c h a p t e r - o n e
"How beautiful would it be if we could just see souls instead of bodies? To see love and compassion instead of curves."
Denise Bidot as Nora Prince
Brant Daugherty as Jason Ryder
the music hall
The mid-October air was chilly, my teeth chattered against each other and my breath came out in visible puffs of icy clouds. My heartbeat pummelled loudly, my blood rushing through my veins and adrenaline pumping in my ears.
I had never been an exercise kind of person. I hated jogging.
But it was those words that stuck to me like a mouse in a trap, eating me from inside out, gnawing on my thoughts.
Fat. Bulbous. Undesired. Unwanted.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me, I scoffed mentally at the absurdity of the statement that my grandmother had taught me as a child every time I had cried to her about some kid bullying me at school.
Checking for cars on the road, I jogged cautiously over, ignoring the pang of pain in my side, pushing myself to go further. I must have been running for a minimum of twenty minutes now. Truth was, words did hurt. At first you'd tell yourself that it's just lies, that the other people are jealous of you and that they need to feel better about themselves.
Then the more you hear it, the more your sub-conscious reminds you of the particular dislikes that people have for you. Every time you'd put on that striped tee-shirt, you ashamedly pull it back off, in fear of what others might think. I used to admire young children. They would dress as crazy as they could, nothing would match, and they would be proud, never failing to care what others thought. Society is screwed up that way. It turns the purest of souls to something dark.
As I reached our residence, I swiftly jogged up the stairs, before thrusting the key into the lock and letting myself in, then locking the door behind me again. The grandfather clock in the living room read four-fifty-seven, and I felt strangely satisfied by the burn in my calves. Inhaling deeply, I tried changing my breathing patterns from huffing for oxygen to slow intakes of fresh air. No doubt my parents were still asleep, I was up at an unusual hour too.
I flipped the light to my bathroom, wincing at the sudden bright lights blinding my vision. I watched the girl in the mirror, hastily gathering her toiletries, stuffing them into the shower before settling back in front of her reflection again. Her cheeks held a warm hue, which looked foreign against her soft complexion. Her lips were parted just the slightest. Brown tresses were matted across her pale, moist forehead and her eyes were wide, and blue like the ocean, holding an expression of sorrow... and pain.
Nothing unusual though. The amount of times I had cried myself to sleep were countless. The amount of times I had broken down in a school bathroom stall were countless. And the amount of times I had told myself I was okay when I really was as far from okay as possible were countless. The material of the black tee-shirt I had worn while jogging clung to my skin, as I grabbed the hem and tugged it over my head.
I did not watch myself any longer, the fear of seeing something ugly could paralyze me.
The stream of gushing warmth was like heaven on my skin, washing away the sting of words and humiliation. Here I could be me. I could let the walls drop. Some days were harder than others, and some days would pass like a breeze. I'm pretty sure any teenager could vouch for that though.
I used to be invincible, or so I thought. I had friends, I had a life. And then something bad happened, a tragedy, the kind of heart wrenching suffering that could end the world in the blink of an eye. Life as I had known it dissolved all around me, and I was faced with the not so pretty facts.
"Nora, time for school!" My mother hollered from the hallway, how long had I been in the shower?
Sighing, I twisted the knobs, then wrapped my body tightly in a towel.
School. One word I hated. It only brought problems to my life.
Could one person really effect someone's being that much? Yes. I could see the bleached hair curled to perfection and pink tainted lips behind my eyes every time I closed them. I could hear her words like a track stuck on repeat playing in the background of my mind. She made my life miserable, and every time I tried to fight back, I ended up more shattered than before.
I didn't do a lot of effort dressing myself, not like I used to. The simple cable-knit sweater hung loosely on my frame, I matched a dark denim with the top before sliding my feet into brown boots.
School wasn't all that bad. There was the library, my favorite escape during lunch hours. Miss Shore, the teacher that presented my math classroom made learning fun. And then there was my little heaven on earth, the abandoned music hall that had been shut down by the school board due to a lack of funds. I used to dream of joining the glee clubs or playing in a school band, but I was happy with the haven either way.
After mumbling a goodbye to my parents who were occupied with the news channel in the kitchen, I trudged out into the frisky morning, shivering as the cold bit at my exposed ears and cheeks. Autumn and winter were by far my favorite seasons, it meant hot chocolate, fleece blankets and romantic comedies, and the dream of cuddling next to a warm fire.
West Valley High School was the best option out of a few schools in Chicago that had a fair waiting list for acceptances. The parking lot was already full by the time the school bus pulled into its allocated parking bay. The inside of the building was buzzing with chatter and laughter of the students arriving to school. I knew where I was headed before I could even think of it, my legs on automatic, passing teens cracking jokes at each other, while others greeted their friends.
I checked if the coast was clear before slipping into the room, flipping the lock in the process. The Music Hall was dark and dusty, clearly abandoned. Kind of like me in a sense. All the old instruments were in piles by category. A few violins and guitars had been placed in one corner while Tuba's and Trumpets were in another. My favorite instrument was the great big Grande piano, covered in several layers of soot. I left my book bag by the door, walking towards the piano bench and carefully sitting down.
My fingers brushed against the piano keys, a soft melody filling the old room. I'd always imagine the place come to life, before me would be an audience, white hot flashlights trained on me as I sang my songs. They watched me with awe, my music filled with passion and soul. Ladies and gentleman would be dressed in the finest of silks and laces and expensive tuxes and leather shoes.
As the melody softened, eventually dying down, the audience sprang animatedly from their seats, clapping in anticipation. I would bow and the cheering would get louder.
My heart leapt out of my chest once I realized that the clapping I'd imagined in my head, actually came from behind me. I whirled around, unsteadily, nearly falling forward. I eyed my intruder with caution, not saying anything as his clapping lessened.
"You have a really beautiful voice," He complimented. His face was familiar, dark hair tumbling in waves over his forehead as his gaze fixated on me.
"I'm sorry," I started softly, clearing my throat so that he could hear me better, "I didn't realize somebody was actually in here." I hurriedly grabbed my backpack from the door, unlocking it and tugging on the handle. Silently I rushed out of the room, grateful for the bell ringing in the distance, signalling first period.
The cliché dream of being a surgeon had always made me work a little extra harder at school, I wordlessly slipped in my Biology classroom, grabbing the books I need for the next hour.
When lunch came, I knew that I wanted to go back to the music room, being disrupted this morning had cut my piano time short.
I didn't make it, though.
Kara Taylor, the girl who had been making my life hell ever since the accident, would find me at any chance just to make my day a little more difficult.
"Hey Flabby, what you up to?" Kara crossed her arms over her implanted chest, she was dressed in pink, as usual. The exact person I dreaded seeing every day. I turned away, deciding that I could always come back later, but it was seconds later when I heard her frisky heels echoing against the polished floors as she followed me.
"What do you want?" I snapped, regretting it instantly. I saw Kara's quirky smile turn to a pout, but her eyes were dark. She stepped forward, pushing me back into the wall. "Don't you dare speak to me like that, you useless person!" She sneered, some kids behind her snickered. "Maybe I should teach you a lesson, then you won't disrespect me so much." She slammed full force into my body, knocking my figure into the metal lockers behind me. Her friends closed in on me, leaving no hole for escaping.
I could feel my breath stuck in my throat as she stepped forward, caging me in. No escape. "You know, you deserve this Nora. Nobody likes a tattle tale, right? Really I'm just making the world a better place for everyone. You should do us the favor and kill yourself, it would make my life really a lot easier."
"I don't know what your problem is." I muttered, rubbing my elbow on the spot it had banged on the metal behind me.
"The answer is simple, Nora. You. If you hadn't existed, a lot of people would be positively affected. Including Hannah." I winced at the mentioning of Hannah's name. It had been awhile since Kara had used that card on me. "But you see, here you are and Hannah had to be the one to die. I'd trade you any day." Kara was dangerously close to my face now, the strong scent of her perfume burning my nostrils.
"Okay, Kara, leave her alone." Somebody behind her pitched, pulling her by the arm and I inhaled a breath of fresh air, unpolluted of perfume.
"Back off Jase." She snapped. It was the guy from the music hall earlier today. He was wearing a navy colored shirt that hugged his well-built figure endlessly. "This is not something you want to get involved in!"
"Kara, if you hit her, the principal will find out. Who do you think they'll replace as cheer captain?" He reasoned with her. She muttered an almost inaudible 'screw you asshole' before turning on her heel and walking into the direction of the cafeteria, a line of people following her.
"Thanks..." I breathed, straightening my shirt and tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. I shifted on the spot, waiting for him to respond, debating if I should just go already and secretly hoping the earth would split open and swallow me already.
A fool wouldn't believe that he, Jase, was attractive. Blue eyes, a beautiful smile. The only wrong in this equation was the fact that he was talking to me.
"She likes attacking people, doesn't she?" He asked me, sounding truly interested in my opinion. I shrugged, "Yeah, I suppose..."
He smiled at me, "See you around?"
I nodded, watching him as he too turned towards the cafeteria.
What the hell just happened?
Days after the hallway incident, and the random stranger saving me, Kara still hadn't tried anything new. Didn't stop me from glancing over my shoulder every now and then though. After arriving at school, I entered the combination to my locker, before pulling the door open. A yellow note dropped to the ground, curiously I bent to pick it up.
'HI :)'
Out of confusion I stared blankly at the note. I looked down the hallway to see if I noticed anyone that could've dropped the note into my locker. Most likely, it was the incorrect locker anyway.
Grabbing my science books as well as math, I shut the doors and trudged off to class, with my mind still wandering on the note I had found in my locker.
Getting home, eating lunch, doing homework and lounging before the television was pretty much as exciting as my life got. And it worried my parents. "You know, snores," I smiled at the stupid nickname my dad had given me when I was seven. "Mom and I have been talking, and you don't get out much. It isn't healthy. Maybe a job would be a good idea? Just part time, afterschool, over the weekends and in vacations. It would give you some extra money, and besides, Sarah loved working for Miss Candy back when she was still in high school.
Hearing him mention Sarah turned my mood foul. Sarah was my big sister. Perfect sister. The one I get compared to every time I've done some incorrectly. Like, 'you know, Sarah would never behave like this,' or 'Sarah is a great example, and you should look up to her.'
Not to mention how pretty she was. Dark curly locks, a well-built figure and she always had a fashion sense that could make runway models jealous.
Motivation bubbled in my veins.
I would get a job.
I would show my parents that I could be better than Sarah.
"Okay, a job at Candy's doesn't seem too bad. Could you call her up for me?" I asked, clearly surprising them with my positive attitude.
"Sure, sweetheart." My dad said suspiciously. I smiled warmly at both my parents, excited to put my new plan in action too.
My first shift at 'Candy's Confectionaries' started today, after school. I wasn't exactly excited, it was a popular place to hang out after school, and I knew that Friday's were the busiest. "Miss Prince, am I boring you?" I snapped back into reality, blushing as I realized I was in English, with seventeen other kids staring at me expectantly for an answer.
"No sir, I am listening." I muttered silently, I heard kids behind me start to whisper.
"Really? What did I just say about love then?" Mr. Harvey gazed sternly at me, pointing a ruler to the black board with English terms displayed over it. I stared at Mr. Harvey blankly, couldn't he see I didn't know the answer? I knew I disliked this teacher for a reason.
"Um that Romeo- he... I didn't..." I stuttered incoherently, hoping he would just drop the subject, as if the angels heard my prayer the intercom went off.
"Good Morning West Valley High, as you all know the Winter Festival is coming up, and so is talent week. Talent week is a great tradition in our school, but we've never had one quite like this." I loved talent week, it made me excited even though I would never try out, I liked the idea of hearing people get excited for something they were passionate about.
"Auditions are in two weeks from now and the grand finale will be held just after before Winter Break. The winner of this year's talent week, will win a trip for two, to Hawaii." I heard gasps, then girls squealing, if I could, I would be jumping up and down in my seat. This was a chance to put my music out there, a chance to be discovered. Yeah, right. Even if I stood a chance, Kara would make my life hell, she's more talented anyway.
"Good luck to all those auditioning, please all participate. That will be all."
It took a while for Mr. Harvey to get everybody calmed down, threatening with detention and principles office. "Now that everybody has kindly kept their mouths shut, we can continue. Miss Prince." He glanced at me, my heart leapt out of my chest, how did this old man remember everything I did wrong? "You were saying?"
My palms became clammy. I hated being put on the spot, I stuttered because it made me nervous and being that girl didn't exactly give me bonus points either. "What she was trying to say before that intercom rudely interrupted her, was that Romeo couldn't kill Tybalt because he had married his cousin Juliet, therefore he had to love his enemy, Tybalt. But Romeo couldn't explain that to Tybalt, because him and Juliet's love was a secret."
Everybody's heads whipped around, gawking at him, the guy brave enough to answer for the fat girl. "Thank you Mr. Ryder, for deciding to do some effort for the first time in my class. Last time I checked though, your name is not Miss Prince"
"Ah, it's always a pleasure Sam, always a pleasure. And gold star for you for stating the obvious right there, Sam." He smirked at Mr. Harvey, then pushed his chair back and lifted his legs to rest on his desk. His hair was messy, but it kind of gave him a rugged look. I only let my eyes wander over his body once more before I turned awkwardly back in my seat, facing Mr. Harvey once more.
"You know, my mom said fat people are more stupid because they like, only eat and cry." A girl with a squeaky voice said behind me. A sharp pain stabbed my chest, everyone in the class laughed including Mr. Harvey.
The bell rang and I swear I was the first one out of there, avoiding any more mockeries and teasing names. I was grateful that school was done for the week, I changed into a black denim and black tee-shirt for work and grabbed a lift with my dad to Candy's Confectionaries.
The little corner shop was decorated with pink, cupcakes and cakes displayed all over the place. On the walls, big sky blue polka dots were painted strategically, giving light to the place. The room smelled of freshly baked delicacies. An older gray headed lady jumped up from behind the counter, flour on her cheeks. Her lips were thin and her green eyes were double the size behind her square sized glasses. "May I help you?"
"I'm Nora, my shift starts today..."
She stared at me in thought, then hey eyes widened in realization. "That's right! I hired a waitress!" she giggled in a small voice. "My name is Candy, welcome to Candy's Confectionaries."
She handed me a black apron with small cupcakes at the seam. "Here's a notepad and a pencil, all you have to do is take orders with a smile, serve them with a smile and tell them to return, with a-"
"Smile?" I asked, completing her sentence. She smiled brightly at me, her wrinkles scrunched up around her face. "I like you already."
The door opened, notifying us with a little ring from the bell hovering above the door and a bunch of people from my school walked in. I recognized a few of them, but they didn't spare me a glance as they seated themselves in one of the many pink and white booths. Candy nudged me and went to the first customers she would be serving.
The door opened yet again and I felt my breath get stuck in my throat. Candy winked and gestured for me to go ahead. I swallowed, took a deep breath and my shaky fingers tied the little apron behind my back. I slowly approached their table, keeping my eyes glued to the tiled floor.
"Welcome to Candy's Confectionaries, how may I serve you today?" I asked nervously.
"Well, well, if it isn't the best place to work for a fat person. You must be in fat person heaven, am I right?" I flushed, briefly glancing at Kara. "D-did you want anything?" My fingers clutched the little notepad, my fingers shaking with the pencil pressed to the paper.
"Stop being pathetic Kara, I'll have an apple Danish to go please." I scribbled the order without looking up, the rest of the group followed his order, mumbling what they wanted but not without calling me fat and useless.
I carefully balanced the sweet pastries and drinks, walking slowly. Kara glared at me, then her red lips stretched into a sweet evil smile. I was so concentrated on her face that I didn't see someone's leg shoot up, tripping me in the process. I winced and my arms flailed as my body neared the ground, my hands broke my fall, I bit my lip hard as I felt the pain shooting like daggers up my arm.
The entire booth laughed, I started picking up shattered pieces of glass and crumbled cakes.
"I'm not the only pathetic one Jase, clean up this mess flabby. Come on you guys, let's go for frozen yogurt."
"Do you have to be such a bitch Kara?"
"Oh shut up Jase, this is none of your business."
I looked up, my cheeks heating up when our eyes met. Blue to brown. Why was he even here? Was he dating Kara? Maybe he was following me. No. Boys didn't even know that I existed, let alone the hottest guy in school.
Kara and her friends stood up, stomping away, briefly missing my fingers, then a pair of black sneakers froze in front of me. I pursed my lips as I tilted my head to see who it was.
Jase looked down on me, hands stuffed into his black leather jacket that I had seen him wear often. On his face he wore a frown, I braced myself for more harsh words, still ignoring the pain in my wrist.
"Are you okay?" he asked in a strained voice. Was he speaking to me? I nodded swiftly, getting to my feet without putting more pressure on my hand. "Oh dear! My child, are you okay?" Candy rushed up behind me, patting my back, then she bent down and picked up my tray with the broken items. "Did you hurt your hand?" her eyes glanced over the hand cradled against my chest.
"No, its fine, I just twisted it a little." I lied, very aware that Jase was still standing there.
"You should still have it checked out, what if it's worse than a little twisted?" Candy told me.
"I'll take her to the hospital." Jase said, making both Candy and I stare at him. "I saw what happened..." he scratched his neck, staring back at us.
"No, I'm fine, really."
"Don't be silly, this kind gentleman will take you. Now go." Candy ordered.
I blushed, mentally slapping myself. I untied my apron and handed it to Candy. Jase opened the door, I walked out but didn't wait for him, there was no way I was going to drive anywhere with him. I was too embarrassed. He was friends with them. Kara.
I started to walk around the curb, but I was stopped by a hand pulling me back on my arm. I cried out, yanking my hurt hand back. "Ow!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, my ride's this way." Jase gently pulled my uninjured hand.
"You don't have to take me anywhere, please just leave me alone." I begged quietly, trying to pull my arm back.
"No."
"E-excuse me?"
"I said no, you're hurt, I have to take you to the hospital."
I gaped at him, then my body lurched forward, Jase hauling me with him. We stopped in front of a black SUV, sleek and seemingly new. "Get in."
I shook my head. What if he was a kidnapper? Or a serial killer. Or a psychopath?
"Climb in," he said again, his dark blue eyes glistening with amusement.
"No, I'm fine. Really." I insisted, lifting my hand. "It's already feeling better," then flexed my fingers, biting my lip hard as not to wince. "See? Much better."
"Sweetheart, either you get in, by yourself, or I will force you in. Either way you will be inside my car." He threatened, and I gulped, my eyes widening. My eyes flickered from the passenger seat back to him a few times. "What's it going to be?" Jase asked.
I was being held against my will. I pulled the door open and slid into the car, praying that true to his word, he was only taking me to the hospital. Jase followed my lead, moving to the driver's side, climbing in and starting the ignition.
He did not drive slowly. Or cautiously. In fact, my hand grabbed tightly on to the door's armrest multiple times. "You're driving a bit fast don't you think?" I managed to squeak.
He laughed. "Not really."
He pulled into the hospital parking lot, he switched the engine off and I spoke "Thank you."
I pushed my door open and stepped into the cool evening air. And then he did the same, again. He locked his car and walked up to me. "Uh, what exactly are you doing?"
"No one said you were going in there alone." Confidence rolled off his body, he challenged me.
"Jase, you've been really kind, but you don't know me, you don't even know my name. The only reason you're here right now, helping me is because your friends did the damage and you feel sorry. So please, leave me alone, I'm not strong enough to be toyed with, and I sure as hell don't have what you're looking for. If you're looking for a fun fling, I'm sure any girl in our school would be happy to do it with you, but not me, so stop coming up for me in classes and hallways and just let me be the girl nobody wants to be friends with. Thank you for your help." I sternly told him with unexpected confidence, before turning away, leaving him in the parking lot.
Turns out my wrist hadn't been hurt badly at all. Just a little twist. Like I said.
Curious about the blue eyed boy, stuck in my head, I pulled out my yearbook from the previous year. His face seemed too familiar, even though I was pretty sure I knew him from no side. I paged over the people in my school, popular, unpopular, it didn't matter. They were here.
"Nora?" My mom knocked at my door, which was already open.
"Hey, mom. How was work?"
"Ah, you know, the usual, crunching numbers and such." My mom was an accountant for a law firm. I smiled. "Miss Candy called me today, she told me you had been hurt at work today?"
"Oh, yeah, just a little accident. Don't worry. I went to the doctors, he said it's just a little sprain, should be much better by tomorrow morning."
"Well that's good, but, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."
"It's not?"
"No, sweetie, Miss Candy thinks you're being bullied at school, she says those kids at her shop today seemed unkind to you. Is it true? Are you being bullied?"
"Mom..."