I Hate The Way
'Because my love for you is higher than words, I've decided to fall silent'
-Khali Gribran
Emma took out her earphones as Sienna stopped the car. It had been two weeks since she found out her mother was Kryptonian. After being stabbed with some fucked up kryptonite.
After Jordan kissed her and she lied straight to his face about her feelings.
She spent the last two weeks with Sienna. Her pod was manufactured like the fortress, only without an A.I. She felt like a lab rat for three days, waiting for results and then controlling her powers to her utmost ability.
Since then, Sienna had tried to be there. Buying her clothes, giving her a room to stay in and even buying her a new phone and laptop. Emma felt kinda uncomfortable at the kindness like she was being selfish or demanding like a child.
"Maybe I should go back after Harvest Fest" Emma suggested, looking at her newfound family member. Sienna gave her a deadpanned look, eyebrow raised in all. "This wouldn't be about a certain boy?" She asked, seeing Clark's truck pull up from behind Emma.
Emma felt her heart racing in fear when she saw Sienna's face change. She turned her head to see the red truck. Quickly she turned back to Sienna with the most innocent-looking eyes ever. "I'm begging you, Sienna, can't I just come back on Monday, please" Emma pleaded with her.
Sienna shook her head at the girl. "No, you keep running from the fact that Jordan likes you" Sienna reminded her, causing Emma to huff against her car seat. "Yeah, but he is supposed to like Sarah. I can't just stand in the way of that" Emma explained for what felt like the millionth time. "For the girl who believes in the multiverse, you sure have a hard time expecting that maybe...just maybe, Jordan might be destined to like you" Sienna suggested before leaving the car.
Emma only sighed, putting in both her earphones. No one should be destined to be with her.
<><><>
Jordan closed his locker shut. He looked around him, hoping to see Emma. He knew that her words were lies that night. Emma never stuttered when she told the truth. He knew her well enough at this point to know that much.
He wanted to talk to her, so badly. She hadn't been in school for two weeks and he was super worried about her. Did she hate him? He hoped she didn't.
Jordan was so caught up in his thoughts he didn't notice his brother running up to him. "Jordan!" He exclaimed, grabbing his shoulder. Jordan took a moment before looking at his twin brother. "What?" Jordan asked him with a tired tone.
Jon turned his brother to look at the closest entrance. "There she is, back at school" Jon told him. Emma walked into the building with a dark grey beanie with Saturn stitched into it and dark pastel blue hair. Her clothes consisted of a wine hoodie with white stripes, black ripped jeans and her flash converse.
Jordan was taken aback by her new look. Her hair perfectly framed her face and the new colour made her eyes brighter. She looked like an angel. A sad angel.
Jordan watched how her face remained in a sad neutral state as she opened her locker and took out her books. He noticed her earphones and wondered what song was playing. She looked in his direction, their eyes met for a split moment before she turned away again and left the hallway in a rush.
"She's back" Jordan formed a lovesick smile. Jon rolled his eyes at his brother. "And completely ignoring you too" Jon added, patting his back. "Why would Emma be ignoring you?".
The twins jumped at Sarah's voice, turning to face the girl. Sarah looked at them with curiosity. "Jordan screwed up with Emma, now he trying to win her heart" Jon summed up with a shrug. Jordan hit his brother's side. "Dude" He groaned with his cheeks turning red.
Sarah smiled at his reaction. "I can always talk with her, and see if she's willing to give you a second chance?" Sarah suggested it to her friend. Jordan looked at the girl with hopeful eyes. "You'd really do that?" He asked her. Sarah nodded before the school bell rang. "Tomorrow night at the food booths!" Sarah called before running to class.
<><><>
Emma sat in the music room, strumming on an electric guitar. She kept mumbling words as she gently matched them to the chords. "When you look at me, I'll have to turn my face. If I look too long, I'll never look away" She sang softly before she stopped strumming the guitar and wrote something in her notebook.
"That sounded beautiful"
Emma jumped at the voice, messing up her writing. "Shit" She cursed softly before turning her head to see Sarah Cushing. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt" Sarah apologised to her, sitting across from her.
Emma only shook her head before setting down her pen. "No, it's okay, just trying to figure out something" Emma told her, picking up her forgotten guitar pick. "What are you working on?" Sarah asked her, curious about the girl's hidden talents.
Emma smiled at her, "My aunt signed me up to perform at Harvest Fest tomorrow night and with my brilliant brain said I'd sing an original song" Emma mocked herself, making Sarah laugh. "You have an aunt in Smallville? Sarah asked, unaware of the girl's family. Emma nodded while biting her lip. "Only found out recently, my birth mother is very secretive" Emma explained to Sarah loosely. Sarah nodded before asking another question. "You're adopted? How come you're not with them?".
Emma hesitated for a moment, remembering the cover story Sienna had told her. "They died a couple weeks ago, I've been settling in with my aunt since" She half lied to Sarah, feeling a bit guilty for doing so. Sarah made the 'oh' face before trying to change the subject.
"You write music? That's so cool" She commented as Emma stummed away at the guitar, getting the chords to match her lyrics.
Sarah took her chance to ask about Jordan. "What's the song about?" Sarah asked her. Emma pursed her lips before answering. "A boy I have a massive crush on" She told her half-heartedly, leaving out major details. "You mean Jordan, don't you?" Sarah raised her eyebrows before Emma deflated in front of her. "It seems I'm not as subtle as I like to think I am" Emma groaned at the question as she scribbled out a couple lines.
"Why are you avoiding him? From where I stand, he likes you just as much" Sarah asked her, her voice soft and she stopped Emma from playing the guitar. Emma sighed at the question. She looked up at Sarah with broken eyes. "I highly doubt that" She told her, putting her guitar on the stand.
Sarah only shook her head at Emma. "You shouldn't, he seemed really upset when you ignored him this morning" Sarah recalled. Emma only shrugged her shoulders. "Why don't you give it a try?" Sarah asked her, unaware of the bottle she had opened.
"That's the thing, what if we try the whole dating thing and it ends in the worst way possible?" Emma began, not being able to look Sarah in the eyes. "I hate that when he looks at me my heart just wants me to kiss him. I hate the way his thoughts somehow become mine and I can't get him out of my head" Emma ranted, her eyes swelling with tears.
Sarah made Emma look at her, a tight lipped smile on her face. "You don't know what love really is, do you?" The Hispanic teen asked softly. "Do books and tv shows count" Emma muttered hopelessly. Sarah wrapped her arm around Emma.
"I think you need to let go of your fear and try. You never know, you might find out just exactly what love is or you begin your journey to finding it" She told her. Emma looked at the girl surprised. "That's really good advice" Emma told her. Sarah shrugged, "It's what my mom told me before I got with Sean".
Emma only gave Sarah a grateful smile before looking down at Emma's notebook. "Can I?" She motioned to the book in her hand. Emma handed it to her along with a pen. She watched as Sarah scribbled down a few sentences before handing it back to the owner.
"You have really nice writing, hope this helps you out" Sarah smiled kindly. Emma quickly skimmed through the writing, a smile on her face. "You have nice writing too, thanks for the help" She smiled back at Sarah.
"Just remember me when you're famous"
<><><>
Jordan smiled as he was handed the chocolate bacon his father adored. "Thanks" Jordan handed the money to the guy at the stand. He was very unsure of the meat covered in chocolate, hoping his father hadn't led him astray.
"You probably shouldn't eat anything here that's on a stick" Sarah suggested from behind Jordan, giving him a fright. He smiled at his friend before looking back at the chocolate bacon. "Really? My dad has been hyping them up all week" He told her, now less eager to take a taste. "Well your dad must have a very strong stomach" Sarah commented before seeing the elephant ear booth.
"Come on, I have a feeling you're gonna find out how Emma feels pretty soon" Sarah told him, dragging him to the booth.
However they didn't notice Emma was standing a few feet away, watching their short greeting. She hated how she was right. Her heart felt as if it was shattering in the slowest way possible. How could she be stupid enough to believe that maybe... just maybe Jordan could actuallly and truly like her was beyond her understanding.
She held onto her guitar tightly before making her way through the crowd. She just had to get through this one performance and can go back to Sienna's house and cry to her heart's content. She was just about to go on stage when she bumped into someone.
Emma was about to apologise until she saw who she bumped into. "Next time you tell me Jordan likes me, don't bother I knew it wasn't true" She hissed at Jonathan, tears still pricking at her eyes. Jonathan was taken back at her outburst. "What are you talking about? Jordan is trying to figure out why you're avoiding him" Jon told her truthfully, hoping to help his only friend.
Emma only scoffed at him, wiping away her tears with the sleeve of her red and black flannel. "Say that to Jordan and Sarah who are on the date together" Emma spat back at him before pushing him out of the way to get to the stage.
<><><>
"If I can have everyone's attention" Mayor Dean spoke into the microphone. Everyone on the crowded street looked to the stage. Clark and Lois were confused, not knowing there was supposed to be another announcement. Sarah was excited as she pulled Jordan closer to the stage, confusing him as to why.
"Now I know it has been quite an eventful day. And to keep the night in good spirits, Ms Clarks has kindly arranged a performance to get everyone moving" Mayor Dean smiled, gesturing to the alien in the front row.
The crowd clapped for the woman, who had always had the town's best interest at heart. "Now may I gladly introduce the girl who needs no introduction to our quaint town... Emma Ní Chroídheán!"
The people of Smallville gladly clapped as the young teen walked on stage with a black and white electric guitar. "I hope you like my first song, I've been working on it for like a week so criticism is gladly welcomed" Emma let out a nervous laugh.
She then began to play her guitar, moving to the music she made.
"I hate the way you say my name
I hate your picture-perfect lips on mine
If I could, I'd cut the breaks
I hate that I can't help but stay all night
When you look at me, I'll have to turn my face
If I look too long, I'll never look away
Babe, I wasn't praying for a saving grace
Unfold your fingers, let's go back to nothing"
That's when Emma slowed down her fingers on the guitar.
"And I hate the way I say words that I laughed at before
And I hate the way my thoughts aren't mine, now they're yours"
Then she sped up the tempo to match the lyrics.
"Look at what you've created, something borderline sacred
I call it overrated, go on and call me jaded
'Cause I hate the way I say words that I laughed at before"
Jordan watched from next to Sarah, walking closer to the stage as Emma performed the song. "She wrote it about you Jordan" Sarah told him.
"You think you're cool when you pretend
That I'm not always in your head, don't lie
Your favourite game is self-defense
I dare you to give it a rest sometimes
When you look at me, I'll have to turn my face
If I look too long, I'll never look away
Babe, I wasn't praying' for a saving grace
Unfold your fingers, let's go back to nothing"
That's when Emma's eyes found his, the sheer look of heartbreak written all over her face.
"And I hate the way I say words that I laughed at before
And I hate the way my heart isn't mine, now it's yours
Look at what you've created, something borderline sacred
I call it overrated, go on and call me jaded
'Cause I hate the way my heart isn't mine, now it's yours"
Emma let rip on the guitar in her hands, moving away from the mic as she bounced to the rising tempo. She was truly in her element as she moved her head from side to side matching the guitar.
"And I hate the way I say words that I laughed at before
And I hate the way my thoughts aren't mine, now they're yours
Look at what you've created, something borderline sacred
I call it overrated, go on and call me jaded
'Cause I hate the way my heart isn't mine, now it's yours"
Emma let one last chord out before moving away from the mic, breathless for a moment from her performance. The people went wild, clapping and whistling at her performance. Lois and Clark cheered for her, Lois jumping up and down. Sienna smiled up at her niece, proud of her work.
Jordan was speechless, he never thought that Emma could have that effect on him. She poured her heart out to him through a song, thinking that she wasn't good enough. He wanted— no needed, to speak to her, find out if she was truly afraid to try and be something together.
<><><>
Emma smiled as people congratulated her on her performance. She felt kinda weird about it. Sure, Emma has performed multiple times back home, but this was the first since Conner. She smiled fondly at the memories of dancing in her brother's room to the latest song he had been obsessed about.
She missed them all. She wished she got to say goodbye to her family, maybe make amends with Jordy. But she couldn't, not now, not ever.
"Emma!". The girl held her head up to see Lois just before the woman pulled her into a bear hug. "That was amazing! I never knew you could play let alone sing like that!" Lois exclaimed with a huge proud smile on her face. Emma blushed at the complement, scratching the back of her hand.
"Thanks Lois" She smiled, never believing that Lois Lane would be praising her even in her wildest dreams. Clark walked up from behind his wife, his usual bright smile greeting the teen. "You were incredible Emma. How's your hand?" He asked, noticing her right hand was twitching.
Emma was grateful for Clark's concern. "I took like three painkillers before getting on stage. I'll be fine for a few more hours" Emma told him. She was about to leave, hoping to put her heartbreak plans into action when she was shoved forward.
"Emma! You were a...amaz..."
Emma turned to see Jon slurring his words as he leaned against Jordan. Emma only laughed at the state of her friend. "No way, please tell me this ejjet is drunk" Emma snickered while shaking her head slightly. Jordan groaned in response.
Emma caught a glimpse of the metal flask and grabbed it from Jon's pocket. She was ice to take a sip before she began coughing violently. "Sweet holy Mary, mother of god, Jesus Christ!" Emma spat out, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "How can you drink this crap! If you're gonna get drunk, get drunk on something better than cheap ass cans from the fucking corner shop!" Emma snapped at Jon, his taste in beer being her top priority.
Jordan looked at the girl in amazement. She looked so angry but at the same time she had this aura around her that drew him in with every moment.
Lois had to hold Emma back from screaming, while asking Jordan to get his brother home. Emma calmed down after a stern look from Clark. "I'll help, besides I really want to see the aftermath of this blond ejjet drunk" Emma snickered at the thought of hungover Jon, oh she was gonna enjoy it.
Jordan was grateful for Emma's help as she threw Jon's free arm over her shoulder. "Oh nostalgia, what a bitch" Emma smiled as they carried Jon away from the crowd. "You... You know what else is a bi...bitc?" Jon slurred, amusing Jordan and Emma greatly.
"The fact you think Jordan likes Sarah when it's so painfully obvious you two like each—" Jon was cut off as his body decided that he should throw up. Emma jumped away the moment she felt him gag. She can handle a lot of things but she draws the line at vomiting.
"I hate vomiting drunks" Emma shivered, her face morphed into disgust and horror.
<><><>
Thankfully, after a very tense taxi ride and ten minutes of hauling Jon's ass up to his room, Emma and Jordan were finally left alone. Together.
Emma had fallen onto the couch, the lingering taste of Jon's shit beer making her queasy. "You okay?" Jordan asked her, sitting down next to Emma. "Been worse" Emma shrugged off, the tension still lingering in the air. Jordan nodded before taking a moment to think.
"Do you really believe I like Sarah... that way?" Jordan asked, his gaze on Emma as he did. Emma scratched her arm, not sure what to say. "It's what I know... you're supposed to end up with her, not me" Emma sighed, not looking at Jordan once.
Jordan gently moved closer to Emma, gently holding her chin and moving her face to look at his. "Em, I only want you" He told her. Emma held back her tears before moving away from Jordan, standing up and taking a few steps to the window.
"Why!? I'm broken" Emma shouted at him, failing as her tears began to fall. "Why me!? Sarah is perfect. Yet you're choosing me?" She added. Emma seemed so angry at Jordan but he knew that she wasn't actually angry at him.
She was angry with herself but he didn't know why.
"Sarah isn't you, Em" He told her, his voice raised ever so slightly. Emma looked at him before turning around, trying to find the words to explain why they would never work.
She turned back to him after a few moments, tears staining her pale cheeks. "I'm not good for you Jord. There's so much more to me that even the worst criminals on this earth would even agree with me" Emma told him, hoping he would listen to her pleas.
Jordan looked at Emma, his stomach dropping as bile lingered in his throat. He looked at Emma with sympathy in his eyes. "Why are you saying all this about yourself?" He asked her, his voice cracking. Emma looked down at her hands, sniffling as she wiped her tears.
She looked back up at him, her face still full of sadness and fear. "Because... being with me will get you killed and I can't lose you" Emma choked her voice sounding like someone was squeezing her alive.
Jordan was taken aback by her statement. He was confused for a moment before he remembered. Her mother had killed the people she loved.
He walked towards her, his hands finding their way to her face, cupping her face in his hands. "I can't lose you either and I want to be with you. Your past doesn't define you Em, you might think you're broken but I think you're the bravest, smart, sarcastic and beautiful girl in the world and I will do anything for you to realise that yourself" He whispered as he looked down at her, blue meeting grey.
Emma was very aware of the lack of space between their lips. Her gaze shifted from his eyes to his lips quickly. "I want to be with you Emma, no one else" He told her. Jordan kissed her forehead, catching Emma off guard.
He knew she wasn't ready now, but he was gonna be there, waiting for as long as he cares about her. Emma looked up at him confused and lost. "I can wait" He told her softly unaware of how Emma was feeling at that moment.
Her stomach fluttered at his words. She felt as if the world had stopped and they were the only ones who were still moving. "I like you too Jord... but I can't risk losing you to her even if that means losing you because of me" Emma spoke softly before taking a temp away from Jordan.
"If Martha wasn't here would you... would you be with me?" Jordan asked her, defeated at her statement. Emma heard the car honking from outside. Sienna had arrived to bring her back to her house. "Probably but she's never truly gone" Emma answered before grabbing the handle of the door.
She looked back at Jordan, "Are...are we still friends at least?" She asked him, afraid that she just ruined their entire friendship. Jordan stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, always" He told her with a small genuine smile. Emma also gave off a small smile, opening the door to leave. "Good 'cause I wanna see you crush those Metropolis douchebags next week" Emma told him before leaving the Kent home.
Jordan laughed to himself before watching Sienna's car drive away from the farmhouse. He smiled as the car disappeared into the night. He was happy. He knew that he still had a chance with Emma and he hoped that his Dad will stop Martha.