TW: Past Abuse; Neglect; Yelling; SA; Deaf!Grian; OOC; Voices?; Watchers; Self Blame; Choking; Panic attack; Torture; Betrayal; Disassociation; Capture?; Swears;
HC x Evo x YHS (Implied)
Helsmit!Grian
~
Grian was one of few Hermits who kept their past a secret - with less then three Hermits knowing. Mumbo had known him before Hermitcraft, Wels had comforted him in a panic attack, and Xisuma knew the basics.
The Hermits knew one thing about Grian's past. Grian had needed a safe place, and the Universe gave him Hermitcraft.
...
Grian wanted to apologize. But he didn't want to make Iskall angrier then they needed, so he waited until it seemed like Iskall had stopped yelling.
"Iskall. My hearing aids are dead." Grian said.
Just as he expected, Iskall got angrier. He still couldn't understand what Iskall was saying, but his attention was snapped to Iskall's hands when the cyborg Hybrid balled up his fists.
Grian immediately took a step back and used his wings to cover his shoulders and arms.
Iskall noticed.
And finally, Grian could understand what they were saying.
"Grian? What the hell are you doing?" Grian read Iskall's lips.
"Please. I can't read lips of your yelling." Grian attempted.
"Grian why did you-" Iskall took a step forward and raised their hand.
Old instincts took over.
Grian flinched and brought his arms up to protect his face.
Iskall took a step back and lowered their arms. "Grian...?"
Grian spread his wings and ran away. The only thing he was good at was running away. Landing at his Hobbit Hole, he ran to the hidden grove behind it. Locking the door, Grian walked towards the small room he'd made behind here. Opening this door, he slid in before shutting and locking it.
He slid down the wall, and let his panic consume him. A blanket of parrot themed feathers surrounded him as he started hyperventilating.
Of course theres no place safe for him.
Of course someone would get angry enough to hit him.
Of course Grian drove people away.
Pranking people is what children do.
Your driving everyone you care about away.
Why are you even trying? No one cares for you.
Grian covered his ears as he felt tears falling down his cheeks. "Shut up."
Even the hermits would hurt you to relieve their frustrations.
"Your lying. Iskall was just..." Grian's voice cracked, as he spoke.
Just what?
Angry?
Frustrated?
"...they wouldn't hurt me..."
Are you sure?
Hasn't Doc used you for particularly violent tests, before?
Didn't Scar trap you and your silly 'resistance'?
Did Cub tell you how his Gaurdian farm worked?
Grian rested his head on his knees. "...they're different..."
Are they?
Grian felt bad he was doubting the Hermits. They had accepted him as one of their own, but here he was...
Listening to the lies the Watchers said.
He needed a safe place to escape the Watchers and his former friends. And he got the best of the best in Hermitcraft.
But now he doubted it.
He couldn't even remember half of Evo because of the Watchers. What if they messed with his memory to get rid of the Hermits hurting him?
It wouldn't be beneath them.
He flinched as he felt a hand rest on his wing.
He's going to pull it he's going to pull it h e ' s g o i n g t o p u l l i t -
Grian's eyes locked onto Stress's. Hazel met frantic blue. Stress said something, but in his panicking mind, he couldn't understand. Stress sat a few feet away smiling softly, and Grian didn't know how to respond.
Stress moved her hand closer, a small box cradled in her hand. Grian flinched and hid in the feathery blanket.
She just wants your guard down to hurt you.
He kept his wings tight around himself even as he felt the floor vibrate from footsteps.
Next was Etho.
Etho tapped the floor three times with his heel, making Grian look out at the Arctic Fox. Etho was the hardest to understand when he spoke, due to his mask, with Xisuma being impossible. Xisuma's mask actually covered his mouth and didn't move.
But...
They had ways to communicate...
Etho raised his hands but kept them close to his body, and began signing. "Hearing aids dead?"
Grian nodded hesitantly.
He was vulnerable.
Etho nodded and pointed to Stress before signing again. His mask moved at the same time he signed, so Grian could only guess he was speaking to Stress too. "She has your spare hearing aids. She's gonna slid it to you, alright?"
Grian bit his lip and nodded. The small box hit his shoe and he hesitated before scooping it up. He quickly switched the hearing aids, and his hands reached for his ears. He slowly turned them on, letting any and all loud noises to fade in softly. It was mostly quiet, however.
Grian held his knees to his chest while he looked to the beautiful feathers. He really needed to preen them, but he couldn't reach certain parts. And while he loved the Hermits, he didn't trust them with that.
"Do you want to talk with Wels, Mumbo, and X?" Etho asked. Grian bit his lip before nodding. "Alright then, Stress, let's leave so he's not too crowded."
Stress stood and smiled as she left. Etho walked out and waved to Grian. It took a few minutes, but someone knocked softly on the door. A few beats later, they entered. Mumbo knelt infront of Grian, and rested his hands palm up on the floor.
He's just trying to get your guard down.
'He's never hurt me before.' Grian thought back against the Watcher's lies. He opened his wings enough to see X and Wels in the room. Wels sat in a chair near the island he'd helped place, his helmet sitting on the island near X's. Xisuma smiled softly, his violet eyes glowing softly.
Grian extended his hand towards Mumbo's, intertwining their fingers, pulling Mumbo closer to him. Mumbo moved to sit beside him, rubbing circles into the back of Grian's hand and making sure Grian was comfortable.
"...Grian?" Xisuma asked. "Might I ask what happened?"
Grian pulled his wings closer to himself, still holding Mumbo's hands. "...just a bad day, I guess..."
They'll think your weak.
A beat of silence followed, so Grian continued. "...They're messing with my head again..."
Xisuma sighed and nodded, Wels frowning, and he could tell Mumbo was worried. "What can we do to help?"
Your weak and pathetic.
"...I don't know..."
They're using you!
Your falling for their manipulation!
"Could..." Grian started, voice quiet and weak. "...could someone explain why I reacted badly to Iskall...?"
Mumbo squeezed Grian's hand. "Are you certain, Grian? Are you okay?"
Grian hesitated.
Your weak.
Grian shook and whimpered. Why were they asking him if he was okay with this? His emotions didn't matter, Iskall deserved to know the answer.
They should kick you from the server for what you did.
Grian fluffed his wings up at the words. He didn't doubt one day he'd be kicked, but he didn't want it to happen now.
"Grian?" Xisuma asked, making Grian glance up at X. Xisuma frowned at the lilac glow in G's eyes.
They're too good for you.
Tell them how weak you are.
"...tell Iskall." Grian muttered, lowering his head to his knees.
"Grian, I don't think you want Iskall to know, I-" Xisuma's voice got louder as xe approached Grian.
"To hell with my feelings! They deserve to know. They deserve it!" Tell them. "I'm tired of you guys having to deal my bullshit. I should be healed by now!" Grian's vision was clouded with tears as his wings lowered and he looked up at X.
Xisuma remained quiet, and Grian felt panic fill him as he saw the pure angry expression on xyr face. Grian's wings reacted before his mind could, the wings lowering and moving to cover his shoulders. His mind kept running through all the times he'd seen that expression.
His father when Grian got anything lower then perfection. The butler when Grian asked for something. The teachers when Grian fell asleep in their class after nights of his parents arguing. Stanley when Grian moved in with him. Sam whenever Grian did anything. Taurtis when Grian tried to hug him after.. Geode when Grian hesitated to agree to be a test subject.. Karu when Grian refused to pull the trigger to kill Silly... the Watchers when Grian misbehaved...
Grian's breath hitched and he hid in his feathers again. As he gasped for air, he swore he felt a hand wrapping around his neck, limiting oxygen. He swore he felt someone biting his chin and a hand on his thigh.
He swore he felt he was back there. A thousand eyes watching as he was beated and broken over and over again. A thousand eyes watching as he pulled against the chains. A thousand eyes and even a thousand more bruises.
He swore he felt the Watchers breaking his bones one by one, he swore he felt a hand on his wing, he swore he felt his heart being shredded from his body, he swore he felt his wrists being cut by the chains.
And for a moment, he swore he was back there.
His body suspended from the air, the chains cutting into his ankles, wrists, and wings. He swore he felt a slap, and he saw the person he trusted the most smirking back. Tears fell faster form his eyes as the felt the hand wrap around the base of his wing, before roughly pulling downward.
A scream tore for his chest as Grian woke up. He threw off the heavy blankets before rushing from the bed. He broke a window before jumping out. Landing roughly on the deep green grass, Grian looked up at the obsidian portal.
They wouldn't be as harsh if he returned right now. They might even welcome him back. In Grian's panicked haze, he failed to notice the yelling and rockets. Instead he rushed through the portal and flew sloppily through the Nether, until his wings gave out mid flight and he fell.
His wings were weak from the lack of usage. He crash landed on a small island in the middle of a lava lake.
He curled up there and began sobbing as he struggled to breath. He didn't want to be here. He just wanted the fear to stop. Why wasn't it stopping? Why was he so weak?
Heavy feet fell on the island, and he flinched before glancing at the shoes. It was black Steel.
"I don't know how you got here, but you need to leave. Hermits aren't allowed here." The voice was angry and deep. Grian felt himself begin to sob quietly as he shook. He didn't know why he was being so weak.
"Get up." The voice ordered, growling and pulling a sword from a metal sheath. The painful scrap made him regret waking up with his hearing aids on.
Grian shakily got up, keeping his eyes on the floor. He didn't want to, but he knew better then to disobey an order.
"Your an obedient little bitch. I can see why those stupid Hermits wanted you. They can never get enough of a power trip. Follow me." They said.
Grian nodded and risked a glance up. The person had short dark brown hair, and their armor was the same as Wels', just made out of Black Steel instead of Iron. The sword glowed black around the black blade, likely highly enchanted Netherite. On their back, spread two large black wings. Grian's Avian instincts screamed to submit, this Avian was much larger and much more dangerous then an unarmed Parrot like himself.
And he did.
He slipped into the fog of submission, listening to the larger Avian.
He only came out when the Avian had realized how deep Grian had slipped and pulled Grian back.
Grian found himself in a nest and being preened. Without much thought, Grian whistled softly.
"I'm glad your back, Grian." The voice was soft as the fingers reached the itchy spots Grian couldn't.
"Where..." Grian muttered, his Avian side begging to fall back into the state of pure bliss.
"Your in Helscraft, but more specifically, my castle." The voice said, Grian lettibg out a squawk as the fingers expertly combed his feathers back in place. "You slipped into Bird Brain." Grian closed his eyes as he let the perskn continue speaking. "You've been here for a month, and I only realized how far you'd slipped... I didn't even know someone could slip into Bird Brain and then Disassociate for a month."
Grian shifted as the words entered his muddled brain. Everything seemed so foggy and he was tired. Even his Avian side had stopped begging, and just lightly asked for control.
"I've only seen someone slip like that for a week." The hands left his wings, making him chirp in disagreement. Why were they're stopping? He had been good! "And I'm going to guess you and him were both sexually assaulted?"
Grian's mind snapped to focus, his wings flapping and him landing at the other edge of the room. Panic engraved itself in his eyes and the other frowned at the reaction.
"You can stay here to heal. The Hermits don't really know how to help someone who actually needs it. All I ask, is that you never tell the Hermits where this place is." The words were soft and Grian shivered as he realized he believed the other. It had taken years for Grian to get close to Mumbo enough to even mention the abuse, and here he was, trusting a stranger?
"I'll ne leaving now. Just shout if you want something." The armoured person left the room, and the echoing footsteps made Grian conclude that they had actually left.
Glancing around the room, he soon realized why his bird brain was being so quiet. It was already pleased. The entire room was decorated to look like a jungle - though of was of poor quality.
So his brain wasn't being clouded by his bird brain, but then why did he trust the person before?
And what happened during that month he doesn't remember. Obviously nothing traumatic, he would've ran. The Hermits hadn't found him, and he slightly doubted they were looking. They just... he didn't know why he didn't trust the Hermits...
Grian looked out the window to his right, and a memory from a life long passed played.
...
"Ugh, why are we here again!?" Sam complained.
"Taurtis was trapped. The portal we came in through closed behind us." Grian reminded, cutting through the thick red bushes with his sword.
"Ugh, I mean why did we pick this direction!? This direction sucks! This stupid forest feels like its suffocating me!" Sam complained, his bunny ears twitching in anger.
"Hey G, how are you still wearing that sweater? You must feel hot, it's like a hundred degrees!" Taurtis pulled on the sweater.
Grian blinked before looking to his friends. What did they mean by the heat? If anything, it was slightly cold.
"I... I think your exaggerating. It's like, 50." Grian rolled his eyes before cutting another shrub.
"Grian, are you having a heat stroke or something? It's literally hot enough that the air tastes acidic!" Sam said.
Grian paused and looked back at his friends. He didn't understand this stupid prank.
"Theres no way it's above 60. Besides, the air doesn't taste like anything."
"Grian, this is literally Hell! This ugly hellscape is above 90!" Sam argued.
"This place isn't ugly, Sam. Its fucking beautiful." Grian snapped and huffed.
...
Grian blinked as he looked down at the hellscape. His wings twitched in confusion. He remembered Pearl mentioning that Taurtis was apart of Evo, but never anything about a Sam.
Why was he so adamant that this hellscape was pretty - though it was pretty, he wouldn't lie.
And why didn't the heat bother him? He was usually cold when he was in the Overworld, and freezing in the End. The Nether was the only place, other then a desert, that actually felt warm or sometimes hot to him.
"Well... Theres no harm being here, right?"
...
Griefer glared at Ren while the 'King' talked about his 'Alter'. He remained next to Hels and Ex, finally understanding why he was so diversely effected. He could see it.
The soft cyan glow around all the Hermits differed from his natural red. He finally understood why he didn't remember anything. He finally understood who and what he was. He finally remembered.
Griefer came from a different server, where that Grian had died and he'd been pulled from that server's alternative world. The oxygen had been too rich for his brain, and it caused a fog of amnesia.
Xanthe realized the reason for his amnesia, and created a similar filter mask to xyrs, but also had his own spin on it. The mask was designed like a gas mask, and had two red explosive symbols. It matched the red tinted goggles on his head.
Zoning back in, he noticed how tense the room was. But mostly, he noticed the looks of suprise that were being thrown to him.
"Xa?" Griefer turned to Xanthe, to see his guilty expression.
"Griefer is..." Xisuma whispered.
Griefer glanced at his former admin, and noticed the look of sadness. He frowned as he looked at Xisuma, he had once cared for the Voidwalker, but Xisuma's anger was the reason he ran. And he was thankful for Xisuma's anger. He knew who he truly was now.
"What did Xan say?" Griefer raised an eyebrow to Xisuma.
"Xe said you were Grian..." Xisuma said softly.
Griefer turned and glared at Xanthe, who ran to hide behind True. Sighing, he turned to look at the Hermits who stared at him.
"Grian, my alter, died and I was pulled from my world and into the one my Alter lived in. The air poisoned my brain into making me forget who I truly was. Hels and Xan found me after I ran, and I started remembering a month after I left." Griefer stared at Xisuma as he spoke. "I..."
Griefer thought back to the days he'd been so confused on who he was. While at some moment's he'd hated running, others had yielded different results. But there was on thing in particular that stayed. One thing none of the Helsmits beside Hels himself had ever heard from him. He apologized.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you when I ran, but it was honestly the best thing I've ever done."
Xisuma nodded hesitantly. "I... I'm glad you know who you are now. I just..."
"You wish I would've stayed long enough, or returned once I knew, so you guys could get closure?" Griefer guessed.
"I just wish we'd been there for you." Xisuma stared at Griefer.
Griefer smiled under his mask but kept his eyes cold and calculating. Any moment of weakness could cause the Helsmits to attack or even the Watchers lies to return.
Griefer was happy in the chaos and violence of Helscraft, but that didn't mean he didn't miss the softness of the Hermits. Hels and Xan were the only ones he trusted to get close enough to let them know about his hearing aids on Helscraft. And they were his best friends.
He was happy.
And that's all he's ever wanted.