Chapter XXV: Never wake up
TW: Sexual acts of violence; Sexual assault
CW: sexual content (unrelated to the previously mentioned TW)
My eyes flutter open but I can barely see anything in the room. Theo's room to be precise, I barely sleep in mine anymore. His arms are wrapped around my neck like I'm a stuffed toy and his big biceps are covering half of my face.
I flit my eyes up to his sleeping face. Theo's mouth is slightly agape and his lashes look as amazing as ever. And the rare occasion of him not having furrowed eyebrows due to annoyance is a sight for sore eyes.
Before I can suffocate I make the sound decision of darting my tongue out so it grazes the inside of his elbow. Immediately I feel his body stir under mine.
"Classy as ever, Skates," his husky voice makes his chest vibrate under my head. His arms unravel and I instantly roll on my back.
"It isn't my fault you tried to kill me in your sleep," I turn on my side so I can watch him.
"What can I say? I am homicidally in love with you," he leans in to peck my lips, "This is nice."
"It would be better if you'd brush your teeth," I push his head away from mine but I feel him grab me by the side of my neck.
"Oh yeah? Fine then I'll take my kisses elsewhere where my breath isn't a problem," Theo kisses the side of my neck, moving down to my collarbones.
He reaches the top of my nightgown but it doesn't stop him. He kisses over the thin fabric, not a single part of my body is left unkissed.
"I could get used to this," I sigh in contentment as he kisses my stomach and slowly comes back up.
"Me too," he falls on top of me, wrapping his arms around my torso and laying his head on my chest. He looks so adorable with his eyes closed and a dimpled grin on his face.
Today was a full day for me. Since Christmas weekend and New Year was over I had to go pick up some of my documents from the Ridgeview offices and then I wanted to get in a skating practice since I'd missed a lot of them due to the holidays.
After Christmas, I had convinced my mom to stay around for a couple more days to celebrate New Year with us since dad was in Europe for business. And it had been a godsend.
Mom got to know Theo closer and became good friends with Natalia and Cass. She was so happy to discuss her recipes and other motherly stuff with them that I barely recognized who she was.
New Year's rolled around quicker than any of us imagined. Theo and I stayed behind with our families and the other guys visited their hometowns. It was weird to have the house to ourselves but after our families left, it had given me and Theo some long-awaited alone time.
I waved goodbye to my mom and Natalia's car from the window with Theo right behind me. When they pulled out of the driveway I turned toward him.
"I am so tired," My head fell onto his chest.
"Little man is too," he cocked his head toward the couch where Teddy lay passed out from all the petting and love he's been receiving today.
"How about we take a shower and watch a movie?" I suggested.
"Sounds amazing," Theo pressed a kiss to my forehead and pulled me upstairs.
We quickly stripped all of our clothes and I went to put my hair up. Theo set the water to a warm temperature and I could already feel how good it'll be.
As I stepped in Theo moved out of the way so the warm water could cascade down my back. A sigh left my lips and I leaned against him in support. These two days drained all the social battery I had.
"Thank you for my gift again," I looked up at him but he was already looking at me.
Theo had gotten me a bracelet with a little figure skate charm on it. I now took it off only when going in the shower but otherwise it was always on my wrist. As was the promise ring on my finger.
"You are so beautiful," his eyes trailed down my body and that's when the realization hit. We had never actually seen each other naked.
I let my eyes wander down the span of his body. And I was amazed at how beautiful he was. I'd known it since I first set my eyes on him but this was different. I wasn't just seeing his body. I was seeing everything.
The tattoos that were scattered all across his body each meant something. He was showing me every important part of himself.
"You have a tattoo," his fingers reached out to graze the underside of my breast.
"I do," I watched his eyes glint in wonder.
"Veni. Vidi. Vici." he read out the tattoo.
"I came. I saw. I conquered." I smiled to myself, translating the tattoo.
He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the ink. Trailing kisses under my breast and slowly kissing down he looked in my eyes through his lashes. He wasn't in a rush, each kiss was slow and sweet.
Theo's lips pressed against my pelvis but he didn't go further, he came back up and pecked the side of my lips.
"Screw the shower," I whispered and wrapped my hands around his neck as he lifted me up.
He reached behind me, turning off the water and carrying us out of the shower. We were trailing water everywhere, all the way back to his room but none of us stopped to give it another thought.
My damp body hit his sheets and I felt heat course all over my skin. His hunger-filled stare made my breathing hitch. It looked like he was ready to eat me alive.
He settled on his knees in between my legs and the anticipation was seeping through my bones. His soft lips connected with my aching clit and my head fell back into his duvet. Soft breaths slipped past my lips as Theo tenderly kissed me all over.
He dragged his tongue up and down again, repeating the action until the first audible whimper left my mouth.
"You taste so good, pretty girl," the vibrations of his voice made my hips buck upward.
I heard a foil wrapper tearing as his mouth worked wonders but he pulled away. Before I could protest he nestled his body between my thighs and all complaints died on the tip of my tongue.
"Is this okay?" he swiped my hair out of my face.
"Yes," I breathed out against his lips.
He inched forward and my mouth formed into an 'o' shape. His hand cradled my face, his other arm holding up his weight by my head.
Theo pushed until there was no more room to go. He was extremely gentle, his eyebrows pulled together in what seemed to be pleasure, restraint, and want.
"You can move," My fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck.
"You feel so good, Blair," he found his pace and my a groan slipped past his lips.
The sex was soft and slow. I'd never felt so safe in someone's arms as I do with Theo. Even now, while we were tangled with each other, molded together like two perfectly fitting puzzle pieces, I felt indescribably happy.
We praised each other and the only sound filling the room was us calling out each others names.
That night the movie, the shower was long forgotten. I don't know how long we were at it but I remember almost immediately falling asleep in Theo's arms afterward.
We had been testing the waters of vulnerability with each other for months now. And that night changed something in our relationship. We no longer looked at each other as friends or something in between. We were now connected.
That's why when I tried to leave for classes today he stopped me three times before I actually went out of the door.
Professors were now getting more insufferable with their demands regarding the thesis statements that have to be drafted up and handed in soon. And it was messing with my head.
Even though I was ahead of all of my studies, balancing the weight of the championship on my shoulders made me doubt if it was enough to graduate with honors. Honor meaning enough to please my family.
I knew that everyone starting from my cousins and ending with my aunts, uncles, and grandparents, were all waiting for me to bring back the diploma of dreams. Bring back something they could be proud of and flaunt to others.
But that didn't matter. At least not now. I had other things to worry about so I shook off the anxiety-inducing thoughts and descended the steps to the Ridgeview offices.
-
My classes and the stuff with my documents had taken longer than anticipated. I went to French, Psych, and English and when I came back to the office my copies still weren't ready.
I needed reports on my grades to send to my dad. He'd been pressing me for a week and wouldn't take a no for an answer so I desperately needed them. God knows, he would come up here and get them himself.
It was already 5 pm and I was still sitting in the office when my phone dinged with a message.
Unknown: Hey, this is Theo. I got a new phone because mine died this morning. See you at practice?
Me: Dropped it in the toilet, I presume? And I thought the practice was canceled.
Unknown: Nope. Coach texted and said we should come in tonight.
Me: Alright. I'll be there in thirty.
The secretary called right as I pressed the send button. She said they finally got the system running and that it will take about five minutes to send to my email and print. I was grateful because now I had a practice that I'd be running late to if she didn't get them ready.
I grabbed the papers and quickly made my way to the car. Coach Wilson will have my head if I'm not there on time to unlock the locker rooms. My stomach had the feeling of uneasiness settling in but I shook it off as stress from the sudden change of plans.
When I pulled up to the rink only a few cars were parked outside. None of the guys were here yet by the looks of it. With my phone in hand, I was texting them when they'll get here while pushing open the door open with my shoulder.
The rink was dark. None of the lights were on except for the hallway with my locker room. Weird.
I went to the panel by the door and pulled the switches. The lights slowly flickered on. A wary feeling coursed through my body. And I knew that I wasn't alone, I felt him before I saw him.
"Gosh, I actually didn't believe her when she called you stupid but you really are dumb."
Jefferson.
Watch your back, Ivy. Those were his words. It had been three months. What the fuck did he want?
I slowly turned in the direction of his voice. He stood by the guys' locker room, leaning against the door with his arms crossed over his chest.
"What do you want?" My voice was clipped, and I tried to sound confident.
"The five points that Ridgeview stole from us that game by letting you on the ice," His face held a scowl. This was his big hurt? The points that we won that game. Talk about a sore loser.
"You should start winning more often. You'll earn them back in no time," I bit back before thinking through my words.
His lips quirked up in a disgusting smirk as a huff of breath left his mouth. I was scared but I was alert. I didn't take my eyes off him.
"I could tell the board that a non-registered player was on the ice, that would put a dent in your little team? Wouldn't it?" his face seemed accomplished while mine fell, "Or you could give something to me."
"You're gross," My face scrunched up in disgust at what he was implying.
My phone vibrated. Theo's contact flashed across the screen, he was calling me. I was such an idiot for believing it was him texting me. As my finger hovered over the answer button I felt Jefferson move toward me. Before I could react he tore the phone from my hands.
"Aww, it's your boyfriend. I wonder what he wants," he threw my phone away from him, he was blocking the main door now, "I promise, we'll have fun, Blair. I'll make it feel good, sweetheart."
He advanced toward me but I swung my skating bag into his side. Jefferson slammed into the wall next to him and I turned around sprinting for the keys and grabbing the one for my locker room. My knee burned with the speed I was running down the hall.
I could hear him get up but I had no time to see where he was, I was fumbling with the keys. His loud steps echoed behind me and a cry escaped my throat. I ripped open the door and slammed it behind me but before I could lock it he was already pushing it open with his whole body.
I leaned against the door trying to hold it closed. Tears flooded my eyes, sobs wracking my whole body. But despite me holding it with all my strength he got his arm through the door.
"C'mon, Ivy. Who are you kidding? I'll get in either way," his dry chuckle echoed through the empty hall.
He kicked the door and it flew open. I was stumbling over my feet, trying to get as far away from him as possible. I pushed a bench in front of his legs but that only amused him. I was running out of options. I had nowhere to go anymore. It was a dead end.
Jefferson backed me into lockers and pressed his body into mine. I tried to push at his chest, hit him, and do anything that would get him away from me. He just grabbed my arms in a bruising hold and shoved them against the lockers.
"Did you like the picture show I left for you in here?" He buried his head in the crook of my neck pressing kisses to the skin, "Ashley got the pics and I got a hold of the schedule so we came in and left the little surprise for you."
My breathing was ragged, my stomach rolling with the confession from him. All this time I had wondered what I'd done to provoke the pictures. And in the end, it turned out to be a person I shared classes with every day and someone that had threatened me just hours after we met.
My cries sounded through the locker room accompanied by the sound of Jefferson's disgusting voice. I desperately wiggled against his hold but he only took it on as a challenge. His knee went in between my legs and that's when I lost it.
"Help! Please, someone-"
My pleads were muffled by his hand that came over my mouth. His eyes gleamed with pride that I was terrified of him. I didn't know what to do. I was hyperventilating and his heavy body restricted any movement I could even manage. I felt like I was going to throw up.
The hand left my mouth and went to undo my pants. I heard clutter outside of the door, and then it opened revealing the guys.
"What the fuck?"
Dean ripped him off of me and I fell to the floor. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, my pants were opened and Dean was already on top of him, repeatedly punching Jefferson.
I saw hands reach for me in peripheral and I flinched back, crawling away. My eyes met Theo's that were blown wide and filled with regret and fear. I leaped toward him, he caught me in his arms.
"I've got you. I've got you," he pressed my face into his chest. His grip on me was strong like he was afraid I'd disappear.
I could hear JJ and West yelling, the last thing I saw was Levi trying to pry Dean off of Jefferson before he killed him. All I wanted was to curl up in Theo's arms and forget this happened.
I wanted to fall asleep and never wake up.
A/N: This was a hard chapter to write. It was emotionally exhausting as well as it made me feel queasy. But know, that there is nothing wrong with speaking out.
If you have experienced or someone around you has experienced anything revolving around sexual assault or harassment, remember that you are not alone. You can reach out and find help at https://www.nsvrc.org/find-help , https://www.rainn.org/ThatsHarassment or talk to someone. It is good to know your options.
On a lighter note, I will try to keep up the weekly posting once again, but no promises. We'll see how it goes. Step of Faith has all of my focus currently from all of my projects and hopefully, it stays that way.
How has everyone been?
Hope all of you are safe and well, Helena <3