~ Love ~ Nathan Wagner
*
MESS HALLS
Having a child within our ranks was not our usual daily job, or more different to the survey corps. Many odd stares were placed upon little Klara, while she chews her food like she hasn't eaten at all. She was indeed skinny and pale, hoping to get some sun on her and well nourished. Just watching her, pained me so much. The suffering she endured, being all alone and vulnerable.
Cursing myself for not helping her sooner, I was just thankful I found a couple that was happy and obliged to take in Klara.
They struggled with infertility, unable to have children and they grew depressed about it. They were old customers of my mother years ago, so it was easy to know who to find instantly. Within a weeks time, she will be living with them. Right now I must nourish and keep the child healthy, and get some sun on her.
"She's such a pretty thing," Lena coos softly, while chewing on her bread. The atmosphere was rather quiet, but enough to still be lively at the same time. The sounds of utensils and cups, clanking in the background.
Humming in agreement, I tuck a stray blonde piece of hair behind her ear.
"Yeah she is," my eyes tenderly gaze upon the child, seeing how tiny and easy it was with her.
Soon she pauses while chewing with her chubby cheek bulging either side, big bright green eyes gazing into my own. She soon swallows thickly, before passing me her half of bread making my eyes widen in alarm. Shaking my head, "No it's fine, this is all yours," I assure her gently, not wanting to take something she barely has had.
"But........what about you?"
That's right, I gave her two piece of bread to her which was actually my bread. I barely got hungry so I'm alright, and tea was enough to keep me going.
"I'm okay, I've got some herbal tea," assuring the cute blonde, she hesitates for a moment with a small pout against her tiny lips.
Lena's head perks up, a look of concern flickers behind her eyes.
"Actually your neck........what happened there, it's rather purple and dark like splotches," she gestures to her neck, while my fingertips tenderly drift to my neck. "Is everything okay?"
Nodding with a grim look, I soon change back to admiring the child.
"Yeah, anyway she will be bunking with us, but right after this she needs some sleep," I wipe a crumb from her chubby cheek, before seeing Levi walking over. Tea in hand, with a loaf in the other. "Levi.....may I help you?..."
His cold steel gaze, made me feel a little uneasy when he's unreadable.
"Meet me in my office, I need to speak with you after," He sternly instructs, making me blink a few times with curiosity. The look within his eyes meant something, that Klara couldn't be part of. Nodding slowly with a firm 'yes', he sat down beside me and ate quietly.
"Mister?"
Levi turns to the child slowly, as Klara gazes up to him.
He clears his throat, "Hmm, what is it?"
"Did you......live where I did, the underground?" She questions, with her voice tiny and a little unsure.
My eyes drift over to meet with Levi's soft gaze, before he nods in response.
"I did.........but, I live here now,"
"Is it....becwause......of Akiwa?" She questions again.
My cheeks nervously burn in response to this, but when gazing back to Levi he remained nonchalant and unfazed.
"No........no it wasn't......."
Klara suddenly saddens, before finishing her meal that I provided. What was she wanting his answer to be? Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I stood up preparing to get her ready for bed with Lena standing up. Glancing down to see Levi remaining stoic, I pat his shoulder.
"I will put her in bed, then meet you later,"
Grunting in response, I guide the child with my hand against her tiny back.
******
"Alrightie, all tucked in?" I ask with a smile, while tucking the blanket around her. Sitting on the side of the bed below my bed, she cutely nods. The soft glow of candle light, gives off a warm aura. The shadows flickering against the walls around, while little Klara adjusts herself within the bed. "Good, now Lena will be here.....so if you need her she will be here to help you with anything, okay?"
She nods quietly, making me ruffle her hair.
Despite everything I did to get her to the surface, I held no ounce of regret.
"Good girl, now sleep tight," I say softly, while running my fingers through her hair. All soft and well kept, after I fixed it up with a trim and hair conditioner. Yet the pain in my neck was swelling, making it difficult to move my head as much. Just the slightest movement, or word vibrates against the swelling even.
She soon flutters her eyes closed, snuggling into her pillow with a cute hum.
Leaning down I press a tender kiss to her temple, straightening out the blankets making sure she knows she's safe and protected. "Goodnight Klara,"
"Night......Akiwa," She cutely yawns, burying her head deeper into the pillow. She must feel more relaxed in this bed, compared to the undergrounds. It made my heart ache, conflicted emotions, and anger within myself. I couldn't predict my own actions, but right now she's safe and cared for.
Within a few moments of gazing upon the child, the little one has fallen asleep which was no surprise at all. She has her tummy filled with food, cleaned and a soft bed to lay in. A big change for her indeed.
Gazing upon her made me realise many things, wishes I wanted for my own future. Will it ever become true, or just a fantasy in my head? Stroking her hair slowly, my eyes deceived me with an image of Mei before me. A fake vision of her, yet made me snap back to reality.
Rubbing my face in exhaustion, I push myself up.
"Alright, I'm heading out.......just keep a sharp eye on her," I whisper gently, turning to Lena who sat on her bunk with a book in hand. She gazes up and nods with a soft hum while flicking a page over, with a head salute and smile.
"Will do, be safe,"
Nodding I head out the door quietly, and discreetly not to disturb the child. The door clicks beneath my fingertips that pressed against the door, before indicating to head straight to Levi's office.
****
~Knock~Knock~
"State name and business!"
Furrowing my eyebrows, I clear my throat.
"Akira Yamasaki, you asked to see me," I firmly reply, a little annoyed with how much privilege he's been getting. He's rising through the ranks, gaining more followers and has full trust. Something Erwin and I struggle together, only wanting nothing more than to have him trust me.
"Come in,"
Opening the door I step in a little more timidly, unsure why he called me in. Hearing the door click shut behind me, I walk over to see him leaning against his desk with a few papers in hand. After a few seconds of awkward silence, he lifts his head taking in my presence. Placing down the papers on his desk, he turns back around and rummages through the draw behind his desk.
"Take a seat over there, I need to see to your wounds,"
This was an odd turn of events, but then again he did seem rather pissed since the Mp's incident. Shaking my head I stood firm, "I'm alright, it's just normal bruising," assuring him, but he gave me a 'don't give me that bullshit' look.
He took my wrist and pulls me behind him, and forces me to sit down on the seat. Slightly bouncing from the impact, I adjust myself seeing him rake his fingers through his tousled raven hair.
"goddammit, so stubborn," he mutters, before he reach up tilting my head up to reveal my discoloured flesh. Wincing with a hiss, his touch softens before a heavy sigh leaves his lips. He soon rummages through the aid kit, while I gaze down after releasing my chin. He soon finds a cream, and grabs some kind heat pack.
Silence soon falls between us, only hearing and feel his breath fan against my face gently.
He applies the cream against my neck, while I wince a little more. Biting back louder whimpers, my hand automatically grip his wrist. Tightly. However he still puts his concentration on my wound, making me wonder if he wanted me over just for this. Thought he would wanna discuss with important matters, or something serious. Yet here he is, treating my wound that he shouldn't consider fatal.
"You know.........I didn't like how they touched you," he mutters, breaking the silence.
"Hmm?"
He furrowed his eyebrows showing his frustration which was rare to see, when he places the warm heat pack around my neck. He held it ever so gently, before our eyes meet. Swallowing faintly in my throat from how close he was, my heart was beating rather rapidly. I've never felt this strange feeling, as of like recent.
"Levi....?"
He narrows his eyes my way, "At least.......you kicked the shit out of the them,"
A chuckle leaves my lips for a moment, knowing it was his way of easing the tension within the room. Soon everything has quieten down, before exhaustion has finally hit me. Warm tears slowly start rolling down, my cheeks growing warmer and warmer.
"Hey.....oi, what's going on?" he questions, in alarm but monotone.
Shaking my head, I try wiping them away.
"I'm okay, been a big day," I breath out, almost choking on a sob.
So much has happened within a year, and trying to earn my trust from Erwin. Things were weighing heavily upon me, but all I could do was grin and bear it for now. He soon moves the heated pack around the front of my throat, realising my voice was barely a whisper now. He glares angrily averting his eyes, but I swallow thickly.
"I'm okay.....reall--"
"Bullshit, and you fucking know you're not okay!"
My eyes widen, seeing the anger raging within his eyes. His shoulders upright, but head clouded with anger. If I ever said anything about Peter, hell will break loose. Soon the tension thickens within the room, while sitting there unable to process what had just happened.
He tries to ignore me again, while I sat there holding my heat pack tenderly against my throat.
Dwelling whether I should leave or not, the tears would not stop falling. The bitterness salty tears rest at the corners of my lips, wanting nothing more than to feel better and train again. My eyes soon fall upon him again, my lips hesitantly part not once but twice.
"L-Levi......I'm......sorry, I think I should--" before I could finish, he rests his hand against the nape of my neck. Our temples pressed against each other, my eyes slightly widening taken back. He inhales slowly, before fluttering his eyes open. Pulling away, he held a stern look before leaning forward wiping away the silent tears that strays down.
"You're not okay...........and it hurts me," he admits vehemently, only his ears tinting red.
My voice slightly trembles, "Bu--"
"You're using Klara to help fill that empty void, right?" He assumes, lightly gasping from his accusation. Yet, what he was saying was true. Scared to admit, but losing my brother made me feel bad. Soon bringing Klara to the surface, soon becoming protective of the young one.
He took my hands in his own, his thumb caressing over my knuckles.
"I get it, but.....you need someone around your age to speak too or even rely on," He whispers softly, his tone growing softer and softer by the second til he whispers the last part, which I couldn't hear. "Please......reply on me too."
Yet, why does he rely on me? Even after what I've done in the past.....
"Why.......why do you even care?"
He sighs leaning back against the chair, releasing my own hands soon folding them against his chest. Shifting his head to the side, a flicker of sadness wavers behind them. Was my question inappropriate? Did I step too far, or cross the line?
"Tch, do I really have to damn explain?" he questioned bitterly, which kind of stung by his tone. We both held high walls, and hiding our concern for each other. We had a terrible start when we first met, and now sometimes I wonder if I'm worth speaking to him.
"No......no you don't, sorry," I apologise, my eyes advert from his own.
My hand presses more firmly against my throat, drawing a heavy sigh past my lips. The night grew still between us both, allowing things to finally settle to comfortable silence. Within moments he stood up, "I will grab some tea,"
With that he leaves the room, while I settle against the seat. I lean back closing my eyes shut, taking a moment while trying to think of jobs to do. Thoughts on Klara being adopted by a couple I knew, that could not bear children. She's my priority for now, and I must protect her til she reaches her new home.
After a few minutes of waiting, I hear him enter the room before closing the door behind him.
He walks over and passes me my tea as I whisper a thank you, drinking the warm liquid slowly. Gulping it down I lick my bottom lip, while grimacing in pain as my neck throbs. Inhaling sharply my eyes squeeze tightly shut for a moment, when a hand gently slides against my neck. His warm breath glides across my lips, feeling him leaning forward. Keeping my eyes shut, all I could was my heart throbbing as he touches my skin.
Lips press against my neck only briefly, feeling butterflies explode in my stomach.
Fluttering my eyelashes I open my eyes to see his eyes gazing into my own, feeling my head grow fuzzy. Finding the air in my lungs grow heavy, I blink my eyes a few times averting from his while grimacing again.
Clearing my throat painfully, "Is there anything else you need me, or you just wanted to tend my wound?"
He looks away raking his fingers through his raven locks, before shaking his head, "No, you may leave,"
With that I stand up about to walk out I could sense there was something else, but I didn't want to pry. It was late, and I didn't want to worry Lena for being late. With the click of my boots against the timber floor, I began making my way out when a hand latched around my wrist. Turning to him, I furrow my eyebrows.
"Hmm......something wrong?" I ask softly, while his face remains stoic but confliction flickering behind his silver eyes.
He grunts, before slowly releasing me.
"No......sorry, goodnight," he abruptly turn on his heel, while I watched him walk away to his desk. Smiling softly I nod understanding his boundary, before leaving the room. Walking down the hallway, I let out a tired yawn feeling weary and mentally exhausted. Just turning the corner a soldier walked past me, while I continued making my way to my quarters.
"Oi!"
Lifting my head up I turn to see him, of all people why him now? Ignoring him, I continue moving forward, when he suddenly slammed me into the wall making me drop the heat pack that rested against my neck.
He eyes my neck, "What's this, huh?"
"None of your damn business, now release me Walsh," I demand angrily, but his grip tightens.
"Did someone try hurting you? Aww you poor thing," He teasingly coos, while trailing a finger against my aching neck. Clenching my jaw tightly, a rumble vibrates against my throat. Having enough energy, I press a tender spot against the middle of his arm, before grabbing his hand and twisted his arm against his back.
I slam him against the wall with my knee pressed sharply into his thigh from behind, while I glared dangerously.
"Shit, what ju--"
"When will you stop? When will this damn end?" I question angrily, my grip tightening while he hisses in pain.
"........."
"Answer me dammit!" I snap angrily, only hearing the torches on the wall flicker and crackle.
A laugh soon starts to erupt from his mouth, his shoulders moving sync while I tighten my grip. "What's so funny?" twisting his wrist harder.
He inhales sharply with a chuckle, "I just love hearing you plead, so desperately to brush me off," he comments, wth amusement lacing his tone.
My lip tugs slightly up, "Whatever you're trying to do, it won't work," my voice deepens, while I grip harder. He groans in pain, "Now, what I suggest that is that you leave me alone. I'm tired and sick of it all, and you know I'm stronger......so stop degrading me, stop being so narcissistic!"
Waiting for his reply, his breath quickens before nodding rapidly finally seeing a different side of him.
Scared and afraid.....
Releasing him he collapses to his knees, while gripping his aching wrist. Light tears prick the corners of my eyes, seeing the man finally take the fall this time. A turn of events, shall I say. He clenches his jaw tightly in pain, while glaring dangerously through his hair. He scoffs not breaking eye contact, as I lift the heat pack and placed it against my neck.
I finally stepped up, doing what had needed to be done.
He was a loose cannon and got what he wanted, but I'm fed up with it. I didn't want to be saved or be a damsel in distress, all because of his actions. Hopefully from now on, things will finally change. Without hesitation I turn sharply on my heel, striding down back to my quarters. While walking down with my back facing him, a stray tear finally rolls down with relief. My breathing shudders for a moment, trying to calm myself down noting that my heart was pounding heavily against my chest.
Finally reaching the barracks I quietly open the wooden doors, seeing a warm glow inside. Hinting that Lena was still awake, I walk inside closing the door behind while striding towards my bed.
"You're back, is everything okay?" her voice breaks the silence, but her tone was soft.
Nodding, "Hmm, just got a heat pack for my neck," assuring her, I slip my boots off along with my jacket. "Levi just wanted to discuss a few things, nothing bad."
Letting my hair fall from my updo, I flick it around feeling relief wash over.
"Alright, I'll just finish writing this report," She continues writing, as I shift my eyes upon the young child. Bending down I saw light drool at the corner of her lips, making me chuckle softly. She looks so adorable, her blonde hair sprawled across the pillow. Her body looking more relaxed and comfortable, as if she needed sleep for a few days.
Tucking a lock behind her ear I turn to the ladder and hoisted myself up, before flopping onto my bed with a deep quiet exhale.
"Night Lena, see you in the morning,"
She hums softly.
"Will do, night Akira,"
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