The smooth wind caressed them both as they sat on the lawn in the back of the mansion. Crayons, and papers scattered around, in the middle, they both sat scribbling on their respective papers.
Taehyung stole a glance at Jooan who was too immersed in her work, her hair flying with the soft breeze, her head resting on her palm, tilted it to the side, an angry frown settling on her face as she concentrated on the paper. Taehyung smiled at the sight of Jooan.
He then tore his gaze from her to his painting and the timer between them. They only left five more minutes to finish their paintings, Taehyung held the brush tight in his hand, mixing the paint and leaving careful strokes on the canvas. It has been a long time since he felt the liveliness of the colors, the freedom that reassured him with each brushstroke.
He didn't know he was craving to paint like a child until Jooan reached out to him. It was a crazy feeling, giving the mere paint palette a life and that too a meaningful one, and he was beyond happy to find peace in that little activity.
When the timer buzzed, Taehyung was brought back to reality, a soft smile adorning his lips when Jooan yelled:
"Time's up!"
Taehyung let out a giggle when Jooan placed the brush down and took the canvas in her hands. He did the same and then they confronted each other, faces glowing with the happiness of their fun activity together. Taehyung had already bookmarked the moment as his one of the best days of life.
"Okay, are we done with our drawing?"
Jooan asked, tilting her head sideways, and placing a finger under her chin to which Taehyung nodded. She hummed softly. Each gesture made Taehyung drown deep in her innocence.
"On count three, we can show our painting to each other, right?"
"Okay, ma'am."
Taehyung said, making Jooan giggle softly. She started counting and he felt nervous all of a sudden. What's the big deal? Jooan is a kid, she wouldn't even say anything to him, and she's too young to criticize an art piece. Still, Taehyung felt his hands shaking, something churning in his stomach weirdly.
He felt like the student who was anticipating the exam result, especially when he was confident about failing. Would it be too much if he said he wanted to impress Jooan with his painting? Yep. That's it.
The counting stopped and their eyes landed on each other's paintings. Jooan's chocolate orbs concentrated on each brush stroke carefully, trailing from one color to another that gave life to his drawing, an amused glint reflected on her eyes that made Taehyung's heart fall into bliss.
"I see what you did with the colors, hmm... You gave the brush strokes a fine strong touch, using prime colors. It's bright but not too much to hurt your eyes, and overall, it looks..."
Jooan took her time to fetch words and Taehyung felt he was dying as each second passed by.
"Beautiful"
That's only when the elder let out the breath he was holding that he didn't know for how long. Jooan smiled softly at him, making him forget everything at that moment with her innocence
"What do you call your painting?"
"Hmm... maybe... Eyes on the moon?"
"Huh? why?"
Taehyung was expecting the question where's the moon, but he was glad Jooan didn't ask that. Often people don't understand the meaning behind his abstract artworks. Of course, Baekhyun would praise him for even the slightest attempt, and Taehyung couldn't help but miss his brother even more as he looked at the canvas now adorned with colors.
"Because eyes never get tired while looking at the moon and..."
"And, the moon looks lonely on dark nights even with stars around?"
There was an irresistible tug in his heart, the pull of strings that he felt when Jooan completed for him. Taehyung clutched the edge of his canvas. He would be lying if he said he didn't think of a certain someone as he picked that name for his first painting after a long time. Thankfully, Jooan didn't ask further and Taehyung changed the topic.
"Now, your turn."
"Okay, here we go..."
A glint lingered on her chocolate brown orbs as the little girl turned the canvas towards Taehyung, her lips tightly pressed, nose scrunched up, eyebrows furrowed, yet Taehyung knew Jooan was confident. Unlike him, who is a certified coward at times, Jooan was brave enough to show him her painting without hesitation.
Well, if art is in your blood, then everything you see around is a scenery and everywhere your touch lingers is a masterpiece. Taehyung never doubted Jooan and her talent. But once his eyes landed on the canvas, his breath hitched.
The canvas was adorned with beautiful strokes of paint and Taehyung doubts may be beautiful is a small word to describe Jooan's artwork. She had painted the whole galaxy on that canvas, shining bright in purple. The blue, pink, and purple shades she used to color the cosmos are breathtakingly blending with the black and white stars, the moon nowhere to be seen, yet the night looked captivating.
There was a figure Jooan managed to draw who was sitting at a shore, looking up at the purple sky. He didn't ask anything. In fact, he couldn't fetch words. The sparkle that lit up the canvas matched the glint hidden in Jooan's eyes. She holds the whole galaxy for him and Taehyung felt the familiar sting of tears.
"The Enigma Of Purple"
Jooan whispered against the wind, making Taehyung blink at her flabbergasted.
"I was always curious about the sky, the stars and you know... how they exist and how big they're..."
She paused before taking into the expression on Taehyung, but after seeing the elder so attentive to her little talk, she felt relieved. To say Taehyung was shaken by her words would be a major understatement. He was drawn towards her, her wide eyes and fascination towards the little thing she likes. Jooan was taking him to unknown places and Taehyung couldn't help but drown in that feeling.
"It's so beautiful, baby..."
Finally, he managed to say for which the little girl glanced at him rather stunned at the words. Taehyung kept his soft smile and honest expression because Jooan deserved to know that she was really talented and should always feel proud of herself. Because indeed no one was reaching her level.
Taehyung wanted to voice out everything pent up in his head but he kept it to himself, did not want to overwhelm Jooan with his confessions.
"You're an amazing artist. Who taught you to paint this beautifully, princess?"
"Appa."
Taehyung wanted to touch the painting and through that, he wanted to reach her heart. He wanted to feel the admiration she had for her appa as she took the man's name with so much pride.
"My Appa... was really an amazing artist. He used to help me learn painting"
"Oh, I--- never..."
"Hmmhmm... We used to have a play session where we both compete against each other. Like this..."
The twisting in his heart, the churning in his stomach, the overwhelming emotion everything made him curl into a ball, bringing his knees to his chest. Jooan was opening up with him but that's not the thing.
Taehyung was letting himself be pulled by her. He in fact found himself complete and joyous each time Jooan told him the stories of them.
"Oh, do you want to see appa's paintings? I'm sure you're gonna love it.
I mean... everyone does. Appa is such a talented---"
Jooan paused, realizing what she said. The fear and the string of sorrow filling up in her wide stunned eyes, lips trembled and hands clutched around the canvas as if it was the only thing to hold on to.
Taehyung's mind chanted only one thing- sure, Jeongguk was a talented man but indeed, he was a good father.
He placed the canvases aside, leaned into cup Jooan's red puffy cheeks in his hands, thumb caressing under her eyes where a teardrop fell, and he smiled softly at her. An assuring grin told her that she was not alone, the warmth was real, the touch was real and he was there for her, and will be.
"It's okay, baby. Appa would be feeling so proud after seeing your painting."
"He can't see me, Tae,"
Jooan muttered, her gaze dropped as if she lost the colors of life. Taehyung felt a pang in his chest, the pain seeping through the cuts and wounds, unbearable yet he plastered an honest smile on his lips. He knew better.
"No, princess. He can... He can see you..."
"From heaven? That's where they all go, right?
But appa told me that he will stay by my side even if I can't see him..."
Lips jutting into a pout, eyes looking up at him with hope, Jooan touched Taehyung's hands softly, giving him a kind of relief that she was not going to push him away. He felt content.
"Your appa was right, darling..."
Taehyung nodded at her, smiling wide. Jooan took a sharp breath, an art she learned to hide the pain and masquerading it from the world.
"Will you show me appa's paintings, baby?"
Jooan nodded and they stood, took all the stuff and walked inside the home. The afternoon sun was shining bright above them. The sweat beads on their foreheads and the hesitation in their steps warmed up a bit as they walked into the house, and placed the painting stuff in Jooan's playroom. The four-year-old excused herself and walked out of the room leaving Taehyung all to himself to wander around.
The playroom, as he expected, was neatly organized with Jooan's toys, coloring books, comics on the shelf near the window, and paintings hung on the wall which made Taehyung smile from the core of his heart.
He then walked out as well to find Jooan. Once he stepped out to the hallway, Taehyung's breath hitched. The door to Jeongguk's room was open and he felt his heart squeezing tightly under his ribcage. Panic washed over him, not giving him time to regain his right mind as he strolled towards the room, stumbling and reluctant.
The hesitance was still there inside him, swirling in his stomach like a hurricane about to burst and destroy everything as he stepped inside to the not-so-unfamiliar warmth of Jeongguk's room.
No things inside were touched, nothing displaced, nothing changed from the first day he had entered the room. It was all the same and Taehyung felt a little relief when he found Jooan standing in front of the cupboard, staring up at the top rack.
Taehyung sauntered towards her, stood beside and glanced at her then at the shelf in front of him. Jeongguk had a great book collection, racked up neatly. Taehyung let his eyes roam around each rack until it stopped on the top.
"Would you mind helping me get that box up there? I can't..."
Jooan asked at him, eyes wide and pointing towards the box in the top rack. He nodded aimlessly, feeling nothing but a daze as soon as the cologne of Jeongguk hit his nerves. Shivers ran through his body when he thought about the man spending his quality time in that aesthetic safe place.
Taehyung could relate to it. He missed his own room in his house where he would spend most of the day and night, doing whatever he likes or nothing special. Even if he was just sleeping the whole day and night, Taehyung could never explain the safest warmth his room provided to him.
Sans the roaring thoughts, took the keys from Jooan, opened the shelf, and slowly yanked to the box. As his fingers brushed on it, he couldn't help but feel the numbness seeping through his nerves because he was touching what belonged to Jeon Jeongguk.
He was holding Jeongguk's traces and surprisingly enough, Jooan was letting him do that. Taehyung felt his eyes blur because of the complicated state he was in. He then glanced at Jooan who had a small smile on her lips.
The box was a little heavy, Taehyung placed it on the floor carefully while letting Jooan open it. He didn't say anything and watched the little girl taking deep breaths and taking out something from it. She waved her hands at Taehyung and told him to sit next to her on the floor.
Once he settled, Taehyung risked a glance in the box. There were canvases, both rolled and folded, framed paintings, some half-drawn pencil sketches, brushes, and paint-stained palettes. Taehyung felt his breath getting caught as he took a deep whiff like Jooan.
The scent of paint and the old canvas invaded his senses, and he was in a state of chaos. It was sickening, driving him crazy, making him want for more. Taehyung craved more of it.
"Appa never let anyone see this. He said these are useless. I guess he wasn't satisfied with the outcomes. But,"
Jooan paused before placing the rolled canvases on the floor, Taehyung took one of them and opened it hesitantly.
"I like to see them. They're so beautiful."
She said, glancing at Taehyung, anticipation written all over her face. Taehyung nodded with a soft smile. Sure, Jeongguk was very much talented just as his daughter proudly said. Jooan took out a framed painting as Taehyung scanned through the purple blossom beautifully drawn on the canvas. He gazed at what Jooan was holding and they both fell into an abyss. It was a scenery.
The green mountains reflected on the clear blue water as the sun rays slowly reached the top of the greenery. The painting was gleaming with beauty, held them both captive, and provided a sense of healing. It was a splash of colors yet Taehyung felt his inner tranquility being lulled to sleep just by looking at the mountain scenery.
He couldn't believe a painting as lively as that could heal the wounds he never felt he had in the first place. It was inevitable. It felt so right.
Taehyung was silent and still as his eyes stayed on the portrait. He fixed his mind on the calm river between the mountains that Jeongguk painted with such admiration. He could almost feel what Jeongguk might have felt the moment he drew it. Taehyung longed to have the feeling for himself.
"It was on the last summer, we went on a trip. Appa was so happy those days to stay there, we played a lot, he cooked me delicious dishes, played in the rain, and..."
Taking a sharp inhale, Jooan let out a teardrop fell from her eyes, careful to not wet the painting she wiped her face right away. Taehyung extended his hand to comfort her, and she leaned into his touch.
"We went canoeing one evening. The river was so calm and the sky was clear. We watched the mountains while floating in the water with the wind. We loved that so much. It was so... calming. So beautiful..."
"Princess..."
"No, Tae... Why did appa have to leave?why did he go without me? Why can't we go together?
I wanted to see heaven with him too. I---"
Jooan choked on a sob, and the cry only got worse, making Taehyung helpless. If he could only fetch words to soothe her pain, heal her heart. But Taehyung was far from any of it and sat like a frozen stone.
"Appa will always stay with you, princess. He is watching you from the--"
"-- All people do to me is lie. They lie about how my appa will come back, how much he loves me, or how I can see him and all.
Even appa did the same as them. He told me to be here, in our home. Then why did he..."
Taehyung felt words are not going to help so he pulled Jooan to his lap, hugged her tight, and kissed the top of her head. He wanted to let his tears fall too. He too remembers a promise made by his brother that he won't leave his side. But destiny had to play it like that. They both said nothing for a moment, just their heavy hearts and stuttering breaths blended with the time.
After some moment, Taehyung peeked at Jooan who stopped her sobs, eyes closed and head resting on his heart. He scooped her in his hands, closed the door behind them, and walked out towards Jooan's room. While tugging her on the bed, he sat next to her, slowly patting her hair. Jooan still had her eyes closed, the look of serene written all over her face as he drifted to sleep.
Kissing on her forehead, Taehyung gazed at her, heart tight and paining him too much.
"No one wanted this to happen, baby. No one wanted their beloved to go away from them. I know it hurts but we will find a way, princess. We will be fine."
Tugging her under the blanket, he walked out of Jooan's room, planning to go find Namjoon. But then he noticed the door to Jeongguk's room. It was unlocked.
With a heavy heart, Taehyung led himself inside the room and closed the door behind him. He then glanced around, finding the box Jooan left on the floor. Though he knew he shouldn't, something in him was making it difficult for him to go away as if he didn't see it in the first place.
The box had Jeongguk's belongings. It had things that Jooan protected from the world only for her to see when she missed her appa. Taehyung was an intruder. He had no right on Jeongguk or the things in the room. Yet he couldn't stop himself from crouching down and scanning the box, craving to find something to fulfill his soul. A thread of hope or a string of fate. Anything he could hold on to or anything that would lead him to Jeongguk.
But to his bad luck, he couldn't find it, and he was ready to place the box back on the top of the shelf when his eyes landed on a photo at the bottom of the box. It was crumbled, sides torn and colors faded. As if it was placed to hide it from anyone. The photo made Taehyung shudder. His fingers grazed on the smile it portrayed.
Taehyung took it out from the mess and wiped the dust on it to get a clear view then he realized it was an old one so he couldn't help but just stare at it aimlessly. The sensation in him was nowhere a good one. The vibes he was getting from the photo were perilous, an unsettled feeling was in his heart.
He had never seen her.
The one in the picture. He had never seen her face from anywhere. She was beautiful. Her eyes were long, her smile soft, and her long hair touched her waist. She looked elegant.
Taehyung clutched his heart, things falling into their places the moment he let his thoughts wander. There was a name written on the back of the picture in a blurry print. Carefully, Taehyung read it inside and chanted the name more than once.
Park Jieun.
He repeated the name, again and again, his voice fading each time the words came out as if he was scared to take it. It does. It scares him that he has no connection with her, yet he felt so close. As if he was in her world, seeing things that doesn't belong to him. Taehyung quivered, taking deep breaths to control his heart.
Only his staggering heartbeat could be heard, along with the faint side of a clock that was on the wall. He was about to place the photo back on the box, feeling his soul heavy, eyes tearing up and hands shivering like a feather. That's only when he felt the footsteps behind him. Taehyung froze on the spot, the room was dimly lit and his thoughts only made it worse.
Taehyung held the photo with one hand, and another went to hold his heart.
There was a touch. Delicate fingers brushed on the fabric he was wearing. It was there. It was real.
He couldn't think straight let alone take another breath. Taehyung felt unreal, existing like a dot when he felt a hand on his shoulder, a firm grip as if to shake him from his trance.
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Of course, you waited too long, now I reward you with a cliffhanger.
I 💜 You...
Thoughts about the chapter?
~AnecdotesOfABroken