(Luke's Point of View)
About three weeks ago we moved to a new FOB further into enemy territory in the triangle of death. I was unfortunately so wrong back in Ramadi when I thought things couldn't get worse. In fact, I would describe life in South Baghdad as a blood bath and a living nightmare. We just arrived back to our FOB after 72 hours of non stop fighting and it's 16:00 PM here in Baghdad and I am exhausted, thirsty, and starving. I am soaking wet from my own sweat as it's about 118 degrees outside and about 80% humid. I am also covered in dirt, but by far the worst think is that I have the blood of one of my fellow Marine brothers covering my uniform. I have never feared for my own life and the lives of my fellow Marines more than I did about 46 hours ago when mine and several of our squads within our platoon were ambushed while on patrol duty by a group of Iraqi soldiers who apparently changed their alliance.
Through this war thus far the US and our allies have partnered with the Iraqi Army which we refer to as the coalition forces with have no association with the extremist groups within Iraq. However, over the last few weeks there have been more and more reports of Iraqi coalition forces turning against the American forces and our allies which complicates things and it has unfortunately been happening more and more especially in the triangle of death. We have been trained to view the coalition forces as our allies, but the recent changes in behavior and alliance are making all of us very nervous and they are beginning to plant a seed of doubt in our heads. About 46 hours ago now our entire platoon was out patrolling in our squads, which are smaller teams which have about 6-10 of us which comprise our platoon, when we received intel that we were on a collision course with a handful of enemies however a few small squads within the coalition forces were closer to them and several of our squads who were closest to where the coalition forces were located were told that we were going to need to back them up.
My squad, along with 3 of our larger squads advanced faster so that we could back up our coalition forces while the other 6 other squads which included Frankie's squad advanced more slowly as they were our backup. As our front squads approached the area with the our coalition forces we began to take heavy fire which we were not expecting and we immediately realized this small squad of coalition forces had turned on us as they are now trying to kill us and our enemy was still fairly close. We quickly began exchanging fire but the difficulty of the landscape here in South Baghdad is there is virtually no cover in some areas as there is a lot of farm land and canals but very few buildings as there are a lot of opium fields out here as that is the popular crop here in Iraq and Afghanistan, so without cover you are essential a sitting duck. On top of that the Iraqi coalition forces have much more knowledge of this land than we do and because this is an IED heavy war this ambush did not allow us time to sweep for potential IEDs. In our front four squads we suffered 3 KIAs and 5 WIAs. In my squad we had 1 WIA which was our Sergeant and and we had a KIA who was our Private First Class as a result of an IED that detonated nearby, which made me the next most senior leader on our team now that I am a Corporal. I quickly ordered my men to return fire while I worked on providing medical treatment to our Sergeant and Private First Class along with another one of the men from my squad. We did everything we possibly could to save both of them but sadly we lost our Private First Class as he became a triple amputee as a result of the IED and though we put tourniquets on his limbs and we use all of the products in our emergency kits to try to get his blood to clot to stop the hemorrhaging but he suffered too much blood loss. After we determined there was nothing more we could do to save him I held his hand and offered as much comfort care as I possibly could until he passed, but right before he passed he told me "please tell my wife Cassidy that I loved her ver much." Hearing those words sent chills throughout my body as it hit so close to home given my wife is named Cassie." We were, however able to save our Sergeant who is likely now in Germany awaiting transport back to a major medical hospital stateside.
Nothing in the world can prepare you for moments like that and right now I am desperate to hear Cassie's voice because when we were ambushed I was worried I wasn't going to be coming home either. Now that we are back at our FOB we need to do our prep work and then we all need to shower. This evening at 18:00 PM we will be setting out the battle crosses for our 3 brothers we lost today. Right now I am really missing being back stateside where I could just go out for a run to clear my head and sort through my feelings, but it's too dangerous to go running here because these days the only thing we are running from is gunfire and grenades.
(Frankie's Point of View)
It's just before 18:00 PM and we are about to head out to set out the battle crosses for the 3 incredible brothers that we lost yesterday. Up until yesterday our platoon did not have any casualties, though we have had several in the larger Battalion. Yesterday's losses hit really close to home as many of us have known these guys for about 3 years now. No one in my direct rifle squad was impacted, but I know Luke's squad didn't fare as well as their squad leader, sergeant Jason Happ was severely wounded and their Private First Class Adam Hayward was killed in action. I know he is devastated but I also know he did everything he possibly could have to save Hayward. This deployment has been really tough as we have been really busy and unable to communicate much with our loved ones, in fact I haven't talked to Riley in more than two months. However, I am hoping that will change today as this FOB has internet access again and I am hoping after dinner we will have a little bit of time so I am going to try and call her as I miss her like crazy and I really just want to tell her I love her.
(Riley's Point of View)
It's about 08:30 AM here and it's another beautiful mid August day. I just got home from my morning workout and I decide to check my personal emails since I haven't checked them in a few days. As I am scrolling through my emails I see two emails from the USMC Notification Center which can't be good. Though it's been a while since I attended the what to expect from deployment meeting I do recall that no news from the USMC notification center is good news. I open up the first email which was from about 48 hours ago and it says:
Families and Friends of USMC P2 - CP,
On 14 August, USMC P2 - CP was involved in an ambushed and 3 Marines were Killed in Action and 5 Marines were Wounded in Action. All 8 of the Marine's first and secondary next of kins have already been notified.
On behalf of the USMC P2 - CP I send my condolences to all of your families. There will be Memorial Ceremonies for the fallen Marines at a time and place to be determined. Additionally, for those families who have Marines who were wounded more information will be communicated to you regarding their conditions and transportation arangemnets.
Please remember to keep the Marines of USMC P2, CP and all other deployed service members in your thoughts and prayers.
My heart sinks reading this because obviously this is devastating but what makes it even worse is a month ago Cassie and I went to picnic at one of the parks on base for the WAGs (wives and girlfriends) of the 2nd Platoon. While we were there we all introduced ourselves and those with kids also introduced their children. It was really nice to feel that sense of community amongst one another as we all are in the same boat right now. I then decide to open the second email and I am praying that there we not additional casualties. When I open the email it says:
Families and Friends of USMC P2 - CP,
On 14 August, USMC P2 - CP was involved in an ambushed and 3 Marines were Killed in Action and 5 Marines were Wounded in Action. Now that 24 hours have passed since all 8 of the Marine's first and secondary next of kins have been notified we will reveal the identifies of these Marines.
The 3 Marines who were Killed in Action on 14 August, in Southern Baghdad include: Lance Corporal Armando Perez, Private First Class Adam Hayward, and Private Connor Douglass.
The 5 Marines who were Wounded in Action include: Sergeant Jason Happ, Corporal Greyson Smith, Lance Corporal Brandon Jones, Private First Class Lucas Wood, and Private First Class Noah Ryan.
On behalf of the USMC P2 - CP I send my condolences to all of your families. There will be Memorial Ceremonies for the fallen Marines at a time and place to be determined. Additionally, for those families who have Marines who were wounded more information will be communicated to you regarding their conditions and transportation arangemnets.
Please remember to keep the Marines of USMC P2, CP and all other deployed service members in your thoughts and prayers.
Reading the follow up email makes things feel even more real now that there are names associated with those who were killed and those who are wounded. Looking at the list of names, I remember meeting each of their families that day at the park and my heart breaks for all of these families. I can't even begin to fathom how people are feeling right now.
(Cassie's Point of View)
It's about 08:40 AM and I can't believe it's been almost 3 weeks since I moved into Luke and my new apartment and I am loving it. Since moving here I've been trying to wake up earlier to try and be more productive during the day and so far it is working. I finally got lamps for the various rooms, and I picked up a TV for the master bedroom which Toby came over and mounted last week. I also finished unpacking everything which is a relief. So much has happened in the last few weeks I can't believe it and I don't know where to start. Our Friday night gigs at Billy's have continued to turn out record attendance that we now play a 19:00 PM show and a 21:00 PM show as there are so many people who have wanted to come hear us play. I also finally worked up the courage to play my new songs I Hate the Way and Come Back Home for Toby and Nora, and about two weeks ago we recorded both songs and we sent them off as a demos to a few record labels, but we weren't expecting to hear back. The most exciting news is we did hear back and last week I went up to LA along with my bandmates to play both new songs as well as Blue Side of the Sky for one of the labels. We were told we should be hearing back in the next couple of days regarding a decision so I have been patiently waiting, well as patiently as one can wait. Just as I am about to make myself some breakfast I receive a call from Riley.
Me: Hey Riley what's up?
R: Hey Cass, did you see the email from the USMC Notification Center?
Me: I don't think so, when is it from?
R: The first once was from 48 hours ago the second one was from this morning
Me: No, let me put you on speaker so I can read it
R: Okay
I put her on speak while I look at my email so I can try to find the emails she is referencing. I scroll a bit further down on my email and I see 2 unread emails from the USMC. As soon as the see that they are from the notification center I feel a pit in my stomach because these emails mean something bad has happened. I slowly click on the first email and I read it through. After I read it my appetite is gone and I feel sick because I remember meeting all of the guys and the WAGs of the 2nd Platoon at the pre-deployment dinner on the night of our wedding. I then click onto second email and I begin reading it through. When I get to the part about the casualties one stands out particularly. The one that stands out to me is PFC Adam Hayward because I remember his wife Cassidy really well, because when we were talking at the picnic I remember she mentioned that they were recently married and it made me think about how Luke and I were also just recently married. Hearing this news breaks my heart and I'm devastated for her. I continue reading through the email and it just gets worse because all of these men are married and I know several have children, and now as a married woman myself I could not imagine what it would feel like to know Luke was never coming home or that Luke was severely injured. I then say to Riley:
Me: I'm absolutely devastated
R: I am too, I don't even know what to say
Me: Me either, I can't even begin to imagine how their wives, loved ones, and children are feeling right now
R: Me either, I'm worried about Frankie and Luke
Me: Me too, more than anything right now I just want to see Luke's face and hear his voice
R: Same, I miss Frankie so much and I wonder how he is coping
Me: I wonder how Luke is doing too, I wonder how someone even moves forward from something like this
R: Me too, no wonder people come home from the war with PTSD
Me: Speaking of PTSD and when they come home, when I was on base a few weeks ago there was a series being offered on base starting this evening about what to expect when your loved one returns and I wanted to see if you want to go with me
R: Yes, I will defiantly go. What time is it?
Me: Let me look, I wrote it down. Hold on a sec
R: Okay
Me: It's at 8 PM in the South gymnasium
R: Sounds good, do you want me to pick you up?
Me: Sure, that would be great
R: Sounds good, see you then
Me: Sounds good
We then hang up and I walk into the bedroom where I have our framed wedding picture on my nightstand and I pick it up and take a moment to soak in Luke's features because I just want to feel as close to him as I possibly can right now. I then carry the photo and head to the closet where I walk to his side of the closet and I grab his heather grey long sleeve hoodie shirt that he wore the first time I ever saw him off the hanger and I out it on over my tank top because there is something comforting about his clothes. I then burry my face in the fabric and soak in the soft texture of his shirt. The news from the email has really rocked me but it has also given me a lot of clarity and perspective. The last few days I have been eagerly waiting for news about a possible record deal because it's something that I have dreamed about my entire life, but after reading that email I realize the only thing that I actually want in this world is for my husband to return home safely because nothing in life means more to me than Luke coming back home to me. Cassie from 8 months ago would have laughed at me for the fact that I am married and that I am a love sick puppy, but that Cassie also didn't realize how powerful of an emotion love can be, how deeply you can love someone to the point it hurts, and how one person can turn your entire world upside down in a heartbeat. Thanks to Luke, I know how all of that feels now. Suddenly, I have some inspiration for a song so I take my wedding photo and I run into the guest bedroom and I grab my notebook from my desk drawer and I sit down in front of my keyboard.
As soon as I sit down words and thoughts come flowing out of my head like a waterfall and I quickly begin writing them down:
I was fine before you burst right through that door
Now we are something more than I could have ever imagined
I was so sure I had pegged exactly who you were
But I guess you have proven to be more what I imagined
In your arms, I'm safe and sound
You've turned my world upside down
The last few months without you have been hell, there's got to be a bigger purpose
Together you and I are chaos but nothings been more perfect
Always thought those feelings, were fairytale stores not for someone like me
This rollercoaster has been terrifying but you're more than worth it
(Luke's Point of View)
It's about 18:45 PM and we just finished placing the battle memorials and paying respect to our 3 fallen brothers. Everyone is taking the rest of the evening to trying and process their feelings and emotions which is hard given that in less than 12 hours we all have to go back out there and face everything all over again. If I were at home I would go for a run because it helps me tune out the world and clear my head but since I can't do that the next best thing is for to talk to my wife because just hearing her voice and seeing her face will help put me at ease. I grab an MRE for dinner and begin heading toward the computer area because this new FOB that we are now stationed on has computers and internet service which is nice because we have been without both for the last 2 months. Just as I am am approaching the room with the computers I hear someone call my name and I turn around to see the lieutenant of our battalion. I stop and walk toward him and he says "corporal Morrow, you displayed incredible leadership out there on the battlefield today you saved your sergeant, kept your men safe, and did all you could to save your Private First Class. With sergeant Happ heading back stateside I'm looking to you to lead your squad moving forward." I then say "understood, sir." He then says "keep up the good work and leadership out there Morrow, we need you to keep being sharp as a tack out there to ensure everyone can come home." I then say "I'll keep doing my best." He then says "just keep doing what you're doing and you'll make us all proud." I then say "thanks lieutenant." He then nods and heads back in the other direction. I'm really nervous about leading my own squad because this is an enormously high stakes job and all of the men in my squad and their families are depending on me to make smart choices to ensure everyone returns home alive and that's an enormous weight to carry given we are in the center of an area known as the death triangle where there is virtually no cover so we are sitting ducks most of the time and even our allies are turning on us meaning we can't trust anyone out there. I can't think about it too much or I'll get stuck in my head, so I continue my short walk to the computer room. When I arrive there is one free computer and I walk over to it and sit down. I quickly log into my account and then click on the web browser. I look at the clock and it's about 18:56 PM here which means it's just before 09:00 AM back at home which means Cassie is still probably sleeping given she's not exactly an early riser. Since we don't have a scheduled call today and I am just going to try to Zoom her in a bit I decide I will give her another 30 minutes to sleep before I try calling her and in the mean time I will look at my emails which have been piling up over the last two months. When I click on my inbox I have 100+ unread emails. I quickly begin scrolling through them as most of them are just general news updates from the USMC which aren't really important to me. I am scanning through my emails and I see a handful from Cass, but I am surprised when I see an email from Jake so I click on that one first.
23 - July
Luke,
Not sure when or if you'll get this email but I hope you got my letter a few months ago. I meant everything in it and I am really proud of you and I love you little brother. I'm sure you are incredibly busy but if you ever have a moment, I'd love to talk to you. Spencer, Hailey, and I love you and miss you a lot. We are praying you come back home safely.
With love,
Jake
I really appreciate all my brother's attempts to reconnect and I'm incredibly happy to have him and his family back in my life again, and I am excited to see them all when I'm back stateside. I decide I could try to give Jake a ring this morning, it's highly unlikely he will answer given he's probably trying to get Spencer out of the house to school but it's worth a shot and it would be nice to talk to him. I then open the Zoom application on the computer and I start a new meeting and I copy the meeting link and then send him a quick message on his email with the Zoom link to see if he will join the call, if not I'll reply to his email. I put on the headphones in case he answers so that I'll hear him but while I wait for him I continue scrolling through my emails so that I can find the oldest one from Cassie as I want to read them in order as I assume they will make more sense if I read them that way. Finally, I get to the first one and it's from the last week in June.
28 - June
Dearest Husband,
I am so sorry that I missed our schedule call today, I was really looking forward to seeing your handsome face. I'm okay, but I'll fill you in during our next call as to the reason that I was unable to make our call earlier today. I am really sorry if I made you worried earlier today. Can we set up a call for Thursday morning? I still really want to see you this week Commando. I love you very much and I hope you sleep well and that you continue to stay safe.
Much Love,
Cassie
I remember being so worried about her that day because Frankie and I had calls schedule with her and Riley and both of them didn't show up which was weird. I will defiantly need to ask her about what happened. I then click on the the next email which is from July 4th.
4 - July
Dear Commando,
I miss seeing your face and getting to hear your voice so much. I hope you're staying safe out there. It's the 4th of July here and I'm going over to a BBQ at Frankie's house with Riley this afternoon and we both wish you are Frankie were here with us to celebrate. I've been thinking a lot about the meaning of July 4th as I use to look forward to it because it meant BBQ, Beer, and Fireworks but this year it means something else to me. This year I see it as an opportunity to recognize those who fought for our freedom initially and now you and all of the other brave men and women who continue to fight for our freedom as Americans. Luke, I'm incredibly proud of what you are doing for our country and I couldn't be more proud to call me your husband.
With Love,
Cassie
PS. I decided I'm going to try and keep writing to you weekly even if you don't respond because it makes me feel more connect to you
Reading the PS part makes me smile because I love that my wife feels more connected to me when she's writing to me even though I can't always respond. I'll have to ask her how 4th of July went.
12 - July
My Dear Husband,
I just got some exciting news! Billy, the owner of the bar, let us play for an entire hour yesterday night instead of our usual half hour set which was a big deal because we have been trying to get him to let us play for an hour for quite some time now. Anyway, we played an awesome set for an hour to a packed bar and he told us we could keep playing for an hour on Friday's in the 19:00 PM slot. Toby, Nora, and I are all super stoked!
On a separate note, next Wednesday Riley and I are going to a picnic with the other WAGs (wives and girlfriends) of the 2nd platoon next week. I'll tell you more about it either the next time I talk to your our when I email you again.
Stay safe out there Command because I need you to come back home to me, I love you very much and I'm counting down the days!
Love,
Cassie
It's so fun hearing what she's up and just for a moment I feel like I'm right along side her which is nice because it's allowing me to take my mind off of everything going on here. I'm just about to click on the next email when I hear a voice coming from the headphones that say "Luke is that you?" I recognize the voice as my brother and I quickly click into the Zoom application.
Me: Hey Jake, can you hear me
Jake: Yes, hey brother. It's good to see you
Me: It's good to see you too Jake, thanks for the email and the letter. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to get back to you. It's been pretty crazy here and we haven't had access to the internet in more than 2 months
Jake: Hey, don't sweat it. I'm just glad your safe
Me: How's everything going? How are Hailey and Spencer?
Jake: They are good, hold on a second
Jake gets up from his chair and disappears for a moment. A moment later he returns
Jake: Hey Luke someone wants to say hi to you
Moments later I see Spencer run into the frame and he says
Jake (Spencer): Uncle Luke is that you?
Me: Hi Spencer, it sure is
Jake (Spencer): Uncle Luke, I miss you I can't wait for you to come home so we can play
Me: Me too buddy, I can't wait to get to play with you soon
Jake (Spencer): How much longer?
Me: 5 more months
Jake (Spencer): That's a long time
Me: I know, but it will go by fast
In the background I hear Hailey say "Spencer where are you, we are going to be late." Jake then says back to her "come say hi to Luke." She then runs into the room and says:
Jake (Hailey): Luke, it's so good to see you. How are you?
Me: Hi Hailey, good to see you too! I'm fine, how are you?
Jake (Hailey): I'm good, just trying to keep up with this little one these days. He's about to start Kindergarten next week
Me: Wow, he's getting so big. I bet he's excited
Jake (Spencer): I'm excited Uncle Luke, when you come home you can meet my new friends
Me: I look forward to that Spencer
Jake (Hailey): It's so good to see you Luke, I wish I could talk longer but I need to get Spencer to his last day of his summer program. Stay safe out there Luke, we miss you and love you
Me: It was good too see you Hailey and you too Spencer, have a good first day of kindergarten! Love you and miss you both too!
Jake (Spencer): Bye Uncle Luke, I love you
Jake: You know he still talks non stop about you
Me: (laughs) I'm glad he hasn't forgotten about me
Jake: He could never forget his favorite Uncle. Anyway, how are things going over there
Me: Honestly not great, it's really scary over here. I um.. wanted to call and talk to you because Jake there's something I need to tell you
Jake: Luke you're worrying me
Me: I am about to tell you something and I don't want you to freak out but I am telling you this because I'm not sure if I'm going to make it home because things are really bad here
Jake: Luke you're scaring me
Me: I'm not trying to scare you but I'm just trying to be a realist and I hope to God that I'm wrong because more than anything I want to be back home in the next 5 months
Jake: I pray everyday for your safe return home. What is it that your worried I am going to freak out about
Me: I'm married to the love of my life, and I need you to promise me that if anything happens to me over here that you look out for her
Jake: Wow, congratulations Luke, I wasn't expecting that but also I know we haven't talked much over the years. How long have you been married?
Me: 7 months
Jake: Wow, well congratulations I'm really happy for you brother. What's this lucky woman's name?
Me: Cassie
Jake: Well, I'm happy for you and Cassie and of course I'll look out for her, but won't need to because you're going to come back home to her and all of us
Me: I hope so Jake, but things are really scary over here. We lost 3 men today and we had 5 who were critically injured
Jake: I'm really sorry to hear that, I can't imagine what your going through and experiencing but I hope you know how loved you are and I admire your bravery and could not be more proud of you Luke
Me: Thanks Jake that means a lot
Jake: Hey, I unfortunately have to head to the shop here in a few minutes but I'm really glad I got to talk to you and see you today. Before I go though, would you be alright if Hailey and I introduce ourselves to your wife?
Me: Yes, I think she would like to get to know you. She works at Billy's as a waitress and she plays there on Friday nights with her band The Loyal
Jake: Wait did you say The Loyal?
Me: Yes, why have you heard of them?
Jake: When was the last time you talked to your wife?
Me: I talked to her for a few minutes about 3 weeks go but prior to that about 2 months ago. Why?
Jake: I don't want to spoil anything so I'll let her tell you, but um your wife is kind of a big deal these days and Hailey and I met her about a month ago at Billy's
Me: What do you mean you met her?
Jake: We didn't know she was your wife at the time, but we went to a gig at Billy's 3 weeks ago to see The Loyal play and they were incredible and Cassie was a few tables away from us talking to one of her friends and on our way out we told her she was great and she thanked us for coming
Me: Wow have I missed out, well yeah that's my wife. Surprise
Jake: You're wife's an incredible singer and seems super cool. I think I'll let her reach out to us if she wants
Me: That sounds like a good idea. Jake, thank you for helping me pay off the remained of my debt, it really means a lot to me and I intend to pay you back
Jake: Don't worry about it Luke, let's call it even. I'm sorry for our last interaction and for everything that happened in the past
Me: I'm sorry too Jake, it means a lot to have you back in my life
Jake: I'm glad to have you back in my life Luke. I love you brother and I'm praying for your safe return
Me: Thanks Jake, love you too
Jake: I hope we can talk again soon
Me: Me too
The call ends and Jake disappears. I'm so glad that I got to talk to my brother today. I can't believe he and Hailey met Cassie. I clearly have a lot to catch up on. I look at the clock on the computer and it's 19:30 PM here which means it's about 09:30 AM in California. I decide to give her 15 minutes more as I kind of feel like I need to read her other emails as it's obvious to me that I've missed out on a lot of things. I then open my email back to where I was before I talked to Jake. I scroll to the next oldest unread email from Cassie which is from the middle of July.
17 - July
Dearest Husband,
I love you so much and I miss you more each and everyday that passes. I hope you are staying safe and I am counting down the days until you get home. A few days ago we went to the WAGs meet up on base at one of the parks. It was really nice to get to meet everyone else's significant others and their children as it feels really nice to be around others who can relate to my feelings. I didn't realize how emotionally difficult being a military wife would be because I'm pretty sure unless your significant other or loved one is serving on active duty in a combat zone it's hard to relate. Having this group of women who can all relate and are feeling a lot of the same things makes things easier and hearing from some of the wives who's husbands have been deployed into active combat zones several times helped reassure me as honestly this dark period from your unit has given me a lot of anxiety and I feel pretty lost without hearing from you and that's never something that I thought I would say.
Luke, before I met you I never thought I wanted to get married. I never thought I could love or be as loved as you constantly make me feel and I never understood the power of love, but you have taught me all of that and your deployment has taught me the power of love. This might sound crazy but I love you more each and every day to the point that it's painful and I've thought about it a lot but there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for you Luke Morrow. As scary as it is for me to write this, I'm going to write it anyway. Luke you are my world and there's not a second that goes by that I don't think of you and it might make me sound crazy but I think that's what true love is and I think that is the power of love, unconditional love that has no bounds or limits. That's the kind of love that I have for you Luke. I know we haven't known each other for a life time and we haven't even been married for that long, but I've come to the realization over the last almost 7 months that no matter what I have done to try and fill the void of your absence nothing can replace it, not even music. In fact it has made me realize that as long as I have you by my side everything else in the world just kind of falls to the way side. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't need anything but you in this world and as long as I have you I already have everything I need.
Wow, I've said way too much sappy stuff, sorry about that. Honestly, I'm not sure where all of this is coming from but I guess you have a way of bringing the sappy side of me out. I guess I have always tried to have a tough exterior because growing up I needed one to protect myself, but with you I feel like I can truly be myself and let my guard down. I would be lying if I didn't say that deep down inside I'm scared everyday of loosing you and I'm afraid of possibly loving you too much. With you away in a place that statistically not everyone is going to return home from, I am scared to death and so I guess I just want you to know how incredibly loved you are Luke and how much you have changed my world and I never want you to forget it. Anyway, I love you Commando.
With Love Always,
Your Wife Cassie
I'm not a really an emotional guy but reading this brings a few tears to my eyes. It makes me laugh how different the Cassie I met at the bar that night is to the Cassie that I am married to, and sometimes it's hard to believe they are the same person. Gosh Cassie is so good at articulating how she feels and I can truly feel her love for me radiating throughout my body and I hope she knows how loved she is too. It's crazy because what she wrote is exactly how I feel about her and I too am scared sometimes by how much and how deeply I love her. She is always in the back of my mind and everything I do especially on the battlefield is so that I can do everything in my power to ensure I get back home to her. Every day since I have been here I have carried around my wedding ring on my dog tags so that it is close to my heart because Cassie is always in my heart and on my mind and having the ring that she gave me on our wedding day so close to me each and everyday feels like a little piece of her is always with me. Reading these emails from her is just what I needed today and it's really comforting reading her words to me. I then click on the next email which is from the day we spoke for a few minutes.
31 - July
My dear Husband,
It has been 5 weeks and 1 days since I've heard from you or talked to you but who's counting right? I'll keep this short and sweet today, but I want to know that I think of you every single day and I miss you more than you can imagine and I'm looking forward to holding you in my arms again in about 6 months time. As I write this I can't help but smile because I am incredibly proud of you, the man you are, your bravery, and what you are doing for your country. I can't imagine what you are going through or how you are feeling but I'll always be there for you no matter what Commando, and I'll always be here to listen to you, to love you, and to comfort you.
Today marks 6 months of marriage to you and honestly I've never been happier in my life. Even though we are thousands of miles apart, 7,659 miles to be exact, and we are still figuring out how this marriage thing works I could't be more proud to call you my husband, my parter, my soulmate, my lover, and my best friend. I have had a lot of time to think about what I think love really means and what it means when I tell you I love you.
When I tell you I love you I mean it from the inner core of my being. It's not just a habit I say when I talk to you, I say it because I mean it. I mean that you are the best thing that has every happened to me. I mean that I choose you every single day and will never stop choosing you. I mean I will always fight for us. I mean that I will always be loyal and faithful to you. I mean I will listen to you and comfort you. I mean that I accept you for who you are and I celebrate you. But I also say it as a promise because my love to you is my promise. It is my promise to love you though the happy and sad, the good times and the bad, to love you through the arguments and the fights that we will have, to love you through the distance that keeps us apart, to love you through any obstacles and challenges that we will face, to love you in sickness and in health, to love you for who you are and who you will be, and to love you through your successes and your set backs.
Happy 6 month anniversary Luke Morrow, I love you!
Your wife,
Cassie
Reading these words means everything to me and honestly I think when I get back stateside I want to have a real wedding in front of all of our friends and family and I want to re-write my vows to her because this time I want to personalize them. These last 7 months have put so much of my life into perspective and has given me so much clarity in my life. Kind of like Cassie I didn't know if I was cut out for this whole marriage thing as I really doubted my abilities to be the man that my parents expected and raised me to become. However, through my journey in the Marine Corps I have been able to get my life in order and grow into that man that I always wanted to be and I hope that Cassie will always be proud to call me her husband. I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my personal life and that Cassie Salazar is my best friend, my lover, my wife, and my soulmate and there is no one else in this world that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I am so incredibly lucky to have her as my wife and I will do anything and everything to ensure that she always feels loved, cared for, and safe. The next email I see from her is from about 2ish weeks ago.
8 - August
Dear Luke,
I can't believe that in just a few short days it will only be 5 months until you return home to me! I miss you like crazy Commando, and I can't wait to talk to you and hear your voice again. I have some new music that I can't wait to share with you and I want to talk about a few other things. Stay safe out there Luke, I need you to come home to me.
I love you with all of my heart Luke Morrow, and I hope you know you will always be my forever, kind of like you said marriage is forever, and I am the luckiest woman alive to get to spend my forever with you.
Love your wife,
Cassie
PS. I think we need a pet because I'm lonely without you, how about an iguana?
I'm glad that we are now both on the same page that marriage is forever. I laugh when I read this one as there is no way an iguana is in the cards for us. I would really like for us to get a dog because then I could take it running with me but there will be no iguana for us that is certain. I wonder what she wants to talk about, it seems more serious. I hope everything is alright, she now has me a bit worried. The most recent email I have form her is is from last week.
15 - August
Commando,
I'm starting to think that Iraq doesn't have any internet service, so hopefully these emails are actually getting to you and not just going to a black hole, but who really knows right?
Anyway, I have been wanting to talk to you about some more not as fun adulting marriage type housekeeping stuff so stay tuned for that, but don't worry it's nothing bad just kind of boring but it's not exactly an email type conversation if you know what I mean.
I still miss you like crazy and I even went to the pet store to start scoping out iguanas because it's getting pretty lonely here, so who knows I we might have a new pet the next time we Zoom.
What else can I tell you... hum... oh I actually have a few surprise for you but I don't want to give them all to you at once so I will give them you one at a time starting with the smallest and working up to the biggest. I am hopeful that I can reveal the biggest one on a Zoom call but these days that seems like wishful thinking. So I'll start with the smallest one first. Please don't judge what I am about to tell you because I really like it but you might think it's tacky.
(I then scroll down to see a picture of her hand and at first I am confused but then I spot it. She got a tattoo of my name on her ring finger)
I love you very much and I hope you like my new tattoo Luke. Stay safe out there Commando.
Love,
Cass
I love the tattoo that she got of my name on her ring finger and I don't think it's tacky at all. In fact, I think it's super sweet. I am excited to see what other surprise she has in store for me. I'm sad that's the last email that I have from her because it's been really fun to experience this journey of my deployment through her eyes. I look at the clock and it's about 19:45 PM here which means it's just before 10:00 AM at home so I decide to try and ring her. I open up my Zoom application and I start a new Zoom call and then I press the invite button and I click Cassie's name.
(Cassie's Point of View)
I have been sitting at my keyboard working on this new song inspired by none other than my muse and I think I've just finished it. I look at the clock and it's almost 10:00 AM which is crazy because I have never written a song this fast before and I'm really happy with it. I did some refining of my lyrics that I had initially written down but I truly think it's finished. I would love to play it for Luke, but given we haven't talked in almost a month I think it's highly unlikely that I will get to play it for him anytime soon. Between all of the news coverage of what is happening in Iraq along with the email from the USMC notification center I am very rattled and anxious right now and I really just want to talk to Luke to see for myself that he is alive, but since we can't Zoom I decide I'm going to write him another email for this week because writing to him makes me feel like he's getting to experience everything with me which makes it feel like he's closer. I get up and move to my desk and I open up my laptop and I launch my email application. I then click compose and begin typing my email to him:
My Dearest Husband,
I saw the email from the USMC notification center earlier today and
Just as I am typing I hear my computer start making a funny dining sound and then I look at my application bar at the bottom of my computer and I see my Zoom icon bouncing up and down. I quickly click on it and when I see who is calling I am pretty sure I am dreaming or that my eyes are deceiving me. I quickly look again and I let out a little scream of excitement because it's Luke calling. I quickly press the green answer button and moments later I see Luke's beautiful brown eyes staring right at me along with his perfect luscious pink lips. Suddenly, I am overcome with emotion and tears start falling down my cheeks and I think it's a combination of shock, happiness, and relief. I take a minute to
ZOOM CALL
Cassie: Luke is that really you?
Luke: It's really me Cass, I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry
Cassie: I'm sorry I didn't mean to cry it's just I'm so happy and relieved to see you after more than 2 months
Luke: I'm so happy to finally get to see you too, and this time I have all of the time in the world to talk to you
Cassie: Luke I've missed you like crazy and I have so much that I want to tell you about so I'm glad you have a lot of time
Luke: I've missed you more than you can imagine Cassie Salazar
Cassie: About that, um.. it's actually Morrow now
Luke: (huge smile) you changed your last name?
Cassie: Yes, I just got it changed last week, I hope you're okay with that
Luke: I am more than okay with that, you know you didn't have to do that for me Cass
Cassie: I know Luke, but I wanted to do it
Luke: Wow, I'm speechless, I love you so much Cassie Morrow
Cassie: I love too Lance Corporal Morrow
Luke: I guess I have a surprise for you too, it's not Lance Corporal anymore. It's actually Corporal Morrow
Cassie: (smiles) Wait you got a promotion?
Luke: (smiles) I did Mrs. Morrow
Cassie: Congratulations Corporal, I am so proud of you and so happy for you!
Luke: Thank you babe
Cassie: Luke that's so exciting, I can't believe it!
Luke: I known, I was pretty shocked too
Cassie: When did you get promoted?
Luke: About 3 weeks ago
Cassie: Luke that's amazing!
Luke: (smiles) I've been catching up on all of your emails this evening and I have loved getting to experience things through your eyes and perspective and I would really love it if you wanted to keep writing to me weekly
Cassie: I'm glad you have been getting my emails. I plan on continuing to write to you Commando because writing them makes me feel like you are getting to experience everything along side me and it makes me feel closer to you, in fact I had just started to write this weeks email to you when you called
Luke: Cassie Morrow, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you more than you will ever know and I am the luckiest man in the world to have you as my best friend, my soulmate, my wife, and my life partner and I can't wait to get back home to you. I also want you to know how incredibly loved you are and I also wanted you to know that I constantly feel your love for me radiating through my body and it's a feeling that I will cherish forever. I know we fell in love and married quickly but I can tell you that marrying you was the best decision of my life and when I get back from deployment I want us to have a big white wedding and I want us to celebrate with our friends, family, and loved ones. Once last thing, I too love you to the core of my being to the point that it hurts and I hope you know no matter what life throws at us I will always be there for you no matter what and there is nothing in this world that will ever make me stop loving you Cassie, you too will always be my forever.
Cassie: Luke Morrow, you make me the happiest woman in the world and I so incredibly proud to get to call you my husband and I feel honored to get to be Cassie Morrow and you will forever be my Commando
Luke: (laughs) I had a feeling that nickname was never going away
Cassie: Oh you know you love it
Luke: (winks) you my darling wife can call me anything and I will always answer. Now I want to hear about everything. Let's start with the missed Zoom call since that was the first email that I read tonight
Cassie: You have to promise me not to freak out when I tell you this
Luke: I promise, but I am worried where this is going
Cassie: Before I tell you the story let me caveat with I am completely fine now. So the morning we were scheduled to Zoom I woke up in the middle of the night because I felt really dizzy, short of breath, sick to my stomach and a bit disoriented. I tried to get up but felt like I was going to pass out and I quickly realized something was really wrong with me. I didn't want to call my mom or Nora from my band because I had just put up our wedding photos in the house and I didn't feel like explaining that I got married to them because didn't want them to speculate about the reasoning behind our marriage. Anyway, I decided to call Riley and she came over but when she got here I was crumbled on the floor by the door as I had to go unlock the front door for her and I didn't have enough energy to move after so I just kind of melted into the floor. When she got here she said I wasn't breathing very well and she called 911. An ambulance came and brought me to the hospital and I was admitted as I was in sever diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) as my glucose levels were in the high 400's which is very close to going into a diabetic coma, but thankfully they are able to get my glucose levels under control in the hospital. I ended up having to say in the hospital for a few days following the episode as they wanted to monitor my sugars to ensure they stayed controlled. The following week I met up with my endocrinologist at the navy hospital and she started me on a different type of insulin and she got me on an insulin pump and glucose monitor which has made a huge difference for me. Now I visit her bi-weekly for check-ins and since that DKA episode my sugars have been stable.
Luke: Cassie, just hearing this story really scared me. You are my world and I don't know what I would do without you. I am just so thankful that you are alright and that Riley was able to be there for you. I am also so sorry that you had to experience that all on your own. I can't imagine how scary that was and I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. I am also relieved to hear that everything has been under control since the episode.
Cassie: The good thing is that I'm completely fine, and I'm glad that since you couldn't be there that Riley was there, anyway that's why we both missed our calls with you and Frankie that day because we were in the ER
Luke: I'm just glad and thankful that you're okay, but still that's really scary. What other news or surprises do you have up your sleeve?
Cassie: My band The Loyal released our first original song about a month ago called Blue Side of the Sky and well it kind of went viral and they have been playing it all over the radio and it's pretty surreal. Anyway, for the last month our gigs at Billy's on Friday nights have been crazy and Billy even opens up the patio area so that more people can enjoy the music but it's still not enough so recently we started playing two sets so that more people could come and listen. I also wrote and recorded two more original songs and we sent them as demos to a few record labels and last week The Loyal and I went to play for one of the labels up in LA and now we are waiting to see if we will get offered a record deal.
Luke: Congratulation Cass that's huge news! I'm so proud of you and The Loyal! Sounds like you are on a hot streak of writing original songs, just curious who's the inspiration behind these new songs?
Cassie: (winks) Oh you know he's just a guy from around here, but I'm sure you don't know him. This guy is about 6 feet tall, tan, really fit and good looking, apparently he's really into running too. He also has piercing dark brown eyes that are easy to get lost in, a smile that could light up a room, and he has these perfect luscious pink lips. Unfortunately I heard he's off the market because he's a married man, which is a shame. You know I also heard that his wife is considering getting a pet iguana
Luke: (laughing) He sounds like an incredible guy Cass, his wife must be a lucky woman. It's too bad I've never heard of him or seen him but I'll keep my eyes out for him next time I'm stateside. It's a real shame his wife wants a pet iguana though. It sounds like you have the hots for this guy, and based on your description of him one might think you are even obsessed
Cassie: I will admit, the guy is quite the catch. Rumor has it that his wife is incredible too. In fact they sound like quite the "it" couple
Luke: (winks) Well as we all know behind every great guy is an even more incredible woman. You know, on second though I've seen this guy you've been talking about
Cassie: Oh really? Do say more
Luke: Your description reminds me of this guy that I see around here almost daily
Cassie: Interesting, not sure what guy you're talking about because I saw him this morning and he was here in Oceanside so I find it hard to believe he's in Iraq
Luke: Do elaborate Mrs. Morrow
Cassie: Well the guy I'm talking about lives in a photograph on my nightstand and he's always with me inside my heart. Actually, weirdly enough he's on the screen of my laptop right now. Where did you say you see him usually?
Luke: I usually see his reflection in the mirror of the bathroom
Cassie: (laughs) Sounds like he's a bit full of himself too
Luke: Give it up Mrs. Morrow, it sounds like I'm your muse
Cassie: (laughs) You caught me Luke, of course you're my muse
Luke: So when do I get to hear these songs about me?
Cassie: Maybe if you're lucky I'll play something for you tonight
Luke: (smiles) I would love that Cass
Cassie: (winks) Duly noted Corporal
Luke: What other surprises are you hiding Cass? Also where are you? The background looks different than normal
Cassie: I hope you're not going to be mad but I have a really big surprise for you
Luke: I promise not to be mad, how could I be mad at you Cass
Cassie: The background is different because I moved, surprise
Luke: (puzzled look) This new place from what I can see looks incredible, but I also liked your old place. Why the sudden move Mrs. Morrow?
Cassie: Do you want the short version or the long version?
Luke: Up to you Cass
Cassie: My original plan had always been to renew my lease because I liked my old apartment too, but now that we are married I thought we might want a place that truly felt like both of ours. Plus I thought that with the two of us living together, once you return, we might want a little more space. So I started looking for places, but then remembered that I needed to make sure it was alright for you to live off base. I went to the housing resource center on base and actually I learned so much stuff. Anyway, they told me now that you are married we could live off base and they would pay you a BHA or we could live on base. I did check out the on base options as I assumed it would make your commute to work easy if we lived on base but I was informed that there was a significant waiting list for on base housing. They recommend this new apartment complex that is like 8 or so miles from base so I went to check it out. The place is brand new, super modern, and they give discounted rates to military families. Anyway, this apartment complex was offering us a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment for $2,800 per month which fits into your monthly BHA allowance. When comparing it to my current rent, I pay $2,300 for a 1 bedroom apartment which is significantly smaller. After spending a few days thinking everything through I decided that having more space for the two of us and being closer to base would be be better overall for us so I decided to sign the lease and I moved in about almost 3 weeks ago. I had really wanted to talk to you about this as I know it's a decision that we should have made together, but because of the tight timeline and your unit being dark I didn't really have much choice but to make it on my own. I really tried to think through this from both of our perspectives and I know that it's a replacement for your opinion and thoughts but I felt like it was the best I could do. Also I tried to use all of the resources available to me to make the best decision possible. Anyway I hope you're not mad Luke and I hope you know how much I wanted to make this decision with you as you are my husband and we are in this together
Luke: Hey Cass, I'm not mad at you at all, but I am a bit worried that you're concerned I'm going to be mad at you. In fact, I am really proud of you for taking this on and making a really informed decision for us. I know I'm going to love the new place and honestly no matter where we live I'll be happy as long as I get to wake up next to you every morning
Cassie: I'm really glad you are excited about our new place! I guess I've been worried about you being upset because I felt weird making such a big decision without you because you're my husband and I really want you to also feel included in decision. Also when I was on base trying to figure out the housing stuff they explained all of your benefits to me and I realize how much more you bring to our marriage with your job and I didn't want you to feel like I was making all of the decision without you when truly it's because of your job that we are able to have these opportunities and choices
Luke: Cass, I am so appreciative that you are so willing to be transparent and open with me about what you are thinking and feeling and I really admire that as it is something that I struggle with and am trying to be better with. Mrs. Morrow, I want you to know first and foremost no matter what happens with the outcomes of decision or anything in life, I will always love you and we are in this together forever. In terms of what I bring to the marriage, well my darling wife there would be no marriage if it weren't for both of us so for me the moment I exchanged my vows and I said " I do" everything of mine became both of ours. In fact, I view marriage as both of us being all in at 110%, none of this 50-50 crap. We are both equals in this marriage and we are in it together for life through the good, bad, and ugly. All of my possessions, as well as everything else in my life is an open book for you
Cassie: I'm glad that we feel the same way about marriage Commando and I appreciate you trying to open up more to me too, I know we both have some work to do in that area. Now that we are on the topic of marriage I wanted to talk to you about some of those annoying adulting things that we need to figure out now that we are married
Luke: I couldn't agree more, I'll let you lead the way Cass
Cassie: After learning about your benefits, I thought it made sense for us to discuss our financial situation and talk what we want to do in terms of our finances and I think we should start a budget
Luke: Sounds good to me, I like where this conversation is heading. I'm glad we are finally getting to discuss this as I know things were crazy between our marriage and my deployment and we didn't really have time to go through all of this
Cassie: This is what I learned about your benefits: you receive a BHA for rent, utilities, and other housing related expenses that is $2,900 per month, you also receive a BSA for food and things that you need which is $400 per month, additionally you receive a salary of $2,500 per month before tax and and additional $225 monthly while you are in Iraq. You also get health insurance, life insurance, dental, and vision insurance all at no cost. I currently make about $1,000 in tips weekly and about $1,800 per month in hourly wages which comes to about $6,000 per month before taxes. So before tax we have about $8,500 per month in income and after tax we have closer to $5,500 because all of your allowances are not taxable. Rent is $2,800 per month which means we will have $100 left over for utilities. We don't need to pay for our health insurance and things like that so that's also super helpful so all we really need to think about for day to day living is medical co-pays ($15 per appointment), food ($400), internet ($75), cell phone ($50), car insurance ($100), and rental insurance ($20), gas ($120), and we should budget in a little extra for utilities in case they go over that initial $100 ($75). Overall, I have calculated that we need about $1,000 per month for day to day living expenses and within this figure is about a $125 per month buffer
Now for the fun part, I currently have about $6,000 in my savings account and I have $10,000 in medical debt so I'm not brining much to our marriage. I have no car payment or any other type of payments
Luke: Wow, clearly I wasn't aware of my benefits now that we are married so I'm glad that we are now both aware. Also I am getting a slight pay increase for being promoted so I will be getting a little more BHA, BSA, and month salary. In terms of my financial picture I have $16,000 in my savings and I have no debt now because Jake paid off the rest of my debt which was a surprise to me. I have no car and no other payments either
Cassie: Wow, that's incredible that Jake did that for you Luke, I guess I am surprised based on the little I know about you and your brother's relationship. In terms of our financial picture right now, as it sits now we have $20,000 in savings and $10,000 in debt. Also on another note I opened a joint account for us as I figured we might want to use it at some point
Luke: Wow, Cass you're so on top of everything, thank you! I personally am a firm believer in using having all joint accounts as I believe in full transparency but we can totally talk about this
Cassie: I'm on board with that too Commando, so this week I will work on getting my savings transferred to our joint account
Luke: Roger that, if you send me the account information I will get my savings transferred to that account and close out my personal ones. Do you think you could also get a checking account set up for us so that our paychecks can be deposited there if that works for you
Cassie: That works for me, I can do that this week and then I'll send you the information
Luke: Also Cass, I want you to use half of our savings to pay off your medical debt so we are debt free
Cassie: Are you sure Luke?
Luke: Yes, I want us to be debt free if possible and right now is the best time to pay it off because I have no expense because I'm currently living in a tent on a cot in the middle of South Baghdad
Cassie: (smiles) I'll get that paid off this week or as soon as we get the accounts set up and the money transferred. Also Luke, I need you to sign a housing form that I can send you so that they can deposit the BHA into your account
Luke: Sounds good, I'll do that before I log off tonight if you want to send it to me and then I'll switch everything over to the new accounts once we have them established
Cassie: I'll send it now. Also I do you have a cell phone plan?
Luke: Sounds good, we make quite the team Mrs. Morrow! I do not currently have a cell phone plan since there is no point of having one while I'm deployed given my phone's at home with you but I'll need one when I get back
Cassie: I can add you to mine if you want
Luke: That sounds great, also pretty much all cell phone companies and actually a lot companies give military discounts so it might be worth looking into for our internet and stuff like that
Cassie: Sounds good, I'll look into it. Do you want a tour of the place?
Luke: (smiles) I'd love a tour
Cassie: To start we are in the guest bedroom which I have set up as a hybrid music studio so I have my desk, keyboard, and guitar in this corner and then there is a guest bed and that's pretty much all in here (takes her computer and tries to show him the guest bedroom)
Luke: I like the colors, you know I'm really into the neutrals
Cassie: (laughs) I know, which is why I decorated most of the house in neutrals as I figured the pink bedding and blue walls and trim of the entire house weren't exactly your favorites
Luke: Very observant I see
Cassie: I'll show you our bedroom
(walks into the master bedroom)
I kept the bed frame and nightstand from my old place and I got a TV for this room
(shows him the bedroom and then walks over to the closet)
Now to the closet, this place has a massive closet and I also got Riley to pick up your stuff from Frankie's parents house because I wanted your stuff to be all moved in for when you get home. This side is mine and that side is yours
Luke: Wow, that is a big closet. Cass this all looks so great!
Cassie: Now I'll show you the bathroom
(walks to the bathroom)
We each have a sink and we have a walk in shower and a bathtub that are separate
Luke: How much did you say this place costs per month again?
Cassie: $2,800
Luke: Wow you did a great job finding it, this is amazing. Just looking at the shower makes me excited because I can't wait to have a real working shower again and it will be a bonus to have warm water again
Cassie: (makes a funny face) Wait, you don't have showers that work?
Luke: Depends on where we are, for two months I was on a new FOB that we had just built and there was no plumbing so our showers were buckets of water. The current FOB I'm on has showers but we only have very cold water here which right now is fine given it's always hot here but sometimes I miss taking a warm shower
Cassie: Oh wow, well I'm glad you're still able to shower but we have a lot to look forward to in that shower (winks)
Luke: Oh Mrs. Salazar, do I have plans for you (winks and grins)
Cassie: I can't wait (winks) I'll take you to the living room and kitchen area next
(walks to the living room and kitchen area)
The floor plan is very open but this is the kitchen and living room area
(shows him the kitchen and living room area)
Luke: Wow, this place is incredible Cass and I love the colors and simplicity, seriously you did a great job. I'm excited to call this new place our home
Cassie: I'm glad you like it, oh also we have a guest bathroom in the hall but it's not really exciting
(walks back to her desk)
Luke: It's great, I can't wait to see it in person
Cassie: Also we have a washer and dryer in our house
Luke: Like I said Cass, you did an incredible job. I'm so lucky to have a wife who thinks all of this stuff through and who was able to get this all figured out
Cassie: I'm glad you like it, I can't wait to have you here with me. It's pretty lonely in this apartment without you
Luke: I can't wait to be home with you Cass, less than 5 months now! On a different note, I actually talked to Jake on Zoom earlier and I told him we're married
Cassie: Speaking of your brother, I met him and Hailey 3 or 4 weeks ago at Billy's when they came to hear the Loyal play. Obviously, I didn't know it was them until Riley told me but they seemed nice and I'm glad that you and your brother are talking
Luke: He mentioned he and Hailey met you and they are big fans of The Loyal. I know they would love to meet you if you would be open to that
Cassie: I'd love that Luke
Luke: I'm glad, I can email you his contact information
Cassie: Sounds good, also I told Nora and Toby about our marriage too but my mom still doesn't know
Luke: How did your friends take it?
Cassie: I mean they were shocked at first but they're happy for me
Luke: I'm glad they took it well. Do you think you're going to tell your Mom soon?
.Cassie: For sure at some point, I want to but I'm not sure right now is the right time given she will defiantly question our new place and stuff, so I think I'll wait a bit until I am more settled and stuff
Luke: That makes sense. Well, let me know if I can help at all with telling hour Mom. If it makes you feel any better, I still haven't talked to my dad either so he doesn't know about our marriage, but sometimes I wonder if Jake ever talks to my dad about me
Cassie: Do you ever think about talking to him?
Luke: Honestly, not until very recently. However, with everything that has been happening around me I've been thinking about it a lot recently
Cassie: I saw the email from the USMC notification system today and while I know I have no idea what you are feeling and what you are experiencing over there, I hope you know that I'm always here if you need to talk and I love you so much Luke and you your bravery makes me incredibly proud
Luke: Thanks Cass, that means a lot to me. I actually need to talk to you about something, and I haven't really been sure how to talk to you about this because I don't want to scare you but I also feel like I need you to be prepared for anything. Are you okay if I share some stuff with you?
Cassie: (closes her eyes and takes a deep breath) Luke, you're already scaring me but I want you to talk to me
Luke: (takes a deep breath and swallows) Cass, I'm not going to lie, things over here are really bad. We have just been moved to a FOB in South Baghdad which is located in what they call the triangle of death and well it's probably the most hellish place on earth right now. The fighting here is nonstop, it's about 115 outside everyday with about 80% humidity, and it's basically all farmland and irrigation ditches which means there is no cover anywhere so when we go out patrolling we are sitting ducks. As you saw in the email we had several casualties and um... we are running into issues here where our Iraqi allies are turning on us and that's what happened today. Basically, today my squad as well as a three others in our battalion were ambushed today by people who were supposed to be our allies. In my squad our commander was severely wounded and our Private First Class was killed, both were a result of an IED blast. For a few minutes earlier today I was not sure if I would ever get to see you again and that scared me to death. Since I've been here I have had some really really close calls, but nothing as scary as today. I'm not saying that to scare you, but it's as scary as hell over here Cass and I am more fearful for my life and all of my fellow Marine's lives than I have ever been. More than anything in this world I want to get back home to you and I am doing everything in my power to ensure that that happens as that is my plan, but I also need you to be prepared.
Cassie: (crying) Luke, I don't want you to talk or think like that. I can't imagine a life without you, so I have to believe that you're going to come back home to me because I can't afford to think any way else or I have no idea how I'm going to make for the next 5 months
Luke: (wipes a tear) I know Cass, I can't imagine a life without you either and I love you so much that it scares me sometimes and I hope to God that we are given more time together on this earth
Cassie: Me too, you know looking back to our early days before we got married, I wish I didn't try to fight my feelings and I wish I had just allowed them to be so that we could have soaked up more time together
Luke: I agree, looking back I wish I didn't put as many walls up and I wish I had let you in sooner
Cassie: I guess there's no use dwelling on the past, but I am so thankful that we have this time together right now
Luke: I'm so glad too! You know just talking to you, hearing your voice, and seeing your face has provided me immense comfort after such a horribly traumatic day. Cassie, you are my world and you mean everything to me
Cassie: Right back at you Commando. I was planning to play you the song that I was working on today, but I think I want to play you something else as it just speaks to how I am feeling right now so much better. Do you want me to play it for you?
Luke: I'd love that Cass
Cassie: (she moves to her keyboard and brings her computer with her)
We're drowning in our eyes
Don't know what we'll find
I'm not sure, should we fly or fight this?
We're terrified
Pretending now that we don't care
But tension cuts, cuts the air
We're more than scared
I'm drowning in your eyes
I'm terrified
I don't know what's happening to me?
Can you hear my pulse beat underneath?
Words are getting hard for me to speak
That's not for me
Letting my fears show 'til I can face 'em
Letting my tears go 'til I can taste them
Hell, what do I know where you and I go?
Damn it, I hope you come back home
(Ooh) come back home
It's hard to sleep at night when
It's do or die
While our world spins 'round and 'round and
We're paralyzed
Pretending now that we don't care
But tension cuts, cuts the air
We're more than scared
So lost inside our eyes
We're terrified
Letting my fears show 'til I can face 'em
Letting my tears go 'til I can taste them
Hell, what do I know where you and I go?
Damn it, I hope you come back home
(Ooh) come back home
(Ooh) come back home
I don't know what's happening to me
Can you hear my pulse beat underneath?
Words are getting hard for me to speak
That's not for me
Letting my fears show
Letting my tears go
Hell, what do I know where you and I go?
Damn it, I hope
Letting my fears show 'til I can face 'em
Letting my tears go 'til I can taste them
Hell, what do I know where you and I go?
Damn it, I hope you come back home
(Ooh) oh, come back home
(Ooh) oh, come back home
Luke: (smiles) Thank you for playing that for me, it's a beautiful song
Cassie: Thank you for being my muse Corporal
Luke: I'm so glad that we got to finally fully catch up and it meant everything to me tonight to get to finally see your face after more than two months
Cassie: I'm so glad too, I've terribly missed our Zoom calls
Luke: I love you more than you can imagine Cassie Morrow
Cassie: I love you more than life itself Commando. Please stay safe out there
Luke: I am doing everything I can Cass, I want to get back home to you
Cassie: I know, and I want you to come back home. Do you think we will get to talk again soon?
Luke: I hope so, we got permanently moved to this FOB and we have internet here so we should be able to talk with more frequency
Cassie: Good, I'm glad. I don't want to hang up though
Luke: I know how you feel, I could talk to you forever Cass
Cassie: I feel the same way Luke, I could stare into your eyes for the rest of time
Luke: Right back at you my darling wife
Cassie: Good night Luke, I love you so very much
Luke: Have a good day Cass, I love you too
(Cassie's Point of View)
I am so glad that I got to talk to Luke and see him because that email from this morning scared me to death and just seeing Luke alive today put my heart at ease a little bit. Hearing about how bad things are there from Luke was terrifying and it just made me realize how wrong I was about military men and how much I wish I had just let myself feel the underlying love I had for Luke from the moment I saw him in the bar. Now more so than ever, I wish I could go back in time and have that time back from when we first me so we could have had more time safe in one another arms. I can't stop seeing the words of that email from this morning along with what Luke said about how bad things were there.
(Luke's Point of View)
It's about 22:45 PM here and I am having a hard time sleeping even though I am beyond exhausted. I am laying on my cot and it's pitch dark in here and I am staring at the dark ceiling trying to get my mind to focus on my call with Cassie earlier tonight. Talking to Cassie is a stark contrast to my life over here and my call with her tonight was a nice escape from the terrifying thoughts reaching through my mind. I know I need to try and get to sleep but every time I close my eyes my mind flashes back to the horrifying events that have unfolded over the past few days and when you combine those images with the constant sound of gunfire that surrounds us it makes it difficult to sleep. I've never had issues sleeping until my deployment here, so I'm hoping once I return stateside that I will be able to sleep well again. I decide to try and close my eyes again because I need to sleep in order to be as mentally sharp as possible for whatever tomorrow holds given I am now leading my own squad, their lives are now my responsibility and I don't take that lightly.