How was she supposed to cope with this?
Alver walked silently at her side and within her chaotic thoughts, she really couldn't understand what was happening. She assumed that Alver had something of dire importance to say for him to potentially offend their hosts by leaving breakfast early. After all, the one thing she knew better than anything else about her husband was that he prioritized his external appearance above all else. He was a politically minded fake and he had nothing to gain and lots to lose about offending the Henituse family.
It was her shock at his breach of etiquette that actually caused her to agree so easily to begin with. And while she had left Penelope in Ron's competent care, she hadn't intended to leave Penelope alone at all after yesterday. It was also a surprise that Penelope chose to stay.
It made sense though. Penelope had been the one so eager to meet her maternal family. Of course she'd want to actually spend time with them.
What didn't make sense was Alver. He must have an important motivation that required swift action to be so rude.
Yet Alver was silent and walked with the gait of one who was in no rush. They were headed in the general direction of their rooms but there wasn't even a clear intention there, as though they could go anywhere that Cale requested.
Despite everything and every foul suspicion, Cale was grateful.
She still felt nauseous from sitting at that table.
She'd never been good at managing meals there. It wasn't even her act that caused her so much distress. The happy family eating in front of her that she had no part in. The nervous stares as they awaited her next misbehavior. The nausea and unease from wondering just how long before she could finally leave.
She'd usually make excuses about the food being nasty, throw a fit, retreat as quickly as possible, and go hungry. But in her confusion over... various matters, Cale hadn't been able to figure out who to be while sitting at the table.
If she was Alver's 'loving wife', that felt too mortifying. If she ran away in a fit, she'd abandon Penelope. So she'd been frozen, nauseous and unsettled. She reflected now that she'd wound up abandoning Penelope regardless.
Alver's impulsive decision suited her fine for the time being. She hadn't been sure how much more she could tolerate. He'd unknowingly rescued her from her spiraling emotions. He'd been useful, just this once.
Cale leaned into the warmth of his arm to stabilize herself as they walked, taking in the air that was free from the stifling pressure of that dining room.
It felt good. Freeing.
She let him lead him wherever he was planning on going in silence as she used the time to collect herself. She just hadn't properly prepared herself for how it would feel to be there again. She really hadn't expected it to choke her so thoroughly.
Alver's meandering route took them past the gardens. Cale looked out onto the perfectly manicured greenery and felt a strange fluttering in her heart.
She remembered a day she'd rather forget.
The air smelled sweet. It was a relief after the stifling air in the ballroom. It wasn't the stares or the audience that got under her skin. Cale could perform well for any audience with an audacious grin adorning her ruby lips.
It was the nauseating greed permeating the air like a miasma, choking her and any who could smell its stench. The lying smiles that hid the cruelest of intentions.
Cale could remember cruel smiles such as that. From the moment her mother passed away, every smile was fake. Her fathers shaky and watery smile as he broke down. The twisted and greedy smiles of the extended family as they attempted to use her as their pawn. The strained smiles of the servants as they watched the pitiful child.
Cale hated insincere smiles more than most anything but what she hated most of all were those who wore badges of nobility as a way of concealing how truly vile they were on the inside.
"May I sit here?"
Cale looked up into an unreadable smile and a delicately embroidered handkerchief held out to her. Of course she recognized him. Who wouldn't recognize the crown prince. But still, she looked into the eyes of a stranger as she weighed her reactions.
She ought to start out strong. Offending the crown prince would certainly solidify her reputation as the worst of the worst, especially given his amiable and friendly reputation. Yet... the thought was too exhausting for her at the moment. It could also prove to be a double-edged sword.
She wanted to be the trash of the Henituse family, not to cause her family any real harm. A miscalculation could do just that.
Cale shrugged and looked away without accepting his offering. She was aware of what a mess she looked like but one handkerchief wouldn't do anything to fix all the damage.
He chuckled and took a seat beside her.
It was strange but she didn't feel all that stifled around him. She wouldn't go as far as to say he wasn't a liar like the others but he felt... easy. A presence that didn't revolt her. Truly, it was a rarity among nobility.
"That was impressive." He said, eyes on the flowers around them and an amused smile twitching at the corners of his lips. "I don't think I've ever seen a noble lady flip a table before."
Cale snorted and rolled her eyes. "Shouldn't have fucked with me." She spat derisively, sure to add a drunken lilt to her words.
"You mean he shouldn't have fucked with young lady Amir Ubarr." His deep blue eyes turned to look at her, pinning her to the spot with a knowing look that sent a shiver down her spine. "She was the one he was harassing before you interfered."
"Didn't fucking see her." Cale defended with a clicked tongue. "It's not my business if that blond trash fucks with everyone in the kingdom."
It was a bit of a shock. Hearing the crown prince use such crass language, to have someone notice her true intentions when she dumped an entire table on Venion Stan, to have him speak to her at all.
She hid this anxiety behind her normal thug act. Sneering her words and twisting his. She was sure her act was perfect.
But Alver only looked amused. As though he was utterly convinced of what he saw.
She'd need to work harder to persuade him. She couldn't have a man of his influence soiling her bad reputation by proclaiming that she protected Amir or some other nonsense. Especially when she'd managed to do it in such a way that even Amir hadn't noticed her true intentions.
What a frustrating man.
"Let's say that's the truth then." He said breezily, looking back to their surroundings. She thought that he looked different like this. The crown prince that she'd seen in the ballroom looked... well, like everyone else. Stifling, greedy, fake, disgusting.
The man in front of her looked a touch tired and a bit amused and overall, pleasant.
Was this how the glib crown prince fooled others into liking him? She could admit it was a good act. She wasn't about to believe that he'd honestly just been impressed by her act of gallantry and come to congratulate her on it. That was far too sincere for a man in his position.
No, he would have something that he wanted from her. She was sure of it.
They lapsed into silence as she awaited his true intentions with suspicions bubbling underneath the surface. When none arose, she allowed herself to look towards the gardens as well.
They were beautiful beneath the gentle moonlight and for a moment she did wish she could appreciate it fully. Cale had always liked pretty things. She was a bit vain, spent quite a bit on her wardrobe and jewelry, and liked her own appearance quite a bit. The idea of walking through flowers in the moonlight quite appealed to her romantic notions.
There was a hand in front of her again.
"Would it be possible to escort you, young lady Cale?"
He was also a sight in the moonlight. Smiling down softly at her as he held out a clean gloved hand for her to hold. Looking for all the world like a man who quite sincerely wished to spend time with her. Curiosity gleamed in blue eyes and she thought, for just a moment, that she would enjoy a walk with him. She could complain about how horrible Venion was and force him to name every flower. He might laugh and she might tease and it might be a lovely night where two people who lied chose just for once to tell the truth.
She slapped his hand away.
He was just as nauseatingly fake as the others. She knew that much about him. One didn't rise to the position of crown prince without knowing how to use others. She had no intention of being another tool for the crown prince to use for whatever machinations took his fancy. She glared up with him, venom in her eyes as she decided who he was and what his motivations were.
"I'm afraid I'll have to decline." She sneered, endeavoring to put as much meaning into her tone as possible. Words like 'I don't spend time with people like you' and 'I would rather grind your face under my heel' were hidden in that tone.
He blinked and smiled sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders as though it was no big offense. Truthfully she had been nearly criminally disrespectful. He must really want to use her for something if he was willing to overlook this. "It's a shame." He said. "Perhaps another time?"
Cale stood up and breezed past him, momentarily too flustered to remember her own drunken stumble. "I think not, your highness."
She'd never admit how much she'd really wanted to say yes. Perhaps her pride precluded the possibility or perhaps he was just as nasty as she imagined. But sometimes she thought about what a walk with him through the gardens might have been like, should she have said yes.
Sometimes she wondered what it was he wanted from the useless trash of the Henituse family on that night.
How ironic it was that now she truly was walking past a garden with him. Although now she knew she'd been right to reject him that day. He was nothing but a fake and foolish man who didn't care for anyone but his own political growth.
She couldn't imagine what was going on in his head that night but it certainly was nothing sincere.
Strangely though she did feel herself calming down as she walked alongside him. The only thing that remained true from that night until now was that he did indeed have a comforting presence. Even if everything else about him was intolerable.
She allowed herself to be guided towards her room and she expected Alver to finally admit his intentions once they were privately inside. However, when he opened the door for her, he made no effort to follow her in. "Would you prefer to be alone?" He asked and her face nearly pinched up with confusion.
She tried to put on a docile face as she tittered. "Whatever you would prefer, your majesty."
It was certainly her imagination but she thought his smile looked sad. "I'll let you be then. I'll have the servants send up some breakfast."
Cale's steps stuttered to a halt as she was entering the room and she looked towards him, perplexed. "We just had breakfast, your majesty."
"Humor me." He said and she could swear she recognized that same knowing look he'd worn that night when he asked her about Amir Ubarr. Had he noticed her reluctance to eat in that dining room?
She felt exposed and agitated at the potentiality and had to stop herself from snapping at him.
She normally snapped at him when he noticed things. It made her lies more convincing when she was intolerable. Everyone was willing to think the worst of the intolerable. Although, now her intentions weren't to look horrible to him.
The idea of appealing to him still sickened her but the impulse to convince him yet again that she was nothing but a cruel and vapid person was difficult to restrain. The option of just being herself was unthinkable.
She'd always lied to Alver about who she was and she didn't intend to ever stop.
"Fine then." She said, a touch colder as she struggled with her impulses. When had it become a habit to snap at him? Most especially when he attempted to show her 'kindness'.
It was just that she hated his kindness most of all.
She knew that it must be a lie. A lie to gain her trust or to use her or to fool her, it didn't matter, she hated the lying kindness.
His kindness couldn't be sincere.
Why would it be?
Cale knew better than anyone that she was unlovable.
–
Penelope had more or less pieced together a chart of her friends and enemies. At this point she was mostly sure that Violan Henituse would be a thorn in her side, Deruth would be helpful if manipulated, and Bassen was still up in the air but could prove useful. Alver was clearly a psychotic wife-murdering cheater, Choi Han was a homewrecking hussy, and Cale was the only person she could trust.
She didn't need to learn anything more about them. She had made her assessments based on a game she didn't play and a few limited interactions but her cynicism towards others and frustration over her situation made it easy.
It was true that she didn't have a single memory of Alver actually mistreating her or her mother other than their single fight on the way here but that didn't matter to her. It was true that she knew that the games narrative couldn't be trusted because they'd taken artistic liberties with both Cale and Penelope but she trusted them to support all of her worst suspicions.
Penelope was suffering from confirmation bias. As simple as that. She expected to see the worst in her father and so that was all she saw. She never thought about what it might be like to have a wife who constantly belittled, ignored, and insulted you. She didn't think about why he might be so busy with work as he did both the work for the king and queen, never assigning his wife a single task or insisting that she fulfill her duties. She didn't know that in the forest, Cale had been the one to instigate the fight and the one who's words had been just as vicious as his.
He was the bad guy and therefore he could do no right.
And her mother conversely was a good woman who could do no wrong.
The idea that Cale was flawed or made poor decisions never once occurred to Penelope. She did know on some level that her mother wasn't actually perfect and that she wasn't always right but emotionally she couldn't accept it.
Perhaps it was the trauma of her two lifespans and her bleak future prospects. Perhaps it was her grudge against entities known as father and her inability to look at Alver without thinking him wretched. It didn't matter that Alver was nothing like her old father and had an entirely different personality. Somewhere along the line, Penelope had conflated the two.
She hated him and she hated how cruelly he treated her mother. Except while their relationship was tense and unfriendly, it was certainly a stretch to call Alver's behavior cruel. He was a man who did the best with the information given to him.
If he had a fatal flaw it was that he believed the lies Cale told him and responded appropriately to those lies.
Penelope had no intention to attempt to get to know her father or to understand his perspective. She didn't care. She didn't have any compassion for his existence and she was ready to celebrate the day that she exiled him from her life.
And so she couldn't understand why her chest pinched so painfully as she led Choi Han to their destination. She was about to hasten the introduction between Choi Han and Alver Crossman, therefore ensuring that their romance would be streamlined and she could escape with her mother.
She couldn't understand why her thoughts drifted to the ignorant days when she'd run up to her father and hug him, giggling as he kissed her nose and told her how much he loved his princess. She knew now that his affection then must have been fake so there was no reason for her to cling to it.
Her heart ached terribly with each step though, a pang of misery that once she did this. Once Alver looked into Choi Han's eyes and those sparks of love flooded the air. Once the destiny depicted in the game was fulfilled–
Once she completed her mission, she'd never hear his affectionate voice directed towards her again. He wouldn't hug her or love her. She would become nothing more than a nuisance that he needed to be rid of in order to pursue a new and better love. He wouldn't care or want a daughter from an inconvenient previous marriage with a woman that he so clearly didn't care for.
He wouldn't wait at her bedside when she was scared or injured either. He wouldn't even make an attempt to bridge the gap between them.
And that suited her just fine. She much preferred it that way. She didn't want him as her father. She never wanted to spend any time with him at all.
She just couldn't explain why her heart ached so terribly.
She pressed her hand on the door and turned towards her new personal guard, the woman stood at attention behind her with the look of one who would cut down anyone who approached her tiny charge. For a homewrecking slut, she definitely gave off a convincing loyal guard dog look.
"I'm going to introduce you to my parents." She said coldly. "Please take your time to get to know them."
Choi Han nodded obediently and sent an innocently sweet smile down at Penelope as though she thought Penelope was the sweetest thing.
Penelope paid her no mind and opened the door.
From this point on, she'd finally be rid of her father.