"You have to look perfect, first impressions are really important." Bellatrix was anxiously fixing my hair for what seemed like the hundredth time. She was a nerve wreck, she had spent all morning making sure the Riddle mansion was impeccable, commanding every house elf we had, and had borrowed from the Malfoy's, to clean and fix everything to perfection. She had been planning this day for basically all my life, the day where she would introduce me to Voldemort, where she would show him how much of a good job she's done, how perfect I already am.
It was the summer holidays, and it was also July 10th, my birthday. Classes had just finished, and so had the Triwizard tournament, during the final of which, Voldemort finally came back. Bella had been talking nonstop since I got back from Hogwarts about how amazing it'll be when I finally meet him, how much I am like him. To be honest, I don't know how I feel about that; I know what he's done, and why he's done it, only to make sure us pureblood witches and wizards claim our rightful place above everyone else, but just as I'm not actually pureblood, sometimes I think we maybe should not be above everyone else, but maybe just in the same level. But what do I know, I'm only 15, they're the ones that actually know what's right or not, what's fair.
She finally let go of my hair, and ran to the kitchen to make sure the food the elves were preparing was perfect. Although it's dinner time, I was woken up really early in the morning by Bellatrix, who was happily screaming about how today was the day. She made sure I looked elegant, dressed in a beautiful and elegant knee-length black dress, made of a smooth fabric, that was just a little bit shorter on the front, and a little bit longer on the back. My hair was done by one of my house elves, Mindy, who had put my hair in an elegant up-do. I didn't have any makeup on, since Bellatrix didn't say I should and I didn't really feel like putting on any.
I was so stressed, so anxious. What if he doesn't like me? What if I'm not what he had hopped I'd be when he let me live? I had to be, I owe him after all. I ran my hands down my dress, smoothing it out.
Bellatrix ran back to where I was, right by the main door. Rodolphus too walked to where we were, and suddenly it got colder, scarier. It was almost as if I could feel him outside, walking towards the door. Bellatrix and Rodolphus stood behind me, each resting a hand on each of my shoulders. I stood straight, chin high up as I expectantly looked at the tall wooden door.
The doorknob moved, ever so slightly, and the door opened slowly, creaking, almost as if it was torturing me. Behind the door stood a tall, thin figure of a man; he walked slowly, and I looked as the rays of the light from the chandelier behind us hit him, slowly revealing his features as he stepped in. His skin was pale, as if he had been dead for a long time and had lost every drop of blood, his eyes, of a cold blue color that I was so used to see on the mirror, we had the same eye color, and dare I say, the same menacing look.
My eyes widened ever so slightly, trying to keep my stress and excitement disguised. I could see the resemblance, I was really his niece. All my life I thought I didn't look much like my mom's side of the family, but more like my poor excuse of a muggle father, since he had brown hair, as had I, and I could see (in a picture I had taken from a muggle magazine, because apparently the dude was famous in the muggle world) that I looked a bit like him; but my blue eyes were just like my uncle's, just like Voldemort's.
"My lord." Said both Bellatrix and Rodolphus, bowing their heads. I felt in some kind of a trance, and only reacted once I noticed his full attention was on me. "Sir." I greeted him, bowing my head.
"Irya Aillie Phoenix Riddle." He said, his cold voice sending shivers down my spine. "You have really grown up since the last time I saw you. Look at me." He ordered, so I did, I looked at him directly in the eyes. "Ah, you still have the same piercing blue eyes, I see." He walked around me, like a predator circling his prey. "You still have the brown hair, though. It'd would have been better if you had black hair like mine, or blond like your mother's, but what can we do now. You must be fifteen, correct?" His comments hurt me a bit, I know I'm not a pureblood but it always hurts to be reminded of what I really am, a half-blood, I'm not what they most value. He was asking about my age, but surely he knew already, right? He couldn't have forgotten my birthday, could he?
"Yes, sir. Today is actually my fifteen birthday." I answered, my voice confident.
"What a surprise." He said, not sounding at all in fact surprised. "Then that calls for a celebration, then. And what better way to celebrate, than to show off everything you've learned, don't you think?" I know he was curious to see how useful I actually would be.
"Oh, my lord, you'll be pleasantly surprised! She's a master at dueling, dark magic, potions and every subject you can think of. She knows four languages, she knows sword fighting, hand to hand combat, archery and-" Bellatrix was interrupted by him.
"That's enough Bellatrix. If she knows all of that, then let's let her show me herself. I suppose you have a training room for her?"
"Yes, my lord." Said Rodolphus, sounding a little nervous. "But it's on the Lestrange's mansion."
"And why, exactly, is that?" He sounded like he was getting annoyed.
"Well, sir, since she lives in the manor we just thought it would be easier-"
"She lives at the Lestrange's mansion?" Okay, now he sounded upset.
"Yes, sir."
"Why is that, given the fact the Riddle mansion is her rightful home?" He was very upset now, his face looking menacing.
"W-well, my lord." Bellatrix was stuttering now. Oh no. "We thought it'd be better, since the Riddle mansion belongs to you, we didn't want her to wander about the mansion and possibly mess with your important things or go into places she's not supposed to, or-" She was talking so quickly, it took her a couple of seconds to stop after he interrupted her again.
"Do you mean to say she doesn't know her own home?" He turned to look at me now. "Do you not know your way around the mansion? The secret passages?"
"I'm afraid not, sir. I've only been on the mansion a handful of times, and it was always forbidden for me to wander around. Although I did sneak a couple of times into a study on the attic." I was a little afraid, how could I not be? However, I was not completely scared, given the fact it hadn't been my fault.
"Very well then. From now on, you will live on the mansion." He started walking, making his way along the mansion, while we trailed behind him. "And as for you" he stopped and turned to look at Bellatrix and Rodolphus, before turning back in front of him, as he resumed walking. "We will talk about the matter later. Alone."
"Yes, sir." "Yes, my lord." They said at the same time. Well, this was definitely going to be an interesting day.
-
After a couple of hours of basically putting my knowledge, and skills at hand to hand combat to the test, we had come to the part I was most scared of: the duelling part.
I stood on the middle of the room, as Bellatrix and Rodolphus stood by one of the walls, watching from afar. Voldemort was looking at me, while he slowly walked around me, a blank look on his face. He stopped when he was right in front of me, and he looked at me directly in my eyes, almost as if he were looking into my soul. He's trying to read my mind I realized. I had learned occlumency, back in the holidays between my second and third year, because after I told her how everyone thought Harry Potter was the heir of Slytherin since he spoke parseltongue, Bellatrix became terrified of Dumbledore looking into my mind and finding out I spoke parsel too. So I blocked him out, just so he knew I could, but then I let him read my mind and I felt as he looked for doubts, trying to see if I was as thrust worthy as he had been assured. He found none.
He lifted his head slowly, while he still looked at me, but not reading my mind this time. He was thinking about something, and I want to know what. I bet I could read into his mind if I tried to, yeah, well, maybe that's not really a good idea.
I was thinking about the pros and cons of trying to read into his mind, when without a warning he took out his wand and pointed it at me, not saying a word but still making a blue electric light come out of it, coming directly towards me.
I reacted quickly, taking my wand out and protecting myself from his curse, without saying a word either. Before I knew it, he was throwing another curse at me, and then another, and another, while I deflected every single one of them. Suddenly I was feeling bold and decided to take a risk, so instead of waiting for him to throw another curse at me, I casted the flipendo jinx, him not reacting until it was a second too late, causing my jinx to hit him square in the chest, knocking him over.
"Well well." He said as he got up from the ground. I could see from the corner of my eye as Bellatrix looked terrified, maybe I didn't think it through good enough. "You've got the guts to fight back, don't you? My my... I must say I'm actually proud of you."
I couldn't believe what he was saying, I just jinxed him and he's proud of it?
"You've managed to surprise me. Not many would have been as bold as to go against me, even with just a simple little jinx, they would have been too scared just by deflecting my curses and jinxes. But then again I suppose you're not like many." He was now right in front of me, looking into my eyes again. "Well done, Irya." He put one of his cold hands on my shoulder, as if to say how proud he was. He then looked at Bellatrix and Rodolphus, who looked a bit surprised at his reaction. Did they not think I'd have what it takes to have him feel proud of me? "You've both done a great job so far. Now Irya, from now on you are to live here, with me, as I train you to master what you already know, you've proven yourself to be acceptable but you still have a long way to go. You may now leave, go pick a room while Rodolphus, Bellatrix and I have a little... chat. We'll see you at dinner."
"Yes, my lord." I quickly walked out of the room, making my way upstairs and started looking for a room that I liked. I couldn't believe what just happened, it turned out okay, or well, acceptable as he said. And he will train me himself, I'll have the opportunity to become just as good as him.
After looking for a while, I found one of the biggest rooms I had seen on the house, on the third floor, and I decided to settle for it, calling for a couple of the house elves and making them fix the room to my liking, and going to the Lestrange's mansion to grab all my belongings so I could move them to my new room.
Well, that went great. That night after dinner, I sat by the window of my new room, looking out into the backyard putting special attention to the night sky. I was so excited to start my new life as the rightful heir to the Riddle name, I didn't get any sleep that night just by thinking about all the possibilities of my new life.
~
I feel sick, I think I'm going to puke. I stop punching the dummy I was just fighting against, turning to look at the rest of them laying on the ground. I have no idea what time it is, and I just realized I haven't eating anything all day but that one green apple I didn't get to finish before the Hufflepuff boy came telling everyone about Katie Bell.
Maybe that's why I feel so bad, because I've been training all day on the room of requirement and haven't eating anything. But then again there's also the option I was scared and disappointed at my plan having failed, and the fact that by now Snape must have already told Voldemort who most likely is disappointed and reconsidering whether he should have given me such an important mission. Yeah, no, it must be the first thing.
Anyway I feel sick to my stomach, and somehow lightheaded too, am I gonna pass out? I hope not, that'd just be embarrassing. I walk out of the room of requirement, grateful there wasn't anyone near, and started making my way to the fifth floor, walking to the prefects bathroom.
Once I got inside I checked the room, making sure no one was there. Then I walked in front of one of the mirrors, by the sinks. I look at myself, looking at my eyes seeing the deep blue. I don't even deserve my eyes looking like his, not when he's so powerful and important while I'm just a stupid half-blood who couldn't even get one plan to work out. I feel so dumb, how could I have been so stupid? Of course something would have gone wrong, even if dumb Katie didn't touch the necklace, it could have gotten detected at the entrance, someone could have seen me. Oh Merlin, someone could have seen me.
What if someone did? What if they put things together? I'll be damned if they find out it was me, if they don't kill me Voldemort surely will, won't he? I feel so much worse by the second, feeling my heart beating faster and faster. Shit.
"Irya?" Said a voice I knew all too well, standing behind me. I didn't even hear him when he came in. I look at him through the mirror.
"Draco, I don't feel good..." I turned around to look at him, and when I was about to walk to him, I felt vile coming up my throat.
Well, fuck. What a pretty sight, I just fucking puked.
"Irya!" He pulled my hair away from my face, holding it so I wouldn't get vomit on it. With his other hand he held my hand, caressing it while he tried to calm me down. "It's okay, let it out. You're fine."
"I'm sorry." I said while I wiped my mouth with my free hand. Walking to the sinks again to clean away the vomit, while he still held my hand and put his other on my back, tracing circles.
"Don't be, it's okay. How do you feel? What happened?" His voice so comforting, calming. I could feel him looking at me while I cleaned myself. "Do you want to go to the hospital wing?"
"No, I don't want to, they can't help me." I closed the faucet, looking at him. "Haven't you heard? Katie Bell got cursed. With the necklace." I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes, starting to fall freely. "My plan failed, Draco. I'm a failure, and probably a murderer too because she'll most likely die. All because I was such an idiot. And- and I've been thinking, if I succeed with my mission I'll become a murderer anyway, and I- I don't think I want to be that. I don't want to just be a weapon, to hurt people. But I don't want to be a failure either." I was talking so fast, sniffing and sobbing by now. "I don't want to, not when all I was born for is to be useful, to be exactly that, just a weapon and nothing more.
And I don't know what I should do, because all I want is to make him proud, but at what cost? I don't want to disappoint him, I can't do that, I owe him." He pulled me in a hug, still tracing circles on my back with one hand and holding me tightly with the other. "I can't fail him. But I don't want to hurt anyone, let alone kill anyone. And I definitely don't want you to hate me, you know? Because Draco, you're the most precious thing in my life, but I wouldn't be able to blame you for hating me, I would hate me too if I did that, or better said, when I do that. I just-" I couldn't speak anymore, I was sobbing uncontrollably now, my thoughts going faster than I could express them.
"Oh, my love." He was crying now too, I looked up to see him, and saw a couple of tears running down his face. "You don't owe him anything. You don't owe anyone anything. And you're not a failure, everyone makes mistakes, alright? Now listen to me, I know how you think, I've been raised to think the same, but you don't owe him anything, you don't have to do what he says or wants just because. I know you've been raised so the only thing you'd want would be to be useful, like a weapon but you're not that. You're not a weapon and you don't have to be one, you're a beautiful, smart and talented woman. And you have the right to decide what you want to do or not, what you want for your life." He pulled a strand of my hair behind my ear. "And I understand how you feel, sweetheart. I don't want to hurt anyone either, we're just doing what he ordered us to do, so he wouldn't hurt us. Darling, I could never hate you, not in a million years, not when I know what you're going through, when I know why you're doing what you're doing. It's not your fault to feel this way, okay? I feel like this all the time, too, like all I want is to make my parents proud, to protect them. And to protect you."
"What do you mean to protect your parents and me?" I was still sniffing, but I wasn't sobbing as bad anymore.
"Don't you know?" He looked confused. Know what? "Darling, the only reason I'm fixing the stupid cabinet is because he said he would kill my parents if I didn't. Because he said..." He sighed. "Irya, he said he'd kill you if we didn't both complete our missions." He finally said in a small voice, like he was afraid of the thought of it alone, like saying it out loud would make it more real.
Now let me be honest, that hit hard. I mean, I was thinking that if I got caught he would kill me so they couldn't get any information out of me, but now as it turns out even if I didn't finish my mission, or Draco his, he'd kill me. And here I was thinking he cared about me.
"He said that?" It sounded like a question, but it was more of a confirmation for myself. I totally believe he'd said that, and I know if he did, he wouldn't think twice about actually killing me.
"I'm sorry darling." It was almost like he didn't want to tell me, he knew how it'd hurt me.
"It's okay, it's better to know." My breathing was much calmer now. "And here I was having a whole breakdown because I didn't want to disappoint him." I didn't know what to feel, I honestly thought he at least cared a bit about me. "I'm sorry by the way, one minute I was feeling so angry, and the next I was feeling so sick to my stomach just thinking about everything."
"It's alright, you needed to let it out." He smiled, his left hand leaving my back and cupping my face, wiping away the tears with his thumb. "Although... That many mood swings? And the nausea and vomiting? I know you're not on your period right now, so are you sure you aren't pregnant?" He joked, lightening up the mood.
"I promise you I'm not pregnant, Draco." He actually made me laugh, making me forget about what we were just talking about. "But I have been getting a lot of cravings lately, though. You know what? I think I just felt a kick." I took his hand putting it on my abdomen, as the both of us laughed loudly.
"Yeah, I think I just felt it too." He said, a wide smile that reached his eyes. We stayed like that for a moment, looking into each other's eyes, before bursting out laughing again. "You know, talking more seriously now, you know I'd love to have a mini-me running around, sometime in the future." He chuckled, thinking about it.
"Oh, no. What would I do with two of you? I can barely stand you already." I laughed, but started thinking about it too.
"Oh, shut up, you know you love me."
"That I do." Truth is, it's not a new subject. Draco and I had discussed multiple times our plans for our future, and we had agreed that we wanted to, eventually, settle down, get married and someday have a child of our own, although both of us were always nervous talking about that last part, especially Draco.
He said he was afraid he'd turn out like Lucius and somehow hurt our child, and my heart broke every time he'd say that. But I have to admit that even though I always told him that it wouldn't happen and not to worry about it, I myself worried about me not being a good mother, seeing as I hadn't ever really had a good mother figure.
"You know what, sometimes I think about how much I'd love for us both to just run away from everything, get a little house away from everything and everyone and just stay there for the rest of our lives. Have a lot of kids, grow old and just forget about the rest of the world." He said, putting both his hands around my waist and holding me close to him again. I rested my head on his chest, putting attention to the rhythm of his breathing.
"You know what?" I said, thinking about how good that sounded right now. "I think I'd love that." Of course I would, just him and I and nothing else, not a worry in the world. But sadly we both know that right now it'd be just about impossible. If we ran away, Voldemort would not only most likely kill Draco's parents, but also he'd come after us, and I know he wouldn't give up. "But you know we can't do that, it wouldn't work and we'd just risk getting ourselves killed."
"Yes, I know. I just like to dream about that sometimes." He kissed the top of my head.
"I know, me too." I hugged him tighter, not wanting to ever let go. "Can we please go to bed? I'm exhausted."
"Of course sweetheart."
Neither of us slept that night, too busy thinking about everything going on in our lives, wondering about what it could be if only we weren't born on this side of the war. I didn't say anything, and neither did he, we didn't need to and we knew it, we just stayed together in bed, cuddling all night.