I turned on my back and looked up at the ceiling.
"How much did you hear?" He asked.
"All of it." I said.
"Hmm. I was hoping you were sleep for some of it at least." He said. I could hear the guilt in his voice. You were in the same room with me.....like did neither of you think that through.
"I mean I figured you'd hear some of it, since we are in the same room, but I was hoping not all." He said. Oh.....
I stayed quiet and kept staring at the ceiling.
"Don't hate him. It's hard making these type of decisions. Especially, if you know that for it to be a success someone has to suffer." He said. I shut my eyes and breathed in the cold air.
"I could never be angry at him." I murmured
"Because you love him?" Will asked. Well, Much was right, he knew.
"Yeah. He could rip my heart out of my chest and I would clean his hands of my blood." I said.
"How have you been holding up? I'm guessing not everything is because of Guy?" He asked, and shook my head no.
"Nope. Guy is part of the reason. The fact that the flirty bastard can't keep his hands to himself and the fact that he is the only reason I found out Robin had a fiancé. But recently, I found out that I have been in love with Robin for however long, and he just keep showing me that I will never be anything but a pity burden that he feels the need to protect. I will never be anything more than a constant reminder of guilt. And I hate it. I don't want to be like this." I said. At this point normally, I would cry. But I think I'm all dried up. Now I just feel numb.
Will stayed quiet. He seemed like he was working in the right things to say. I turned my head toward him and watched him think. His brows furrowed and his lips tightened. He really wanted to say the right thing. I smiled.
He began to look up at the ceiling and then closed his eyes. He took in a deep breath and then opened his eyes and locked them on mine.
"There is nothing wrong with you. Yes, you are damaged, but so is everyone else here. Robin has the tendency to try to save everyone and he sometimes ends up doing a little more harm then intended. Much has the tendency to talk before he thinks, so sometimes not everything that comes out of his mouth is the smartest. John thinks more with his fist and heart than his head. And I have the tendency to forget that people aren't just things to analyze, they have complicated emotions that I need to respect. Every ounce of our issues come from some type of pain and how we dealt with it. With some people it takes a little longer to over come, others, not so much. But no matter what it takes time. There's is nothing wrong with you. Your just another person trying to figure it out." He said.
I nodded at him. "What do you think I should do about......my feelings.....for Robin?" I asked. His eyes widen with shock. He looked away and stared at his hands on his knees.
"Personally, I think you should just tell him." He said.
I shot up and started at him. "W-what? Tell him?" I said.
He nodded. "Something I learned in life is that the worrying over the answer does more harm than actually knowing it. All you do is overthinks and bury your self in negativity and anxiety. And with your pass that probably adds to your distress."
He was right. That's exactly what I've been doing for the last few days. Overthinking and over analyzing. My anxiety and stress has been through the roof. But I'm scared. I don't want Robin to think of me differently. I don't want to be seen as the-
"Stop thinking. Don't think about the what ifs and the maybes. Just do it and then accept it." Will said pulling me out of my thought.
"But he still loves her." I said.
"So? Does that change how you feel about him?" Will asked.
"No but-" he cut me off again.
"His feelings for her has nothing to do with you. This is about you and him. How you feel and how he feels, that's it. Cross that bridge when you get to it but for now forget about her." He said with a shrug of his shoulders.
If only it was that easy.
He began to stand and made his way over to the messy corner of the room where Robin was before he made his exit. Will picked up the small bag of stuff and made his way back over to me. He reached out and ruffled my curly red hair. "Think it over." He kissed his index and middle finger and then pressed them against my head. I nodded once he moved them.
"Alright. I'm gonna head down. Me and Rob are probably gonna head out when I do. Think about what I said kiddo." He said while heading toward the door.
"I will." I told him.
"I'll send Much up." He said before opening the door. I nodded and he gave me one last smile before shutting the door. And I was in Robins room alone again.
After awhile Much came up and I informed of the events between me and Robin for the last few days.
"So much for keeping your distance." He said with a giggle.
I shrugged. I totally forgot that I decided to do that. As me and Much talked I told him about everything that happened earlier.
"He really said he did all that out of guilt?" Much asked and I nodded. I watched him visibly flinch.
"Sheesh. That must've hurt hearing it straight from his mouth. You ok?" He asked.
I nodded. But to be honest I wasn't sure. I know Will said not to dwell on it, but it was hard for me to do so. In the past the only safe place was my thoughts, and now almost everywhere is safe but my thoughts.
"Will thinks I should just tell him." I said. "What do you think?" I asked Much.
"I think you should just tell him. Don't get me wrong the circumstances suck, but this is clearly eating you alive. The quicker you get it over with. The easier it is for you to heal." Said Much.
"But what if I end up making Robin uncom-"
"Ah! Marian! This is the only time I will ever say this. But I'm begging you to please be selfish. Forget about how he could feel and focus on what your feeling right now. Even if he turns you down, he still loves you. Maybe not in the way you want but he still loves you. He will listen and he will still love you regardless." Much said.
I smiled. Welp that was the second person who told me to suck it up and tell him. "Okay. Then I'll do it. Soon. I just need time to think on what to say." I said.
"Alright! There we go!" He said with a smile.
"Oh before I forget. How did everything with Guy go?" I asked. I wanted to go out and apologize for kicking him in the chest last night and thank him for at least trying to help and then punch him for just barging in my room like a creep.
"Well, it went how you would expected." He said with a haunted look.
"That bad?" I asked worriedly.
"If uncomfortable had a cousin, that would be the word to describe the atmosphere. One, John, Rob, and Will were fuming. Though Rob and Will were trying there best to keep a level head, but if looks could kill, Guy would be a dead man thrice over. John, however felt no need to hide his frustration and irritation toward Guy. He was holding it in all night, so when he finally saw Guy, he let him have it."
I cringed at the thought. Poor Guy. Even he doesn't deserve to deal with the wrath of a pissed off Little John.
"Oh you should've seen it. My favorite part was when he strode up to Guy, completely ignoring Will and Rob and said 'What kind of perverted fuck gets on top of a crying girl calling for her loved one?' I swear Guy shat his pant right then and right there." Much said in between laughs.
"Oh my god. Well, in Guys defense, he didn't know that I was a girl." I said.
"Guy said the same thing. And John had something for that as well. I believe he said, 'Oh and that makes it better. If your thirsty enough, wether the water is clear or brown you'll still drink it right? And it clear that you have been thirsty after M, even when you thought she was a man. So excuse me for still feeling a little uncomfortable for finding you in her room in the middle of the night, while she in the corner crying!' And then Guy shat himself again."
"Well. I mean John has a point there. He was flirting even though he thought I was a man. That made me even more uncomfortable around him. And when I saw his face when I woke up from that dream. At first I didn't recognize, it actually took me awhile to realize who he was. But when I finally did, I had already kicked him and scrambled in the corner. All I knew is that he wasn't Robin or any of you and that scared me shitless, especially after the dream I had." The dream about the shadow man. There are parts of my past that I tried hard to bury but he was one thing that stayed with me. He was a client that only came at night, he'd always prefer only one light and would have me blind folded so I couldn't see anything. And sometimes would drug me so I wouldn't fight back, and sometimes he liked it when I did. I never saw his face, but his voice and his touch.........unforgettable.
A shiver ran up and down my spine. You fine. Your with people who will love and protect you. Your nightmares are only just that, nightmares. He is the past. Nothing more, nothing less.
A hand touched my cheek lightly, making my eyes flutter open. "You ok?" Much asked. I nodded and gave him a small smile.
"So what else happened?" I asked