Heart
I enjoyed spending my weekend with the kids and of course kasama si Haylee. Our feeding program became successful and it always makes me happy. At least...I feel loved. I surrounded by people who's happy to be with me. Sinamahan ko pa silang bumili ng refrigerator doon sa kakilala kong may-ari ng appliances shop. Nakadiscount pa kami. Haylee's mother cook biko for me as a thanks giving kahit sinabi kong 'wag na.
" I heard nagpafeeding program na naman kayo?" Dad asked while we are eating dinner. Ilang araw na simula noong nagkasabay-sabay kaming maghaponan. I'm very happy. I always want to eat dinner with them. I cooked all the dishes with the help my our maids.
" Yes Dad. " I reply with a smile. He nodded his head. Halata sa mukha nito sa wala siya masyadong pahinga. Minsan nalang rin ito kung umuwi pati si Mom. " You look tired, Dad. You should rest. " Nag-aalalang tanong ko.
He look up at me and wipe his mouth using the tissue. " I need to work harder so I can give all you want. Malaki ang pangangailangan natin ngayon. " I keep quiet. I wanted to say na hindi na nila kailangang problemahin ang pangangailangan ko since I can work for myself. Mom continue eating at malalim ang iniisip. Nababahala narin ako sakanila.
" Don't worry about me, Dad. " I assure him. He nodded his head.
" I know you can handle yourself, Heart. Si Sunny ang inaalala ko." I felt a little pain cross my heart but I dodge it. I don't want to feel envious. I don't want to live that way.
" Dad hindi na ako bata." I heard ate Sunny said and glance at me for seconds pero agad ding umiwas nang ngumiti ako sakanya.
" Nah. You're still our baby. Diba hon? You remembered the day she was born? Ang ganda-ganda niya at para siyang isang angel na binigay ni Lord saatin." Dad happily said and Mom agreed and start to talk about ate.
I shouldn't feel sad but I can't help it. Nandito pa ako...but I feel like I don't belong here at all.
" Anyway, your birthday is next week, Heart. What's your plan? I hope you're not planning to throw a luxurious party dahil hindi pa tayo pwedeng gumastos nang gumastos ngayon." Mom said to me.
I almost forgot about my birthday. Masyado lang akong naging busy sa mga seminars at program ko.
Umiling ako ng bahagya. " I always want to have a birthday dinner with my family. That will do. " I said. Iyon naman talaga ang plano ko. Malaki naman ang ipon ko kaya lang ayokong gumastos pa. Sapat na saaking makakasama ko sila sa birthday ko.
Mom smile at me. " Good. What about gifts?" She ask.
" Don't bother, Mom. Masaya na akong makakapagdinner tayong apat." I utter and smile at them.
After the dinner ay kanya-kanyang alis na sila kaya niligpit ko ang mga pinagkainan pero nagpumilit sila Ate Judith na sila na ang bahala kaya umakyat na ako sa taas dahil may mga papers pa akong aasikasuhin. Habang busy ako sa isang document na binabasa ko ay tumawag si Reselle.
" Yes?"
" Can you come with me tomorrow afternoon?" She ask and my forehead furrowed.
" Where?"
" My cousin's wedding. Bukas na kasi ang kasal niya and I don't have company." Alam kong nakanguso na ito. I chuckles.
" Why don't you invite Riz?" I teased. I know she's rolling her eyes at me.
" Stop being a cupid, Rain. " Saway niya.
" Sinong pinsan pala? Kilala ko ba?" I ask.
" Ah anak ng kapatid ni Dad. Si Solene. She's marrying one of the Luis heirs. " Oh wow.
" Luis? Nice catch. " I commented.
" Halata naman na hindi gusto ni Solene na maikasal. She even told me she had a girlfriend the last time we met then malalaman ko nalang na ikakasal na pala siya at sa isang anak ng bilyonaryo. " She muttered with a resonating frustration.
" She's gay? " Gulat na tanong ko.
" Yeah. Like you."
" I'm not. " Tanggi ko. " I'm gay na? I only like Haylee and that's consider being a gay?" I asked confusingly.
" Wow. Wala talaga sa vocabulary mo ang maging in denial no?" She tease. Reselle is a different person inside the campus ground. She always want to maintain her professionalism.
" Why should I be in denial? There's nothing wrong for being honest with your feelings. " I defend myself.
" What if she will reject you if you confess to her?" She ask.
" That's fine. I'm not afraid of rejection. Your life will continue after being rejected. Hindi matatapos lang doon. I like her but it doesn't mean she's responsible for liking me back. Kung gusto niya ako, I'm the happiest bit if not, masaya parin ako para sa pinili niyang choice. " I explain.
Masakit naman talagang mareject but at least you tried. You don't know what will happen if you never ty. No regrets. No what if's. After a chapter of rejection, another chapter unfold and the pages continues.
******
" Hindi ka sasali sa mga laro?" Takang tanong saakin ni Riz. Tumango ako. " Why?"
The school fest is next month na at Pinaghahandaan na 'yon dahil iyong ang pinakamalaking even ng school.
" I'll pass muna. Ikaw sasali ka sa athletic?" She nodded her head. Simula bata palang kami, athletic na talaga si Rizzah. Napatigil lang siya noong highschool na kami dahil nagkaroon siya ng kidney failure but she already undergo transplant two years ago.
Mahal na mahal niya ang pagtakbo at iyon ang nagpapasaya sakanya. I saw how she almost give up when her doctor said na hindi siya makakalaro for palarong pambansa so I donated my other kidney to her. She doesn't know about it. Ayaw kong ipaalam dahil tiyak na magagalit siya. I don't want it...I don't want my best friend to be mad at me. Hindi ko kaya.
Ang Mommy niya lang ang nakakaalam na binigay ko kay Rizzah ang isang Kidney ko.
Hindi ko naman passion ang paglalaro ng lawn tennis kaya walang kaso saakin kung hindi ako makakalaro pero si Riz. Hindi niya kayang mawala ang pagtakbo sa buhay niya and I wanted her to achieve her goals.
I remembered when I got sick noong elementary kami, she took care of me. Naiwan kaming dalawa sa bahay dahil may business trip sila Dad. Kasama ko naman ang mga maid at kahit bata palang kami, Rizzah want to took care of me kaya hinayaan siya ni Ate Judith. Rizzah never leave my side.
Then at our recognition noong high school kami. My parents can't attend due to ate Sunny's condition. Mataas ang lagnat niya kaya dinala siya sa hospital. Si Riz ang tumayong parents ko. Siya ang nagsabit ng medalya ko for achieving highest academic award and other awards. Sila ni Reselle.
Tapos noong aksidente akong natamaan ng bola ng soccer, inaway ni Rizzha iyong dalawang lalaki na nakatama saakin ng bola. Mabuti nalang I talked to the dean na huwag siyang parusahan dahil pinagtatanggol niya lang ako at nadaan naman sa pakiusap.
I can't even count how many times Rizzah save my life. She's my other half. My best friend. Siya ang nagbibigay saakin ng bulaklak with cake kapag pumatak na sa 12:00 ang orasan kapag February 14. May time pa na nakalock ang kwarto ko kaya sinira niya para lang maibigay niya saakin ang dala niya before lumagpas ng 12:00.
She's crazy but I love her. Siya parin ang pipiliin kong maging kaibigan sa next life ko at pipiliin ko siya hanggang sa walang hanggan. That's how much I love my best friend.
" Your birthday is approaching. What's your plan? " Rizzah ask at nakayakap ito sa baywang ko habang nandito kami sa ilalim ng puno. Nagpapahinga.
" Wala. Plano kong mag family dinner lang sa bahay. " Sagot ko.
" Hindi ako imbitado?" She ask.
I shake my head kaya pinalo niya ako sa braso na ikinatawa ko. " We can date naman sa umaga. Pwede na ang two hours. " I said.
" Sige. Eh si Haylee, hindi ka makikipagdate sakanya? As in a romantic date ha. " She muttered.
" I already have plan in mind. I don't know... how to ask her on a date. It's my first time asking a girl on a date. " I said making her chuckles.
" Gawin mo nalang iyong ginawa mo dati noong highschool. When you ask me out for a date. Effective 'yon base on experience." Pang-aasar niya na ikinasimangot ko. Nakalimutan ko kasing birthday niya kaya ayon nagtampo saakin ng dalawang araw. So as I loving best friend, I serenade her and ask her for a friendly date. Kaya kami laging napapagkamalan eh. They always misunderstood our love for each other.
" I...I'm shrinking violet, Rizzah. It's Haylee, kaya nakakakaba. " I said.
" Fine. I'll take care of it. Ako na bahala. "
" Really?"
" Yeah. You know, basta ikakasaya mo." She said and kiss my cheek making me giggle. " Ang swerte mo saakin. May Rizzah kana tapos may Reselle ka pa na nagmamahal sayo tapos ang dami pa. Iyong mga kakilala mo na mahal na mahal ka. Iyong mga bata sa foundations at sa church. Best in pinakamabait ka talaga, Beshie. " She added.
I know....but I'm wondering if my family love me like how other people do.
It is to much to ask for their love and attention?