapped up at that. "What? Why would they do that?"
"They wanted the kids to have a fresh start and I was like a bad memory popping up, reminding them of the life they had. The cold tinned food and the endless moving from one minging motel to another. The screaming and the fights and the hitting. Every time they saw me, they regressed." She stared down at their joined hands. "They said that if I loved the kids, I'd let them forget about it all and start over."
Bobby's outrage bubbled over. "That's mad! And wrong! Of course they were gonna have bad days. You all went through hell!"
She gave him a sad smile. "They meant well. But yes, they were wrong. They wanted to erase our past, and it doesn't work that way." She squeezed his hand. "But I didn't know that then. I was only fourteen, like, and it made me feel as if I'd failed. That all I did to keep them safe and fed and protected from the worst of the things I'd seen, it hadn't been enough. They were broken and it felt like it was my fault. I let them convince me that staying away would give them a chance to have normal lives." She shook her head. "They didn't even let me say goodbye. They said they'd explain it to them. So, I did what I was told and I... I let them go." The resignation in her voice was so different from the way she'd sounded talking about her family before. "I miss them."
"But what about you?" he asked, his heart aching for her. "You needed a family and a normal life too."
She shrugged. "What we need isn't always what we're given." She looked away. "I've accepted it. They didn't want me there. They just... didn't want me."
Want. It was one of those words that you breezed by in conversation, and it was a word he'd noticed that Lili said a lot when he'd been obsessively re-watching the show.
Do you want Priya as much as you want me?
In foster care all I wanted was for someone to want me.
It's safer not to get involved than to find out that someone you thought wanted you actually doesn't.
And even after the show, when they'd been fighting. I could feel how much you didn't want me.
He thought he'd understood Lili. But it was like he'd heard the words, but never really absorbed the meaning behind them. The pain her parents inflicted on her was bad, but it was nothing compared to that moment when a traumatised teenage girl sat with a brew, while virtual strangers told her that nothing she'd done had been enough, and that she was neither wanted nor needed.
A swell of impotent rage rose within him. How could they? How could they–and everyone else in her life–make someone so special, so loving, feel like she wasn't wanted?
The soft fingertips of Lili's free hand skimmed over the spot between his eyes. "You're frowning."
He knew what she was doing. Offering him an out from her sadness, a way to ease things into the more comfortable territory of teasing. But he didn't want an out. He wanted to be there with her in this. Even if it hurt.
"Those people were wrong." He looked into her dark eyes. "The homes that didn't keep you. The people who looked at you and didn't see someone who deserved love. They were all wrong."
She pressed her lips together and a tear skimmed down the soft planes of her face. "I wish I had known that back then," she said softly.
"Do you know it now?"
Her teeth scraped over her lower lip as she considered it. "Some days I do."
"Well, if I have to text and remind you every day, I will."
She laughed and more tears made their way down her face. "I didn't want to cry. Ugh. Sad little match girl."
He gathered her in his arms and she relaxed against him. "You know the difference between you and the match girl?"
"I didn't die."
"Yes, but do you know why?"
She shook her head against his chest. "Because I didn't have a choice?"
"No." He squeezed her tighter. "It's because you were smart enough not to burn all your matches."
"I'm not sure that metaphor holds up to inspection."
"It does. She had enough hope to dream of better things. But not enough to keep a flame for herself. Maybe she couldn't. But you did. That's why you've got a light inside you. You took a match and kept yourself warm long enough to find safety."
"Alright, let's pretend this shaky metaphor does hold up," she said. "You do realise that it applies to you as well?"
"I actually do. We're awesome. And hot." He grinned. "Get it? Because matches?"
She laughed and shook her head. "You're ridiculous."
"You love it." He held her tight until she fell asleep in his arms. It took some effort to extract himself from the bed and cover her up without waking her, but he managed. Then he tiptoed out of the room and settled himself on the sofa, where he dreamt of tea and toast, and Lili's warm smile.
**
In the morning, they headed to the coffee shop before it opened. Two steaming cups of brew and a couple pastries separated them as they sat on the floor of the office and looked over Fenella's budget. Every once in a while, he peeked over at Isla. She must have been exhausted from hours of wobbles the day before, because she was still asleep in her car seat with her thumb jammed in her mouth.
"This is a mess," Lili murmured, pushing her glasses higher on her nose. "Hitting the register with a spanner isn't practical and the last thing this place needs is an employee getting hurt while doing it. The register has to go."
He chewed on his jam slathered rowie. "It's so old fashioned anyhow. Maybe we should get one of those fancy card systems instead?"
"The ones that look like iPads?"
"Aye, wouldn't that be cool?"
"It's not really an option, la," she said. "Those are a lot more expensive than just buying a new regular register. I can hardly see any room in the budget for a cheap one, let alone an expensive new system."
He stared down at the mess of letters and numbers and pointed at a line for advertising. "What about that? It's busy enough not to need so much money spent on it. We could focus more on social media which is free."
She squinted at it. "Hmmm, you're right. And that could be enough to get something functional and inexpens–"
"Greetings, friends."
Their heads jerked up. Fenella stood outside the office, looking tanned and well-rested, though her blonde brows were drawn together and her tone suggested she was feeling something other than pure bliss.
He shot to his feet. "Good god, finally!"
Fen didn't spare him a glance. "What's all this?"
"We're trying to sort out the budget," Lili said, while she continued to study the papers in front of her.
Fenella blinked repeatedly. Man, she looked kind of... alert. "Lili?" she said. "From the show?"
Lili glanced up and gave her cool eyes. "Correct."
Fen straightened and with apparent effort, she arranged her face in a smile, with the air of someone being the bigger person. "Namaste." Then with less composure she continued. "What are you– why are you looking at my budget?"
There was a tension creeping into the air and Bobby shuffled uncomfortably. "Um, we were just–"
"You abandoned your business," Lili said, not bothering to look up from what she was reading. "And left Bobby to run it, without pay or instruction or even the ability to contact you. So we're trying to sort out your budget issues so we can purchase a new cash register because the old one is broken."
Fenella took a deep breath and turned toward him. "Every interaction with a new person is an opportunity to expand my experience, and for that I am grateful. But your..." She looked disdainfully in Lili's direction. "Your ex is being a little hostile towards me in my own shop." She closed her eyes and clutched her hand over some crystal peeking through a jumble of long beaded necklaces hanging around her neck. "I admit I was coping with something. I don't think it was so much to ask for a little support so I could step away for a bit to–"
"A bit? Are you messin'?" Lili interrupted. Uh-oh. "You were gone for months with no plan to cover your responsibilities and you dumped it all in Bobby's lap. It was disrespectful. Both as a business partner and as a friend." She narrowed her eyes. "He could have simply shut the doors and walked away, like, but that's not who he is. Instead, he nearly broke down trying to keep this place afloat. He did that for the employees and for you. And now you're accusing him of not being supportive? No. You should apologise and thank him for doing what you couldn't be bothered to do."
His stomach trembled with anxiety as he braced himself for Fenella's reaction. Her emotional breakdowns were like black holes, vast and best observed from a distance, unless you wanted to be sucked up in them. All her friends knew to tread lightly when Fen was about to fall apart, but Lili did not.
"Okay, you know what?" Fen's voice shook as she spoke. "I didn't come back to be attacked by this negative energy."
"Then you shouldn't have left so much negative energy in your wake."
"Why are you here?" Fenella turned her head sharply in his direction. "Bobby, why is she here?"
"I'm here because only one of us knows how to be a friend." Lili swept up the empty pastry sachets and binned them, before turning back. "I care about Bobby. A sentiment you don't seem to share."
Fen's blue eyes widened and filled with tears. Instinctively, Bobby jumped in. "Lil, don't be like that."
"Like what? Honest?" She looked at him with calm exasperation.
Fen closed her eyes and jangled the bracelets on her wrist as she muttered some kind of mantra under her breath. "It's okay to live a life others don't understand. It's okay to live a life others don't understand." She slowly hissed out a dramatic breath and then lifted her chin as she addressed Lili. "I wasn't well." Her voice cracked with emotion. "I was trying to sort myself out and get back in tune with the universe. That's not a crime."
Bobby knew he had every right to be angry with Fen, but he didn't want to make her cry about it. He hated upsetting anyone. Also, she seemed so fragile that he feared she would run away and leave everything on his shoulders once again. He opened his mouth to apologise and tell her it was all okay. That he wasn't upset anymore. Lili must have sensed his resolve crumbling, because she softly squeezed his arm and turned to Fenella. "I understand feeling lost and needing time to sort yourself. No one here is mad at you for needing that. But you had responsibilities. You had a payroll system that crashed, employees who weren't getting paid and were threatening to quit, new employees told to start work with no training and no key to get in. Not to mention you opened up the website for online orders without telling him."
Fenella sniffled, her expression puzzled. "Did I?" she asked. "Oh, I must have–"
"I'm not done," Lili said with cool resolve. "Bobby had some big interviews that could have changed his career, and they fell through, because he was being bombarded with issues that were both your fault and your responsibility. Leaving him to bear this alone without even basic instructions was shite and you know it." She squared her shoulders. "Coming in here and acting as though he did something wrong is just your way of refusing to admit what an arsehole you've been and I'm not allowing that. He deserves better."
He shuffled his feet uneasily, grateful that Lili was fighting on his behalf, demanding he be respected, but he was deeply uncomfortable with all of it. He wasn't the type to let his emotions overshadow anyone else's if he could avoid it and right now, it felt like Fen's feelings mattered more.
Didn't they?
Fen was silent as she stared at him. "I didn't mean to–" The tears that had been threatening to fall, finally splashed down her cheeks. "Bobby, I didn't mean to disrupt your harmony. I'm sorry."
Guilt at upsetting her and for not understanding what led to this, overwhelmed him. He crossed the room and folded her into his arms. Her musky patchouli scent was both familiar and nostalgic. "I knew you were going through things, I just... this was all too much." He rubbed soothing circles on her back. "But now, the important part is, did the time away help?"
She nodded against his shoulder. "Aye. Being a free spirit is all that is needed to get well. I'm centred again."
"I'm glad of that, I really am."
Fen gave him a wobbly smile and stepped back. A touch of resentment hovered in her eyes as she glanced over at Lili, but she lifted her chin and took a breath. "Thank you for helping him. Me."
Lili nodded, her expression softening. "I really am glad you're feeling better as –"
Fen continued as though Lili hadn't said anything. "I can tell by your energy that you have several blocked chakras and I'm sorry if my actions contributed to that." Lili's face hardened again, but Fen either didn't notice or didn't care. She looked about the office. "Where are my things?"
"We had to organise to be able to work." There was a warning in Lili's voice that Fen heeded, and she didn't complain. "Your notepads are in the drawer. We created a new scheduling system as well as a new payroll system. I think you're going to find them much easier to work with."
Fen took a deep breath through her nose and gave a terse nod in response, likely sensing that she'd pushed Lili as far as was wise to do. "I hear your heart. In the past I would have been very defensive about this, but I am in a better place now and this is an opportunity to collide my experience with another soul's and for that I am grateful." She gave Lili a brittle smile. "Like all children of the universe, you are welcome here, Lili." She turned back to Bobby. "But perhaps we could have a moment to speak, and you can catch me up?"
Lili nodded with a hint of irritation. She gently carried Isla's car seat out and shut the door behind her.
Fen dropped into her chair and studied him with watery blue eyes. "I honour the kindness you've shown me while I was reflecting and centring myself." She wiped at her eyes theatrically and gave him a tentative smile. "I'm hopeful that we can heal from this."
He simply nodded and set about showing her the new systems. There was a strange buzzing in his head. An awareness he'd never had before of how maybe Fen was using her tears to smooth everything over and keep him from being upset. She was a good person at heart, but even good people could be a jobbie now and then. If anyone knew that, it was him.
Still, he talked to her for a while and she seemed to understand the changes, and even liked some of them. She took over working on the budget and said she'd make space for a new register, and if she could afford it, maybe some small bonuses for the employees who stuck around.
That lit a tiny flame of hope in him that things were going to get better. She really did seem more focused than she had been in a long time. They hugged it out and he left feeling a bit lighter.
Lili for her part was quiet as he drove them back to the flat. They didn't really talk about any of that, though he sort of wanted to, but Isla was awake and babbling about dinosaurs, so he kept his thoughts to himself.
He was drumming a song on the steering wheel with his thumbs when he noticed the gold Kia in the parking space beside his. Smiling to himself he parked and walked around to get Isla from the backseat, turning her away from the gold car she'd surely recognize.
They made their way up the stairs, and he slowly opened the door knowing Louis was on the other side, losing his mine while he waited for them to get back.
As soon as he threw open the door, chaos ensued as Isla howled with happiness. "Me Da!"
"There she is!" Louis rushed toward them and scooped Isla into his arms. "My darling starling!" Tears rushed from his shining blue eyes as he kissed her all over her head.
"Whaaaat? Do I not deserve kisses?" Bobby said, holding his hand to his chest to express the depth of his despair.
Louis pulled him into the hug and kissed his forehead as well. "Sorry! This was the first time we've been away from her for more than a night. I never understood all my mam's fussing over me when I was a wean, but now I do."
"That's the fastest I've ever seen you move, Lou." Dean lumbered up behind him. "Dada!" Isla nearly twisted herself out of Louis's arms to get to her other father. He wrapped his arms around everyone and squeezed them like a toothpaste tube.
"Widdy, come hug!" Isla shrieked.
Everyone's heads turned toward Lili who was quietly standing in the doorway.
"Yes girl, get over here!" Louis said. "Bobby told us you were here, but seeing you? It's surreal."
She hesitated, so Louis grabbed her and pulled her into the mountain of hugs. After a moment, they broke apart laughing and headed for the couch. Dean seated Isla on his lap and gave the wean a serious look. "Have you been behaving yourself for Uncle Bobby and Aunt Lili?"
Bobby glanced at Lili to see what she thought of being the aunt to his uncle, and she gave him a sweet smile.
"Yes." Isla sucked in her lower lip and sighed. "No. Widdy say I 'gorra cob on.'"
Louis burst into a laugh. "What?"
"It means she missed you both and struggled a bit yesterday," Lili said.
Bobby's brows rose. "'Struggled'? No, she was a stroppy little tyrant for Lili."
Dean glowered. "Do you think you should tell Aunt Lili sorry for that?"
Isla nodded vigorously. "Sorry, Aut Widdy."
"It's alright Missy Moo," she said, tucking one of Isla's red curls behind her ear.
"I was being nosy while we waited and I've got to say that I've never seen this place so clean," Louis said. He glanced at Lili. "I'm guessing that's your doing?"
"Aye, it is," Bobby said. "She thinks she's sneaky, but I know she's been organising this place from the moment she got here."
Her bronze cheeks bloomed with colour. "I'm not trying to... well it's more a controlled chaos now, isn't it?"
He laughed at her abashed expression. "I'm not upset. It looks better and I haven't tripped over random piles of things since you got here, so my knees and toes thank you."
"You took care of the plants too!" Dean pointed at the window. "His plants always made me sad."
Bobby's mum insisted on buying him houseplants because she said it was good for his mental health, but he didn't have the kind of mind that remembered to care for them. So, they usually just withered and browned, and he binned them. And the next time his mum visited, she'd make tsk sounds between her teeth and buy him some more.
He'd definitely noticed the suspiciously clean flat, but not the fact that his plants were now prettily lined up along a shelf beneath his window. They were pruned and thinner than before, but also much more alive.
"Wow," he said. "They're actually green!"
"Yeah, while Isla napped the other day, I trimmed all the dead leaves and cut the stems back and when I popped to the shop I bought some new soil for them..." she said. "Once I got them into the window and properly watered, they perked up."
Bobby wandered over and stared. "They look great. You've got a green thumb."
"I guess so," she said. "I'm not outdoorsy, but I love plants. Mostly because I hate decorating. I don't really like a lot of clutter for myself, so when in doubt, I put a plant wherever things look bare. Chelsea visited once and had a meltdown. She wanted to add throw pillows everywhere." Lili's nose crinkled up. "I nearly had to physically restrain her from buying everything at The Range and piling it into my flat."
"I didn't know you and Chels were still so close," he said, poking at a yellow and green leaf.
"She's not really the type to let you stop being close with her. It's a brute force friendship with that one." She shook her head and laughed. "You know, before the show I didn't have many friends other than Lauren. Now I've got Hope and Chelsea and... you."
Warmth spread through his chest. "Guess you're stuck with all of us. Like burrs in your socks."
"I'd say it's more like a hogweed rash. Very itchy." Her smile belied her words. "But I'm still glad to have it."
"You're a melt."
"You're a muppet," she said without rancour.
Dean and Louis were watching them closely and he shifted, suddenly self-conscious. "Um, so anyway..."
Louis stood up, hoisting Isla in his arms. "Yeah, we should go and leave you two alo– I mean let you two rest."
"Unless you want to go to dinner with us?" Dean said. Louis shot him a look and he shrugged.
"Oh no," Lili said. "No need for that."
"Yeah, Lili needs her rest. She's faffing off this afternoon and leaving me to my glorious trainwreck of a life."
"Mm, it is glorious," she said.
"Fine." Dean sighed. "But next time we see you Miss Lili, we're taking you to an expensive dinner."
"How about a Sunday roast instead?" she said. "I haven't had that in ages. I spend most of my Sundays with Lauren, but she's a vegetarian."
"I make an amazing roast," Louis chirped. "Better than Gary's nan's!"
They chatted for another minute, before Dean declared himself exhausted and they said their goodbyes, leaving the flat toddler free and quiet.
Bobby collapsed on the couch in a heap of freckles and limp muscles. "I love Isla but..."
"Yeah. Same. I forgot how exhausting toddlers can be." She perched gracefully on the small amount of couch he left for her.
He moved aside to make some space and then flopped against her side forcing her sideways. "I'm sorry, Lil."
"For squishing me? The thing you're currently doing?"
"No, I'm not sorry for that."
Her bright golden laugh shook them both, since he was half laying on her. "Then what are you apologising for?"
"Because of how things went with Fen. I know you were in the right and you were helping me, but I don't do well with arguing and I–"
Lili leaned against him, forcing him sideways in the other direction. "It's alright. I know it's hard for you. I'll be the bad cop to your good cop, whenever you need."
The words wrapped themselves around him like an embrace. "Will you?"
"Absolutely." They sat there for a while, leaning on each other as the morning sun spilled into the room, lighting it like fire. Glowing light danced on her face and he found himself overwhelmed with so many feelings, he couldn't begin to sort them all out.
She took a breath. "Well, I should pack my–"
"Thank you," he whispered.
She turned toward him, her gaze soft. "What for?"
"For taking the time to help me. For being amazing with Isla and for being brilliant with figures and budgets. Not to mention yelling at Fen for me. I don't know how I would have gotten through the week without you."
"You're welcome. I'm just glad Operation: Destress Bobby was a success." She stood and stretched.
"As far as operations go, it was much more successful than Operation: Nope." He froze. Should he have brought that up? How raw was that wound for her?
She laughed lightly. "I would hope it was more successful than that. You and Priya pulled a Godzilla on the villa with that one."
"It was pure glaikit," he said.
She started toward the bedroom. "Looking back though, I mean you probably weren't wrong."
He turned and crossed his arms, settling them on the back of the couch, and then rested his chin on them. "No, I'm sure I was."
She hesitated. "I mean, it was too soon for them," she said. "For everyone, really. You were right about it, even if you didn't think you meant the two of us."
"I don't know. I think it was just really fucking complicated. Or it felt complicated."
"Yeah. Then I guess Noah was the one who was right. Love shouldn't be that hard."
"Loving you wasn't hard, Lil," he said softly. "It was the easiest thing I've ever done. I think... maybe having a relationship, being honest, and not letting fear get the better of us. That was the hard part."
Sunlight wavered between them on his scuffed wooden floor. She stared down at it for a moment. When she looked up, her eyes shimmered like dark chocolate melting in a bain marie.
"For whatever it's worth," she said, her lips curving in a fond smile. "Loving you wasn't hard either."
NOTE FROM THE WRITER
Life took a very surprise turn and it's both good and bad. I'm pretty stressed right now and keeping my head above water meant I had to stop the momentum I was gathering for the end of this book. I promised two weeks and I did not deliver. I'm sorry about that. I'm not super happy with the chapter, but sometimes good enough has to do. Late as it is, I hope you enjoyed it!
Thank you so much for reading! As always, if you like what I do, leave me kudos and a comment! Or throw me a tweet @muggedoff4life. Validation is my love language 💖
Oh, and for funsies, check out TSIME's playlist. It's updated with each chapter.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0FMiCOObUf4c7mRUBDqj6M?si=kj29rh_3SemnxAOD5S2lZg