"...repeat that."
"Tea, your majesty. We thought it was suspicious and so we investigated more thoroughly throughout the scene. All of them were full of tea. To be sure that there were no strange ingredients, we had them tested. Every single one was just tea."
Alver sat in pensive silence as the information settled down in his chaotic thoughts.
"How many know about this?" He asked.
"Only the other knights investigating."
"Make sure it stays this way. If the information spreads, I will hold you all accountable."
"Yes, your majesty."
"You're dismissed."
Alver sighed and held his head in his hands as he tried to comprehend the information provided. All he could know for sure was that she wouldn't want the information spread and so he needed to keep it quiet.
She wouldn't have lied unless she wanted to believe it.
How long?
How long had she been perfectly sober? How long had she been swigging bottles of tea and swaggering around as though she was black out drunk? Weeks? Months? Years?
Would she tell him if he asked?
No. She certainly wouldn't.
How could he have failed to notice sooner? He was sure she smelled of alcohol but–that was easy enough to do without actually drinking it, wasn't it? After all, she had plenty of alcohol to pour out in order to make room for tea in those bottles.
She'd really gone out of her way to create a perfect deception but he still felt like a foolish wretch for falling for it. For seeing her flushed face and slurred words and allowing himself to believe the truth that she wanted him to see. After all, he was well-versed in how easy it was to manipulate the perceptions of others by showing them what they expected to see.
There was no such thing as a 'perfect' act but any gaps in her story were surely covered up by his own 'expectation'. She drank wine and therefore she was drunk. She smelled of it, she acted like it, and she drank the 'wine' right in front of him. Flaunting her lie with complete faith that he wouldn't look closer.
And she'd been right.
He slumped in his chair with a ragged laugh.
How could he claim to 'love' her when he hardly knew her? When he'd been so ready and willing to believe the worst of her? Had he truly tried to understand her? Had he ever, even once, truly gotten to know her heart?
Had he merel been dancing in the palm of her hand this whole time?
It was no joy for anyone to realize that they'd been duped and manipulated but Alver took it a bit worse than most might. His life, the lives of his kin, depended on his ability to perceive reality as it is and to see through lies.
How could he be capable of protecting anyone if he hadn't seen a lie so close?
The sting of betrayal struck as well. The concept that she'd been so thorough about lying about even her very sobriety left a deep anxiety of what else she could possibly be lying about. What might her intentions be? Did she mean him harm? Did she mean the kingdom harm?
And worst of all was his heart.
The wretched thing didn't care. Proudly proclaiming that no matter her intentions, no matter how foul or innocent, the love would remain. His heart was hers and there was no undoing that.
At the very least he was sure that hadn't been her intention. He'd fallen all on his own and with nothing but rejection from her at every turn. Was he a masochist...?
It didn't make sense for her to be a threat though. She never sought out any power and there was certainly power that she could have claimed as queen.
All she ever asked for was Penelope.
Alver's heart stung at the thought.
Her one earnest request and possibly the only honesty she'd ever granted him with. Her claim to her daughter and her desire to remain at her side. He held his head in his hand as the wretched misery returned.
...how could he have said that to her? Was there no way to take the words back...
–Alver sat up straight in his chair and nearly choked on the realization.
In the chaos that had been the last few weeks and the disaster of the rising and falling emotions, he'd never once taken it back. He hadn't informed her that he no longer had any intention to remove Penelope from her care.
How could he have slipped up so thoroughly...?! Even with the constant reminder of her saccharine act around him...?
He needed to tell her. As soon as possible. To let her know that there was absolutely no need for her to act like that around him and that her safety and custody were guaranteed. His departure was stuttered by the opening of his door. He was about ready to reprimand whoever had dared to enter without knocking but the criticism died in his throat at the sight of Penelope.
She glared at him coldly and curtsied. "Your majesty."
"Penelope." Alver nearly stuttered the name. He was already flustered by his realization and now the unexpected visit. "What brings you here?" He winced internally. What sort of question was that? It sounded as though he wasn't happy to see her. He really was off balance.
She showed no response to his fumble and instead half turned to gesture to the guard behind her. "I came to introduce you to my personal knight. Choi Han."
Alver looked at the woman and nodded in approval. She had the Henituse family knights uniform and he'd already been informed that Penelope had requested and been granted a knight from the Henituse family. He would still of course be attaching his own guard but Alver had no complaints about more security.
Turning his attention back to Penelope he offered her a soft smile. "I heard that you requested one. I think it was a wise decision."
Penelope frowned deeply as though he'd said something wrong and turned to Choi Han before barking an order. "Choi Han. Introduce yourself to his majesty."
She nodded and obediently bowed towards Alver. "It's an honor to meet you, your majesty. I will do my best to ensure the princess's safety."
"Thank you." Alver said, thoughts drifting towards Cale again as he tried to figure out just what Penelope wanted him to say because she was frowning more by the second. Deciding he ought to just combine matters, he changed tactics. "This is great timing actually. I was just about to go and greet your mother. Would you come with me, Penelope?"
Those words didn't appear to go over well with Penelope either, despite her usual enthusiasm to spend time with her mother. "I'll go to mother." She said. "You stay with Choi Han."
Now Alver was truly puzzled. Choi Han also looked towards the girl in confusion. "Penelope, she's your knight. And I really do need to speak to your mother. I have nothing to say to the knight." He felt a bit bad for speaking so dismissively about the swordswoman but he really had no interest in speaking with her and an urgent need to speak with Cale. He also couldn't comprehend his daughter's intentions. Was she attempting to use her knight to protect Alver? Although the thought was endearing, it was deeply unlikely. After all, her disdain for Alver's very existence was clear on her face even now.
Just as he accepted it with Cale, Alver realized that Penelope hated him. In all likelihood there was no bridging that gulf between them. All he could do was love and protect her while doing his best to understand her.
Penelope looked about ready to stamp her feet in frustration. Quite uncharacteristic for the mature child. "I'm telling you to talk to Choi Han."
She certainly was her mothers daughter. They were both quite stubborn.
Alver decided to compromise. "How about I'll talk to your knight on the way to meet your mother. Would that be acceptable?"
For whatever reason, his answer appeared to upset her more but she nodded bitterly. Alver looked curiously towards the swordswoman, an unpleasant suspicion that she was the reason behind Penelope's strange behavior. Perhaps the knight had made a deal with his daughter in exchange for a conversation with the king? That didn't appear to be the case though. The otherwise stoic guard looked just as puzzled over Penelope's obsession as he felt.
Of course he'd been fooled before so he kept in mind that this Choi Han might just be an exceptional actor.
Alver held out a hand to Penelope. "Shall we go?"
She ignored his hand and breezed past him. Alver smiled bitterly after her as he began to walk. Well, at least it was an opportunity to vet Penelope's new guard. He'd already sent for an in depth investigation of her past, connections, and affiliations. Especially now, he couldn't afford for anyone who was strange to attach to his family. It would be good to see if Choi Han would lie as well.
"How long have you been practicing swordsmanship?" Alver asked, what he considered an appropriate starter and an easy question to answer. To his surprise, Choi Han's brow wrinkled in focus as she appeared to be attempting to pin down the number. From her appearance, she looked to be someone in her late teens so it really shouldn't be a hard number to ascertain.
"...all my life." She hazarded, apparently giving up on finding a number. He thought he spotted her counting fingers as well. Alver became a bit worried that someone like this was assigned as his daughter's guard. He'd need to find someone better quickly.
"And how long have you been working for the Henituse family?" He said and watched with relief as she didn't need to think this question over.
"Five years, your majesty." She said brightly. "They've been very kind to me."
"...that's good." Alver couldn't help but note that she'd been here as long as Cale had been gone. Somehow that left a sour taste in his mouth but he couldn't quite put a finger on why.
Perhaps it was the tension he'd seen between Cale and her family. Unnatural and unhappy.
The pair lapsed into silence after that. It wasn't that Alver didn't have more questions he could ask, he just really didn't want to. The desire to see Cale and apologize properly quite overtook everything else in his surroundings and he hadn't wanted to talk to this swordswoman to begin with.
It was also unnerving the way Penelope kept glancing back at them and frowning.
There really was just one issue after another. Alver thought that perhaps after he'd spoken with Cale, it might be time to have a conversation with Penelope. He hadn't considered it prior, the child was only four years old and she was clearly uncomfortable around him. He didn't want to force her to speak with him or ask her complicated questions.
But he was tired of living in misunderstanding and being clouded from the truth. At the very least, he wanted to be able to ask her what she wanted from him and what about him displeased her so much. If it was something he could solve then there was no reason not to accommodate his daughter. It was a bit foolish, now that he thought about it, spending all of this time attempting to anticipate her needs instead of just asking.
Of course that was how he'd always lived his life, wasn't it?
He used his people skills and information network to seek out the desires of others before they spoke a word and then perfectly silvered his speech to coax what he wanted from them while using what they wanted as bait.
It made him an exceptional politician but perhaps it wasn't a trait that was preferable in a father.
Belatedly, he reflected that king Zed Crossman hadn't been a bad king. He had been mediocre, true, but so had his forefathers. He was capable of running the kingdom and anticipating the needs of his people.
But no one, not even Alver's brothers, could call Zed a good father.
Alver clenched his fist at his side as a rush of miserable regret filled him. Had he been as bad as his own father? He was certain that his behavior had been different then Zed's but then again, there were more than one ways to fail as a father. Merely avoiding Zed's specific mistakes wouldn't make him a better father than the bastard.
How miserable and wretched. How utterly pathetic.
...was that also his failure with Cale? Anticipating her needs rather than asking her...? It was hard to imagine that she would answer even if he asked but it was worth at least trying. Presuming her response wouldn't get them anywhere.
And where exactly did he hope to go with Cale? He knew he loved her but he also knew well enough that she had never and would never share those feelings for him. Wasn't her happiness the ultimate goal then? He'd always wanted her to at least be satisfied with her life...
...was that even possible at his side? Married to a man she despised?
Alver's eyes flickered to Penelope and his heart sank miserably.
The two of them made for a happy family. There was no room for him at their side. Had he personally crafted this hell or was it inevitable no matter what he had done?
There was nothing Alver could have done to cause his father to care for him or for his siblings to have a kind regard towards him. Even if he'd given up his political aspirations, he would have only been a thorn in their side. His aunt Tasha was an unquestionably loving and wonderful woman but somewhere in his heart he always wondered... if his mother wasn't beloved to her sister, would there have been anyone who cared for him at all?
Was he ever loved just for who he was? Was he worth love at all?
Of course those concerns weren't useful towards his ultimate goals and he had far bigger concerns to worry about on a daily basis, such as concealing his true heritage to avoid being killed as an abomination or safely running the kingdom.
The trouble was that when those fears were left unaddressed, they didn't disappear behind the larger concerns but rather they festered.
Somewhere along the way Alver had become a person who never expected love from anyone because it was only natural. He never expected love and yet he longed for it. So he behaved in ways most likely to give him appreciation and validation and in the most shallow way possible he was loved but no one knew him.
In his heart he felt that no one would love him if they knew him.
A twisted little scar from a wretched childhood that had never healed properly. How could it heal when he never even acknowledged the injury?
His daughter had been the first person since his mothers death who he felt loved him and he loved her dearly in return. And then she stopped loving him the moment she was old enough to have even a single independent thought.
It was a confirmation of every wretched insecurity that festered inside of his heart.
He'd lashed out in response and unfortunately he made the grave mistake of lashing out against the woman he loved.
Alver smiled bitterly.
Yes. Cale and Penelope would be better off without him.
They found Cale in the gardens after a brief search and finally asking a servant about her location. Alver was far too caught up in his thoughts to give very much attention to the swordswoman but for Penelope's sake he managed to share just a few more meaningless words with her.
Cale stood up upon their arrival and Alver tried not to get caught up in how beautiful she looked there, surrounded by flowers and holding her head up high with the arrogance of nobility.
He failed.
Penelope rushed to her mother and tugged at her skirt while Alver and the swordswoman approached. They watched as Cale leaned down, somehow making that simple gesture elegant, and listened to the words that Penelope urgently whispered to her.
Whatever it was that Penelope said, Cale's expression hardened in response. Alver attempted to stifle his own curiosity but he couldn't help but want to know. Alver held out a hand to Cale when he arrived, watching as Cale's narrow eyes flickered darkly between Alver and the swordswoman for an unapparent reason. "My queen," He bowed his head gently in respect. "I would like to speak with you, if that's possible."
He'd already learned to expect the way she slapped his hand away to reject his escort but it was notable how much more viciously she did so. Alver's brow knit together as he searched her face for a reason behind her anger.
And she was angry.
It was an anger that he rarely saw from her. Cale was always 'angry', although with the information he now possessed that was doubtful, but there were times when she was angry with him in such a pure and hateful way that it was undeniable how she felt about him.
However normally it was apparent why she was so angry. In the case of their fight in the forest or their argument after Penelope's disappearance, there were clear reasons that she would lose her cool and look at him as though he were nothing but scum.
He couldn't fathom why she looked at him like that now.
He reviewed everything that he knew over and over in his head. He knew that something he'd done or hadn't done was bothering Penelope but he really had no idea what that could be. Perhaps he'd messed up the order of things. In his haste to apologize to Cale he'd failed to appropriately meet Penelope's expectations.
He ought to have delayed his conversation with Cale to talk to Penelope first.
"I have nothing to say to you." She said icily.
What a broken family they made. Ignorance as their ultimate enemy.
Penelope acted the best she could with the information she was provided, just as her father did, just as her mother did. The three of them only acted in the palm of ignorance without the ability to escape its stifling grip.
Alver attempted a smile at her but that only made her glare more ferocious. "I understand. I do have a matter I need to discuss with you though. Would there be a better time later?"
Her eyes flashed dangerously as again her gaze flickered to the knight.
Alver looked over his shoulder curiously. Penelope's strange behavior also centered around this swordswoman. Was there something about her that Alver didn't know?
"No." Cale's voice cut in coldly. "I have nothing to say to you and nothing to listen to."
He opened his mouth and closed it once more.
It was an important and urgent matter, at least he felt that it was, but pushing her at the moment would only be disrespecting her wishes.
"I understand." He nodded and turned away, ready to leave the gardens and this unintentional argument.
Cale's voice snapped out viciously though. "Take that thing with you."
Alver stopped and looked back to his wife, utterly confused. He was definitely missing something. "...what thing?"
He sounded so confused that even Cale's rage stuttered for a moment before regaining herself. She pointed a haughty finger at the swordswoman and glared. "That thing."
"...Penelope's guard?" He looked again towards the nonplussed guard and back to his wife and child. The question why died on his tongue as he decided it was best just to obey. He had no reason not to. "Return to your previous duties." Alver told the guard. It was easy enough to dismiss her.
The guard nodded and made to leave the garden, Alver turning his attention back to Cale in confusion. "Is there a problem wi–"
"Don't speak to me." Cale clenched her mouth shut and something like misery made itself known on her face.
Alver's heart ached at the sight.
"...what's wrong...?"
The poor ignorant king had no possible way of knowing all the reasons that question would set off an explosion.