Tragic
E L E O N O R A ' S P O V :
Life is hard. People argue. Things don't always go the way you planned but in the end, you make up and you give it another chance.
Blueberry jam wafts through the air, waking me out of my deep sleep. I turn to grab my phone and sitting there is an entire bouquet of pink carnations and white tulips. Inside is a card that carries papà's apologies. He's already made it clear he was out of line but this just further proves his guilt.
Sometimes, I have to remind myself that we all make mistakes, even parents. Although, I don't think papà would ever agree with that statement.
I skip downstairs, hugging my sweater closer to my body. A fuzzy ball of fur rubs against me and I pick her up. Flower snuggles in my arms, cozy.
She's gotten a little bigger now. It's cute.
I find papà in the kitchen cooking. Yesterday, we had a very long conversation that papà used to apologize to me. He told me it was his fault that he blew up. That Katerina is a sore subject for him and he should have done better with controlling his anger. He said he'll think about seeing someone for help and I'm glad. Although, I don't think he will ever do it.
I'm proud of my dad. I am. I don't know everything but I know he's been through a lot. I know he wasn't expecting to be a parent nor did he plan it.
I remember, when I was little, how hard he tried. Valerius Armani was a cold man. He hated everyone. Then I came into his life, a child. He had to change the way he saw everything, for me.
So, I'm not mad anymore. Sure, I was in the moment but now, I don't care. My papà was hurt by a lot of women in his life, he's just trying to survive the world like I am.
"Buongiorno, piccolina." Good morning, little one.
I can't help but smile.
"Buongiorno." I mumble back and cozy into a chair while I watch papà cook. "So, what's for breakfast?"
The pan sizzles as oil is sprayed inside. "Baked eggs and sausage." I decide to get up and grab us drinks. Papà wants a black coffee while I go for some juice.
"Sounds good." I grab plates. "New flowers?"
"Of course."
I smile subconsciously, eyeing the new flowers. Papà picks up different kinds each day. It's rare I see a repeat. Together, they make a beautiful bouquet.
"So, what are the plans for today?" Inhaling the savory scent of eggs and sausage, my mouth waters.
"Well, I've got somewhere to go today."
Papà doesn't meet my eyes, making me suspicious. "Really? Where to?" I blow on my food to cool it down.
"Just out to lunch. A café down in town."
"With who..?"
I have a sneaky suspicion who with but I'd like to hear him confirm.
Papà's nervous, I can tell.
"Remember that woman from the flower shop before?"
"Can't remember." I shrug sheepishly. "Remind me please?" I'm sure he can see the game I'm playing as clear as day.
"She has brown hair.. and eyes. Kind. Always at the front counter. I'm sure you remember."
His throat clears nervously.
"Ah! Yeah, I remember now." I hold back my laugh as papà stares at his food intensity. "So, you're going on a date?" I deadpan.
"What?" His head snaps up and he almost seems to pale. "No. Why do you say that?"
"Well.. how did she word it?"
"Word what?"
"The proposition to lunch!" I exclaim.
"She just suggested it." He shrugged.
"Dad." I deadpan because I know he doesn't like when I call him that.
"Fine! I think it was something like.. Are you free today.. well I was thinking, you know I really enjoy when we spend time together. Maybe lunch would be okay.. blah, blah, blah."
"Dude." His eyebrow quirks. "She's totally into you. Are you blind?"
"No, actually I have very good vision. So do you, it's genetic."
I roll my eyes.
"Do you like her?"
"Like? Of course, Allegra is a very nice woman."
"Papà!" I cry out, shaking my head. He is so hard to have a conversation with. "Not like that!"
"How else can you like someone?"
"Do you have a crush on her?" I articulate every word, waiting for him to process what I'm saying slowly for his dumb brain.
"Ellie, I'm not in school anymore. I don't get crushes." He says the word like it's the dumbest thing he's ever heard.
"Anyone can have a crush, dad." I say the American word mockingly. His eyes roll at me.
"Not grown adults, Ellie." He chides.
"Do you like talking to her? Do you get excited?" He ignores me, pretending I'm not here but I don't stop my teasing. "Do you feel safe with her? Or do you tell her everything because you like talking to her?" My voice is exaggerated, egging him on.
"How do you even know what a crush is. You're too young." He scrapes his plate and tosses it into the dishwasher with mine.
"I'm sixteen." I pout, walking over to him.
"And you won't be having adult woman feelings until you're at least sixty and I'm rotting."
He faces me pointedly.
"Speaking of womanly things, I need womanly products. Can I go buy some tampons? Also I thought you said crushes were for children not adult feelings."
"Talk to Leon, I usually make him run to the store for me." Papà is walking away to his office, me dragging behind. He's completely ignoring the comment about him contradicting himself.
"Ew. I don't want Leon getting me tampons. That's weird."
"Then go with him."
"Ughhh! Papà." Really? Leon? No thanks. "That's so weird!"
"You're not going alone."
You're not going alone. I mimic in my head, childishly.
"Whatever." I sigh. "I better get all the details on your little date!" I shout as he closes the door on me. Yeah, and he says I'm the dramatic one. "I'll be waiting to hear all about it!"
I laugh softly to myself, walking away.
He's so easy to piss off.
• • •
"Eleonora." Rowan jumps slightly when I hug him from behind. His phone clicks off and he hugs me back. "Hello." He says.
"What? Did you forget we were supposed to hang out? Also don't worry, Leon agreed to waiting outside so we've got time." I laugh. "Plus the twins are downstairs."
I hop on his bed, flattening my body against his sheets. He sets his phone on his desk, stalking over to me slowly like I'm his prey. I hold back my laugh.
I told Leon me and my friends were watching a movie and hanging out so with papà's blessing, he's okay to be outside. There's a few other guards around the small home making sure that I don't sneak out. Not that I ever would.. with this much supervision but that's besides the point. The point is, I get to spend more time with Rowan. A guy who I'm getting more attached to everyday. He's my own form of kryptonite.
"What's so funny, Eleonora." His voice is low. I bite my lip to hold in the my laughter.
His body is overtop of mine, his thumb tugging on my lip. My heart stops only for a moment, my chest heaving up and down. He ignites me.
"Nothing." My voice is quieter than how I wished for it to come out.
"Is that right?" He hovers lower, his lips barely on mine. I hum, my eyes fluttering shut.
I wait for a moment, anticipating the touch of his lips but it doesn't come right away. I peel my eyes open to catch a glance of Rowan just starring at me. His eyes bore so deeply into mine, it almost starts to freak me out.
"What's wrong?" I'm sure he can feel my breath on his lips.
He blinks, snapping out of his trance. Rowan's face stays blank like it normally sits. His head is always somewhere else. Sometimes I worry for him.
"Just thinking."
"Hm. About what?"
My hand slides up and down his arm. My heart pounds just as heavily as before.
"Us." He pauses. I want to read in between his words to understand but I can't. His eyes never let me any further than the surface. "Our future."
A good future? A bad one? What is he thinking?
"Really." I breathe out deeply. "And what's it like?"
A moment passes. A second.
"Tragic."
I barely register his words before his lips are quickly intertwined with mine. His body is pressed to mine, clouding any thoughts I had before.
Rowan's hand tugs on my waist and I can't help but to pull my body up to touch his. The spark between us ignites throughout every vein beneath my skin.
Before it gets too heated, I pull back. "Ro—"
"Have you ever been in love?"
My heart stops, my breath gets caught in my throat. My mouth somehow claps shut, thinking of a response. What is he trying to say?
"I. . . I don't know."
Have I been? Am I? Do I know how to love someone romantically?
Rowan grabs my hand and pulls me to sit up with him. He holds onto my hand. "I think I'm falling in love with you." He admits, stopping my world.
Suddenly, my world is frozen.
I think I'm falling in love with you. Eight words that I've never heard before. Eight words I've never imagined anyone saying to me.
I can't seem to catch my breath or find the words to reply back.
"You don't have to say anything back." He bends down to whisper, his breath hitting my ear. "I can see it in your eyes."
Can he? Have I just been fooling myself?
I used to think of being in love. Being loved again. I used to dream about it every night. I used to convince myself I knew what love was, that I knew how to love a boy. Being older now, I knew I was foolish but, maybe my time is now. Maybe I'm not a fool this time. It's real this time. My love.
"Maybe I am." I swallow hard to bypass the heavy thumps of my heart.
Rowan pulls back to look me in the eyes. I know he can see the nerves radiating off of me as his hand rests on my stomach.
"Do you trust me, Eleonora?"
Do I?
"Yeah."
His lips press to mine, I sigh. "Good." He whispers against my lips.
As the door jumps open, I jump in shock. I'm a second too late pulling away from Rowan. "What the fuck!" My eyes catch those of my best friends.
Naomi stands at the door with Devin behind.
My heart stops and I jump up, out of Rowan's bed.
"Oh shit." Devin hushes.
Devin knows half of everything me and Ro are but I haven't told Naomi yet. I was worried for her reaction, I still am.
"Naomi!" I chase after her, leaving both Rowan and Devin behind. "Hey! Slow the fuck down!"
Abruptly, she stops and I almost slam into her but I catch myself. We're far away from the boys now.
"I can't believe you." She says accusingly.
What? "What are you talking about, Naomi?"
"Him?" She spits it out like it's disgusting.
"What about him?" I step back.
"Listen, Ells. I know you like him but I don't know if I trust him. Ever since we've came to Italy he's been.. different. I thought you saw it too."
"Different how?" I enquire, suddenly getting a deep feeling in my gut. Anger? Nerves? I don't know.
"He's always on his phone, disappearing.. come on, Ells. Tell me your head is still level in there. You're the smartest one here, don't let your feelings blind you."
"You know I never let my feelings get in the way!" I practically shout. I can't tell if I'm getting defensive or just plain angry but either way, I'm pissed.
"Oh come on, Ells. You should know first hand what love can do to people."
"And why's that."
She pauses, starring at me. "Don't make me the bad guy." She deadpans.
"No. Go ahead. Why?"
My hands find their way over my chest. I bite back from saying anything else.
"You know what happened with you dad, Ells. He got caught up. . . I just don't want to lose you." She sighs. "Listen, your mom—"
"Naomi." I hiss. "Stop it."
"Okay! But anyone can be a traitor, Eleonora. We all have targets on our backs. We've had them since the day we stepped foot in the damned country. We have to watch our backs."
"You don't think I know that!?"
"Eleonora." I don't turn at Rowan calling my name. His hand touches my shoulder but I shake it off, my eyes still holding Naomi's stare. I turn away and walk out of the house.
My stomps are heavy on the ground, I hear Leon making a quick dash to keep up with me. I ignore him and continue.
"Leave me alone." I shout at him, pulling my hair out of my bun because it's starting to give me a headache. I want to punch something and it's about to be him.
"You know I can't do that Ms. Armani."
"Ew. Stop calling me that." I snap. "Just calm my by my name."
"Is there something I should take care of for your anger?" He means, is there someone you need me to kill for you? It's apart of his job. Just like that, I could tell him to kill someone for me and they'd be gone. The power I have is scary sometimes. I don't answer so he continues. "When your papà is like this, he normally goes to the basement."
I pull the back door open and walk inside my house, kicking my shoes off.
"Take me." I say.
I follow him to the basement and down there is an entire gym. Punching bags and weapons galore.
I sigh, staring at the equipment.
I need to cool off.
• • •