Song: The Neighborhood - Fallen Star (slowed + reverb)
𝔚𝔚𝔚
Nico
If there was one consistency in my life, it was my inherent laziness.
I didn't go out of my way for people, I didn't bother responding to texts let alone calls, and I valued my sleep, so much so that I wouldn't be caught dead awake before noon.
I slept. A fuck ton.
But you'd think I was an insomniac with how little I'd slept these past two days.
It fucking sucked. Not only was I in a state of anguish, but I was stressed, unapproachable and easily agitated.
There were arguably three things I could do to calm me down when I got like this; kill, get high, and or fuck Bambi.
And since the last option wasn't possible, seeing as said girl was currently comatose up in my room with a gun shot wound in her stomach, I had two other options.
I could tear the city apart and kill every person to blame for that night, or I could get high.
I choose the less destructive option.
Yet even after taking my time with each and every Russian involved in that night, I couldn't bring myself to kill the one person that was truly to blame for all of this.
Daniel Dumont.
Don't get me wrong, I'd beaten the absolute shit out of the asshole. Leaving him with a broken nose, wrist, ankle and ear, but I couldn't go through with actually ending his pathetic little life.
Something was stopping me from following through with it. Perhaps that something was the dread of having to break Bambi's heart when she woke or the thought of potently losing her after I did so. But she'd gotten her way.
And when even all that violence wasn't enough, I'd breezed through the last seven names in my little black book.
I'd gotten through the last of the names of all the men that'd wronged mamá or I in some way. It was monumental, I'd fulfilled all I needed to in order to reach paradise, but I felt stuck.
In theory, I was ready for paradise, yet there was still something holding me back.
I was stuck and I could do nothing but sit and wallow in a state of despair as I waited for the girl that I loved so much, I was starting to hate.
For fucks sake she had me using words like anguish and despair.
It'd been two days. I've suffered for two fucking days and had every doctor I hired not told me she'd wake up soon, I'd have killed myself out of impatience.
In a way, she was also partly to blame for all this shit.
she was careless, reckless and naive. Throwing herself into dangerous situations without any sort of critical thinking skills. I often wondered if it was the cult getting to her head or the fact that she just didn't give a fuck about herself.
Either way, I hated her for it.
Jesus, I fucking hated this selfless trait she had. If she was just a fraction of the shitness I was, my life would be so much easier.
I climb the stairs two at a time and the minute I get to the top, the faint sound of footsteps gets louder as I near them.
And my assumptions are proven right when I when I step into the hallway and catch sight of the lanky figure struggling to pushing open my bedroom door with his one functioning hand.
"You'd think a good beating would be enough to teach you to stay the fuck out of my house." I drawl.
I'm surprised the dumbass can hear me with the one unwrapped up ear he has.
He straightens out and turns towards me. "I don't want any trouble. I just came to make sure she was alright."
"Until she wakes up and requests to see your pathetic ass," I walk down the hallway until I step in front the the open door, blocking him from coming in. "You can limp your ass back down the stairs."
He looks like he's going to say something but I raise a brow and cross my arms. Although the beating i'd given him wasn't nearly enough, it did knock some sense into him in the sense that he now knew his place. "My sister was shot, cut me some slack."
And like clock work, my hands flex as my voice evens. "And who's fault is that?"
He almost looks like he's about to cry. "You haven't let me see her at all."
"How sad." Yet dispute my kind words, there's no hint of emotion in them and his bruised and puffy eyes flare.
He steps to the side, in an attempt to side step me but I take a step to the left and mirror his actions.
Not only is he build like a lifeless worm, but he's injured and if he tries anything, I'd simply have to blow on him and he'd fall.
He knew it too.
He glances over my shoulder and stops. "Where the hell is she?"
I don't fall for it. She was laying in the medical bed next to mine. If it were up to me she'd be in my bed, but apparently it wasn't ideal seeing as the nurses frequently changed her vitals and shit like that.
Yet I'm proven just how little sense Danny had when he pushes past me and into the room. I instantly grab a fist full of the back of his shirt and drag him back only stopping when I glance towards the medical bed.
The empty bed.
Danny lands on the ground with and oof and my heart does some weird shit, I can't tell if it's good or bad. But I do know that I experience an emotion I'm not use to having.
Panic.
A flushes echos through the walls, then running water. Soft footsteps on tile sounds from beyond the bathroom door and I turn my head to stare at the door that takes an annoying long time to creak open.
But that annoyance washes away instantly and is replaced with the dire need to drop to my knees and kiss the feet of the girl who's standing there, alive, conscious and as pretty as ever.
My girl.
Fuck. I could now talk to her. Hug her. Kiss her. Fuck her.
Yet the one thing I really want do is yell at her for being so fucking careless.
Josie
We all knew what came after waking up in a hospital bed, with an I.V stuck in your arm.
Confusion, fatigue, weakness in the joins.
But no one talked about the dire urge to... relive bodily fluids that came after.
My bladder had never felt so full.
I was surprised I'd been able to hold it in the ten minutes it'd taken me to unhook the IV, sit up and slowly walk myself to the bathroom.
But when I did... relieve myself, it was never ending and clear that I'd been on a strictly liquid diet for the duration of my comatose state.
Only it got even worse when I'd finished and came out to a room where I was suddenly the center of attention.
Daniel grunts in pain and I watch the boy that seems to be in even worse shape than I am as he struggles off the ground. "What were you doing in there?"
I watch my brother and choose not to comment on it. "I was..." I trail my eyes to the dark haired man staring intently at me and grow flustered.
I shut the bathroom door behind me and tentatively step forward, away from the door. "Replacing the bandages."
It's a lie, but I'd rather die than admit in detail what I'd just done in there.
"Josie." Daniel's relieved sob breaks me out of my thoughts and I turn to see him slowly begin to limp towards me. "You have no idea how horrible I feel-"
He's cut off by Nico who's shoves past him, accidentally knocking him off his feet and to the floor but before I can help my brother, I'm engulfed by the smell of cigarettes, whiskey and his body wash.
Nico's strong arms come around me as he hugs me to his chest with a hand on the back of my head and all thoughts around me wash away until it's just him and I.
But just as fast as his arms come, they go, leaving us in nothing but silence.
I'm first to break it. "Hi." I breathe.
His gaze meets mine and grows heavier the longer he stares, making me question the read I get on his emotions.
I thought he'd be happier to see me.
But it's as though the intensity in his gaze grows with how uneasy mine gets.
"Hi." His voice is more reserved. It wrecks havoc in my mind while he simply slips a hand into his pocket, the other coming up to trace my cheek as the look that can only be described as Nico Blaine's soft gaze touches mine.
Intense, minorly uncomfortable yet somewhat heartwarming.
He wasn't upset with me.
With a relieved breath, I step forward and tip my head up. Only when I make a move to kiss him, he turns his head and I'm left to run my lips along his cheek. "I missed you."
"I'm pissed at you." He murmurs instantly, so soft and low.
I glance down to the ground as the familiar weight of my next words drag me down. But it seems like the more I say it, the less meaningful it gets. "I'd die for my brother-"
"Every bone in my body." He seethes. His fingers brush my chin and tilt it up towards his face. His grip is firm. Not enough to hurt, but enough for the utter anger floating off him to make itself known. "It took me working against every bone in my goddamn body to stop myself from ending his life for nearly ending yours."
"I..." I look to the ground without any other words. He was right, but Daniel was my brother.
He lets out a harsh breath. "I'm really fucking trying to understand you." he grits, the intensity of his gaze fiery and harsh. "The least you could do is see that your blind loyalty is ruining your fucking life."
"Don't talk to her like that." It's Daniel that cuts in suddenly.
His input is unneeded and I snap my head towards my brother.
His heart was in the right place.
But it was the wrong time for his input.
Nico stares at me. It's as though he's waiting for me to say something to Daniel, to take control and kick him out and when I don't, he turns around and walks out of the room.
The action makes me feel terrible. This feud was getting between us and suddenly I didn't feel like the playfield between Daniel and Nico was even.
It didn't feel like a choice anymore. Nico felt like a need and Daniel felt like a rock weighing me down.
I try to walk after him but Daniel's voice stops me. "This is why you guys won't work. You're too good for him Josie-"
"Why." I cut him off and ignore what he was about to say as I walk towards the nightstand. "Tell me why you two hate each other."
The silence stretches long, giving him just enough time to alter the truth. I send him a pointed look over my shoulder. "Without manipulating the story to make yourself the victim."
I ignore the look of hurt on his face.
His feelings hadn't proved to do anything but get me hurt.
"I was Rosso's right hand man- before Sammy." He starts. I make it to the nightstand and pop two painkillers into my mouth, before bringing the glass of water to my lips.
There's a note on the napkin beneath the two pills, and the messy writing telling me to 'only take 2' told me who wrote it and placed those pills there.
Nico.
"Things were good. Until I found out who his supplier was." He sighs.
"So you stopped working for him after finding out Father Kade was his supplier?" I ask, my tone firm yet a hint of confusion peeking out.
That could have been an opportunity for him to leverage the power he had to get me out. "Why didn't you take the chance to get me out?"
"Because you were safer there." He rushes, "I swear, if I knew that shit was going to happen, I would've killed everyone myself and gotten you out-"
"Father Kade tried to rape me." I spin around to face my brother and slam the glass down onto the nightstand. "He wanted me to carry his children."
And for a second time, I watch my brother crumble. His face falls and he blinks back tears, shaking his head. "No-"
"Did you ever need to interact with him?" I cut him off, staring so intently at my brothers face, yet I can't even bother to question him about all the bruises and cuts along it.
"Sometimes."
My hand shakes at my side.
I had always protected my brothers feelings by holding back in fear of hurting him, upsetting him.
I now realized it did nothing but feed into his ignorance. "So every time you came to visit me in the clearing," my jaw aches from how hard I'm clenching it. "You were really there to do business for Nico?"
My brother straightens out, "I would only agree because I got to see you."
Those words don't seem to cool the fire roaring in my chest. "Why'd you stay, Daniel?"
His head dips down to the ground, "Kai owed a large debt to the Italian Mafia, and Nico offered him protection as long as I handled everything for Rosso and stayed his accomplice."
Sad Daniel use to break my heart, now it just soured my mouth with the taste of resentment. "Why'd you go to such extremes for him?" And not me.
"Because I love him!"
The outburst briefly details my thoughts. "You like men?" My brother was gay and I didn't even know?
"Yes, and women."
Men and women?
Well- that was certainly a new one.
I shake my head and bring my focus back to the man who's so different from the brother I grew up to idolize. "So what happened?"
"I ran away."He shrugs, like it's enough explanation.
I give a humorless laugh. "Let me guess, you left Kai with the promise of coming back for him?"
"We were going to run away together." He fires back, so much conviction and confidence in his voice as he begins to pace back and forth before me. "Nico was getting suspicious so I left to get you first, and then I was going to come back for Kai..."
The anger and resentment in his voice tells me he's still not alright with what happened. I narrow my eyes at Daniel. "Why did you need to run away from Nico in the first place?"
"Because with the self destructive path Nico was on, we were all going to die." He snaps.
My brows furrow, and I try to understand what he's saying all on my own. That is until he clarifies.
"It's not that I don't think he doesn't love you -he does, albeit it in a weird ass way." He comes closer and places his unblinded hand on my shoulder. "But I also know that you love him and I don't want you getting hurt."
I step out of his grasp as annoyance trickles into my veins. Why couldn't he understand? "He's not going to hurt me."
"No, but when he dies it will!" He explodes.
When. Like it's an inevitable.
I sneer at my brother. "Nico's not going to die."
He lets out a bitter laugh as he looks at me like I'm nothing but a dumb little girl. "He'd fantasied about paradise since before he could form proper emotions. There's no changing his mind."
Paradise.
The word makes me pause and my anger washes away until I can do nothing but blink back tears.
Daniel takes the moment of vulnerability to pull me back into his side.
"Josie, I know this shit has gotten so messy. But I do care about you and would never want to hurt you-"
"Shut up, Daniel!" I push away from him and shake my head. Nico was right. I cared for him, but he didn't deserve my loyalty. "How dare you try to make excuses for yourself after you caused this whole mess-"
"I didn't-" Daniel's default need to deny was irritating, especially since I had the physical wound to prove him wrong.
I make a frustrated noise in the back of my throat. "It is all your fault!"
He goes quiet before he bursts. "Then tell me how to fix it!"
My chest heaves as I stare at my brother. "You can leave."
There's a hint of sadness that blooms when that heartbreakingly lost look takes up his face, but the throb in my stomach is proof that it isn't enough to change my mind. "What?"
"Get. Out."
"You're choosing to stay with him?" He tries one last time, like he's grasping at straws. "Josie, he did this to me." He motions to his entire body.
I want to cringe at how beat up he looks. No one deserve that.
But instead, I brush past him and move out of the room. "Good."
. . .
I carefully make my way downstairs and follow the strong aroma of... spices?
I stop at the threshold of the kitchen and tilt my head as I stare at Nico's back.
He's cooking. Albeit his actions look anger induced and abnormal, but it can still classified as such.
But as far as I'm aware, the man didn't even know what a pan was. This was beyond new.
"What are you making?" I walk forward until I can place both my hands on the island between us for leverage.
"Why?" he responds, his eyes trained on the pot on the stove between us. "You gonna throw this shit at me too?"
I open my mouth to respond, but I'm interrupted by the sound of my limping brother storming by. "I hope your happy, asshole!" I turn to glance at Daniel and heave a sigh. "You got what you want!"
"What I want." Nico's voice is absentminded as he glances up at Daniel. "Is you dead."
Daniel's wide eyes snap to me, in an I told you so type of way. "Josie." He nearly whines.
"If you want to salvage any chance of having me in your life, you'll leave Nico alone." I snap, which gets him to quickly somber up. "You can start by leaving. Right. Now."
He looks between us, before turning around and limping out of the room towards the elevator.
I feel Nico's gaze on the side of my face but when I turn back to face him, he diverts his eye back to his pot.
I carefully round the island until I'm standing next to him and am able to grab one of his large hands in between both my smaller ones. "I came here to thank you."
He brushes my hand off and turns around to pour what seems to be a stew of some kind into a bowl.
I ignore the way my stomach grumbles at the sight of it and wrap my hands around him from behind, resting my cheek on his back."Thank you." I swallow thickly as I think back to all he's ever done for me. "For everything."
He stays silent, but I continue, tightening my arms around his large frame. "For saving Daniel, even though he probably didn't deserve it."
"He didn't." He speaks curtly, brushing my touch off and sets the pot back down onto the stove, nodding towards the bowl. "Eat." Is all he says, before proceeding to clean up the mess he'd made.
I move forward and slip between him and the relatively clean counter behind me.
He'd been on my side and I'd been dragging him through the mud, all for Daniel- who didn't deserve it. Of course he was upset.
He tenses as I carefully wrap my arms around his torso, not having the strength to lift them higher. "Thank you for looking out for me." I tip my head up and place a kiss atop his chest. He doesn't push me off, but he also doesn't look at me. "And for having my back."
He doesn't speak, he simply stands there, still and refusing to look at me. "Say something..." I whisper, tightening my arms around him. The thought of having him upset with me making this worse. "Please."
And after a moment he finally speaks, his voice hard. "What were you thinking?"
"I..." my chest heaves as I think back to what I'd been doing and how careless I'd been. "Was trying to save Daniel-"
He places his hands on the counter on either side of my hips. "You refused to stay out of it." He seethes lowly.
His body naturally tilts forward, crowding over me until I'm forced to lean back out of pure intimidation. "You threw yourself infront of a firing gun."
"I was trying to help-"
"You were being stupid." He cuts me off and leans over me. "What if I hadn't moved the last minute?" His chest heaves as his eyes stare into mine. "What if I shot you?"
I stay quiet as his voice gets louder and filled with more emotion. "You would've died and I would've-" he stops himself from finishing the sentence and I can only imagine how he's feeling by the sight of his face.
His angry, riled up, beautiful face.
He was worried.
"You would've what?" I ask softly.
He stares at me before shaking his head and brushing it off. "It's not important."
I know it was.
"Does it have anything to do with paradise?" I suddenly ask, my voice small.
He moves to push off me and leave but I stop him, "don't go." I grip onto his arm. "I need your help to stand."
It was a lie, but one that got him to wrap an arm around my waist and stay. "What's paradise?"
"It means whatever you want it to mean." He brushes off once again, staring away from me. And I can tell he's closing himself off.
But instead of prying, I let the tightness in my chest lead my next words. I trace a soft pattern on his chest as I stare ahead at it. "Well, to me paradise is our future."
"Our future?" He hums it causally, but I can tell the subject makes him uncomfortable.
I nod and to distract myself from the reality that was his paradise, I think of what I'd want my future to look like.
"Although I don't have the best idea of what it truly means," a small smile comes to my lips. "I want to marry you one day, Nico."
His hand tightens around my waist. "What if I don't believe in marriage?"
I glance up at his face, the look on it is so serious and scrutinizing. I shrug. "Then I'll have to marry someone else."
The hand around my waist tightens until he's gripping the side of my waist. "You wouldn't be able to. Not even over my dead fucking body."
"Theoretically speaking...." I raise a brow. "How could you stop that from happening if you were dead?"
His tongue pokes his cheek and his gaze moves away from me in deep thought. Like this revelation causes havoc in his mind.
I place a small kiss along the column of his throat as I continue. "I want to have babies with you."
He turns his attention back to me while his jaw clicks. "What if I hate kids?"
The pressure in my chest tightens at the pessimistic tone.
He'd always been pessimistic, but now that I knew there was a chance it was actually pushing him towards his paradise, I can't help but panic.
I manage to keep it cool on the outside when I shrug and respond with. "Then I'll have them with the person I marry instead-"
"Don't fucking finishing that sentence." He grits, beyond agitated.
I send him a lopsided smile, and drag my hands up to fiddle with his chain. "But most importantly. I don't want to live a life without you."
He stays silent a moment and I can tell he's deep in thought, only breaking out of it to say in a low, hoarse voice. "What if I can't have that?"
"What if you can?"
He seems like he's far more into his own thoughts than anything else, and so I tread lightly.
"How can I believe you, when life has proven to me time and time again that I don't deserve any of that?" And his soft, raw words hurt my heart.
He deserved everything and so much more. The thought of him not seeing that made me question just how cruel the world was to him.
Tears spring to my eyes but I smile, "Time."
He shakes his head, and while I can't see what he's feeling, I can feel the disappointment. "Time can't fix everything."
"No, it can't." I agree, pulling his face down and placing the softest of kisses atop his lips. "But it can show you a reality you weren't aware of before."
𓆩❤︎𓆪
I think we need some smut next chapter
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Guys I decided to be a baller and told my little sister I'd buy her the school bag she rly wanted bc shes going into uni and tell me why that shits so expensive.
I'm mentally preparing myself for tomorrow when i go and buy it.
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also Taylor Swift is dropping an album and omfg I'm so happy I could cry. I cant wait.
Her music literally inspires 99% of the way I write ab love and relationships bc I've never had one of my own.
I cannot wait for this new album.
Anyways I love u guys ❤️ thank u for reading