brianna
i wake up to my body literally feeling numb. its almost completely silent in the room except for the irritating noise of a monitor and the faint sound of people talking beyond the room i'm in.
i finally open my heavy eyelids, slowly lifting my head to scan the room. my mom sits, sleeping slouched over in a chair across from me.
my mouth is too dry to let out any words, me smacking them a few times as i continue to lay down.
so this is what it feels like? this is that heartbreaking moment that rue described once before about feeling like you've completely failed at life.
although the lights are off, the room still feels bright, the light seeping through from the closed windows and bouncing off the reflection of the white walls.
my body feels like i've been asleep for years, yet still tired.
i push myself, finally being able to sit up fully, clearing my throat as i try to bare out words.
"mom?" i say, in almost a whimper.
it doesn't matter though, her motherly instincts instantly waking her up.
"oh my god, brianna." she says, rushing over to me to embrace me in a hug. i feel her muscles tighten around me as she begins to softly cry, breaking my heart.
"im so glad you're alright." she says to me, wiping her cheeks as she pulls away.
i slightly smile. i look away, reobserving the room. i remember what happened, yet i don't actually know what happened.
i turn back to her, frantically. "i didn't- you know, did i?" i ask her, concerned on how deep of shit i'm in.
she shakes her head, letting out a small laugh to my surprise. "no, god no. thank god, but still, i don't know what made you want to try drugs in the first place."
my face is blank, even more confused than i was before. i look to her again, about to ask more questions before she rushes to the little remote thingy.
"oh, we have to alert the doctor that you're awake." she says. almost instantly, there's a faint knock at the door, a short female doctor inviting herself in.
"hi brianna, im doctor coleman. nice to meet you!" she says, full of energy. "first off, i wanna ask how are you feeling and all?"
i glance between her and my mom, smiling slightly once again. "i literally feel fine." i say, genuinely confused on why i'm in the hospital if i didn't overdose.
"that's good. so i understand you had one hell of a fall while bowling, due to lost of balance? right? and also you had some, well party favors in there too?" she laughs at her own joke, my mom smiling too.
what the fuck is going on. literally why is everyone so chill right now.
i just nod slightly, looking as she continues to read off the clip board in her hands.
"like i was telling your mom, i understand this is normal for teens to try new things, but i hope this helps you learn you're better off not dabbling into that stuff anymore." she continues.
she ends up telling me the fall caused a mild concussion and that i had done bruising and swelling to the back of my head, but that's it.
"well, that's all i've got, you were only out for the remainder of the night, nothing out the normal. i prescribed you with something for the pain, because you'll probably have intense headaches for the next week or so."
"thank you doctor coleman." my mom says, still standing near the bed with me.
"oh one more thing. should i send him back now?" the doctor looks at my mom. she glances at me, sighing as she nods.
"yeah, while you do that, i'll go start on her release paperwork." mom says, both her and the doctor walking out the room together.
i look to my right, my purse and my clothes on the side cart next to me, me reaching over to grab it. i find my phone, opening it to what seems like millions of messages.
i skim through, not really interested in reading them all right now until one completely takes me back by surprise.
imessage from rue
bri
2:04 am
imessage from rue
fez got raided
2:04 am
just then the door opens again, the person walking inside, drawing my attention away from my phone.
nate.
he's in sweatpants and a hoodie, the hood being over his head, covering his messy hair. his face seems quite flushed as he looks down to me.
i don't even take note to the roses in his hand until he reaches them out to me, not saying a word although his lips part slightly.
"thanks." i take them, smelling them slightly before laying them next to me.
we stare at each other for what seems like an eternity before he steps closer, wrapping his arms around me finally. i instantly let my body sink into him, even though i'm only hugging his torso due to him standing and me still on the bed.
"you scared the shit out of me, bri." he whispers, me only nodding my head.
"i know, i know. but what happened. why is everyone so, i don't know, normal about this." i finally ask him.
he takes a seat next to me in the bed, grabbing ahold of my hand before placing a kiss on it.
"kat and bb really saved your ass brianna." he starts, my brows furrowing.
"i don't know how but they made it seemed like it was your first time ever taking anything. said y'all all just wanted to try something new and it just ended up being too much for you while bowling, causing you to fall." he explains.
wow, they even sold the story to me, no wonder everyone believed it.
"so no rehab?" i joke, making him smile but only for a single second.
"bri, this shit isn't funny. no, you didn't get caught with anything but you still scared everyone. you can't be fucking mixing shit like that." he says sternly.
so i guess they told him the real story. could've spared me with that too at least.
"nate come on. you know i'm not like a junkie or anything. it was just my first time trying fetnol. and honestly, not mixing it with that tab would've went so much smoother." i say, which clearly was a mistake, because he becomes pissed.
"please stop being so goddamn fucking stupid. like deadass or you will end up in rehab bri." his voice raises.
"shut up, god, im not rue okay. i can handle myself, i don't need you on my dick all the fucking time nate."
he scoffs, standing up as he paces the room. "you say that shit but who was the one that just slept in the waiting room all fucking night waiting for you to wake up brianna?"
"i didn't ask you to do that!" i yell back to him, not understanding why he's mad right now.
" i fucking know that! i didn't have to do that shit, but i did because i fucking care, bri. i care so i get mad when you're fucked up on drugs, i get mad when you fuck other guys, i get mad when you ignore me, because i fucking care about you. what the fuck don't you understand about that shit." he screams to me, his whole body full of anger.
just then the door swings open, two police officers walking inside. they both seem taken back at our body language towards each other, and they clearly heard at least some of the conversation.
"may we speak to ms.clayco alone for a few minutes?" they say to nate, signaling him to leave the room.
i look to him, my heart now racing. he sighs, there being nothing he can do but exit like asked.
one officer pulls out a pin and notepad while the other clears his throat to start talking.
"first off, glad you're okay brianna. we just have to ask some routine questions for stuff like this."
i nod my head, gulping while awaiting.
"so your friends told us last night that was you three's first time trying the drug fetnol, is it?" he says, making me nod again.
"where'd you get this drug from? they said you bought it for the group."
shit.
"um, j-just some guy." i mumble, looking through the blinds of the room, seeing nate standing right outside.
"is he a known supplier in the town? do you know his name?" he asks me, questioning me even harder because of my shortness.
"uh, i just heard about him at school, so yeah, i don't know his name though. and we just met at a park, right after school on friday so that i had it for our night out on saturday, um yesterday." i say quickly.
if there's one thing, i swear i will never tell on fezco. illegal plug or not, i still care for him with all my heart.
the officer takes something from the other officer's hand, now holding up a picture to me.
"did he look like this?"
it's a clear imagine of fez, smoking something outside his convenience store.
"does the name fezco ring a bell?" he asks again.
my mouth runs dry as i just shake my head. "no sir"
they give each other a look before sighing. he thanks me for my time and starts to leave.
"oh, one more thing. we were informed about some scar tissue damage, more like bruising on your neck. is there anything you'd like to tell us brianna?"
my eyes direct to nate through the window once again, scared for my life. here's my chance to come clean, but is it worth it? we've moved past it clearly, but does that redeem him for what he did to me?
the other officer steps forward to where he's right in front of me. "we know you're involved with nate jacobs. he may have beat a case before but if you know something, you need to tell us brianna." he says.
i look away quickly, looking down at my fiddling fingers.
"i don't know what you're talking about." i whisper, looking up to both of them.
they reluctantly withdraw back from me, saying their goodbyes as they finally leave the room.
my mom and nate both enter together now, my mom signaling over to the clothes i wore last night that's still on the cart. "go on and get dress, it's time to go home." she smiles to me.
i glare to nate, him clearly nervous of what was said before he leaves the room with her again, giving me space to change.
—————
it's been about a month since the whole getting out the hospital thing. everything seems to be back to normal.
mom talked to me about the whole drug issue, saying she's disappointed that's what interested me, but is glad it happened in a way on the "first time" so that i've learned my lesson and won't ever want to do it again.
no one really knew at school, except for my friends, so this wasn't some big rumor going around that i had to deal with.
hardin did hear though, im assuming through maddy, who literally could've heard through anyone of our group, including nate.
to my surprise other than a few texts, hardin didn't really go as hard about it as i thought he would, i think he's finally letting me go this time.
i don't feel like anyone will understand but it hurts.
it's hurts like hell.
knowing you're not good for the one person you thought your forever would be. hardin was definitely my first love.
but i didn't bug him about it. i think this is what we need if we could ever be any type of mutual again in the future.
i can't say the same about maddy though. i definitely won't hear the end of it this time because nate has, so he says, officially cut her off.
and it shows.
she barely shows up for school anymore, at least not for the past couple weeks and although i thought kat was free from her, she's been her right hand man with helping her heal from this breakup.
as for nate and i, not much has been said. at least not on my part. it's the second half of this semester so we don't have biology together anymore, we don't have any class together, so the only time i've seen him is through pass bys in the hallways.
i can't deny the fact that i do miss the hell out of him though.
at one point he was blowing me up, precisely right after the hospital thing. i can't blame him. i just don't think i was in the position to talk to him though.
i may have acted tuff but i think as soon as i got home that night, reality hit. i really could've overdosed. i really could've been in rehab or i even worst, died.
but luckily i didn't, and i've grown out that dark stage of feeling sorry for myself. i will say i've chilled on pills, well for the past two weeks. weed is my best friend now and that's okay.
with my head being so clear all the time, i do think about nate much more now. i want to talk to him. i want to talk to him about him caring, about him saying he loves me, literally everything i was avoiding before.
i miss him.
i miss everything about him, our useless arguments, us fighting over denying feelings, our sex, literally everything.
as toxic as he may be, i've never met anyone that makes me feel what nate does and i hate myself for trying to deny it for so long.
but i think i've fucked up. i think i've pushed him away for too long because he doesn't try anymore, he doesn't seem to care anymore. i've tried texting him once or twice and no response and i don't know if it's out of spite, or has he not only completely cut maddy off, but me as well.
either way,
i've lost him.
and maybe it's for the best, maybe it's hardin part two. we honestly seem like we're just not meant to be either.
i sigh as the bell rings, bringing me out of my thoughts, signaling that class is over.
i pack my bag, flooding into the hallway with everyone else as i head for my locker in between classes. i stuff my bag in there, it being game day, meaning it time to go set up and practice one more time for tonight.
it's the last game of the season, nate's first game back since being released from his suspension.
everyone will be there.
imessage to cass
still wanna try to get slushies before the game?
4:24 pm
i lock my phone, waiting for her to respond as i look around.
sure enough, i spot nate surrounded by his usual group of friends, gently tossing a football in the air.
we make eye contact for just a split second, before i turn back to my locker.
my phone finally dings, regaining my attention.
imessage from cass
completely forgot to tell you, my mom made my appointment for today, you know ...
4:26 pm
i gasp, completely understanding that what she's going through is far more important than not only slushies but the entire game as a whole.
imessage to cass
omg, good luck, i hope everything goes well, pls text or call when you're done, love youu
4:26 pm
i lock it once again, now really out of options for what to do other than heading straight to practice now. i take the chance and turn back to the direction nate was in, glancing at him again.
i find him already looking at me, this time him being the one to look away. he adjusts his bookbag, him and his friends starting to walk away, im assuming towards practice as well.
i guess we are completely done.
—————
"gooo black hawks!" i scream, my smile dropping as soon as the cheer is done.
it's the middle of the game, and we're tied with only two minutes left on the clock.
the stands are packed and we've been cheering the entire game, im honestly over it.
nate's tried to throw the ball to what seems like
countless amounts of wider receivers, none of them being able to catch it. it seriously looks like we might loose the last game of the season tonight.
it comes down to the last ten seconds on the clock, there only being time for one more play to be made.
we all watch as we watch nate's down set hut as he looks for someone to throw it it. surprisingly he takes off running, all the way until he scores our final touchdown, the crowd going crazy.
i cross my arms, not wanting to cheer for him considering the terms we're on.
he's getting congratulated by the entire team, pushing his way through until he seems to be right in front of me.
"what, you can't cheer for your team quarterback?" he jokes, slightly pushing my shoulder.
i try my hardest not to smile, not wanting him to get that side of me right now.
"come here." he says, still smiling at me as he pulls me in for a hug against his sweaty body. i push against him, taken back by his actions. i don't know if it's the adrenaline or what but did he forget we haven't spoken in a month?
"stop being a bitch."
i roll my eyes at him, offended by how's he's acting as if there's noting wrong between us. i keep my arms crossed, not saying anything back to him, while the rest of the world seems to go crazy around us.
a random teammate comes up to him, jumping up and down beside him, causing him to get lost in the excitement once again. i scoff as i reach behind me, grabbing my bag off the floor to start heading to the locker room.
"brianna." i hear him say, him now jogging towards me. "stay the night with me." he says lowly, smirking down at me.
"nate, what the fuck? you can't act like you hate me one minute then-"
"go get changed and meet me by my truck in 20 minutes." he says before running away back to his teammates before i can even respond.
i huff, even though i do exactly what he says though, excited that i get to be rekindled with him tonight, even though i'd never admit it to him.
after changing in the girls locker room, i walk out to the parking lot, finding nate leaned up against the truck like he said he'd be. his hair is wet and he's in sweats, signaling that he took a shower in the locker room like i did.
i don't say anything to him, just walk over to the passenger side, getting in immediately as i watch him chuckle to himself before doing the same.
it's a silent drive back, only the faint rap music playing in the background of the car.
when we pull up, no other car is in the driveway, im assuming his parents still stuck in traffic leaving the school since they were also at the game.
we make it inside, walking to his room as i throw my stuff on the ground and sit on his bed, kicking off my shoes.
he wastes no time, kneeling on the floor right in front of me as he wraps his arms around my waist, laying his head in my lap.
i smile to myself as my hands begin to roam through his damp hair, while i glance down, seeing his eyes closed.
he sighs as his body feels relaxed against mine, seeming like he enjoys the movements of my hands.
eventually he sits up, glaring up at me. his eyes seem dark as he holds eye contact, finally pushing his lips against mine.
he bites the bottom of my lip, tugging it slightly before slipping his tongue in my mouth, causing me to moan.
that goes on for a hot minute, him pulling away for a second, giving us both time to catch our breath.
he pulls his shirt over his head before standing completely to remove his sweats as well. he switches places with me, signaling me to stand as he sits at the edge of the bed, slightly leaning back as he balances himself on his hands.
i stare at him as i slowly unzip my mini track jacket, leaving me in only a bra underneath as he watches intensely.
next i turn slightly, shimming my ass as i begin to push down the track pants. i bend all the way down until they're at my feet, giving him the perfect view of my ass before he grabs my arm, spinning me back around to face him.
he pulls me near him, me only in my under garments as he leans forward to remove the claw clip out my hair, letting it fall against my shoulders.
"i'm gonna fuck the shit out of you." he says, eyeing me intensely once again.
i lean forward going towards his ears as i graze against it. "prove it."
he pulls against me again, wrapping his arms around me. my mind wonders to everything we have going on right now before pulling away him.
"do you have a condom." i whisper to him, trying not to ruin the moment.
his head tilts as his face scrunches up. "you serious?"
i bite the side of my lip, nodding my head slightly.
"we've never used one before, the fuck do you wanna start for?"
i shrug my shoulders, glancing away from him. "since we've barely spoken for months and i know you're fucking other people." i argue.
he doesn't try to debate with me, probably not wanting to fight with his dick hard, but instead let's put a small laugh, dropping his head in his hands.
he sighs, still rubbing his face against his hands. "they're in a drawer in my bathroom.
i hop up, following instructions as i go inside his bathroom, the door slightly cracked open behind me, but not wide enough for him to see me.
i begin rambling through his drawers, also looking through his stuff out of curiosity when i hear footsteps approaching outside the door.
"nathaniel."
i can hear his dads voice radiate through the room as i stay in the bathroom. i rush to go as far behind the door as possible so he definitely won't see me.
"you may have won the game but you lost control of your team. and in the long run if you don't lead, you're gonna loose." i hear cal's voice tell him.
i press my ear against the door, trying my best to listen but stay quiet.
nate doesn't respond, but i hear the sound of him getting up from the bed, im assuming towards his father.
"you need to take a step back nate." cal speaks.
i turn my body swiftly, to where i can see what's going on through the crack of the door, nate towering over his father now.
"i said take a step back." is the last thing he says before he pushes nate on the bed, as they begin to fight and push each other.
i bring my hand over my mouth, scared of what i'm watching. i knew nate hated his father, but not enough to fight him.
"get the fuck off me. get your fucking hands off me you fucking faggot. get the fuck off!" nate screams to him, his dad still pressing him into the bed.
"stop fighting!"
"fuck you!" nate screams over him again and again.
cal then pulls his body, nate falling onto the floor while he's still on stop or him, trying to control his son's swinging arms.
"do you wanna keep fighting?" cal yells in face.
nate groans in agony as he's still trying to resist his dad. his face is scrunched up, his entire body turning red as you can tell he's crying now.
he begins to bang his head against the ground, over and over again.
cal slides back against the floor, in awe as we both watch nate slam his entire body against the ground repeatedly.
my body's in shock as i keep trying to look away. this is too much. i've never seen this side of nate. i begin to shake at how extreme this has become.
nate yells out, still hurting himself and punching the floor. my eyes dart to the movements of cal standing up and rushing out the room quickly, and i hear a door shut, im assuming from his office.
nate still goes on and on as i finally have a break through moment to run from out the bathroom, going over to him.
i kneel beside him as i grab against one of his arms, preventing it from hitting the floor.
"nate stop! you're hurting yourself!" i yell at him over his loud groans.
he doesn't listen, still going on his rampage about god knows what.
"nate! please!"
his body comes to a holt as his body breathes heavy. he brings his body to me, wrapping his arms against me once again as he cries out against me.
my body goes numb as i try not to start balling my own eyes out
"i fucking hate him." he weeps out in between his cries. i just nod my head, holding onto him
as tight as possible, letting him release all his hurt onto me for the rest of the night.
comment thoughts pleaseee!
also maybe one or two more chapters left before i'm ending this to start writing my NEW book which is a continuation but for season 2, hope you're as excited as i am!!