Collin wandered into the room as I was throwing the few things, I'd need for the weekend into a small duffel bag.
"You really wanna do this?" He asked, shoving his hands into his dark basketball shorts. "Em, I don't have a good feeling about this."
I glanced up at the use of my my nickname, it was the first time he'd used it. Though I'd been here a little over a month, he'd jumped back and forth between babygirl and my actual name, so hearing it actually stirred enough in me to stop what I was doing and face him.
"What do you mean?" I watched his eyes shoot to Logan's bed, then back to me.
"I mean that I don't think it's a good idea."
I sighed, running a hand down my face. "Collin, I got that the first time you said it. I want to know why you think that."
"I think he's using again." He didn't try to beat around the bush. "I know that you grew up with him, Emily, but you were around him enough to see the changes in his behavior. I. . . I just don't trust him. Especially being at a wedding, it's going to be an emotional time for everyone there, he'll get overwhelmed."
I wanted to jump to Logan's defense, but when I opened my mouth, nothing left it. In all honesty, I hadn't seen Logan much the last week or so. When he finally decided to come home from wherever the hell he was, I was asleep. He'd always be gone during the day when I'd get up, and Adam had been trying to help me map out the campus so I'd be able to get to my classes with ease in a few weeks when school started again.
"I'm not saying this because I'm jealous of him, or his relationship with you. I'm saying this because I'm genuinely worried." Collin added softly. "I'm not going to tell you not to go, because you're going for Jules and not him, but please be careful and cautious. Please, if anything happens, call me. I'll drive the two hours, hell I'm sure Adam probably would too. Promise me you'll call if anything feels off."
I stared at him for a few minutes, trying to ensure he was one hundred percent serious and not being a dick.
"Yeah, Collin." I zipped the bag slowly, "I promise."
*
Thanks to Collin's assumption, the minute I climbed into Logan's Challenger, I felt my eyes raking every inch of him.
He didn't look happy, but when did he ever? His blue eyes were trained on the steering wheel, chapped lips pursed, as if he were deep in thought. I wasn't close enough to see if there was dilation in his eyes, but the fact he was wearing a long sleeve in the middle of July was a little peculiar, and Collin's words only added to the strangeness of it.
"What?" He finally broke the silence once we'd pulled out on to the busy street. "Why the hell are you looking at me like that?"
"Like what?" I tore my eyes from him and stared down at my hands on my lap. "I don't know what you're talking about."
He was quiet, his own eyes falling on my bandaged left hand, waiting for the traffic to pick up. "What did he say?"
"Huh?"
"Collin. I saw him go into the room." Logan averted his eyes back to the road. "I know he said something to you."
I picked at my nails. "He just told me to have fun and be safe. Nothing else."
"You're lying."
"I'm not." I definitely was.
Logan shook his head, jaw clenching. "Em, what the hell did he say?"
"Just drop it, Logan!" I snapped. "It wasn't about you, leave it alone."
That's how we spent the next hour and a half in a miserable silence. I could feel the anger and bitterness hanging heavily in the air between us, but neither of us made the move to try and sever it. I knew if I opened my mouth again, he'd continued hounding me about what Collin had said until I finally broke. It wasn't until the sun had started to set and we entered an extremely beautiful suburban neighborhood that I felt my own anger dissipate.
Kids were running around on either side of the street, a couple teenagers playing football in the middle of it a few houses down. All scattered out of the way until the car had passed through, then returned to what they'd been doing moments before they were interrupted. Logan pulled the car to a stop along the sidewalk behind a tan minivan, looking one trip away from breaking down. There were chips in the paint and even a key mark running all the way down the right side. Behind us were a couple more cars, but they weren't in much better condition.
"I don't remember you guys living this far from us." I whispered, more to myself then him.
"You're about a half hour from here, but you're right, we didn't. Mama moved once Papa passed last year, she couldn't hold it together. She'd come home and break down when he wasn't sitting at the table waiting for her." sadness shined bright in his eyes as he stared at the house, reminiscing in the memory of the one person he'd loved as much as he did Jesse.
I thought about reaching out to touch his shoulder in comfort, but he climbed out of the car before I could. I looked up just as he opened the door, offering a hand. He mentioned something about leaving the bags in the back and shut the door, keeping my hand in his grasp as he led me up the driveway and to the front porch. He rang the doorbell, but I'd never seen him look so vulnerable. Even the night I'd went through the bathroom and hurt my hand last week, where he'd confessed his love for me, didn't have anything on the look he wore. I tried to recall what Jules had said, how long it'd been since he'd seen his family, but my mind became preoccupied the moment the door opened and a beautiful woman stood before us.
I'd always envied how beautiful the Hernandez girls were, they'd definitely gotten the best of both worlds. Their dad had been a handsome Mexican man and mom a beautiful Puerto Rican. Like Jules, Yesenia had grown into herself since the last time I'd seen her. She'd been pretty chubby and had been forced to wear the ugliest glasses possible because their parents hadn't had insurance and were forced to use whatever Medicaid granted them. She now wore a pair of red rimmed glasses that framed her face perfectly, blonde highlights woven throughout her long brown hair. She hadn't really grown out of the thickness she'd had as a teenager, but it had spread into the right areas. The burgundy dress she wore did her a great justice and emphasized every curve.
"Logan?" Her dark eyes immediately welled with tears, fogging up her glasses. "Oh mi hermano, te extrane!"
He was being crushed against her seconds later, his own body slumping into her embrace as if he'd wanted nothing more than to fall apart in her arms.
"Logan, esta es tu novia?" Yesenia asked, eyes falling on me over her brother's shoulder,
I knew enough Spanish to know what she'd asked and felt my cheeks flush a little, but Logan stepped back with a small smile.
"No, Yessi. This is Jesse's little sister, Emily. Em, you remember Yesenia."
Yesenia's eyes widened. "No! Stop lying!"
"He's not." I laughed, shifting awkwardly. "Hi, Yessi."
She broke passed her younger brother and took my face in between her cold hands, eyes still the size of saucers. "Oh, Emily, I'm so sorry about Jesse. But look at you, so beautiful."
I flinched a little at the condolence but nodded. "Thank you."
She engulfed me in a hug, squeezing the life out of me. "Mama is going to be so happy to see both of you! Come on!"
Logan stepped aside so we could go in, following close behind me, but I could see that the thought of seeing his mother was terrifying him. Walking in, my eyes immediately went to the living room. There were a few people standing around the couch, currently occupied by a man in a tux and Jules.
"Logan! Emily!" She squealed like a young girl, crushing me as hard as her sister had. "I'm so happy you guys were able to make it."
Instead of actually listening and trying to put name to everyone's face, my mind immediately jumped to the fact I had absolutely nothing to wear to the wedding tomorrow.
"You okay?" Logan nudged me with a curious look. "You've been zoned out for like the last twenty minutes."
"Logan, mijo, is that you?" A quiet, hushed voice cut me off before I could answer him. His entire body grew rigid, eyes fluttering shut. I turned and looked at the short woman standing in the dining room, wiping her hands on her apron.
"Logan." I hissed under my breath, elbowing him. He jumped, whirling around to snap at me for my action, but instead met his mother's tear filled eyes, her hand falling over her chest.
She crossed the room quickly, resting a hand on Logan's bicep once she'd approached, then eyed the rest of him. Finally she touched her finger tips to his cheek. "Oh, mi amor, look at you. So grown."
He touched his own hand to her cheek and brushed the tears that flowed endlessly. "I'm so sorry, Mama."
I was about to step away from the extremely intimate moment, but his mother turned suddenly and sized me up, head cocking to the side a fraction. I could tell by the look in her eyes she recognized me.
"Emily Mayer?" She breathed, then leaned forward and hugged me. "I'm so sorry, mija."
It took every ounce of willpower not to breakdown then and there in her warm embrace. The last time I'd seen her, I'd been like fourteen. Jesse had brought me over to hang with the girls, but their mom had decided to spend time with me and teach me to cook some of her native foods instead.
"I hope he hasn't been too much trouble." She whispered, backing away.
Jules and Yesenia immediately shot their mom a dark look.
"Mama, don't." Jules joined us again. "Please."
"Why would he be a problem?" I looked to Logan, who looked as if he'd rather be dead then standing here right now. "Why would you say something like that?"
"Oh, mija." She shook her head. "You don't know? The last time I saw my son he almost overdosed. He almost died."