Ah. The festive season, when the weather turns colder and streetlights are on more often than not, when supermarkets start to advertise their 'best gifts' for Christmas and try to scam you out of your money, when you have to double up on the amount of layers you would usually wear and find last year's pair of gloves. But, most of all, the festive season is full of joy and--
"I'm not wearing that fucking hat, you dickhead!"
"Stop being difficult! It's a tradition, put it on, you gremlin!"
"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! I'm not playing into your weird fantasies!"
" What?! It's - it's a fucking hat! Stop making it weirder than it has to be! Look, Tubbo and Ranboo are wearing theirs!"
"Yeah cause they are weak! I have a stronger and superior resolve. Look at Techno, he's not wearing one because he's a man."
"Your misogyny is showing you little prick. Just put it on, oh my god. "
"Don't use Philza's name in vain."
"...What?"
"You heard me."
"I- Just put on the fucking hat! Put on the hat. "
"Did you forget that I am invincible to your mind games? Ha!"
"I fucking hate you!"
Phil sighs as tunes them out. Ah yes, the festive season, so much joy and cheer, cooperation and unity. Surely.
_______
Tommy crosses his arms, glaring angrily at the man, "I'm not playing into your weird obsession."
"It's- it's a fucking Christmas hat!" Wilbur protests, pulling at his own hair in frustration.
Yeah right. Does Wilbur think he's stupid?
"Uh huh, sure, and what's the point of these ' Christmas' hats?" He raises an eyebrow in disbelief.
Wilbur just squints at him, "It's a tradition. It's festive. It's cute, Phil and I do it every year. In fact, the whole headquarters does it."
"Philza does it?" Tommy frowns, disbelieving.
"Yes, the amazing Philza wears a Christmas hat," Wilbur rolls his eyes, "You're acting like you've never had Christmas with family before-- oh--"
"Shut the fuck up, you bald man," Tommy cuts him off before he can get any wrong ideas, "I-- I wasn't always an orphan y'know, I have done Christmas things before."
Wilbur is looking at him weird, all sympathetic and shit and it pisses Tommy off.
"I'm not a charity case, okay?" He stresses, "I just think your tradition is fuckin' weird," He scowls.
Wilbur places the hat down on the counter, patting it once, "Well," He says, "If you ever want to join in on the 'fuckin' weird' tradition, your hat's right there," He offers, "But if it makes you uncomfortable, that's fine too."
Tommy glares stubbornly at the hat as Wilbur brushes past him, momentarily ruffling the teenager's hair.
He's-- he's not sad or anything stupid like that, he's not even sentimental. He just doesn't want to look stupid in that stupid hat. That's all.
_______
"Michael looks so cute," Tubbo coos as places reindeer antlers on the toddler's head.
Michael stares up at him blankly.
"Isn't he so cute, Boo?" Tubbo turns to his friend.
"Mhm, mhm," Ranboo nods with a smile as he takes pictures of the child, "Very cute."
"Michael say 'happy holidays!'" Tubbo orders the child.
"I uh, I don't think he's going to say that, Tubbo, he only knows like, three words, and one of them is divorce."
"Divorce!" Michael exclaims with a grin.
Ranboo sighs.
_______
Tommy has the best idea in existence. And yes, he does get these kinds of ideas very often, so he can understand if you are astounded by his intellect and prowess.
He's going to steal Technoblade's sword.
And you may be thinking, TommyInnit, the courageous and talented and handsome and charismatic vigilante, are you sure this is a good idea?
The answer is that he has no clue. He would like to think that it is a good idea and therefore it is.
That's his thought process. Genius, he knows.
He's so fucking stealthy as he tucks and rolls into the hero's room, crawling on the floor to victory.
The room is empty, and the coast is clear. Tommy gasps as he beholds the beautiful, wonderful sword. The red handle glistens in the wind, shining and majestic. It calls to him.
" Tommy, Tommy, " It says, " Wield me, Tommy," it pleads.
And well, who is Tommy to say no to the best blade in existence?
He inhales deeply, preparing himself as he grasps the handle and thrusts the sword into the air.
Battle music plays in the distance.
"I am pogchamp, " He whispers to himself.
This is probably the best day of Tommy's life.
He does an awesome spin of the handle and walks towards the balcony, sliding the glass doors open with pure strength. Philza, he's so powerful.
"Time to be epic," He says solemnly and jumps into the snowy afternoon sky.
TommyInnit truly is a master at stealth and secrecy.
_______
Phil and Techno stand side by side in the doorway, as they watch the teenager jump off the balcony
"He just took your sword," Phil observes.
"Yeah," Techno sighs.
"You gonna go after him or?"
Techno runs a hand through his hair in exasperation, "I'll give him a minute."
_______
Tommy strolls into the supermarket, whistling under his breath.
The customers stare at him weirdly and he rolls his eyes. Honestly. He sighs, sheathing the sword into his belt to appease the masses.
"What? You never seen a sword before?" He calls out to them, glaring. People can be so judgemental these days.
A mother huddles her son closer to her chest, "Don't look at him, Timmy," She whispers to the little boy.
"Don't listen to her child, admire me, behold my sword wielding skills. You want to be just like me when you grow up, fuck Santa Claus, give the cookies and milk to me, " Tommy stares the kid down.
The boy's bottom lip wobbles and he begins to cry.
Tommy scratches his head with a sigh of exasperation. "You really can't please people these days."
The mother glares at him, "I'll- I'll be reporting you to the authorities! Unlicensed weapons are not allowed!"
Tommy scowls, "Listen here, civilian, I am far above all of you. You will regret threatening me and your day of reckoning will come at a time you least expect," Then he turns to the child, "Enjoy your mother while you can, kid."
And with that, Tommy moves on, further into the store because he still needs to find a substitute meal for Ranboob's godawful cooking tonight.
_______
"Woah! Hey!" A voice shouts and Tommy freezes. Oh for fucksake. Anyone but him.
"...Hello, big Q," Tommy sighs, turning around to face the man in a- in a business suit?
"Tommy! Thomas! My man, my guy, how're you doing?" Quackity grins at him.
Tommy stares at the guy in disbelief, "Why the fuck are you in a suit?"
Quackity's expression flattens, raising an eyebrow unimpressed, "I'm here after you fucking shot me in the leg, and the only thing you question is why I'm in a suit?"
Tommy stares, "Yes."
"God, I hate you kid. But guess what?" Quackity smirks, "I'm reformed, baby, I'm making the big bucks, living the good life. After you shot me, this random lady took pity on me and gave me a room in her house. Turns out she was fucking rich. Anyways, long story short, I've started an empire."
"I feel like you missed a few steps in that story," Tommy tilts his head.
"Don't you care? That your former nemesis is now able to wipe his ass with literal dollar bills?" Quackity waves out his hands in frustration.
Tommy sniffs, "Dollar bills would not feel good on your ass, man, trust me, I'm a shit expert. Also this isn't America."
Quackity stares at him, "I hate you."
"Also, you were never my nemesis," Tommy points out, "That title belongs to Willow."
"I'm not even gonna ask," Quackity shakes his head, "All I came here to do was tell you that, you, shooting me in the leg, fucking backfired and now while you shop here, I will be shopping in Las Nevadas."
"What the fuck is Las Nevadas?"
Quackity smirks, "Wouldn't you like to know?" and then he slowly walks backwards, saluting as he exits the shop.
"What a weirdo," Tommy sniffs, turning back to the cans of beans in his hands as he tries to decide.
_______
"This is a robbery, everyone stand down," A voice shouts and oh my fucking Philza, Tommy is going to start stabbing shit.
He places the cans of beans down aggressively and walks down the aisle to see what the hell is going on.
Tommy squints as he observes the scene, there are like five guys with black masks on.
"Can you not?" Tommy scowls, "I'm trying to buy dinner."
"It's you!" One of them shouts and Tommy is so fucking close to losing it.
Since when was it meet every single fucking person you've ever injured day?
"Quagmire," Tommy nods, a little sheepishly.
"You ruined my spine and then you shot me!" Quagmire exclaims.
"You're stuck in the past," Tommy tries to placate like the compassionate and caring person he is, "Quackity wasn't a real therapist but I can refer you to one. You can get the help you so desperately need," He promises the robber.
"You shot me!" Quagmire shouts and wow, isn't he a broken record?
"Listen, you are going through the stages of grief, specifically anger. This is good, you've moved past denial. Next is bargaining, or maybe even depression. Remember, grief isn't always in order," Tommy stares solemnly.
"I'm going to fucking kill you!"
Well then.
Tommy clears his throat, "That's kinda inconvenient. Can we reschedule? For Christmas spirit and all that?"
"What are you doing for Christmas?" One of the robbers question.
Tommy shrugs, "Honestly not sure, not really into the whole festive thing, can't lie. What about you?"
"Gonna see extended family, y'know how it is, watch a few movies," The guy replies.
Tommy nods, "Nice, nice. Have fun."
"Thanks man, you too."
"Cool, thanks," Tommy nods.
It's silent for a bit. Kinda awkward. Tommy can distantly hear the other customers sobbing for help or something, he doesn't really know.
"So, is it possible I could just pay for my beans real quick?" Tommy proposes hopefully, shifting from foot to foot, "I can get out of your way and that. Just y'know, wanna buy these beans."
"Yeah sure-" One of the robbers agree before Quagmire cuts them off.
"What the fuck? No. You don't get your fucking beans, I'm gonna murder you," The guy seethes.
Yikes, Tommy whistles. This man has serious issues that he should definitely seek psychological help for.
"Calm down, Quag— can I call you Quag?" Tommy questions considerately and then there is a dagger whizzing past his ear and embedding itself in a can of tomatoes.
Okay then. He does not like the nickname.
"Jeez, big man, all you had to do was say no," Tommy laughs nervously as ducks, narrowly missing another dagger towards the head.
"You're so fucking annoying!"
"Stop taking your anger issues and childhood trauma out on me!" Tommy retorts with a glare as he unsheathes the blade.
Alright, he tried to be the nice guy. Tommy tried to resolve this peacefully and pay for his beans, but enough is enough. He shall unleash his reckoning.
"So you have chosen death, " Tommy decides, steadying his stance as his trainers start to flutter, wings flapping impatiently. "You chose the wrong vigilante to challenge, Quagmire, I am simply too powerful-"
Tommy yelps as a dagger stabs him in the leg.
"You motherfucker!" He hisses, pulling the dagger out and wincing. "Not cool man, you- you fucking interrupted my speech, won't let me buy my beans and now you've stabbed me!"
"Wow, I wonder how that feels. To be injured," Quagmire taunts.
This fucker.
It's time to do a Pro Gamer Move™️.
"You will regret this," Tommy promises as he does a spin of the handle.
"Isn't that the Blade's sword?!" That little boy from before pipes up with awe, eyes sparkling.
"It's mine now," Tommy grins as he dodges another dagger before beginning to float in the air, trainers buzzing.
"How the fuck are you holding that? That's not the Blade's sword," Quagmire protests, eyes widening in fear as Tommy draws close.
"Oh, but it is," He cackles, "And you've seem to forgotten that I am a master of many skills, including," He pauses, hand reaching to other side of his belt, "the glock," He pulls out the gun, aiming at the guy's leg and shooting.
Quagmire lets out a frustrated groan, forced to one knee as he clutches his leg, "You little shit," He hisses.
"No," Tommy disagrees, "I am the biggest shit," He corrects as he brings up the blade and brings it down to gently scratch at the man's bare hand, drawing droplets of blood.
The effect is instantaneous as Quagmire pauses, collapsing on the linoleum tiles, paralyzed.
Tommy sheathes the sword back, not before doing another cool spin of the handle and sighing contentedly. Another day, another justice. The rest of the robbers don't even attempt to fight him as he collects his beans.
The little boy runs up to him, stars in his eyes, "You're my hero, " He gushes, fists clenched tightly as he stares up at Tommy.
"No kid," Tommy tuts, "I'm a vigilante."
"And a thief."
Tommy pauses before chuckling nervously as he pivots on the balls of his feet to face Technoblade.
"Heyyyy, Blade, how's it going? How are you? Never thought you'd shop here," Tommy tries to hide the sword attached to his hip.
Technoblade raises an eyebrow.
_______
"Techno- Technoblade," Tommy whines into the man's shoulder blade, "I can walk, I'm fine, c'mon, big man."
"You were stabbed in the leg," The man grunts as he hikes the teenager further up his back.
"A small dagger," Tommy insists, "Barely grazed me. I'm not weak y'know," He scowls.
"Never said you were," The hero replies coolly, "But you were stabbed and I know it hurts. Walking will just aggravate it. Also, you stole my blade, this is the most lenient of punishments I could give you."
Tommy glowers stubbornly but decides to pick his battles, burying his face in the man's cloak with a huff, "Whatever, I was just trying to get dinner."
Technoblade makes a noise of confusion, "Ranboo is cooking?"
"Exactly."
________
"Oh hey Techno... and Timothy? Was it?" The Smiling hero Dream tilts his head.
"Tomathy," Tommy corrects from his position on Technoblade's back.
"Ah, right, of course," Dream nods sagely, "I haven't seen you in a while, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
Technoblade is probably about to reply or something but Tommy notices the most horrific thing he's ever seen, he lets out a gasp of pure terror.
"Oh my Philza, " He whispers as he stares at the monstrosity on the Smiling hero's head. "He got you too," Tommy almost cries.
Dream stares at him in bewilderment, "...what?"
"You're- you're-" Tommy sniffs, he's too emotional for this, it's hard for him to continue the sentence. "You're wearing the hat."
"Huh?" Dream frowns before he looks up, cross-eyed at his head. "Oh! You're talking about the Christmas hats that Willow gets everyone?"
Tommy sobs, "It's terrible."
"Ignore 'im," Technoblade cuts in, "He likes to be overly dramatic about ordinary things. I just came here to find Willow, actually, I heard he was in his office for once."
"Oh yeah, he is," Dream laughs, "For once," He agrees.
"Cool, well, uh," Technoblade clears his throat, "Have a good holiday, and things. Say hello to 404 and Sapnap for me," He nods.
Dream looks amused, nodding, "Will do, Blade. Say hello to Willow and Philza and whoever else you've picked up recently," He says with a pointed look towards Tommy before he heads off further into the headquarters.
Tommy watches the hero leave before snickering, "Are you secretly very awkward, Technoblade?"
"Shut up," The man huffs.
_______
"Oh hey, Tech," Wilbur smiles warmly up at his twin as he enters the office before his smile turns to confusion, "And Tommy?"
"Hullo," Technoblade waves a hand as he sets Tommy down on one of the couches, "I come here with the child."
"I'm not a fucking child!" Tommy protests immediately, standing up and wincing at the pain in his leg. Maybe it hurts a little bit.
"Sit down," Technoblade shoved him back onto the couch.
"What is the gremlin doing here?" Wilbur tilts his head before he smirks, " Tommy , did you miss me? Did you miss Wilby, Tommy? Awww-"
"Shut up, you bald bitch!" Tommy glares.
"I'm not fucking bald, you can see my hair!" Wilbur shouts, reaching up to grasp at his curls as if to convince himself.
"Oh really? Are you sure? Truly?" Tommy raises an eyebrow with a smirk.
"Yes, you fuck-"
"Tommy got stabbed," Technoblade cuts in quickly.
Tommy has never wanted to strangle the hero before.
"What?" Wilbur's expression changes instantaneously, concern and anger warring in his eyes as he stalks out of the desk chair, kneeling before the teenager. "Where?"
Tommy lets out a string of protests as the man tries to inspect him for injuries, lifting his bangs to check his forehead.
"Right leg," Technoblade hums as he settles in the chair Wilbur had left.
Wilbur is rolling up Tommy's pant leg before he can even protest and the teenager rolls his eyes, "You're so anal about this shit, calm down," Tommy complains.
Wilbur pauses, raising an eyebrow in disbelief, "Anal?"
"Yeah," Tommy replies, "You go fucking batshit whenever I get hurt, that's like part of my job," He huffs.
"You don't have a job," Technoblade points out which is fucking rude.
"Vigilantism is a real job," Tommy scowls.
"You're not even an effective vigilante, one minute you're hunting criminals and the next you are the criminal," Technoblade scrutinizes him.
How dare he question Tommy's work ethic. Tommy gives him the middle finger and the hero only huffs in amusement.
"Whatever," Wilbur sighs, "I'll find out who did this to you later, let's just get this cleaned up."
Tommy should pray for Quagmire.
But that guy is a bitch.
_______
"Ow fuck, fuck, fuck," He hisses as Wilbur disinfects the wound. "I- I don't think it needs anymore, I think it's clean," He tries to pull his leg away from the pain.
"Hush, it's okay," Wilbur mumbles, grip tight on the boy's leg. "I'll be done in a second."
Tears spring into Tommy's eyes without his fucking permission as he winces, "It hurts," He whimpers and it's so embarrassing. He clamps his jaw shut to avoid making anymore babyish pleads.
Fuck Quagmire and his stupid daggers. Seriously, fuck that guy.
"Hey," There is a hand in his hair, ruffling the curls gently, "We're finished. It wasn't that deep, doesn't even need stitches, so we'll just bandage it up, okay?"
"Stop being soft, I'm not a baby," Tommy grumbles despite his shoulders going lax with relief.
"Sure, Tommy," Wilbur agrees easily and somehow it is more infuriating.
Tommy glares at him but remains silent as the hero carefully bandages his leg before shuffling the pants back over.
"Tech's gone to get you a lollipop," Wilbur says and Tommy's glare darkens.
"I don't want a fucking lollipop, I'm not a child," He seethes before pausing, "What flavour?"
"Cherry," Wilbur grins like a little shit because he knows.
Dammit. He knows Tommy loves cherry.
He huffs, "I will have the lollipop, but only because you're stupid and I hate you," He explains.
Wilbur barks out a laugh, wheezing, "There's no correlation," He snorts.
Tommy kicks him with his good leg.
"You fuck-"
_______
Tommy decides to annoy Wilbur for the remainder of his office hours, spinning around on his spinny chair and creating various paper aeroplanes to launch at the man's head.
He sucks on the lollipop as he throws an aeroplane at Wilbur, closing one eye as he squints, steadying his hand for accuracy. It hits the hero right in the forehead and Tommy grins.
Wilbur turns to him, expression thunderous, "What? My fucking god, why didn't Techno just take you home?"
"What?" Tommy says back, tilting his head, "You don't want to spend time with me, Wilby? You are like a brother to me, we are bonding, " He grins mischievously.
Wilbur stares at him before letting out a muted scream into his palms. Clearly he has lost his sanity. "Don't ever say that again, I will cry," The man mumbles.
Tommy just laughs, spinning on the chair, "Okay, brother."
A tormented scream echoes through the office.
______
Dream raises an eyebrow as he glances around the room, "Did you guys hear that?"
George lifts his head from the couch, eyes bleary and nose scrunched in confusion, "Was that a scream?"
"I- I think so," Dream mumbles, scratching his head, "Should we investigate?"
"Nah," Sapnap shakes his head, eyes focused on the screen in front of him, fingers pressing incessantly at the controller.
Dream and George look at each other before shrugging. "Alright," George agrees easily, already laying back down, eyes closed.
"Cool, we'll just ignore it then," Dream nods as he turns back to the pile of paperwork that his colleagues are meant to be doing and sighs. "Y'know, maybe you guys could help me with these reports because it's Christmas and-"
"Woah! Did you see that kill? Did you see that kill, Dream? I'm so cracked, dude, I'm so cracked," Sapnap grins over at him, eyes lighting up in excitement.
Dream sighs once more before smiling indulgently, "Yeah I saw," He lies, "Great kill, Sap."
The man beams at him before turning back to the game.
Dream looks around the office and rolls his eyes in fond exasperation at the sleeping George and concentrated Sapnap. Somehow, it seems that the workload in this team is just slightly unequal.
Nevermind, he thinks as he picks up his discarded pen and begins to write, he's making them do all the chores for a month at least.
________
Wilbur eventually cuts his work hours short out of pure frustration. "I can't do this, I can't do this, we are going home," He seethes after the eleventh paper aeroplane to the head. Tommy just laughs.
"Okay," He agrees, hopping out of the spinny chair and then wincing almost immediately because fuck , he forgot about getting stabbed.
The hero is by his side in an instant, grabbing him around the waist with a sigh, "I told you not to get out of the chair."
"I'm fine," Tommy insists, "I can walk. Barely even feel it, Wil," He tries, widening his eyes.
"Don't use my nickname to try and butter me up, you're not walking on it," Wilbur snorts, looking down at him in amusement.
Tommy scowls, "Whatever, you're just being stupid. As usual," He mumbles before tacking, "Bald man," on the end.
"You little shit," Wilbur hums but he doesn't even sound that displeased, "C'mon, get on my back," The man crouches down.
"No," Tommy decides to be difficult.
"I can carry you bridal, if you want," Wilbur offers and Tommy can hear the fucking grin in his voice.
He reluctantly clambers onto the hero's back, arms wrapping around the man's neck as he subtly attempts to strangle him.
"Watch it," Wilbur warns as he feels the arms tighten.
"What?" Tommy plays innocent, "I'm not doing anything."
"Sure you aren't. I can and will throw you out the window if you try to kill me," Wilbur threatens but it's mostly empty. Mostly.
Tommy just rolls his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, bald man."
_______
Phil looks up from his book as Wilbur enters the living room, a koala like figure clinging to the man's back. Phil tilts his head as he realises the koala is in fact Tommy.
"Hey, mate?" He phrases it like a question, raising his eyebrow.
"Gremlin got stabbed, Tech made me babysit, he was being a little shit, and now he's asleep," Wilbur explains quickly, "I'm just gonna dump him in here while I change."
"Alright," Phil hums, turning back to his book and moving out of the way so there's space for the teenager on the couch.
"...Phil?" Wilbur mumbles after some shuffling.
"Hmm yeah?"
"He won't let me go."
Phil looks up at the man and lets out a cackle as he watches Wilbur try to shake off the teenager, Tommy's legs and arms tightening around the man.
"Looks- looks like you're stuck, mate," Phil continues to laugh in amusement.
Wilbur glares at him, "Help me!" He hisses.
"Hmmm, nah," Phil decides, "This is funny."
"I despise you, Philza," The brunette scowls, "I've got an actual gremlin on me and you're laughing."
"He loves you, Wil," Phil coos just to be a dickhead.
He watches in amusement as Wilbur's ears turn dark with embarrassment, "Shut up, you old man," He insults but Phil only snorts.
"Good luck, mate," He says, turning back to his book.
"I'll get help elsewhere then, you prick. Where is Ranboo?"
"Uh," Phil pauses, frowning, "Where is Ranboo?"
________
"You ran out already," Eight questions, raising their eyebrow.
Ranboo scratches his neck, sheepish, "I cook a lot."
"Hmm," Eight scrutinizes him.
"It's Christmas!" One of the cult members shouts, "Let him have more spaghett!"
"Yeah!" Another one agrees and there are voices overlapping in agreement.
Eight sighs, narrowing their eyes before nodding, "Alright, we'll give you another supply."
Ranboo sighs in relief, "Thank you-"
"But," Eight cuts him off with a glare, "We are on a limited amount. Don't go using this one so quickly."
Ranboo nods, once, then twice. "Of course, of course. Thank you, thank you," He says solemnly as he accepts two bags.
He salutes towards the rest of the cult, "Spaghetti."
They salute back, "Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti," They chant.
______
"Yeah, I have no idea where Ranboo is, but he's making dinner so he should be back soon," Phil shrugs.
Wilbur just sighs, "Fine, I'll just have a fucking nap or something until this thing," He gestures to the teenager on his back, "wakes up."
"Alright, mate," Phil hums, sneaking a picture of the man as he exits and sending it to Techno with a chuckle.
______
Tommy wakes up slowly, eyebrows furrowing as he feels his pillow move. "What the fuck?" He mumbles despite snuggling closer to the warmth.
"Are you finally awake?"
His eyes snap open immediately as he launches himself away from Wilbur, scooting to the edge of the bed to glare at the man, "What the fuck?" He repeats.
Wilbur only raises an eyebrow dryly, "Finally decided to stop being a literal gremlin?"
"Did you force me into cuddling you? Did you drug me? Again?" Tommy gasps, horrified. How could he have let his guard down?
Wilbur just gives him a look, it's like, it's like a mixture of disgust, annoyance and exasperation. "First of all, I've never fucking drugged you. And second of all, you forced me to cuddle you."
Well, that is obviously false.
Tommy crosses his arms, "Don't try and manipulate me, you gaslighter. Confess your sins."
Wilbur leans over and flicks him hard on the forehead.
Tommy lets out a noise of indignation. "You dickhead , you fucking absolute toothpick. You bald toothpick!" He curses.
"You're giving me a headache with all your squeaking, child," Wilbur rolls his eyes, flopping back on the bed. "I gave you a piggyback, you fell asleep and then you refused to let me go," He tuts in annoyance before smirking slowly, "You were so clingy, Tommy," He taunts, "If you wanted a hug, all you had to do was ask."
Tommy is going to strangle him.
He lunges for the man.
______
"Phil, dinner is ready, can you call the others?" Ranboo smiles, a little timidly, but he's getting there and hey, did he just say Phil's actual name?
Phil smiles up at the teenager, standing up and reaching to pat the boy warmly on the shoulder, "Course, mate. Well done."
Ranboo beams and damn, Phil's heart. He's going to eat the dinner no matter how much fucking spaghetti is in it, because, really, Phil doesn't think he could handle the puppy dog look from Ranboo. It might kill him.
He makes his way down the hallway and hears screaming.
Ah, seems Tommy is awake.
He cracks the door open and peeks his head inside. There he finds Tommy, sitting on Wilbur's back as he attempts to strangle the man, said man is fighting for his life and wheezing desperately.
"Dinner's ready," Phil tells them, "Oh, and stop strangling Wil, Tommy."
______
"So, how was everyone's day?" Philza starts with a smile as they settle. Man, he's such a caring hero, truly.
"Not very Christmassy," Tubbo says with a shrug as he eyes his plate distrustfully, "It didn't even snow."
"I shot people," Tommy grins.
"I met up with some old friends," Ranboob smiles.
"Tommy stole my sword," Technoblade drawls as he eats.
"Tommy strangled me," Wilbur scowls.
"Divorce!" Michael shouts.
"Well, that's lovely," Philza smiles like the amazing man that he is.
_______
"Open this cracker with me," Tubbo smiles up at Ranboo as he offers one.
Ranboo nods, "Sure," He says as he takes the other half of the cracker. "Okay, one, two-"
Tubbo pulls viciously and almost pulls Ranboo's arm along with it. " Dude , what the heck?" He cries out, "You didn't even wait for three, and why'd you pull so hard?"
Tubbo only blinks, "What'd you mean big man? It's okay, you can win next time."
"Tubbo, it's- it's not a competitive game," Ranboo frowns.
"Yes it is. You pull as hard as you can and the winner gets the cracker. The loser gets a broken arm."
"The loser gets a what-?!"
______
Tommy does not want to fucking trust Ranboob. The guy poisons everything he touches.
But well, he's hungry, and, well, the food looks normal. Roasted potatoes, seasoned carrots and green beans, gravy, yorkshire puddings and turkey, there are also slices of cheese for some reason, but that can be ignored. Objectively, a perfect meal. Subjectively, a death wish.
He spares a glance over at Technoblade who is eating along happily but Tommy knows better, the guy is weird and apparently has sandpaper for taste buds.
He looks over at Tubbo who also seems conflicted. He sends him a look, I'll try if you do? Tubbo sends one back, Okay bossman, good luck.
Tommy inhales shakily as he raises his fork and stabs at a potato. His hand shakes as he brings it to his mouth, taking a small bite.
His eyes widen.
It's - it's delicious.
Tubbo's eyes widen similarly and he turns to grin at the tall boy, "Boo, this is amazing!"
Ranboob grins, excited, "Really? I thought I'd try something new. I'm- I'm glad you guys enjoy it."
Tommy salutes the boy solemnly, "I didn't trust you, but you have proved me wrong," He confesses.
Ranboob furrows his brows in confusion, Uh, thank you?" He replies unsurely.
Tommy grins as he begins to eat in earnest. This may actually be a good Christmas.
He takes some carrots, some potatoes and dips them in the gravy. It truly is a good meal. Maybe they will eat like this from now on, he can only hope as he takes a chunk of chicken and bites.
His grin freezes.
A tear drips down his cheek.
Ranboob's eyes widen, panicked, "Tommy? You okay there, dude?" He fusses, hands raised in alarm.
Tommy places his fork down, expression solemn, "You..." He whispers quietly, closing his eyes in anguish, "You stuffed the turkey with spaghetti."
"Huh? Oh yeah! I did," The fucking menace chirps on, oblivious to the pain he has caused.
Tommy cries into his palms, inconsolable.
______
After dinner, a traumatic affair, they settle in the living room to watch a movie.
Tommy glares at Ranboob from the other end of the room, the boy in question just sends a look of bewilderment.
"Alright, so normally on Christmas, we share gifts about now," Philza smiles, "And well, we didn't expect that you guys would get us anything, so don't feel obligated, but we did get you all something," The hero says and he truly is the kindest man in the world.
Philza brings out a bag and hands a present to Tubbo, Ranboob and Tommy respectively.
Tommy is not excited. Totally not. But he does grin and tear into it quickly to reveal- to reveal a sweater . It's not cute, it isn't. The sweater is red with a yellow baby chick in the middle. He marvels at the soft material as something warm begins to ignite in his chest.
Tommy glances over at the other two; Ranboob had gotten a purple sweater with a black and white cat. Tubbo's was green with a little bee.
"I thought it'd be nice if you all had something to match in," Philza grins.
Ranboob lets out a watery, "Thank you," his eyes filling with tears. Tommy wants to roll his eyes but he can't help smiling as he looks down at the sweater.
"The bee is so cute," Tubbo grins happily, "Thank you, Philza!"
Tommy nods, "Thank you, Philza, you truly are the only man ever."
The hero only laughs, "You guys are welcome."
"Here is something to stop you from stealin' my stuff," Technoblade says as he hands him a rectangular wrapped present, eyes averted.
Tommy takes it with awe. Technoblade got him something?
This is very weird to Tommy. He unwraps this one slower, a bit at a loss. He lets out a gasp as he realises what it is.
"You," His voice cracks halfway as he stares down at the present before looking back up at the man who stubbornly refuses to meet his gaze, "You got me a blade? My - my own blade?" He whispers in disbelief.
It's almost a complete replica of Technoblade's; red handled, with the same shine and heaviness. The only difference is the Theseus engraved on the side of the handle.
Tommy's vision blurs and he blinks rapidly, "Uh, tha- thank you," He mumbles, trying to keep the tears at bay because what the fuck.
A hand is placed in his hair, momentarily ruffling his curls, "You're welcome, child," The hero replies.
"M'not a child," He retorts, and even to him, it sounds half-hearted at best.
Wilbur clears his throat and then Tommy feels a package hit him on the head, "There's my present, you gremlin."
Tommy composes himself as he slides the sword carefully to the side, scowling up at the man, "Don't throw it at me, you dickhead," He scowls.
Wilbur only hums.
Tommy unwraps it a little quicker and his fingers falter as he holds the material.
"It's- it's not much," Wilbur coughs, shifting on his feet, "But well-"
"Shut up" Tommy whispers, voice quiet as he clutches the fabric tightly.
It's a trench coat. But well, it's not just any trench coat. It's the Willow's trench coat. The material is the same heavy, comforting weight and it's the same deep rich brown and it's so soft. Tommy clutches it closer.
"So, y'know, people can recognise that you are with us," Wilbur shrugs a little sheepish, "You don't have to wear it, I just assumed that you might-"
"I like it," Tommy mumbles, vision blurring once more. "It's really, really cool. Thank you."
Wilbur seems a little bit taken back, at the genuineness in his voice. Tommy should feel embarrassed, he kind of does, but there's that warm feeling in his chest that makes it easier to ignore.
He looks up at the man, eyes watery and cheeks red, and sniffles once. "Thank you," He says again, voice breaking as he ducks his head down.
A pair of arms wrap around him and he's pulled towards a warm chest, tucked gently under Wilbur's chin.
"You're welcome, Toms," Wilbur whispers to him, arms holding him so caringly and Tommy hasn't felt this in a while. Hasn't felt this since-
"Thank you," He repeats muffled.
"It's okay," Wilbur hums, "You're not alone anymore, gremlin, you've got people to protect you, people who love you. You have heroes on your side, you have me on your side. Big brother Wilby, hmm?" He says it teasingly but it breaks something in Tommy as he begins to sob.
"Mhm," He cries into the man's chest, "Okay," He believes. He chooses to believe Wilbur. "I've- I've missed this," He confesses. I've missed you, he doesn't say.
"I know," Wilbur hums. "It's okay. Merry Christmas, Tommy."
_______
"Why doesn't she just jump out the castle?" Tommy scoffs, settled between Wilbur and Techno as they all watch Tangled.
"I dunno, maybe she might die?" Phil suggests with a snort.
"Nah, the castle isn't that high," Tubbo disagrees.
Ranboo looks at him in concern, "No, no, I think that's pretty high."
"Nah, not even ten feet I bet," Tubbo says confidently.
"...You think the castle is only ten feet tall?" Ranboo questions the boy, incredulous.
"Yep," Tubbo replies, popping the p.
"Regardless, I'm pretty sure anyone jumping from there would most definitely die," Phil says.
"I don't think so," Wilbur counters.
"It's pretty high," Ranboo frowns.
"Not high enough, I've thrown Tommy off of taller buildings," Tubbo states.
"That's true," Tommy nods.
That is most certainly not true, Phil hopes.
"Can we just get back to the movie," The hero suggests with a sigh.
"Okay, Phil" "Okay, Philza," They all agree simultaneously, and huh, Phil didn't know they were capable of that.
He looks around the living room and smiles. They are not an ideal family, not in the slightest, more dysfunctional than not, but well, Phil thinks as he watches Michael snuggle between Ranboo and Tubbo, Tubbo rambling quietly to the taller boy who just hums intermittently. Well, Phil thinks as he observes Tommy sat between Wilbur and Techno, the teenager idly making miniature braids in the latter's hair. Well, he thinks with a fond smile, they'll survive.
"I think she would die if she jumped," Techno pipes up, breaking the silence.
"Do you think you'd die?" Wilbur hums.
"What?" The man mutters, raising an eyebrow.
"Do you think you'd die?" Wilbur repeats.
"I-"
"I think we should test it," Wilbur grins.
" Wil," Phil tries to warn.
" Jump out the building, Techno."
Phil lets out a long suffering sigh, letting his head drop back against the couch as he hears glass shatter.
They'll probably survive.