I can't tell if this is a picture of me cracking my knuckles ready to smash or being really pleased by something truly smashing, and I love it either way.
At its current standing the story has 18 chapters, but judging from the pacing and a hint of another major character entering the scene that hasn't even shown up yet, it sounds like the story will be able to reach 50 or more. I read everything that was available, and this review will reflect what is available right now with the understanding there is more to come.
TLDR; A germaphobe in the 1700s grows up a bit.
Main Character - Semi-Smashing! - The girl, Cerise, is a fourteen year old who is scared of everything. She is pretty stupid, especially for someone her age, which is impressive, but this is in a cute, sheltered, naïve way and is understood easily enough by the fact that she is extremely sheltered and has mental problems. She can use two brain-cells when necessary, and though she still makes mistakes, they are very easily understood mistakes anyone would make. Normally stupid characters annoy me, but this felt like a cross between Forrest Gump and Adrian Monk, in that she is a bit dumb and simple, but also extremely detail oriented and discerning in other matters. So a label can't just be slapped on her, especially as clearly being sheltered and mental has an effect on it. The thing that truly makes it work for me is that the story doesn't baby her, but takes the matter seriously enough to question if her mental problem is due to being sheltered or if she is sheltered because she is mental, and demands some self-responsibility from her as well as those who have allowed her to reach this stage. This combination tells me there will be growth and conflict in the future, as the side characters are doctors trying to help, as they have to figure out how much of it is actual mental conditions that cannot be 'cured' and how much of it is just trauma or sheltering that can be healed. She is also right on the perfect middle ground between cute and tragic as she skips over cracks like any kid but you know she isn't doing it to be silly.
Overall I quite liked her. Her phobia leads very well to an exploration of the world we recognize from fresh eyes, it makes the world look bleak and dark and infested and traumatic, and it allows an attention to detail most stories outside of detective novels just really don't need to have. The given atmosphere has importance because it gives a contradiction of how we see the world against how she does, thereby also solidifying the reality that she has serious mental problems. And more importantly, and most impressively, it does this entirely by showing it. We see she has problems and the only time we are told she has problems is when the doctor is like "yeah something aint right here." I think this combination of character and world and traits work so well because by showing it in the world through her eyes it tells us what we need to know by that contradiction. You see the world through a child, a sick one.
However, I wouldn't be a smasher if I didn't tear her apart and see what is beneath.
There is a saying my old college professor had. We would bring him our work and he would go "this is good, but if it was REALLY good it would have wings and fly out of my hands." or something equally silly. Usually about bacon. (everything had to fly or taste like bacon.) Then he would give solid advice on how to take the paper to the next level, even though it was already passing.
She is good, but she isn't GOOD. This side of her is explored with pure excellence, but it is only one side. She gains more sides, very small ones, over time, but it is too little with how long it takes. What I think would be an idea to make her good, or even really good is to give a small, powerful, contradiction. Something where her phobia has no power over her and something more human takes hold tied to her relationship with someone.
An example is Adrian Monk the Obsessive Compulsive Detective. He likes straight lines and sanitary conditions. Everything has to be straight, even, balanced, on a grid, sanitary, repetitive, safe. Except two things. The first are his late wife's pillows. He keeps them in bags, unwashed for 3+ years since her death, as the smell of her helps him through his worst panic attacks. The second is the coffee table. Everything is even and parallel, except the coffee table is crooked. The reason being his late-wife liked to put her feet up and he would rest his head in her lap after a long day and so her end of the table was closer to the couch. Little things like that ground him perhaps even more than his obsessive compulsions, and act as extremely humanizing contradictions.
I think she would benefit greatly from a similar contradiction that showed there was something or someone's memory she valued enough, no matter how much her phobia's would normally be telling her no. Like maybe a necklace she refuses to wash for fear it would erase a person's face, or being afraid of everything outdoors but all the phobia turns off at a gravesite of someone she loved to the point she gets dirty and wet and surrounded by literal death and isn't bothered, and it would be even better if it was her idea.
Side Characters - Smashing! - The story is not lacking in side character that help or damage her in their own ways. They each have a role, play it beautifully, and are both simple but complex as their role is easy yet their actions have good and bad consequences both for themselves and for her. There is no obvious antagonist as while there is an obvious "this is the devil of literal hell" role, he is in some ways a byproduct of her own ignorance and choices and the ones who act as an antagonist or protagonist can change from chapter to chapter and you never know who will be which. This is wonderfully done and is very mature because their goals are clear and meant to benefit her, but whether that will be good for her or not depends on the circumstance as everyone makes mistakes; and yet you also have a very obvious devil-role that only has bad intentions. Suffice to say the cast is complex within a very few people.
I was a bit put off by the side characters actually taking away some of the narrative control from the main character, even if it was very obvious within the narrative as to the necessity and the legalities, but this damage is extremely limited to within an acceptable (and narratively parental) degree as they go out of their way to give her some control over her own choices (even when she doesn't want them, and would rather be treated like a baby) to make her own journey. Something as simple as walking from home to the doctor's office has no right to seem as meaningful or grand as it does.
There seems to be a promise of a few more characters to come, and we have been introduced to a small handful that haven't have a lot of involvement, so while the cast feels very tight-knit it is steadily, smoothly growing as needed with different roles that play a different way in pushing and pulling at the main character to, literally and figuratively, pull her from her comfort zone.
Grammar and Word Usage - Smashing! - The story is easy to read. It flows well for speed reading. The wording mixes with the MCs world view to give us an environment from her eyes. The word space is, mostly, efficient. The early chapters can feel a bit repetitive as, yes, we get it, life sucks, germs suck, air sucks, whatever, move on, but I consider it a speed bump and too insignificant of a problem to have an effect on the review. Grammar isn't my thing. Its easily readable so I don't care.
World Building - Dynamically Smashing! - Similar to one of the first reviews I ever did, "Matthew and The Chimney Sweeps", this story starts off with her entire world being a small living space, but over time expands in color and literal size as she starts to explore her street and the immediate area for, I think, about a half-mile. Its not huge, but it is all taken in as its own world, which is great for the plot as it tries to be. The world could just be the side characters and it would be okay, but the story takes it to the next level by expanding it to feel alive within a very small space. This is the essence of exploration and child-like wonder, where you can still find new things in as short a distance as your own backyard, and I think the author knows it, judging from this choice.
Plot - Smashing - The plot is a relatively simple one, but within its exploration of the basic concepts shows its maturity and complexity. This is good as it makes it easy to explain but also interesting to go in-depth.
You have a girl who has a phobia of just about everything, especially germs or as she calls it "darkness" and "death". It is probably the 1700s or so in London so we have already had the black plague and humans have learned to not leave their feces on the street but things aren't yet what anyone would want to call 'sanitary'. Her guardian dies and without anyone to replace him, the reason for which is a lot of bad decisions, she has to find a solution because the immediate choices are child labor at some government run orphanage (YEAH SOCIALISM!!!! :D) or going her own way as a street thief or child prostitute. (YEAH NO RIGHTS!!!! :D) Either choice isn't exactly endearing so she needs to find a guardian, in other words a father or mother, immediately.
The thing that immediately stood out was that her problems are not treated like a joke. This is not a comedy. While normally I would not think that to be the best decision, due to the inherent difficulty of the subject matter, the author impressed me by pulling it off. A serious story requires maturity at its core, and this aims for it.
Despite the story being so simple on the surface of obvious choices and alternatives and ones that she wants to avoid because anyone can see they suck, there is something much deeper at play in the story, whether the author realizes it or not. The story has a theme of Importance.
Namely that there are things that are important.
This story respects fatherhood and shows its necessity. Judging from the promise of an actress as a side character, I suspect the story will also show the necessity of motherhood through her. In a reality of "believe what you want", "the system is your friend", "let them do what they want", and "I can do no wrong", this story says no, no, hell no, and NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Children not being given proper guidance easily become mentally handicapped, any system sucks because it can't, by its numeric nature, care about the individual, children need to be pushed out of their comfort zone, and just because you try or someone else means well doesn't mean you can't royally screw up. Things are important to a child and their development otherwise they end up handicapped.
I've already gone over a million things that, from chapter to chapter, have a lot of meaning and purpose so I am not going to do a play-by-play of the story, but it has impressed me almost every step of the way. This is a story where meaning and purpose lies behind every action and everything around her, and dialogue is sharpened.
Overall I'd rate it 4 smashing out of 5! The story is damn good. I loved it. There are a few things holding it back, but nothing big enough to have a lasting impact on the story, and yet nor can I say it has reached its potential. Honestly, it may never reach its potential, even at completion and even if recognizing all the flaws and things I've said, because the potential the story is attempting is just that high that while I can see its potential I can't begin to tell you how to reach it. Its beyond me. But that is fine. The story more than makes up for its tiny flaws with a great characterization that anyone can resonate with and endearing characters. And you know what. If the quality keeps up, I'd take a serious consideration to publish it.
I'm out with a smashing!
If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.