ARI.
This setting seemed so familiar, it could've fooled anyone. The quiet room, the cushioned chairs, the large oak desk, and even the books that lined the shelves all comprised a setting meant for a trip to the principal's office. But this wasn't that simple. This was not an office at school, and I was not being reprimanded for talking back to a teacher or getting caught smoking weed behind the baseball field. What this was, was hell contained in a square space. And the man sitting before me with greying hair and a white lab coat was not some measly principal of academia-- he was the grim reaper.
"I've already had this talk with your mother and she wanted me to speak to you both," Dr. Collin Mcallister needed to loosen up. I knew exactly what was going to come out of his mouth and within a few minutes, I predicted a forecast of tears.
"Is there any improvement?" Mia questioned. She had hope etched all over her naive face and I knew this was going to shatter her little heart.
"No," Dr. Mcallister shook his head. He let out a sigh before opening up the brown folder on his desk. "There's no sign of improvement."
"But she's not getting worse," Mia spoke again.
I could see the fire in her eyes; the same fire she had right before our dad passed. She didn't know how to take a hint; she had her head in the clouds and sometimes that was okay. It was okay that Mia was positive and that her blood was made out more faith than all the churches combined - but that was her fatal flaw. She was just as fragile as I, but the difference between us, was the fact that I knew when it was time to face reality.
"Miss Quiroz, there's only a forty percent survival rate for your mother," he finally dropped the bomb, and when it hit, Mia's face drained from all color.
I didn't have to look at her to know that the tears were already trickling down her face. I didn't have to be in the same room to hear her heart pounding against her chest at 200 miles per hour. I didn't have to be her sister to know that this was the last thing that sent her over the edge.
"But there's something more we can do," Mia whimpered, "can't we run more tests? Maybe we missed something."
"We ran every possible test. We've tried different treatments. Your mother is in a great deal of pain and the more we try to keep her alive, the more she suffers. Do you understand that?" Dr. Mcallister's voice was soft, slow, and despite his professional demeanor, there were notes of humility laced within him.
"So what are you trying to say?" Mia let out a painful whimper. "We're going to just give up? Pull the plug? What kind of doctor are you? You're supposed to save lives, not encourage the idea of death!"
Mia was fuming with each word that escaped her lips. My sister rarely got mad, but what she lacked in anger, she made up in zealous passion. She put passion into everything - including into the people she loved the most.
"You're a horrible doctor!" Mia snapped. I gasped, shifting my attention over to my sister.
"Ate, tama na," I tried to pacify the rampage that was building inside of Mia, but my words only seemed to intensify the rage.
(translation: older sister; stop it)
"Don't tell me to stop!" Mia bellowed, shooting me an expression brimming with anarchy. "I can't believe you right now Ari! How are you going to sit there and not even try to defend mom?"
Taken aback by her words, my eyes narrowed in on her. I was tired of arguing with my sister; tired of feeling angry, frustrated, and heartbroken all the time that it was physically weighing me down. But the strength I knew I had was still somewhere inside of me and without fail, I had to stand up for myself.
"You don't get to talk to me like that. You may be my older sister but you don't have any right to belittle me!" My voice boomed against Dr. Mcallister's office in a way that exuded strength instead of anger. "In case you forgot, you were the one who kept mom's condition a secret from me for months. I, at the very least, get to help decide what steps we're taking next. She's my mom too."
"So you're just gonna stop fighting for mom, then? You're going to let the doctor convince you that there's no hope left for her?" Mia retorted, wiping her dampened cheeks with the back of her hand.
"I don't want to breed false hope Miss Quiroz. I still want to be realistic and not blindside patients and their family if things don't play out well," Dr. Mcallister stepped in. He was still very much calm. Not once did his voice raise in decibels - I guessed he had enough practice giving these intense talks.
"It's not false hope if you buffer reality with faith that things may still be okay," Mia cried. "My mom's sick and I understand that but is it really a crime to keep positive?"
"Positivity is okay, but--"
"But what?!" Mia interrupted me with ferocity in her bloodshot eyes. "There are no buts in faith," Mia stood up from the chair, snatching her purse off the floor, "this conversation is over."
With that, Mia stormed out of the office without another word. I jumped slightly when the heavy door slammed shut with a clamorous thud, causing the framed accolades on the wall to rattle. Biting my bottom lip in anxiety, I looked over to the doctor across from me. He sat back in his leather throne, seemingly unfazed by my sister's dramatic exit.
"What now?" I asked. My sister was done with this conversation but I wasn't.
"We stop treatments," Dr. Mcallister suggested, leaning forward in the chair to rest his folded hands on top of the desk. "We of course continue to make sure your mother is as comfortable as possible, but if you and your sister decide to stop treatment, your mother's days will be numbered."
"And how long will my mom live without treatment?" I continued, my voice never succumbing to a stammer. As much as I hated to have this conversation, and as much as I hated the reality that was soon to come, it was time for me to be a big girl.
"Two weeks, possibly three," Dr. Mcallister informed, and just like that, a ticking clock was stamped across my mother's life.
I nodded my head, not saying word. I bent over to pick up my backpack, feeling an odd calmness wash across my body. It prickled my skin, a cool sensation tickling me from the inside out. As I continued to put my backpack on, my eyes trailed a little passed Dr. Mcallister's head to the awards hanging behind him. In the glass frame, I caught something peculiar reflecting from it. I wasn't sure if I believed in ghosts, but I did believe in other ideas and realms that couldn't be explained from my science textbook.
What should've made me scream, jump out of my skin, or run away, made me absolutely still and kept my breathing steady. Because whether my eyes were playing games on me, or it was the lack of sleep that was altering my vision, I could've sworn I saw my father's reflection in the glass frame. It was clear as daylight the way his brown eyes twinkled as he smiled brightly, tiny wrinkles forming at the sides of his lids. When I turned around, there was of course nothing behind me. I wasn't so sure exactly what I was expecting to see, but I don't think that mattered. I think what was more important in that moment, was what I felt.
That odd calmness that rushed through my veins, the prickling against my skin, and the way my insides were warm even though there was a slight shiver to my body, felt like a hug. And not just any hug - special ones that could only be made by fathers for their daughters. It was in that moment did I finally realize how not so alone I really was. Being physically alone is one thing, but emotionally alone, that was a whole other game. And for me, I really wasn't. My father physically may not be with me, but he was always watching over me. As is Brayson, and as will my mom.
"Miss Quiroz, are you alright?" Dr. Mcallister asked me, concern on his aging face. "It looks like you've seen a ghost or something."
I chuckled at his statement, causing the doctor to laugh as well.
"I'm fine Doctor," I told him, "or, at least I know I will be. Thank you for this talk."
"Would you like me to speak to your sister again?" He questioned, standing up from his chair as did I.
I shook my head, "no, it's okay. I'll talk to her as soon as she calms down."
"Okay, please do call me if you have any more questions or concerns. My line is always open for your family," Dr. Mcallister promised with a smile.
I nodded my head, stepping away from the chair. I walked backwards in the direction of the door, bidding the doctor a goodbye. Turning on my heel, I reached for the doorknob, opening it and taking a step out the office. Before I completely walked away however, I took a moment to take one last glance at Dr. Mcallister, giving him a relaxed grin.
"Thanks again," I waved and sauntered out the door, closing it behind me.
I trekked down the corridor, my hand reaching into the front pocket of my jeans. I pulled out my cellphone, sliding a finger across the screen and dialing a number that I seemed to be dialing more often these days. As I pressed the device against my ear, I smiled to the passing nurses and continued my journey to the elevators.
"Hey Ari," the other line picked up.
"Reese, hey, are you busy?" I asked, pressing the down-arrow button by the elevator.
"At this moment, nope. I got out of class and I was about to head to the library to do homework before my next class at noon," he explained. I could hear university commotion in the background of Reese's side.
"I have a big favor to ask of you," I forewarned. The elevator doors slid open and I stepped inside, as did a nurse and a family with two little kids.
"Ari, I'm not going to write your essays for you. Your teachers are going to wonder why your paper sounds so intellectual when, in fact, you clearly are as smart as a brown paper bag," Reese joked.
"Ha ha. Very funny," I scoffed causing Reese to chuckle obnoxiously loud. "You're such a fùcking thundercunt O'Hara."
My eyes suddenly widened the moment my words slipped through my lips. I gasped, turning to my left side where the family was. One father had his hands covering the little girl's ears, while the other father covered the little boy's eyes- well, at least he tried. Both children were giggling in my expense as my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
"I'm sorry," I whispered at both fathers, who still had perpetual shocked expressions painted on their faces. At that second, the elevator doors slid open again and I wasted no time in scurrying my stupid ass out the lift.
"So tell me about this big favor of yours," Reese continued.
"Wanna take a road trip?" I asked him, hope in my tone, "to Northern Cali."
"Northern Cali, huh?" Reese repeated, and I already knew his brain was synapsing with power. "This road trip wouldn't have anything to do with going to Napa Valley to visit Luke, would it?"
"Ugh, yes, you caught me," I surrendered. The automatic lobby doors opened, and cold wind ransacked against my face with a stinging sensation. "I mean, we can take my car. I'll pay for gas and a box of jalapeno Cheez-It's. I just need help driving. So what do you say?"
"Yes Ari, I will go to Napa with you," Reese agreed, causing me to squeal in joy. "I get out of class this Friday at noon and we can leave right after."
I stopped in my tracks. I wasn't very specific with Reese and that was my fault in him perceiving our departure time. When I stopped my shrieks of excitement and fell completely silent, that's when Reese's brain once again fired up, immediately postulating. He groaned and I swear I could hear him smack his forehead from the other end.
"You wanted to leave now, didn't you?" Reese guessed.
"Bingo," I affirmed, walking up to my car and leaning back against it.
"Dude, I don't know," Reese sighed. "This quarter just started and I'm already starting to stress. And you have school too, missy!"
"Look, I understand. And normally I'd ask Calum or Ashton or even Michael to do these types of spontaneous things with me, but Calum and Ashton can't miss school right now- not when they've already been accepted into university," I expressed. "As for Michael, well, Mrs. Clifford would throw me out the window if she caught me trying to sneak her son out of the hospital for a little Nor-Cal rendezvous."
When Reese didn't answer me right away, I already began to think about a solo game plan to Northern California. It was barely 10AM and with enough breaks in between, I could make it to Napa by dinner time. I guessed I was thinking too hard, too much in the zone to selectively not hear Reese on the other end. It wasn't until his voice practically sucker punched my ear drum did I finally snap out of it.
"Ari, did you hear me?!" Reese yelled.
"What? Huh? Yes? No? Say that again," my words fumbled as they fell out of my mouth with confusion.
"I said," Reese started, taking a moment to exhale, "throw in a package of chocolate chunk cookies, and you've got yourself a deal."
"Wait, are you saying..." my words faded as a smile crept across my face.
"Pack your bags Quiroz, I'm picking you up no later than eleven-fifteen!" Reese announced.
"Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I squealed again, leaping into the air with a smile on my face. "I owe you big time Reese's Pieces!"
"Yea, yea," Reese shrugged off, "I'm hanging up now."
"Okay, bye!" I shouted, right before the line went dead.
Stuffing my phone back into my pocket, I grinned to myself as I took off my backpack. Grabbing my keys from the side compartment, I unlocked my car, sliding into the vehicle rapidly. With the keys in the ignition, the engine running, and the radio on low, I backed out of the parking space and started my drive to my empty home.
I made it back to the house in less than fifteen minutes, parking my car crookedly in the driveway and dashing out like I were in some kind of timed marathon. I had purpose in me, a driving force that was jolting me to move. It was messy and chaotic, the way I grabbed clothes, makeup, toiletries and other necessities before throwing them into a black duffle bag. Making sure I had my license and debit card in my wallet, I stuffed that into a small purse, slinging it around my body.
Seizing my duffle bag, I hurriedly walked out of my room and down the stairs. I dropped my belongings by the front door, before grabbing another pair of shoes to put in the bag. As my eyes darted from pair to pair, I felt my pocket vibrate.
Buzz. Buzz.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket, sliding my finger across the screen as my free hand grabbed a pair of black converse from the shoe rack.
From: Reese O'Hara - 10:32AM
On our drive can I have Starbucks? Channeling my inner basic bitch :P
I laughed, shaking my head in amusement. Just as I was about to answer the text, my peripheral vision caught something sitting on the foyer tabletop. A stack of mail, presumedly organized by Mia sometime between yesterday's mail and her 4AM shower, was neatly sitting next to a framed photograph. I took a second to gaze at the photo taken the summer right before my Senior year. It was of my sister and I at the beach nearby. We spent the entire day together, only snapping that one photo before shutting off our phones for several hours. Mia and I did nothing but laugh, swim, and pig-out on junk food till sunset. As simple as it was, it was one of my favorite days, and I'd do anything to have that day back again.
Sliding my phone into my back pocket, I decided to check out the stack of envelopes. In the midst of bills, handwritten letters from family in the Philippines, and postcards from a cousin studying abroad in Italy, was an envelope addressed to me.
Dropping the others, my shaky hands held onto the envelope with my name on it. I flipped it over and used my finger to open the flap, attempting to not tear the paper inside. I swallowed, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath inwards. As I exhaled, I pulled out the letter, letting my eyes trail from sentence to sentence. My mind comprehended the string of words with ease, immediately understanding what this meant. And in that realization, my body reacted in what was not familiar to it-- indifference
//
Okay, so not the most eventful chapter and I was planning to include Ari's visit to Napa in this one, but I decided against it. The chapter would be really long and I just want to dedicate an entire chapter to the Ari/Luke reunion at Cobb Rehab Center. Despite the lack of action, let me explain something.
So, my best friend lost her mother several months ago due to an infection that was debilitating her immune system. My best friend had her older brother and a step dad. But the conversation that Ari and Mia had with the doctor, is similar to what my best friend had to go through. She, along with her brother and stepdad, had a conversation about the likelihood of her mother's survival. That convo is something I hope to never have and the fact that my best friend had to go through that is heartbreaking. But that's life sometimes.
With all that said, the reason why Ari was able to pick herself back up after finding out her mother doesn't have much longer to live, is because she's tired. Think about her sleepless nights, the tears, the stress, etc... Also, with her father "being there" it kind of numbed Ari from feeling pain.
THANKS SO MUCH for continuing to read my story chapter after chapter. "Drunk Words, Sober Thoughts" recently hit 600K and ohmygoodness I'm SO happy with all the reads. I was excited when this story hit 10K and the fact that it's at 600K, makes me want to dance in the streets!!! THANKS for all the votes and the wonderful comments too!! Love my readers! :)