S I E N N A
"Amore mio," Blade called out to me. I didn't even notice he was seated across from me on our bed with a tray of stuffed omelet, waffles and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. The smell was absolutely divine. I was too submerged in my thoughts to pay full attention to him or the breakfast.
I felt like a robot with no feelings whatsoever. Part of myself died with Layla. I didn't want to acknowledge the pain or grieve over the death of my own daughter. She didn't deserve to die.
How many loved ones will I loose before I can find happiness in this life?
My hands tightened around the urn that's clutched tightly to my chest as the memories of Layla flooded back into my mind. I had her body cremated instead of her to be buried six ft under. I know my baby girl very well. She always wanted to be free and being confined in a coffin for the rest of her life won't make her happy. Layla had suffered all the eight years of her life. The only time she was able to breathe freely knowing she's in good hands was with us.
I missed her so much. It's been days since she died and I haven't been able to let go of the urn which contained her ashes.
"Baby, eat something. You're loosing a lot of weight. It's not good for the babies." Blade whispered, stabbing the waffle with a fork and bringing it to my lips. I turned my head to the other side and bit down on my lip to prevent myself from falling apart.
Keep it together, Sienna.
"Are you trying to tell me that I'm ugly now? I'm no longer attractive to you because I've lost weight?" I snapped, not giving a fuck if the tears fell freely from my eyes. It's hard to bottle up your emotions and pretend like everything is okay. I'm beyond devastated.
"That isn't -"
"I don't care how I look anymore or how weak I am. I'm sure my babies will understand." I muttered and leaned my chin at the top of the urn, rubbing a hand over my baby bump.
Blade looked wounded at my words and I instantly felt like a horrible person. He dropped the tray of my breakfast on the nightstand and sighed, inching closer to me, "You know that isn't what I meant, Sienna. I love you and that isn't gonna change no matter what. You fuck with my mind every damn day. Even if you put on rags or you happen to be the daughter of Frankenstein, you will always be my beautiful woman."
All my emotions crashed through me and I couldn't help but cry bitterly. My ribs felt like it was gonna crack from the pain that's buried deep in my heart. I haven't allowed myself to grieve because I didn't want to let Layla go. I was scared of relinquishing the memories I have of her if I bade her goodbye.
Blade took the urn away from my hands and pulled me into his arms. His fingers stroked my messy blonde hair as I sobbed into his chest. He wasn't wearing a shirt. I didn't even acknowledge that fact and he didn't seem to care. He understood. His warmth penetrated into my body and I felt myself calming down. He didn't say any word to me and I was grateful for that. Being in his arms in silence was all I needed to get my emotions under control.
"I'm sorry, amore," I whimpered and looked up to stare into his gorgeous stormy grey eyes that made my heart feel at ease. This man was my safe place. He pressed a kiss to my lips. It was light like a feather and just the boost I needed to realize how much I wanted him.
"You don't have to apologize, tesoro. I completely understand your frustration. It's okay to let out all your pains so you don't end up being depressed and nurture hatred in your heart. Layla is dead. It's a hard fact to accept but we just have to deal with it. No amount of tears we shed won't bring her back. She's in a safe place now. She wouldn't want to see you cry."
I nodded my head not able to form words because of the lump that's lodged deep in my throat. I guess Blade was right. I needed to let her go. It doesn't mean my memories of her will vanish. She would always be in my heart and that's something that can never go away.
"I love you," I whispered, planting a kiss over his beating heart.
"I love you so much, baby," He mumbled. I felt his muscles tense under my touch as I trailed my fingers over the dark ink that covered every inch of his skin. A tattoo that I've never seen before caught my eyes. It was at the side of his neck. My breath got caught in my throat at the sight of what looked like two interlocked hearts and my name tattooed with it. A couple of roses surrounded it. Red and white. The color wasn't too prominent but it's just the right shade. It was beautiful.
I pulled away from his arms to get a closer look at it. I traced the tattoo with my finger.
"When did you get this tattoo?" I asked. My voice was heavy with emotions.
He stared at me like I was the only thing that mattered in this world and the thought of me leaving him would destroy him. I swallowed hard. "A week ago. Diego did it for me."
"What does it mean?" I asked. It was pretty obvious that there was a deeper meaning to it than just ink on skin.
Blade intertwined our fingers together and pressed his forehead against mine, his hot breath hitting my lips, "It means our hearts are interlocked together. You're the woman that I love so why not get your name tattooed on my skin, and the roses symbolizes our strength. We go through a lot of struggles in life. No matter how hard it may seem, we always bounce back stronger than ever. Our love is forever."
I crawled onto his lap and captured his lips with mine. Blade seemed surprised at my action but he returned it with equal passion. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. I was speechless. No one had ever done something like this for me. I didn't mind gazing at my name on his skin every single day. It just shows that he was crazy about me and he was all mine.
Blade circled his arms around my waist and groaned into the kiss as I arched my back into him, grinding my ass against his dick through his pants. I bit down on his lip and slipped my tongue into the warmth of his mouth. I moaned as his tongue stroked mine and he took control of the kiss, exploring my mouth like he had never done before. His hands transferred over to my butt cheeks and he squeezed.
Our need for each other was palpable. I scraped my nails down the hard ridges of his muscles and gripped him through his sweatpants.
"Fuck," He moaned. The sexy sound made my core throb. I was fucking wet. Blade trailed kisses down my chin over to my collarbone, licking, biting and sucking the soft skin. He slipped his hand under his hoodie that I had on and stroked my breast, his thumb brushing over my hardened nipple.
"I want you deep inside me," I whispered in his ear and played with the hair at the nape of his neck. My breathing was hard and I'm pretty sure my eyes were hooded with lust. I can't even remember the last time we fucked.
"Baby I would give anything right now to comply with your wish but I can't. The babies are due in a couple of days. I don't wanna hurt you," Blade caressed my cheek and kissed my lips.
I frowned when we pulled apart, "I didn't say I wanted it rough no matter how tempting it seem. We'll be careful, please. Don't you wanna fuck me anymore?"
"No, baby. Don't say that. Of course, I wanna fuck your brains out. I just don't want to take any risk right now. I promise, when you deliver, it's just gonna be you, me.... and your pussy." Blade smirked and slowly placed me on the bed. He took off my shorts. For the first time in my life, I'm glad I wasn't wearing any panties. "We can't have mind blowing sex at this point but that doesn't mean I can't taste you."
Pushing my legs apart, his eyes left a trail of heat as he stared at my dripping pussy and salivated. The hunger in his eyes made me gulp. My heart was beating frantically in anticipation.
I let out a loud moan as he finally clamped his mouth down on my clit. All my worries from earlier that he didn't want to fuck me anymore vanished and is now replaced with hot scalding desire for my man.
He gripped my hips to keep me in place and flicked his tongue over my clit, biting and sucking the places he knew drove me crazy. I glanced at the urn that contained Layla's ashes and felt a little bit guilty for disrespecting her. I couldn't help it though. I wanted this man desperately. I'm sure my baby girl would understand.
Please forgive mommy.
"Oh, God!" I cried out loud and gripped the bedsheets tight when he slipped his tongue deep into me. My breath came out in short gasp. I was astonished at how this moment escalated quickly. At this point, Blade was fucking me with two of his fingers and his tongue. I didn't even know that was possible. My moans turned into cries, and my cries turned into whimpers.
"I'm so close," I mumbled. My words made his pace to increase. His fingers curled inside me and hit my G-spot repeatedly until I found my release. My legs finally gave out from the mind blowing orgasm after Blade licked me clean.
He ravaged my lips with his and pulled away, his face breaking into a breathtaking smile, "Now let's go spread our daughter's ashes."
━━━━━
Blade squeezed my hand comfortingly to get my attention when we got to the beach. I cleared away the depressing thoughts out of my mind and turned to face my man who stared at me with concern.
"It's okay, baby. Saying goodbye doesn't mean it's the end. You're letting her go to be free." He whispered in a tone of reassurance and wiped my tears that I didn't realize were streaming down my cheeks.
Turning off the engine of his car, he gripped my waist and pulled me onto his lap in the driver's seat. Blade stared deep into my eyes and engulfed me in a warm comforting hug that made my tears to flow freely out of my eyes. He stroked my hair and rubbed a hand down my back, trying to stir away the tension that clung to my bones.
We didn't kiss and no words were spoken. This hug was much more better. It lifted the weight from my chest. I finally had the strength I needed to let Layla go.
We got out of Blade's Cadillac Escalade and walked hand-in-hand over to the private hideaways that's along the wild shoreline of Coney Island Creek. It was a perfect place to spread Layla's ashes. The beach at the oceanfront of the island was public. I needed privacy to let all my emotions out.
The snow had already stopped falling and the hot midday sun shone bright in the clear blue sky. When we got to the beach, we took off our shoes and walked along the sand that felt nice under my feet, and towards the shoreline. The sea was like a rippling blanket of jewel-blue stretching over the silver tint horizon.
Just being here in the calmness of the sea and listening to the wave music was enough to make me feel at peace.
Layla, I want you to know that this is extremely hard for me. If it's possible, I would keep your ashes forever but that would be selfish of me. I love you so much, Layla. You were my first child in this world. I didn't know how to be a mother but I guess you didn't need to learn how to be a mother or write down important things on what and what not to do. Being a mother comes naturally as long as you loved your child and want the best for him/her. You made me feel complete in ways I couldn't comprehend. I just want you to know that..... this isn't the end of us. We would meet someday.
I took in a deep breath and wiped the tears from my cheeks. The pulsing heart of the sea caused a gentle swell and the waves cascading onto the shore made my veins to pulsate with a different kind of adrenaline that made me smile. The briny air was fresh and comforting. It blew through my hair and caressed my face.
Looking up to stare at Blade, I realized he was lost in his thought. Tears shone in his eyes but he didn't let them fall. After a while, he squeezed his eyelids shut and turned to gaze down at me. The intensity of his stare paralyzed me to the spot.
He intertwined our fingers together and planted a soft kiss on my knuckles. He smiled at me and I smiled back. I took off the lid of the urn. Letting out a shaky exhale, I scattered the ashes of my daughter into the sea.
"Goodbye, baby," I choked on my tears and covered a hand over my mouth to muffle my whimpers.
"Goodbye, Zucchero," Blade whispered next to me.
A gentle breeze blew in around us and I smiled. Blade draped his hand over my shoulder and I leaned into him. We both watched as towers of radiant sunlight soaked the sea with their beauty and as the wind blew slightly across the surface of the blue sea, creating small ripples.
~•~
This chapter got me emotional. I love how they support each other in times of pain and struggles.
Blade is really sweet with the tattoo he got symbolizing their love for each other. I wish I had someone like him, unfortunately, I just have myself and this app. I don't mind it though. You guys are more than enough for me.
QOTD: Got any special someone?