"What do you mean 'because of me'?" I asked Rachel, as we sat on the park bench.
"Bradie, there is a lot of explaining to do," Rachel answered, looking down at the ground.
"Yeah, sounds like it."
"Millie made a mistake," she started to say, "a pretty big mistake."
"Which was?"
"She overheard something, a year or so ago. She overheard you and Jackie Groenen talking one day at training, when you both thought you were alone." Was this what I thought it was? Was Rachel alluding to what I thought she was?
"Rachel..."
"She didn't mean to do what she did. I know she didn't."
"What did she find out?"
"She found out that you were Willow Meyer, a lot earlier than everyone else did."
"Why didn't she say anything to me?" I asked.
"I really don't know."
"What happened next?" I asked, angry but not mad.
"She kept it to herself," Rachel said, "for a long while. Until..."
"Until...?"
"Until the world got the best of her. Until her anger with life overcame her love."
"Shit."
"I know she didn't mean it. I know she didn't. It was a stupid mistake, and that malice was not who she is."
"So, why did you break up with her then?"
"She isn't the right person for me," Rachel said, "even though it was a mistake. Even though she didn't mean it, I don't take things like that lightly. Brads, for a long while, you were one of the closest people in my life, I loved you like a friend. I don't take betrayal lightly."
"You're doing that for you then, right? You broke up with her because you wanted to right? Not for me?"
"I broke up with her," Rachel started to say, "because I can't be with someone who I don't trust, and that act of haste, isn't something I take lightly." I nodded my head, not knowing what to think. Not really knowing how to respond.
"Anyways, why were you here?" Rachel asked, standing up and about to head off.
"To talk to Indi."
"Indi's a popular girl right now," Rachel said, laughing slightly.
"I guess she is. Is she okay at the moment?"
"She's good," Rachel replied, smiling softly, before walking off, allowing me to sit with my thoughts, digesting what I had just heard. It was Millie. Millie Turner exposed my secret. I realised that, if anything else had happened, if it had turned out differently, my reaction would be a stark contrast. I would've been angry. I would have been spiteful. But, right now, all I feel is hurt. Hurt that someone I thought was a friend would do that. Maybe she had a reason. Maybe there is something else that I am not getting told. Maybe Rachel had it all wrong. But, I knew, deep down, that this was the truth, unless I tried to convince myself otherwise.
I headed upstairs to Indi, and as I knocked on her door, a smile appeared on her face.
"Hey," she said, welcoming me in, "this is a nice surprise."
"I wanted to see you. I haven't in a while."
"I know," Indi answered, "it's been forever."
"How have you been?" I asked her, as I watched her pour two cups of tea.
"Yeah, I've 'been'," she laughed, passing me the cup.
"That good yeah?" I joked back.
"Its been hard," she said, opening up a little, "really hard."
"I know, Inds," I said to her, reaching for her hand for comfort, "I know what it's like to not have your dad, your parent."
"I just don't know how I am supposed to keep going without him. He was everything to me. He was my biggest supporter, always supporting me from afar."
"He loved you, Inds, probably more than anything in the world."
"Well, I was the favourite," Indi joked.
"But in all seriousness, you just gotta keep fighting, keep playing the game he always loved watching you play. That's the gift you can give him."
"I just wished that I had seen him one more time. Went to see him before all this happened."
"I know, but you can't think like that. You can't live like that. You can't live with regret or guilt, because it will build up to a point where it's unmanageable. You've got to remember all the good parts, not the bad."
After a few minutes, Indi changed the topic.
"This is a change," she said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, normally it's me giving the inspirational monologues."
"Well you are very good at them," I replied, "so I thought I'd give it a try too. You deserve to hear one every now and again."
I wanted to stay with Indi longer, but I knew I had my entire team waiting for me, so I left her apartment, and headed to where the bus was waiting for me.
"Did you do it?" Jackie asked me, as I sat beside her. They were all waiting patiently for me on the bus, and as soon as I got on, it left.
"Yeah, I saw her. But Jack," I said, quietly, "I have a lot to tell you." I looked around the bus, to make sure no one was near.
"What?" She asked, concerned.
"I know what happened. I know who told."
"Jesus, where have you been the past three hours?"
"I have been on an adventure, for the lack of better words."
"And...?" Jackie asked, wanting to know.
"I can't tell you here. When we get back, you'll know." She looked confused, as she raised her eyebrows, but as she saw me looking around the coach, somewhat worried, she understood. She understood that there was not the time nor place to have the conversation we were needing to have.
When we arrived back in Manchester, I explained to Jackie all that I had uncovered.
"Shit," Jackie said, sitting on the couch.
"Yeah..."
"Are we sure?" She asked, "like sure it was her? Is Rachel a reliable source?"
"I mean, I think so."
"I just don't know why she would do that."
"Neither, but I don't think I want to find out. Not for a little bit I guess."
I soon left for the international break, and thankfully, this time, we were playing friendlies with other teams in Europe, so I wouldn't be the one having to travel the long flight. We were having one match against France and the other against Germany, both of which were very good and competitive sides. It was going to be a tough match for both teams.
"Okay," Vlatko said to us in the locker room, "today is going to be a tough match, but execute what we've been doing in training and you guys will be okay." I was in my preferred number 9 position, and Sophia and Mal were on either wing. Rose, Lindsey and Andi were in the midfield, and Kelley, Becky, Crystal, Naomi were in the backline, with Alyssa in goals. It has been a fairly settled line up since CONCACAF, with only really the midfield changing, sometimes with Kristie in, and Ashley too.
When we got out there, against France, it was just as tight as I thought it would be. I was being marked well, and France kept their formation. It was going to be tight. When Sophia had a break on the wing, she dribbled it into the box, trying to get a shot off. The keeper got it, but spilled it right to my foot. I was able to tap it in, and we were up. Sophie ran up to me, hugging me.
"Nice one," she said, smiling.
"Just a tap in," I replied, but with a soft smile on my face too.
We were able to keep some level of pressure on, having position but no real chance at shot.
In the 71st minute, Kristie and Ash subbed on for Lindsey and Rose, and when we got a corner kick, Kristie took it. Her corners were always sublime, and when she placed the ball right into the box, it was the perfect opportunity to get my head to it. I pushed it past the keeper, and it flung into the net. It was all Kristie. The assist was more than the goal.
"Amazing!" Kristie said to me, when she came in for the hug.
"The assist was top notch, Kratcheeta."
We ended the game with a 2-0 victory, and it was soon time to travel to Germany.
The Germany game was harder than the France one. It was a similar line up, but this time Kristie started and so did Alana, and Casey was in goals.
Neither team were getting the ball into the back of the net, as both teams' defence was unbreakable. It was as if a true wall was being put up, with nothing able to penetrate it. So, this game ended with a 0-0 scoreline.
I was annoyed that I didn't score a goal for the team. I had a chance, although it wasn't that good of a chance, it was still something. I always go too hard on myself, and I know that, but I should be better. I know I should.
I sat in the locker room, frustrated with myself after the match.
"Brads," Kristie said, coming over, "you alright?"
"I should've scored."
"It's just a friendly," she tried to remind me.
"I know, I just should've scored."
"We can't score every game, and sometimes 0-0 games are the ones we learn the most from." I nodded my head, knowing Kristie was right. Knowing that it wasn't that big of a deal, but somehow, I couldn't get it out of my head.
It was time to head back to England after a reasonably successful break, and Chelsea was our first match back. We knew it was going to be a tough one. Chelsea have been the best team in our league for a while now, and it was hard knowing that we were going to have to come up against them, right after the break.
The one bright side was that it was at home, meaning we would not have to travel down to London again.
"How you feeling?" Jackie asked me, as I walked into our living room. Our living room. Although it wasn't official that she had moved in, she spent nearly every night in the apartment, and only really went to hers to grab fresh clothes.
"Nervous," I replied, "some points would be nice out of this game."
"Would keep us up in the top three," Jackie added.
"But, their backline is just..." I started to say.
"Quite good," Jackie finished.
"Yeah, quite good indeed."
We ate some breakfast, and as I watched her eat, a feeling of happiness wafted over me.
"Jack?" I asked her, as she was scrolling on her phone.
"Yeah?"
"Would you like to move in?"
"Move in? As in I move in here?" She asked, smiling.
"Well, that's what I thought moving in meant," I laughed back.
"To be honest, I've already been living here basically."
"But officially?"
"I'd love to," she said, turning to look at me, and placing a small kiss on my lips. I smiled as she broke from me, knowing that this, right here, was what I had wanted.
We got to the ground, and when I saw Chelsea's team list, I remembered just how strong they were. Sam Kerr, Fran Kirby, Millie Bright, Guro Reiten, Erin Cuthbert, Juliette Walsh. That's who we would be coming up against.
As we went to line up, the Chelsea girls looked somewhat distressed. Both their captain, Magda Eriksson and Juliette Walsh weren't in the line up yet. There was a face of fear imprinted on their faces, but when Magda came rushing out, and so too did Juliette, peace returned.
The game was as tight as I thought it was going to be. Although Juliette is one of England's best players, she wasn't shining that day. She didn't seem as alive as she normally did, however, her dimmed is still most defenders sparkling any day, and we still weren't able to get past. We weren't able to penetrate the strong back line that Chelsea were putting up.
Chelsea ended up scoring. A Guro corner was flicked to the far post and headed in my Magda. It was frustrating knowing that it was a stupid goal to concede, but we kept fighting on. The game ended 1-0 and it was not our day.
"It's okay," Jackie said to me, putting her arm around my shoulder. I leant into her as we walked off the pitch.
"Just frustrating," I replied.
"I know, but we'll fight back next week."
When I looked over at Juliette, she seemed distressed, like something was plaguing her mind. Even though I had never spoken to her, I could tell. She speaks with her face.
Later that evening, I was tagged in a post, multiple times.
Preathxjindi: ok ok ok, new update on the #brackie situation. So, we got this pic and im nearly 100% we can confirm they are a thing. I mean, we see them arriving to training together, to games together. They r kinda cute. I mean, they both went through that sticky legal situation a few months back so maybe they got close over that. I think this is all the confirmation we need...
Wosoupdates: i think we can say with confirmation that they r in fact a thing
Walshisonisreal: brackie is kinda cute... could be my new otp, after walshison ofc
I laughed as I saw these, closing the page. It's funny how perceptive people are when they truly care. When they truly want to know things.
"It's your birthday tomorrow," Jackie said to me, smiling.
"That it is," I replied, laughing softly.
"You excited?"
"I mean, I don't really think I feel 26 but sure."
"26 will be a year to remember," she said, smiling.
"I hope so."
The next morning, I woke up to so much love on my birthday. People were making edits, sending me messages, and making posts.
I saw Jackie on her phone, smiling softly.
"What are you doing?" I asked her.
"Go on instagram," she said back.
I logged on to my account, and Jackie's post was the first to come up. The first picture was of me and her both wearing the Man United red, smiling at the camera. The second was a selfie she took when we were getting on the plane to head back to England after our stint in the safe house. The third was from dinner one evening, when I had made her same pasta. It wasn't too good, but we were both smiling. And the last was a mirror selfie, where I was hugging her from behind, giving her a sweet kiss on her neck.
Jackie_groenen_14: happy birthday mijn meisje. Everyday it just gets better and better having you by my side. 26 never looked better
I stared at Jackie, so shocked she had posted, but so happy at the same time.
"You know this means it's official, yeah?" I asked her.
"I know," she replied, grabbing my hand, "and I wanted it to be."
I kissed her, my arms wrapping around her neck.
"Happy birthday," she said to me.
"Best birthday yet."
note:
- kinda a strange chapter, its a bit all over the place but i hope u enjoyed anyways.
- we're getting closer to chapter 50 so if you know you know ;)