Finn
*
I woke from my nap like I had just got dunked in ice water. My body was tense and alert, but I wasn't sure why. My sleep wasn't plagued by nightmares, not in weeks now. Not since I came to New York for Elliot's wedding. Whatever recesses of hell the terrors had crawled out from, something had sent them into a dormant state. I wanted to feel relief, but I was scared they would return when I got too comfortable.
I looked around my new room, in my new apartment. Darkness had descended since I laid down to sleep for a bit early in the afternoon. My hands patted around for my phone. I found the device, brought it up to check the time. 7:25pm. I hated jet lag. In a few weeks I had shuttled between New York and Zurich like a man with no home.
Heh. You are a man with no home. But that was a truth I was okay with, as long as I intended to fix it. My life was filled with so many uncertainties and countless things out of place, but I had to try. One mess at a time. But first, I had to go back to the thing that had been a constant the longest. My position in the company. Before I lost that too.
I sat up, curled my back inwards like a feline and stretched. Slowly, I got out of bed, undressed and went into the bathroom. One look at my groggy reflection in the mirror and I nearly took my ass back to bed. Doing the right things were the hardest. It was so easy to want to return to Zürich and lock myself indoors for as long as I could, but then I wouldn't have anything to come back to. My leave of absence was only this long because I was shot and my recovery process was a tricky one, but I could tell the board were running impatient. Elliot was proving to be a good choice for an interim CEO, but still, it was rare for one to be on seat for over a year. It was difficult and I felt out of my depths, but it had to be done.
With that firm resolve in mind, I got into the shower and turned it on. Hot water rained on my back, seeping down and washing away traces of doubt. Fear was out of character for me. I needed to be firm, I had to be determined and driven. I needed to be Finn Harris. The Finn Harris that had taken his family's name to places his father and grandfather failed to. The Finn Harris that had grabbed the reins in a lonely world at such an early age, even at the times he felt scared and unsure. That went to prove how much he was capable of. That was why he was so good at what he did.
But why here? Why did you chose here?
I got out of the shower and patted my self dry with a towel. I ignored the part of me that viciously insisted that choosing to live in the same building as her was a bad idea. That just because I felt an odd sense of peace around her, didn't necessarily mean I had to be close to her. But I didn't care. I had let myself be selfish a limited number of times in my life. This was one of them. This one thing. Knowing she was right across the hall was the closest thing to security I was having in a long time. It made my suffering a little less... cursed.
I needed to step outside for a little while and make a call to Elliot. I got dressed in loose clothing, slipped a baseball cap over my head and shoved a pair of sunglasses into my pocket. I didn't want to be recognized while walking through Central Park today.
Before I got the chance to open the front door, a call came in from Parker.
"How was your move, sir?" He asked.
I sighed. "Not bad." Then, it hit me that all the times I had to travel, he had always done so too. He had overseen the moving process and took care of the paperwork for the apartment. And here he was, calling to check on me when he could decide to not make contact with me unless it was assignment related. "How are you, Parker? Why don't you take tomorrow off to rest for a bit."
"That's a good idea, but I would prefer to assist you tomorrow. You haven't been to the office in a long time, sir."
This man was relentless. "Yes, I know, but I only have one meeting with Elliot tomorrow. After that I have nothing scheduled for the day. So go ahead, I insist."
There was a long pause on the line. I stifled a smile and rubbed my brow.
"Okay."
"Great! Sleep in, have lunch in some nice restaurant and give your sister a call maybe. Do whatever. Goodnight, Parker."
I ended the call and returned my phone to my pocket. I pulled my front door open and froze midstep.
She looked gorgeous with the way her hair hung down her shoulders and her blue-grey eyes widened when they locked with mine. Understandable. The last place she was expecting me was in the apartment opposite hers.
There was a man in front of her door. It looked like he was picking her up on a date. The very idea of it made something stir in me, something that put me on edge and tested my ability to stay sanely calm. That thing roared to life when he turned around and a smirk formed on his lips. Out of all the people in the world, Dominic? My fists clenched on their own accord.
"What a surprise to see you here, Harris," he started. He paused and peered into the space behind me. "Are you here to see someone?"
"No, I live here."
Both looked surprised. Dominic's was unexpected.
"You're the one who moved in earlier?" She asked like it was the most absurd thing to possibly happen. I nodded, and she was going to say more when she quickly glanced at Dominic. It was like she had momentarily forgotten he was here and decided against it. That piqued my interest, the idea that there were things she wanted to say for my ears only. Or maybe I was getting ahead of myself.
"I would expect this place to be above your living standards, but, to each his own, I guess." Dominic said.
"Excuse me?" Amanda's head whipped to him and her delicate features shifted to something deadlier. I could never forget how fiery she could be, even directed at me.
Dominic went defensive in his posture and looked like being eaten up was the last thing he wanted. "No, not like that! You know what I mean! I'm not saying your place is bad!"
"You haven't even been inside!"
It took a gargantuan effort on my part to watch them go back and forth like I wasn't there as I shut my door and cleared my throat. "It's a nice apartment. I wouldn't be here if it was anything less. You did a nice job with your place, your room especially. If you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way. Have fun on your date."
I walked down the hallway and got into the elevator. When the doors slid shut, I leaned against the wall and brought a hand up to the place where my heart was beating frantically. Fuck, I was a mess. And the comment about her room... it was unplanned and came out in the heat of the moment. He hadn't been inside her house yet, and he needed to know that I had been in her room. He was granted the luxury of guessing what had happened there.
When I stepped outside the building, I popped my hoodie over my head and shoved my hands down my pocket, beginning my long walk to the park.
*
Eyes were on me as I walked past the front doors of the Harris central tower, with two bodyguards right behind me. Things felt different, and in the same sense, not really at all. The atmosphere still buzzed with activity and the sweet feeling of a thriving enterprise. The employees were dressed immaculately- as was the norm- and moved with razor like precision. I savoured the feeling- it felt good to be back, and the anxiety that had kept me up until three a.m. felt minute now.
I rode the elevator up to the floor of Elliot's office. The receptionist went wide eyed at the sight of me. She was in charge of Elliot's affairs and knew I would be here at this exact time, but it appeared my return was that big of a big deal around here.
"Meghan," I smiled at her when I got to her desk. "You look good. I hope Mr Larsen hasn't been any trouble."
She let out a nervous laugh and smoothed a hand over her hair that was tied back in a ponytail. "He has been excellent. Welcome back, sir."
I pointed to the door of the office. "Is he in?"
"Yes, yes, go right in!"
Flashing another smile, I pushed the double doors open, leaving the bodyguards behind. Elliot was sat behind my large oak desk. It was my first time seeing him in the office, in that position, and when his eyes lifted up from the paperwork he was going through, I realized how much weight he'd been carrying on his shoulders with me away.
"How do you feel?"
I sat on the chair right across from him and laid back on it. "Like I'm having a fever dream."
His ocean blue eyes gleamed from behind his glasses mischievously. "It's no nightmare, so we're off to a good start."
"You're enjoying this- me, in pain," it was meant to come out as a joke, but it's delivery lacked the lighthearted lift I had intended.
"No, I enjoy seeing you be the best you can be. I like seeing you run things, and not the other way around."
"Touching."
He grinned. "The meeting with the board is in an hour." He pushed a stack of papers my way and I went through them briefly. "Everything is in order. This is merely protocol."
"Mallard told me once, that someone was trying to cause trouble. That someone wanted another person in charge."
"There will always be a few bad eggs."
"Who was it?"
He paused, then ran his hand through his hair. His wedding band caught the light in the movement.
"Mavrin."
I snorted. I only wanted to know. There was no controlling the entirety of the board, but some were a little more problematic than the rest. I had a feeling Simon Mavrin was a restless man desperate to be heard so bad he would go as far as to raise conflicting opinions.
"What do you have planned for this evening?" Elliot asked.
"Redecorate my apartment."
"That's bullshit. Where is that? You can tell me about it over drinks."
"Drunk on a weeknight, Larsen?"
He shook his head. "Come on, you know today's different. It's your return home!"
I scoffed and put up an defensive front. If anyone could see through it though, it was Elliot Larsen. That night, he got us last minute reservations at an exclusive bar in Madison avenue.
He nearly spat out his old fashioned when I told him I had become neighbors with Amanda.
He managed to swallow it down and keep his- and mine- shirt clean before commenting. "Are you mad?!"
"Do you hang with mad men now?"
He grabbed a napkin and dabbed his mouth. "Do you have any idea how hard of a time you're putting her through by simply existing so close to her? I'll be surprised if she gets any wink of sleep at night."
"That's pushing it, Elliot. Your perception of what she thinks of me is way too high," I mumbled and took a sip of my mimosa. We'd taken a few shots prior, so I planned to hold on to this glass for the rest of the night.
"You're so oblivious. And you have a penchant for madness. Wait until Natalie finds out, she's going to have you on a bloody stake."
"How is she? Tired of you already?"
"Cole started elementary and that's something she's very obsessed with. But no, because she's smitten with me."
"Of course. Hey, what's the deal with Dominic Hayes? What does he want with Amanda?"
"At the wedding? Amanda's very friendly. It's no surprise she hit it off with him quite well."
"I'm not talking about the wedding. She went on a date with him last night."
Elliot muffled another spit take. I needed to stop dropping info on him when he had his mouth filled with liquid.
"A date? Jesus, they hit it off really well."
I clenched my teeth. He was too drunk to tell I was in no joking mood. We had the same number of shots, but he was a lighter weight. But not as light as Amanda.
"Look, I don't care if Dominic hates me like we're still fucking around in Harvard but I won't sit and watch him mess around with Amanda's feelings. You know that."
"Mess with her feelings?"
"Do you truly believe he's gotten over Celine? And even if he has, do you think Celine would ever let him go, just like that? I think not. And if he thinks Amanda is just another distraction, I want you to tell him to cut the bullshit out."
"Why do I have to?" Elliot whined.
"He's your friend, remember. And it's out of respect for you that I remain civil with him. It has always been like that since you forced us together back in school. It didn't work out then, and it sure as hell isn't working out now."
"Okay, okay. Because Amanda matters so much to you, I'll tell him off."
"I didn't say-"
"But is she allowed to date other people? Minus Dominic." He looked me straight in the eye, and for a second I wasn't sure whether to take him seriously. His tie was off with the first two buttons of his shirt undone and ginger hair disheveled.
I averted his gave and grabbed my glass. "Of course. It's her life to live. Her decisions to make." I brought it up to my lips but couldn't shake off the feeling of his eyes on me. There was an uncomfortable stretch of silence.
"I saw it," he started. "The ring."
"What?"
My chest squeezed painfully. I knew what he meant already, and it was the last thing I wanted to talk about.
"While I packed your things. In a drawer, there was a camera. I gave the memory chip to Amanda, by the way. I didn't think you'd want it lost. But I also found a ring. I didn't give that to her, of course. That would have been weird."
I nodded, but remained quiet. My finger traced the rim of my glass. My perception of reality was beginning to bend a little. The feeling was welcome.
"You were planning to, weren't you?"
I gave a small nod. "That night actually, the night of the accident."
Accident. Pretty substitute for attack. Shooting.
"I don't think I ever told you this, Finn, but I'm sorry. About all of it. I know it doesn't change anything, but I really am."
I nodded again. "Doesn't hurt to hear it. Thank you."
His hand came up to my shoulder and gently patted, filling me with warmth. Then he retracted it, and the cold returned.
*
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