For your smile by QUEENIKINI
"So... That's all ?
I turned to the voice I heard.
"Why? Did I made any mistake ? Was there anything me to do?
I asked looking at his face straightly.
I heard noises from inside the main hall.
It must be music club members. They must be cleaning the place.
I looked at his face again and brought back my eyes to my hands.
I thought it will be easy for me to avoid my feelings for him since he wasn't actually interest about me and we didn't have a thing.
But... now I know I really can't do that.
how can I ignore my own feelings?
My mouth felt dry and I felt my heart is hurting while looking at him.
I wanted to hug him and cry.
I want him to say,
'It's okay Porchay... I am here for you...!'
but how?
He will never know.
I float my eyes far away somewhere.
"No... You didn't.. You didn't make any mistake."
I heard his voice again.
Is he smiling at me...? am I seeing things now? am I that much sick?
"I... have something to say..."
He looked little stressed but still he tried to smile or curl his lips.
What now P Kim?
What is he going to tell me now?
I really want to go home.
I don't know what to do. Atleast I don't know how to tell everything to hia... or P Kim.
I just want to be alone for a while.
"P... Can we talk about it next time?
I should go now.."
"Porchay..."
I stepped towards the exit stairs but some words hit my head really hard.
"I like you!"
I stopped walking and just stay at there like an icon.
What...? What did he say...?
He What...?
"Actually I liked you from the beginning but... Some problems... you know..."
No.....
P Kim.... Please don't do this to me...
If I heard this few days ago, I could be over the moon. But...
Why now?
Tell me why now???
It is already damn years but why now...?
Why are you telling me now while I can't respond back you???
"Chay..."
I heard his steps towards me.
I'm sorry P....
I curled my fingers to palm and ran on the stairs to the exit without looking at him.
I hate this feelings.
I hate that I can't say him I like him too.
I hate this tears.
I hate everything that happen to me.
I stopped outside of the university and looked at those busy vehicle which going back and forth.
I am going to take a semester break and... going to find a job to raise some money.
I don't know if I can do it or not, But I don't need to be a burden to hia.
He already doing his best. No his bestest best.
I can't add my medical cost to him.
But still... I know it would be not enough for everything. But I should try right ?
And
I am going to tell about this Hia... tomorrow...
Hia will sad, but he will understand.
And everything will be okay right?
That is all I could think.
If I cured,
Hopefully if I live a normal life, I can go back to my P Kim right? I can stay with him forever right ?
I looked at the pendant other day I bought for P'Kim.
I PROMISE YOU MY HEART FOREVER !
Letters carved on the pendant gave me a sad smile.
Ofcourse I can promise my heart forever, but now I can't myself beside you forever.
God...
Please...
I want to live!
❤
"Porchay..."
Who...? I looked at Hia's face amusingly. Why he call me like that.
And Why he looked like sad but so serious ?
"Hia...?
"Do you have anything to say me?
"Hia...?
Why he asking like that? Ofcourse I have things to talk with him.
He came inside of the room and sit on the bed I already nap on.
"When do you going to tell me about this?
He gave me paper which I definitely recognize with the signs on it.
It is my medical result sheet which I throw somewhere.
"Hia... I.. I.. "
My eyes getting blurry and I tried to tell everything through my stuttering.
I felt his warm hands going to my back and lost in his warm hug.
"Hia.."
"Hia is not letting a..anything happen to my baby... You know... Hia loves you so much... C..Chay...
I can d..do anything for y..you.. you know that right...
Don't be afraid my baby..."
I heard his worrisome voice.
"Hia... I... I don't need to be a bur... Hia..?"
I felt warm water drops going from my shoulder to below.
"Hia...?
"Everything will alright baby..."
Hia loose the hug and sit back facing to me.
"Tell me everything.."
Sigh
"It started months ago... I felt dizzy and I.. even When I do a small work, I felt tired.
Two weeks ago, for the first time... I.. I fainted. I was with my club member.
I wasn't eating anything that day. So We thought that was the reason.
But..."
I looked at my hands. I want to grab his hand with my hand and want to cuddle it forever.
But I suddenly remembered his hurt screaming.
"Chay..."
Not the P'Kim. It is Hia.
"Last week, three days before our concert, I had to handover some documents to university hospital.
And... I fainted again at there.
I was there unconsciously almost an hour and after a doctor consultation, doctor told me to do some checkups."
Hia's hand is now holding my hand tightly and I feel his grip getting little hard.
"Next day evening they found it... I..
"Chay..."
"It is a tumor...!"
Everything felt silent. Atleast there wasn't any wind sound or breathing sound or anything.
"But you know what, atleast it has a nice name... It is..."
"Chay...!!!"
"Yeah... bad joke..."
Sigh
I saw the sadness deep inside of his eyes. But he try to be strong for me.. isn't he?
"Let's go to a doctor. This is little thing. Haha h.. I thought something bigger than this."
"Hia..."
"Nothing to worry... This is not the 90's. We have the technology to cure anything now.."
"Hia..."
"Nothing is going to happen Chay. Trust me... I never let anything happen to you..."
Tears he hid inside his eyes, starts to fell...
His hands went to my back and again I was in a warm and tight hug.
I know his feelings.
He is the only family for me in this world and so am I.
❤
Hia went to company while I'm going to apply for a medical leave.
When I walk to the university, I caught up with a P'Kim as a first thing.
He was looking at something near the gate.
"Hey Porchay!"
I felt like crying and I wanted to run in to him.
"P..."
Isn't he confessed me last time. Why I feel he is more comfortable to speak me this time. won't he need to get mad at me since I ignore his feelings ?
"He is beautiful right? Specially his smile !"
I was surprised with his question.
Who? Who is he referring to? I go through his gaze and saw that familiar car which I wanted to know about, And a person who now busy with a call and smiling beside it.
A handsome one with thick eyebrows and attractive smile. I can feel that person's rich and attractive aura.
I looked at the P'Kim again and saw his rare smile towards that person.
"Yeah... It is a beautiful smile." I replied looking at P'Kim s smile.
" So Beautiful ! "
I took my eyes away from P' Kim's Smile.
:Sigh:
So... Am I not the one he loves? But he said he loved me. Those are lies?
I still can see his loving gaze for that person.
Are you telling me to forget your confess?
Are you telling me to forget my love ?
Or
Are you telling me that you have someone better than me?
Yes... I know I am the one who reject your feelings... but still... still I love you P...
I try hard to control my tears.
His gaze still focuses on that person right?
If it is the reason,
Anything for your smile.. P'Kim.
This will help my heart to understand that I took a better decision to let him go.
❤
⚡Kim's POV⚡
"I think I screwed.."
I told him while scratching my head.
"What did you do this time?
"I told him that your smile is beautiful...
While looking at you so lovingly."
"You didn't.."
I nodded while he palmed his face.
Yeah I know... I really did screw this time.
"You idiot!"
"Kinn... What should I do now?
"What happened to your confession ?
"That night, he just ran away without giving me an answer. So I wanted to just... you know... just tease him..."
"Just go to him and ask the answer.
Oiii, hurry and bring my brother in law home."
"Tomorrow I'll meet him.
I told to Kinn with a determination.
I ll make him mine... Soon!
❤
See you soon !