𝙔𝙤𝙪'𝙫𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙥𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜
𝙁𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙘𝙠 𝙪𝙥 𝙤𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙙𝙤𝙤𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚
𝘽𝙖𝙗𝙮, 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙬𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙞𝙣'?
THEY.;; STOP PLAYIN'
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JAIYA MORANT POV
SOUTH, BRONX;;
JULY 11, SATURDAY, 10:15 P.M.
"Happy Birthday, big head."
I roll my eyes. Kahlil just grins on the FaceTime call. I can tell he's on the block. His background is dark but I can make out a couple of buildings and the people behind him, smoking and chilling. Like he always does when he's outside, Kahlil has his hood on and I can just barely see his waves and his bright white teeth.
"Finally eighteen. I don't wanna believe it. Cause I remember when moms brought ya big head self home."
"How you gone remember that and you was like two." I tell him, rolling my eyes again.
"Shut up. I'm tryna give a heartfelt speech and shit." Kahlil says, laughing before his expression gets serious, "For real though, Jai. I'm mad proud of you. Like, you smart, passionate about that film shit, and even after everything we been through, you still got a good heart. I feel you gone go far beyond the Bronx. Nah, I know it. You eighteen now, got ya whole life ahead of you... I know you gone make the most of it. I'm ya big brother, but you feel like somebody to look up to."
For some reason, Kahlil's words hit me more than usual. I always looked up to my brother, even when he got in trouble and was locked up in jail. Because I knew there was something behind it, a smart boy who was good at basketball and liked to read. Kahlil had no trouble speaking his mind and standing up for whatever he thought was right.
I knew I could never be like him. I'm not brave - just quiet, shy Jaiya. So to hear from him that he thought otherwise meant a lot.
I sniffle, wiping at the tears that start to form in my eyes.
"Bro don't start that crying shit." Kahlil tells me, shaking his head, "Ya lashes sliding down ya face and shit-"
I flip him off even though I end up laughing.
"When are you coming home?" I ask quietly.
"I'm on the Sev right now. But I'm bout to head that way cause I got you something for ya birthday." He says before flipping the camera and showing a white box.
I can see the cake inside with pink and white icing and candles with the numbers 18. I barely received gifts for my birthday, let alone cake and each time I did, it was because Kahlil saved whatever money he had to buy it for me. For my eighteenth birthday, I thought he wouldn't bother. So seeing the cake on the screen, I can't help but smile.
"I'll text you when I'm outside." Kahlil tells me.
"Okay." I nod.
The camera flips back around to show Kahlil's face.
"And Jai?"
"Hm?"
"I'm proud of you and I love you. Happy birthday." He says, smiling.
"I love you too." I smile back, "See you soon."
I end the FaceTime call and stare at the screen. I'm excited to see my brother. But I can't help but notice this sinking feeling taking over me. I don't understand it, so I just drop my phone on the nightstand and head back into the living room where Lexis and Tay are waiting.
In just a few minutes, Kahlil would be home and everything would be fine.
_______________________
JAIYA MORANT POV
SOUTH, BRONX;;
PRESENT, FRIDAY, 12:56 A.M.
12:56 A.M. I stare at the time on my phone. Moonlight from the open window shines in my face. I'm sitting beside my bed with my legs drawn up to my chest, resting my head on my knees.
Another dream about my birthday... now I'm afraid to get back in my bed and go to sleep.
Luckily, it's a Friday night so I don't have to worry about waking up early for school tomorrow. But I need someone to talk to. Someone who will understand...
My finger lingers over the call button for a contact that makes my heart race.
SETTY
I wonder why my mind seemed to automatically go with the idea of calling him. Before, I would have called Fantasia or Alexis in a heartbeat.
Now, I'm trying to brace myself to hear the sound of his voice, knowing it's going to make my stomach twist with butterflies. I bite my lip, about to hit the call button when my phone starts vibrating and another name flashes on the screen.
"Hello?" I pick up after the third ring.
"What's up, ma? You was sleep?" Sheemy asks.
There's some noise on his end, talking and loud music.
"No, I'm up." I tell him, "Just watchin tv."
I look up at my black tv screen, listen to the silence in my room, and shake my head.
"Word? I ain't think you was the type to be up this late. Thought you wasn't gone answer. But I'm glad you did." Sheemy says, laughing a little bit before speaking, "Nas about to film a video for one of his songs. It's bout to be lit. We gone be at the studio all night, thought I'd ask you to come cause I wanna see you."
I know I don't want to go back to bed. That would only mean another nightmare. And I don't mind spending time with Sheemy. He seemed cool at the party on the Sev. And it would be a good way for me to get out of my own head.
"Yeah, I can come." I tell him finally.
"Aight. Bet. Imma send you the addy. Let me know when you get here." He says before hanging up.
I stare at Setty's contact information on my screen before I shake my head. I stand up and head to the bathroom to get ready. After a quick shower, I just throw on an oversized, black, Poetic Justice shirt to serve as a dress and some sneakers. I brush my hair out and put on some lip gloss, grabbing my purse and phone before leaving my room to go outside and wait for my Uber.
_______________________
The outside of the studio is the same as the party on the Sev with people outside smoking and drinking. It also resembles the video shoot with a few cameras outside and loud drill music. I feel so nervous around so many people that I forget to text Sheemy that I arrived.
Instead, I just make my way through the crowd at the front, giving a small wave to the people who call out to me, cause they know my brother. When I get inside, I just follow the other people to a crowded studio room bathed in dark red neon lighting.
As soon as I walk inside, I look to my left and see Nas standing there with a gun in his hands.
"My bad, ma. It's not loaded." He says, handing it to the boy beside him. He comes to me then, slinging his arm around my shoulder and walking me through the crowded room, "Watchu doin here? You know what niggas is up to?"
"Sheemy called and asked me to come." I tell him, "He said you're filming a video."
"Yeah, you can't be in it though. It's a lot of street shit and we not tryna get you involved in that." Nas shakes his head before squinting at me, "Sheemy called you? So ya'll been talking or what?"
"It's my first time hearing from him since the party on the Sev."
"Word?" Nas laughs a little before looking down at me, "And Setty know you here?"
"No." I shake my head, "I haven't heard from him in a minute."
My voice gets quiet, even harder to hear above the music. And I look down, not even bothering to hide how much it's affecting me. Just another reason why I wanted to call him earlier.
"He bout to release some shit too. So he been in the studio. You know how that go." Nas tells me, giving me a gentle nudge before reaching in his pocket and pulling out his phone, "But aye, I'm boutta call him and let him know you out here."
He starts scrolling through his contacts when an arm wraps around my neck.
"Watchu doin all that for when you know she good with me?" Sheemy says, resting his head on my shoulder, "And imma take care of her."
"Nah bro, you on some weird shit." Nas shakes his head, "You know how he is about shorty."
"That's why we not gone say nothin." Sheemy tells him.
They start doing the same thing from the party on the Sev. I stand there awkwardly while they mug each other, having a silent conversation. Finally, Nas sucks his teeth.
"Aight bro. If that's what you on..." He mumbles, shaking his head before pushing his way through the crowd.
"What's up witchu? You look good." Sheemy whispers in my ear, handing me a red cup, "You ain't get to drink with me last time, but you got me tonight, right? So I got you this. You gotta drink the whole thing."
I stare at the dark liquid in the cup, scrunching my nose at the strong smell. Straight alcohol.
"The whole thing?" I ask, looking up at him.
"Right now." He nods, holding up his own red cup, "Here, I got the same shit. We bout to do it all in one go. You ready?"
I bring the cup up to my mouth, hesitating before nodding.
"Aight. Go." Sheemy says.
I drink it as fast as I can, ignoring the burn in my mouth and stomach. I cough after finishing the last of it.
"You good?" Sheemy pats my back gently. When I shake my head, face scrunched from the taste, he laughs, "I guess you good on the drinks for a little while... you tryna smoke though?"
"I never smoked before." I admit quietly.
Kahlil would barely smoke around me. And always tell me not to even start. But tonight, I don't really see the harm in trying. Anything that might help distract my mind...
"We bout to change that." Sheemy says, grabbing my hand and pulling me close, "Come here."
He starts pulling me through the party. I blink slowly at the red lights and loud music. I can feel the warmth in my face and stomach from the alcohol. And I smile, feeling more relaxed. Sheemy grabs the blunt from Nas who only rolls his eyes before going back to looking at the videos the cameraman was showing him. Sheemy leads me to a couch where he pulls me down to sit beside him.
"Just inhale, hold it for a little bit then let that shit out. Aight?" He tells me.
"Okay." I nod, licking my lips.
He hands me the blunt and I put it between my lips, inhaling. Burning and tickling in my throat makes me cough.
"You good?" Sheemy asks, "Just go slow. It's gone get better each time."
He pats my back gently. I nod, taking another hit of the blunt. This time, much more slowly. My throat still burns and tickles but this time it's much more tolerable. I blow smoke from my mouth, hiding my smile behind my hand after. We start passing the blunt back and forth, and the more I smoke, the better I start to feel. Sheemy gets us more red cups, and after a few drinks, my eyes feel heavy but I feel good.
"That shit feel good, don't it?" Sheemy whispers in my ear. When I giggle, he bites his lip, "Not gone lie, you look mad good right now. We might have to-"
My phone starts vibrating in my lap. I squint down at it, trying to figure out how to answer. But Sheemy just laughs at me, sliding the button to answer the FaceTime.
"Yo, where you at?" Cblu's face appears on the screen, "I'm boutta come get you."
"Come get me..." I mumble, repeating the words that slowly register to me before tilting my head. "Why?"
"So we could talk, stupid." He rolls his eyes. When he finally notices my background, he frowns, "Why its mad heads in ya background? You at the studio?"
I nod, blinking slowly. But before I can respond, Sheemy wraps his arm around me and leans in close until he's on the screen.
"Yeah, she with me bro. She good."
Cblu just laughs.
"Word?" He says, "So you at the studio with that nigga Sheemy right now?"
Sheemy blows smoke from his mouth, leaning his head against my neck.
Cblu shakes his head.
"Aight. Bet." He says, grinning for some reason, "I'm boutta call Setty. I'll talk to you later."
The call ends and I stare at the screen, trying to make sense of what just happened. But then Sheemy is grabbing my face, blowing smoke into my mouth. I inhale, smiling.
And time passes in a haze.
The red lights and faces in the party become a blur, and it becomes a struggle to keep my eyes open. A cloud of smoke still surrounds us. Sheemy's hand is on my thigh and each time he moves it up, I can only laugh.
"Bro. She slumped. Yo Jai, you good?" Nas appears from the crowd, sitting down beside me and waving his hand in front of my face. I giggle, grabbing his hand and he smiles before turning to Sheemy, mugging him, "No cap, you wildin gang."
"She not no little girl." Sheemy shrugs, "She know what she want."
He tries to pass me the blunt but Nas snatches it.
"Nigga and you know its not you." He says, looking annoyed, "You don't think that's weird? All up on bro girl like that-"
"She said it herself, they not together." Sheemy tells him, snatching the blunt back. He finishes it off, blowing out smoke and shrugging, "And we just chillin right now. I'm making sure she good."
I lean my head against his shoulder, too tired to hold my head up and he smirks at Nas who just rolls his eyes.
"Yeah. Aight bro." Nas mumbles, "We boutta shoot some shit outside with Yagi. You tryna be in it or what?"
"Yeah bro." Sheemy nods before telling me, "We bout to be outside for a minute. Stay right here, okay? Imma be right back."
"Okay." I murmur, resting my head against the couch instead.
Nas shakes his head at the way I blink slowly, struggling to stay awake.
"Yo, watch her while we gone." He grabs a random girl and pulls her towards the couch.
"I gotchu." She tells him before sitting down beside me. Nas and Sheemy leave, disappearing in the crowd. Once they're gone, the girl wraps her arms around me, pushing a red cup towards my mouth, "Baby girl, why you not drinking nothing? Here, drink this."
"Thank you..." I say quietly, drinking slowly.
My mind feels so far away from my body. I can no longer feel the burn of the alcohol. But the taste is still terrible. I purse my lips at the bitter taste.
"Aww, you so cute." The girl smushes her cheek against my shoulder, grinning at me, "Imma look out for you."
She doesn't stay for long though. We share a blunt and a red cup, she shouts drill lyrics loudly in my ear, and I laugh when we try to get sturdy on the couch. But after a while, I'm left on the couch alone with my head spinning. The alcohol starts to make my stomach ache and my mouth feels dry.
So I decide to go looking for water.
I stand from the couch, almost stumbling when the room spins. I make my way through the red lights and bodies in a daze. I can't even make out the faces around me. But I can feel the vibrations of the music as it echoes in the crowded studio. When I make it to the door, I step outside where the room spins again.
I grab the wall for support only to sink down against it, tiredly.
Someone reaches out and grabs my arms, holding me up.
"Yo, what the fuck are you doin here?" I can just barely make out Setty's face but my heart is already racing.
I smile up at him dazedly but he just looks annoyed.
"Told you she was here bro." Cblu shakes his head.
"Niggas got me fucked up." Setty says, clenching his jaw, "They on bullshit."
"Bro, she smacked." Mali waves hand in front of my face, "Yo Jai, it's me. Mali."
"Mali?" I repeat, smiling even though my face aches.
"Yeah, definitely smacked." He mumbles, shaking his head.
"Ya'll can go ahead." Setty tells them, slipping my arm around his shoulder to help me walk, "I'm taking her upstairs with me."
"You sure?" Mali asks.
"Yeah." Setty says, looking at me, "I'm not bout to have her out here looking like this."
"Aight bro. Call us if you need anything." Cblu tells him.
Setty nods before leading me down the hallway to the elevator. We wait a few seconds before the doors open and he helps me inside. While it moves up to the second floor, I bury my face in his neck, feeling comforted when he rests his hand on my back, rubbing it gently.
I can see our reflection in the elevator walls and I don't want the moment to end. But when the doors open, he helps me out and down the hall to another studio. When he opens the door, the cool air hits me, making me shiver.
"You cold?" He asks, already taking off his hoodie.
He helps me into it before easing me down onto the couch. I lay against the cool leather, blinking slowly. Setty opens a laptop, starting it up and pulling out his phone with his notes open, getting ready to record. I just watch him, blinking back the heaviness pulling at my eyes.
When Setty notices, he scoots his chair towards me.
"Why you fightin ya sleep? Relax." He says, rubbing my back gently, "I'm not goin nowhere."
His voice and his touch are enough to calm me down. I stare at the tattoo on his neck until my eyes get heavy again. This time I let them close, and soon after, I'm drifting off to sleep.
When I wake up, its still dim inside the studio. Setty is sitting in a chair on his phone in front of the laptop, rapping quietly to himself. He erases and changes words in his notes, probably fixing his lyrics. I sit up slowly, wincing at the way my head spins the moment I move. I glance at my phone inside the hoodie pocket to check the time.
4:42 A.M.
I draw my knees up to my chest and wait. When Setty notices I'm awake, he just glances at me before going back to his lyrics. Neither of us say anything. And the silence makes me uncomfortable, so I start fidgeting with the sleeves of his hoodie.
"... Are you mad at me?" I ask after a while.
At first, he doesn't say anything. Then, he shakes his head.
"Not you." He tells me before he looks up, mugging, "Why the fuck niggas leave you by yaself? Matter of fact, why this nigga Sheemy got ya number in the first place?"
"I can't talk to other people?"
Setty just shakes his head.
"My bad, ma. I ain't mean it like that." He says, licking his lips before looking down, "I just wonder if you know what type timin he on...."
"What about you?" I ask quietly.
"Watchu mean?" Setty looks up at me, "What about me?"
"I mean, why you look at me like that..." I tell him, resting my chin on my knees and looking him in the eye, "Like it's about more than Kahlil."
At first, he's silent. And it makes me even more nervous. The fluttering in my stomach gets worse. I start to think about rejection and it makes my head hurt. But I keep my eyes fixated on him, waiting, when finally, he looks up at me.
"Cause maybe it is..." He says quietly, shrugging, "But Kahlil my brother and you his lil sister so-"
"So?" I question, feeling frustrated.
Setty looks frustrated too. He rubs his hand over his face. I stand up from the couch, coming towards him. I grab his face with both hands.
"Look at me." I tell him quietly.
Slowly, his eyes look up to meet mine. My heart skips a beat and I'm moving before I even know it.
I sit down on his lap, straddling him and wrapping my arms around his neck. I can feel his hands on my waist but I'm too busy placing gentle kisses on his jaw all the way down to his neck. I can feel his hand traveling up my thigh and when I look down, it's just about to go under my shirt when he stops suddenly, grabbing my neck and making me look at him.
"Nah."He shakes his head before looking me in the eye, "Cause when I touch you, you gone remember that shit."
I'm breathing heavy and my heart feels like it's about to beat out of my chest. We just stare at each other when the door starts to open. I jump up from his lap, standing off to the side while Setty just laughs.
Mali comes in the studio, looking from me standing awkwardly with my hands in the hoodie pockets to Setty staring at me, grinning.
"Ion wanna know what ya'll niggas was about to get into." He says, shaking his head before looking at me, "You ready? I'm boutta take you home."
"Yeah." I nod, rubbing my forehead when my head aches from the movement, "My head hurts."
"That's cause ya ass is cross faded." Setty says, slapping my butt.
So I slap him on the back of his head.
"Whatchu touchin me for?" I mug him.
"You wasn't actin like that when I was grippin ya neck-" He says, shrugging.
I wrap my arm around his neck to choke him, even though he starts smiling when I do.
"Aight gang, y'all wildin." Mali shakes his head, grinning, "Let's go."
I let go of Setty, rolling my eyes when he just laughs after being choked. I follow Mali out of the studio, throwing the hoodie over my head to hide my smile when Setty calls out after me.
"And ya ass betta call me when you get home!"
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When I get home, it's 5:30 A.M. and I'm too tired to do anything other than collapse in my bed. I decide to FaceTime Setty to let him know I made it safely. He answers after the second ring. I can see he's still in the studio, sitting in the same chair from before.
"I'm here." I tell him quietly.
My eyes are getting heavy again. I know I'll fall asleep again soon.
"Good. Now go to sleep." Setty tells me, "Ya mouth bout to be feelin like cotton in the morning cause I know you ain't been drinkin no water."
I hum in response, too tired to speak. I let my eyes close and feel myself drifting off when he calls my name.
"Jai?"
"Hm?"
"The next time ya ass try kissin on my neck, you betta be ready to have my kid." Setty says. My eyes open wide and I just stare at him with my mouth open, caught off guard. But he just laughs, waving at the camera, "Goodnight."
The call ends and I just lay there, listening to my heart race, before I turn onto my side, burying my smile into my pillow before drifting off to sleep.