Small Heath, the devil's pit of England, was nothing out of the ordinary for me. I was used to the lingering dark smog over the city and the nasty smell of grim blood, sweat and tears. I spent most nights alone with my mother and my days counting numbers in the betting den with Esmé. What I hated was the forever feeling of being trapped. My heart ached to walk down the street alone or without checking behind my shoulder every few seconds. I missed my passion- painting the landscape I breathed, and I craved the familiarity of my family. My fingers itched to trail across the old oak tree bark in the park, and my feet longed to press themselves into the rickety wooden planks that marked the path's trail. The more I stayed in Small Heath, the more I wished Charles Darcy had disappeared from the face of the earth.
With Thomas in London for a few days on business, he gave Arthur military-like orders to protect and guard me. I went nowhere unless Arthur was by my side with his gun tucked neatly into his jacket. I was confident I could defend myself, especially with a loaded pistol lodged into my purse at all times, but I liked having Arthur near. He kept me company and walked me each morning to the bakery where my mother worked. It was always a pleasant morning when I saw my mother baking over a wood-burning stove with a gentle smile spread on her face. She saved the best muffins for Arthur and me and always prepared me a fresh cup of breakfast tea. It was the closest thing I got to living a life of normalcy. My mother wanted me to live life to the fullest, but the warning in Arthur's eyes told her that trouble lurked around the corner if I did.
Today was different. With Polly, John and Arthur twisted in complicated business; I spent the morning in the betting den sketching the streets below me. A damp, blinding fog hovered over the blackening skies of Small Heath, blinding the horizon. The buildings across my window were blurred, and the winter wind howled and echoed, shaking the Shelby home. It was strong enough to send me deep into my shawl. I pulled my shawl over my head and shoved my fingers in my ears, but it didn't work. I could still feel the wind and hear the crashing of the wet snow against the glass that separated me from the nasty weather.
I heard Tommy return that evening after supper. The sound of his voice was enough to light a spark in my dulling heart. He was finally back from business in London, which meant I would sleep easy, and my days wouldn't be long. If I were fortunate, Tommy would bring me promising news about Charles's fate. I crossed my fingers, hoping Charles gave up, left Small Heath or even better- died.
"Is this alright to wear to the Garrison?" I questioned Tommy, stretching out the satin fabric of my emerald dress. Tommy had seen the dress dozens of times since I only had a few to my name, but he nodded in approval.
"You'll make every man in the Garrison do a double take wearing that dress, Adeline," Tommy teased as playfulness lingered heavily in the air. My heart was whole when he was around. Glaring at him caused a sea of joy to crash in my heart.
"I haven't been out in days, Tommy," I sighed, heaving my coat over my shoulders. My heart thundered as my nerves tickled through my body. I felt safe with Tommy, but my stomach did backflips, knowing I may have to use my gun at any time.
Outside, the streets were coal black, and the winter storm flickered through the evening air, but Tommy assured me that he wouldn't let anyone or anything, not even a fly, lay a finger on me. A colossal weight slid off my shoulders when we strode into the Garrison. The usual crowd of workmen from the BSA gathered around the countertop, sipping on pints and telling stories of better times. They tipped their caps at Tommy and gazed at him with the utmost respect.
"Where are your brothers?" I remarked, noticing the only Shelby in the pub was Thomas. It was Arthur's pub. It was typical for Arthur to be around somewhere.
"Arthur, John, Finn. They're all at the track. There's a big race tomorrow," Tommy commented as the bartender placed a glass of whiskey before him. It was then that I could feel eyes on me. Whenever I stepped closer to Thomas, it seemed another set of eyes glued to my petite frame. Being a female beside Thomas Shelby brought significant levels of gossip and murmurs in the room; some were hardly a whisper.
"She must be good in the sheets for ya' to bring her in ere,' eh Tommy?" One man taunted with a joking nudge to Tommy's shoulder. It was evident that he had too much to drink, but Tommy didn't care if it was the alcohol talking. He was annoyed and disrespected either way.
"Tommy, you ain't brought a woman here since you laid eyes on that pretty barmaid," the man added with enough cheek to cause a rise in Tommy. I could care less about the insulting remarks the man directed at me. My interest was solely fixed on the mention of a 'pretty barmaid.' Thomas's past was his past, but I was as curious as a cat to find out who she was to him.
"Oi! That blonde, Grace. She wasn't as pretty as this little auburn treat ya' got, eh, Tom?" Another man chimed in as he eyed me like a piece of meat. Before Tommy or myself could say anything, the man wrapped his arm around my shoulder, quickly pulling me into his side as if I were an object. When his greasy hand met my skin, my mind narrowed into a deep tunnel where Charles Darcy waited for me at the end.
"Touch her again, and I'll blow your fuckin' brains out. Ya' hear me!" Tommy screamed, causing the pub to drop silent and the hair on the back of the man's neck to stand up. As much as I tried to read the room and comprehend what was happening, I was imprisoned in the tunnel, reliving the moment Charles stripped me of my innocence. When Tommy noticed I was dizzy and uncomfortable, he cleared the Garrison faster than a teacher emptying a classroom at the end of the school day.
"Everyone out! All of you!" Tommy's voice rang through the Garrison loud and clear. There was no excuse for anyone to remain in the pub.
"I said, all of you! You fuckin' bastards!" With the last shout and order, every pub-goer hurried through the doors, fearing the consequences if they didn't obey the most feared man in the English Midlands.
"Adeline," Tommy whispered, plunging into his usual composure. "Please, look at me?" He breathed, wanting to grasp my state of mind and emotion. When I didn't, he placed his thumb and index finger on my chin, tilting my head towards his. I didn't want to meet his eyes, but when I did, his deep blue orbs, paired with his delicate voice, grounded me and rescued me from the narrow cave of Charles Darcy's dark world.
"Adeline, hey, you're alright now. Those fuckin' pricks are gone." Getting a faint chuckle out of me, I grasped his arms with a soft squeeze. He always seemed to have the ability to calm my mind and my heart. No matter where my head was or how terrible I felt, Tommy could kindle a spark in my heart and pull me out of grief. No one else could do that. My mother would try, but she never had the calmness that Tommy presented. Jack was typically the source of my problems, and James did his best, but his good humour was never enough to pull me out of the darkness.
"How about we share a drink, eh?" Tommy announced, lightening the mood. Sitting in front of the counter, I had every alcoholic beverage to choose from. Most of them I had never tried or even seen before. It was like being in a candy shop for the first time.
"Now, don't ask me to make you a cocktail. I'm not very good at em'," Tommy hinted as he stepped behind the bar, adjusting to his new atmosphere. I always adored how he looked when he removed his jacket and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. He was more laid back and comfortable, and he had the most desirable arms. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.
"What can I get for you, Adeline?" Putting me on the spot, I fumbled with my words and picked whatever bottle was in front of me.
"Uhh, a rum, yes," I regretted my decision the second the word rum rolled off my tongue. My mind immediately trailed back to my childhood summers in Ireland, when I would run free on the wharf, absorbing the smell of the sea and the docked rum boats. I could remember the scent of strong spices oozing out of the barrels, turning my stomach upside down.
"Rum?" Tommy giggled with surprise, noticing the growing uncertainty melt on my face. It was a nasty choice.
"How about you try this instead," Tommy added, pouring me a glass of gin. It trailed along my tongue pleasantly and glided down my throat with ease. It was the perfect herbal and dry blend.
"Not bad, not bad at all!" I cheered, placing my glass back in front of Tommy for another round.
"Let's make a toast, yeah?" Tommy proposed with the lift of this glass. It was a good idea to toast to us and to happier times when the shackles of society no longer chained us to the pit of hell.
With the simple nod of Tommy's head, the perfect toast came to mind and passed through my lips. "May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future," our glasses embraced, and our lips met the fermented blend of herbs and spices. It was a great evening, with great company. We sat at the counter, sharing happy moments of our past and some sad ones. We both found peace and joy in horses. They were exquisite creatures that brought both of us autonomy and exhilaration. I was lucky to know a man like Tommy. A man who could read horses and ride them like second nature.
As the night grew later and our conversation became more intimate, I accumulated sufficient courage to ask Tommy about the pretty barmaid who came up earlier. I wanted to know more about her, but at the same time, I feared I wouldn't like Tommy's response.
"A barmaid. She worked here, and then she moved to America," Tommy declared. His answer was short and sweet, yet it lacked emotion. From how he mentioned her, I sensed she was more to him than just the Garrison's barmaid.
"Only a barmaid?" I tried to probe a bit more with a smirk and a cheeky tone, but it didn't work. Tommy was still closed off.
"The men made it seem like you two had pretty serious relations," I added, raising my eyebrows in a tease. I hoped the men were wrong, but it killed me to hide how I was truly feeling. It was as if I was jealous of a woman I had never met or knew. I was almost envious of the past she must have shared with Tommy.
"She worked for me... Then she betrayed me." With the sting in Tommy's voice, I ended the conversation. He was bitter about it and avoided steady eye contact with me. I didn't want to ruin the carefree, joyous mood we had created.
Gradually, the conversation faded, and the night became quiet. We admired one another's presence, and I couldn't ask for more. The longer I gazed at Tommy, the deeper I fell into his eyes. It was as if his eyes were the ocean's depths, and I was drowning in the deepest part of the sea. He could have tried to rescue me, but I didn't want to be saved. I wanted to drown in his perfection.
As Tommy's eyes beamed into mine with devotion and passion, he let his hands travel up my arms, pulling me out of my seat and moving me closer to him. My heart pounded out of my chest, but Tommy's eyes steadied on me, grasping only me. It was as if he forgot about everything- the battles and pain surrounding us. He gave his all to me. The longer he gazed into my eyes and the closer he held me, the more I melted in his arms. I had never felt as special and cared for as I did at that moment. It was the perfect taste of serenity and bliss. Tommy was all I ever wanted and dreamed of having. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, despite how we met and how unlucky my fate was.
"What?" I giggled through a mischievous smirk as he continued to smile at me, so youthful and carefree. We had the entire pub to ourselves, and I felt physically and emotionally closer to Tommy Shelby than ever before. Anyone who listened closely would have heard our hearts beating in sync. It was a magical sensation that cleared my head and brought me to a place of peace.
"Tommy!" I chuckled again as his never-ending glare caused my nerves to jitter and heat to rise in my cheeks.
"I need you, Adeline. I need you," Tommy sternly expressed, tightening his grip on my arms. His gaze never broke its hold on me, but the energy from his eyes shifted to importance and concern. I didn't know what to say, but my actions did all the talking. Repeating his words in my head, I pressed my lips against his, savouring the sweet, blissful sensation they spread on mine. If he needed me, I would stay with him at any cost.
"You have me, Thomas," I whispered along his lips, finally discovering the right words to say.
"I need you to be safe, Adeline," Tommy's words wavered in the air as we kissed again, freeing each other from all the misery in our heads and around us. Nothing near me or in me mattered. The only thing I could focus on was Tommy.
Under his spell, I caressed his cheek, savouring how he felt beneath my fingertips. I could have remained in his arms forever, but it was getting late, and the weekend horse race would soon begin. With one last kiss and the brush of our noses and foreheads, Tommy drew me into his side, leading me through the Garrison's doors, headed for home.
"Let me lock the door," Tommy whispered as he promptly lodged the key into the door. Holding onto Tommy's spare hand, I faced the cold streets, dreading the stroll home, even though it was only a few minutes away. The wind howled, blowing through my entire body. I couldn't wait to crawl into bed with the man I was falling deeply in love with. It would be a night to remember.
"Fucking whore!" An aggressive voice screamed out in the distance, matching the raw sound of a single gunshot. I didn't have time to comprehend what was happening or who was hiding in the darkness. Before I knew it, a grave burning sensation spread across my chest and shoulders. It felt like someone had dropped a flaming piece of coal on me and let it sink into my skin. As much as I tried to grasp what was happening, I could only see cloudy spots before my eyes. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything but let my weak, aching body slump to the wet ground and hope the agony would soon vanish.
More to come!
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