I hated mornings. I could not recall a single moment in time where I was ever a morning person. Yet here I was, scraping back the bed linens and sucking in sharp breaths that felt like shards of glass scratching my windpipe as they went down.
Even breathing was difficult this early.
I made an attempt to recollect myself, sighing. The dreams I had been having of late hadn't made me any more eager to start my days. I could hear voices further down the hall following each other back and forth. Hurried words in hushed tones, then a few louder and sharper commands. I winced and my hands met my face with an even louder sigh.
Today was the day the Blue Coats came. This also meant that today was probably the last day I'd have to myself in a very, very long time.
A soft noise came from the foot of my bed, somewhere beyond all the sheets and items of clothing I had thrown aside. A smile played on my lips and in an instant, a black, warm mass leaped onto my lap loudly purring in response.
"Did you sleep well?" I asked the creature, hooking two fingers under her chin and drawing circles in her long, black fur.
A trill in response.
It was Nimble's way to convey her delight. I couldn't help but melt at the sight of my cat, three years old, hair long and messy like she was any other wild thing we had plucked from the woods surrounding Fairharbour. I kissed her temple and she nuzzled my cheek softly before hopping off the bed and slinking toward my bedroom door. A silent question. "When's breakfast?"
"You, my dear friend," I said as I got up from my bed with a grunt, "are ruled by your stomach."
There was another meow from her, followed by a scoff from myself. I walked over to the wardrobe, gasping as the cold floorboards met the soles of my bare feet. I pulled on the gilded handles and with an unamused creak, the wardrobe obliged.
If there was one thing I enjoyed about this life and the status I held, it was definitely the finery that came in the form of pressed dresses adorned with colourful lace and beads. And the food— Gods above, I loved the food!
Silently, as I began pulling on a thick sweater over my head, I thought of what might be served for dinner tonight. Perhaps Nimble wasn't the only creature here ruled by her stomach.
I slid my foot into the soft, supple leather of my old boots. There was time and place for opulence after all, and the conditions of Fairharbour's woodlands did not permit a lady, especially one of status, to wander through the foliage in her Sunday best.
So I slipped on my jacket of choice and weaved my way through the halls with Nimble at my heel.
Naturally, we made our first stop at the kitchens. Nimble was busy pestering the cook for a piece of raw sausage. Every morning, they would have the same conversation. The cook would tell her no, and eventually those big green eyes that sparkled like sea glass would melt him as they had once melted me. Nimble was brilliant when it came to psychological warfare. However, the kitchens were extremely busy today. People rushed in and out, some bringing trays upon trays of endless things in only to bring them back out moments later. I wasn't too concerned though.
I sat on a countertop, staring blankly at the apple I had just taken a large bite out of. I was waiting for someone, as per usual and he was late— as per usual. I had just about massacred the apple core, digging my fingernails into the flesh of it to peel out the seeds when I heard a voice.
"Shouldn't you be upstairs?" the ring was familiar, low and yet a little gentle.
I scoffed, "Good morning to you too, Caine."
I watched his face for a moment. Only briefly. He had tanned skin all freckled along the bridge of his nose. His hair, fawn and wavy, was particularly unruly today. Caine wore an apron slick with a few wet patches of blood. It was nothing you wouldn't expect from a butcher, or at least a butcher in training.
He pulled off his apron and hung it on the side door that was left ajar before walking through it. I followed behind him as we made our way to the gardens. There at the focal point, huddled up reading a book on the ridge of the decorative fountain was Selene. She looked deep in thought, perplexed almost as she frowned at something deep within the pages before grabbing a pen and scrawling something in it's place. Her eyes appeared darker than usual, probably due to a lack of sleep. Only when she saw both myself and Caine did she seem to perk up.
"Hello trouble." a dimpled smile played at the corner of her full lips.
" Selene Arwenna Ridge, have you been to sleep at all in the last week?" I said playfully before rushing over to hop on to the ridge next to her.
I leaned my head on her shoulder and peered down into her hands at the leather bound book she held.
"Certainly doesn't feel like it." she said quietly, raising a hand to her head only to scratch at it.
I looked at her— really looked at her, and felt a silver of an emotion that was hard to pin. Perhaps it was pity, but I knew that Selene would never forgive me for giving her a single ounce of my pity so I paused and made a new expression for myself. Something on the border between mischievous and harmless.
"Enough of that," Caine said quite firmly before he closed the book for her," we've got work to do."
I heard Selene mumble something before she got up to her feet. She was a small young lady all in all. Her height was no more than five-foot four. However, despite being the shortest out of the three of us, she was undoubtedly the most beautiful.
Her skin was a russet reddish-brown, freckled here and there along the ridges of her face. Selene's hair was raven coloured and coiled, just falling short of her shoulders. Today she wore a grey tunic underneath her favourite knitted cardigan.
We chatted among ourselves quietly as we followed Caine through the gardens, eventually coming up to the lip of the woods.
"Have you thought about where you'll go once you've finished studying?" I asked her, somewhat hesitant to hear her answer.
Selene bit her bottom lip in thought, eyes wandering across the canopy of trees above us.
"I think I'd like to travel a little, there is so much world to see but Fairharbour... Fairharbour will always be my home."
I almost felt guilty for smiling. I felt guilty that I wanted to keep her and Caine close. No doubt, Caine Callahan would live and die in Fairharbour carrying on the family trade but Selene longed for something else. It was hard not to notice the way her eyes lit up when she talked about rare species of animals and plants on far away continents across the sea. I had seen that look in eyes before. She had a thirst for knowledge, and eventually it was going to take her many places where I wouldn't be.
"So, are you excited?." she nudged my arm and I furrowed my brows.
"No, not really." I muttered after my foot collided with a rock somewhere along my path causing me to stumble.
"So you're telling me you get to go see the capital of Imera in all it's glory, parties in full swing, booze and feasts and you're not one bit excited for it?" Caine stopped at the foot of a particular tree. He reached his arm into a nook crudely carved out by one of his hunting knives no doubt, and pulled out a leather bag. Inside the bag was his weapon of choice that made all the living creatures of the forest fear the Callahan boy.
I wrinkled my nose at the sight of the crossbow. It was a dangerous looking thing and I hoped I'd never be at either end of it. Though, given recent events, the thought was tempting.
"Not really. Brenna is the one getting married, I'll just be there to keep up appearances and lend her some cousinly advice when it suits her to listen." I grumbled.
As much as I didn't want to leave, I loved my cousin dearly. She was only two years older than myself but it didn't seem like much of a difference unless she was using her age to tell me what to do or where to be in life. Still, I found myself determined to follow her into the capital because when it came down to it, I'd hoped she would do the same for me. Getting married was one thing, but being told who you had to marry and when you had to marry them was another. Guilt washed over me as I walked.
"Your cousin is marrying a Prince," Caine said, face blank and as unfeeling as he could make it," and one day she might even be a Queen and forget all about Fairharbour and the rest of us. Then you will be all we have left."
"God help us." Selene laughed and I rolled my eyes.
Still, there was a subtle bitterness in Caine's tone that unnerved me. I knew where it stemmed from. Still, I fell silent for a while as we continued moving deeper into the forest, stopping every now and then when Selene reached for something among the foliage only to hide it away in her bag for later study.
"Do you think the Ashai are as scary as people say?" Selene asked me quietly when Caine had put a hand out, signalling for us to stop as he tracked whatever it was he was tracking.
I thought about it. This time, I tried my best to not feel biased about them. From all the times I had seen the people of Ashai envoy gathered in the great hall of Whitestone palace, I had painted an unchanging picture of them in my mind. The people of Ashea seemed to be a serious, stern looking people. They were always well dressed and well mannered, but stiff to the point where just looking at them made my back ache. They didn't seem to smile much, or not around anyone that wasn't their own. They certainly couldn't handle their drink as much as a rowdy crowd of Imeran soldiers fresh off a warboat in Fairharbour. Those men were often seen drinking early into the morning, gambling in small taverns until all the brass buttons on their coats had disappeared and they were left in their draws.
"I don't really want to find out... least not the same way Arden did." I sighed and felt something tug at my insides. It was an ache that had been there a while, years even, but I had my ways of burying it deeper inside of myself when needed.
All it took was a smell or a sound and I'd be back there at the Abbey in Whitestone.
I had only just turned eight years old when I watched them lower what was left of my older brother into the ground on a bitter winter morning. I just stood there, face blank with a fist full of wilting flowers ready to throw in after the pretty box, wondering why everyone was crying. No one had really explained to me that death meant that you didn't get to come back. I had always thought that I'd find Arden again at the end of a long corridor on a summer evening, book in hand with only a finger to keep his glasses perched on the ridge of his freckled nose. Boys like Arden weren't meant for war. Yet, thousands of boys just like him died trying to settle a fight between two countries.
The thought of Brenna having to leave me, although not permanently, made that old ache rise to the surface again.
I heard a sharp whistle followed by a colourful curse from Caine. He'd probably scared away whatever sorry animal he was hunting, and wanted to blame it on our chatter. Though, instead of scolding us, he quickly and silently disappeared into the thick brush after it. Selene and I shared a look that we had shared one too many times before.
We found Caine kneeling on the ground in a little clearing. His crossbow was tossed aside along with his satchel. He was still for a moment. I silently wondered to myself if he was even breathing. Then he heard us approach and turned his head toward us with a satisfied grin on his face.
"It wasn't what I was initially aiming for..." he began as he reached out to the grass in front of him and plucked some dead thing from it," but I'm sure it will taste just as good."
I grimaced and looked away as he inspected the shrunken silhouette of a squirrel before pulling the arrow free with a soft squelch that made my toes curl inside my boots. In that moment, I had to wonder why I was even here. Why did I come on these excursions? Caine came for the hunting and Selene came for her studies, but I had no real reason to be here other than the company.
"We should probably head back or the Blue Coats will have a bounty on your head." Selene sighed.
I grabbed hold of her hand and squeezed it gently,
"I'll be back before you know it. I'll tell you all about it over some hot tea and cake."
Selene smiled a smile that seemed both happy and sympathetic. I think she knew how I truly felt deep down, and I didn't even have the heart to try and defend myself from any pity.
The thought of Brenna no longer being at the manor made me feel sick. Still, it was better than never seeing her at all. I supposed I'd see her every year at least, they'd send her over with some envoy in the King's stead to celebrate the peace like they had always done. My nose wrinkled at the thought.
"Are you coming or what?" Selene asked, her hand squeezing mine now.
I looked at her, probably with the same vacant and faraway expression I always had, then nodded.
I was pretty certain you could cut the tension in the courtyard with one of Caine's hunting knives. Well, anyone could cut anything with one of those in hand. Everywhere I looked there was something happening. Not a single space was left unoccupied.
People were darting back and forth, red-faced and out of breath. Nearer to the gates of the estate, carriages were being loaded with trunks filled with expensive heirloom jewellery and silks. The air smelled heavily of sweat and horses.
A trill came from my feet and I smiled, met by two green eyes filled with nothing but love. I bent over at the waist like a true lady, then scooped up Nimble into my arms so she could get a better view of the scenery.
"Are you excited?" I whispered to her.
A purr in response as she rubbed her wet, black nose on my cheek. I smiled again and obliged, scratching her under the chin until she grew frenzied.
"Better say your goodbyes and hurry along." Nina, the matron of the house said as she hauled one of my suitcases along.
I frowned.
"Surely you can't be expecting to bring that thing with you to the palace?" she gestured toward Nimble and I covered her ears with my hand as if she could understand what Nina had said.
"Of course Nimble is coming." I protested.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head ever so slightly to see Brenna, dressed to impress with a stern look upon her face.
"It wouldn't be fair to Nimble, Thyria. She'll be frightened by the change of scenery, or maybe even get lost in the capital. You'll only be gone a month. Then you can come back and see her." Brenna said firmly as she made her way to her carriage.
"But—"
"Nina will look after her." she persisted and I felt my heart sink a little lower as my hold on Nimble grew tighter. Nimble just purred obliviously.
For what felt like the millionth time today, my heart sank. Nina held out her arms with an impatient look on her face. I couldn't say I had never seen her not impatient, especially when it came to matters concerning me. I swallowed, hard. Saying goodbye to Selene and Caine had been one thing, but Nimble...
"Right then," Nina said as she plucked Nimble from my grasp eliciting a soft meow of confusion from the cat, "your carriage awaits. Clothes have been laid out for you, you'll be expected to put them on before you reach the capital. I shall see you upon your return."
Nina was quick in her departure, much like the motion of ripping gauze from a particularly grotesque weeping wound.
"Don't cry," Brenna said quietly, "one month for you, a lifetime for me."
I swore I felt my throat close. I nodded stiffly. Brenna was right after all. I would be gone for a month at most, but she would probably never see the manor house again. For a moment, I dared to imagine what it would be like to never see Fairharbour again. It was not easy.
Selene wrapped her arms around me tightly, squeezing the last of the air from my lungs.
"You come back safely, you hear me?" her voice trembled slightly.
I could only nod. I hated goodbyes. I looked around the courtyard. Anywhere but Selene's face. Apparently I wasn't the only one who hated farewells.
"Caine said he wasn't feeling well." Selene offered up an excuse.
I coughed dryly in response, knowing that his sickness was not caused by me, but, caused by something else.
"It's alright," I mumbled, "I'll see you both in a month."
Selene nodded before stepping back as if she was preparing to walk away, "Bring me back some of that fancy stuff from the city breweries!'
I allowed myself to let out a laugh. Brief and sweet. I hoped that this was the part she remembered out of the whole dreadful farewell.
"Only the best for you, Miss Ridge!" I joked, biting back tears as I was being ushered into a carriage.
Selene smiled, and I think it made it much worse. I was used to the feeling of missing someone, but not before they were gone. I hadn't even noticed I was sat in the back of the carriage until I heard the footman close the door in-front of my face with a click. Still, my eyes were fixed on Selene through the window. She was waving softly. I felt the carriage lurch forward before it began swaying as the wheels bounced along the gravel. One month, just one month.
And just like that, Fairharbour was behind us.