When I was a little girl, a couple of years before my parents were killed, I remember a pack event -- a summer solstice picnic that ended in a run -- and seeing our Alpha and his Howl walking hand-in-hand. He was talking to the pack members, giving them his free hand for a moment as Night and Nerón followed behind. Alpha never let go of his wife's hand. Not once. He couldn't stop touching her. All Destined Ones had a close relationship, touch and scent being especially important to us, but Alpha seemed especially linked to his Howl, never letting go of her hand once in all the time I watched.
And I watched for a long time. To this day, I couldn't say why I had followed the two of them so intently with my eyes, but I remember thinking the link between them was beautiful and pure and very, very real. It almost seemed to crackle in the air around them, and it was there in every quick glance and every longing look between them. They may have been Destined Ones, and therefore predisposed to be attracted to one another, drawn together, linked forever, but they also had come to love each other deeply.
How they raised Night in that kind of loving, openly adoring environment only to have him turn out to be a man who could humiliate and debase his own Howl was a mystery to me -- and most likely to our pack members. Even if Destined Ones didn't love each other, at the very least there was great affection, mutual respect and deep caring.
Now for the second time in two weeks, I was being dragged to the Den, but this time Night was leading me by the hand instead of my upper arm. And once again, this time I had no idea what was about to go down.
Maybe my execution? Could he actually do that to me, his Howl, his very own Destined One sent by the Forces? The thought seemed impossible -- yet so had his rejection of me, and he had done that without blinking. My thoughts kept circling wildly, yet my execution seemed to be his most likely course of action.
If he was going to kill me, though, he might very well have a revolt on his hands. If the bonds between Destined Ones were sacred, the bond between the Alpha and Howl were revered. I already knew from the silence following my rejection that the wolves weren't happy with him. Wolves are not quiet creatures in their joy and happiness; that there was such complete silence when he sent me away from him was telling. Nobody except Lindsay Morgan had been pleased with Night that day.
Now, if he was going to rip my throat out, I wanted Owena and Echo far away from here. They'd shifted right before they walked into the Den, just on my heels, and they were whispering together, as near to me as they could get. Probably trying to figure out how they could possibly save me if Night was about to end my life.
Unfortunately, if they attempted to stop him or in any way interfere with his decision to execute me, their lives would be forfeit. They would end up with their throats being torn out, too. No one could stand in the way of an execution unless they wanted to end up dead.
As Night continued to drag me toward the fireplace where the first scene of my humiliation had taken place, my eyes searched the room for Lindsay Morgan's sure-to-be-smirking face. Maybe she was hidden away, ready to make her grand entrance at just the perfect moment.
I declare my loyalty to Lindsay Morgan, and it is to her that I declare my allegiance and my devotion.
I know it was unreasonable to hate her, but I did. She knew she was not his Destined One, but she held Night's heart, so much so that he resisted the strong pull of his Howl.
So I state here and now, with all of our pack as witnesses, that I reject Neera Karis. I reject her as my Destined One. I reject her as my Howl.
He had told every member of our pack that somehow, he did not feel anything for me. That there was nothing between us that he could sense, that I may have been any other wolf to him. Nothing special.
I find no joy in this one. There is nothing within me that feels the pull of the bond, that she is truly my Destined One.
In effect, Night was telling everyone in our pack that the Forces that had joined us together long ago had made a mistake. He'd thrown me over for Lindsay Morgan, a woman most definitely not marked as his own. Where was she? She wouldn't want to miss my execution. Maybe she was trying to find just the right outfit for watching the Alpha's Howl get killed. Holy shit -- maybe he was going to let her tear my throat out. What a statement that would make to the pack. Lindsay Morgan may not have been his Destined One, but by allowing that action, she would be made his queen.
"So, where's your little bitch?" I snapped at him when my thoughts became too much to hold inside. Maybe I could provoke him into just ending this before Lindsay Morgan made her grand entrance. I'd prefer Night to kill me -- then my blood would be on lips if he ever came to regret his actions.
"She is not your concern," he answered me gruffly, then said no more.
Well, if she wasn't my concern, maybe that meant she wasn't going to be the one to kill me.
Look at me, still trying to find the rainbow among the clouds.
Night turned me to face the room, and I noticed all of the wolves gathering, some running into the room as wolves and shifting immediately, panting, curious, nervous. I could sense all of the emotions rolling off of my pack mates in waves, and I suddenly knew they were behind me. They didn't want to witness another clusterfuck -- literally -- like they did two weeks ago.
Soon the room was almost at capacity, and I scanned it again, over and over, but still couldn't see Lindsay Morgan, not even at the farthest edges of the crowd.
As the last wolves came running like crazy to get here, I wondered what they were thinking. Were they wondering if they were about to witness history in the making yet again? Were they thinking that maybe they were about to watch an Alpha executing his Howl? Or did something that outrageous not even occur to them?
Once again, I tried tugging my hand away from his, but he shot me a glance. "Stop," he said in a no-nonsense tone I'd heard him use with some older delta boys on occasion when their roughhousing with the younger delta boys was getting too rough.
However, since it still wasn't issued as a decree, I didn't stop struggling.
Night leaned down and whispered in my ear. "Stop."
"Fuck you," I said just as softly, and he reared back, probably never having been spoken to like that before by a pack member, even before he became Alpha. Night and his wolf were scary as hell; add the Alpha ferocity and power and this man was someone you did not want to mess with.
"Fine. You're just humiliating yourself in front of the pack with your actions."
Did he just --
Had I heard --
Was he kidding --
Oh, hell no!
"You asshole," I hissed at him. "I have never humiliated myself in front of the pack. You did that to me all on your own with your precious girlfriend."
Hmmm. If the look on his face was anything to go by, maybe I was on the fast track to provoking him into tearing out my throat and making my execution quick and (relatively) painless.
Instead of responding to me, or even turning his head toward me, he just started in on addressing all of the assembled wolves.
"Two weeks ago, you all witnessed my rejection of Neera Karis as my Howl."
He let his words settle over the crowd for a minute. Ah, such fond memories for all of us as a pack. I tugged at my hand again, not wanting to be touching him as he walked us all through the day I'd much rather forget. How the hell could I ever think of that day again without remembering that it was also the same day that my Destined One not only rejected me, but did so in the most horrifying, humiliating, brutal way?
From the disgusted and angry looks on the faces of my pack mates, it seemed they would also rather not relive the day. Since I'd been forced to watch the brutal scene, forced to keep my eyes on Night and what he was doing to Lindsay Morgan, I hadn't been able to look at my pack mates' reactions.
Owena and Echo had filled me in on the looks of loathing and hate focused on Night and Lindsay, of everyone's extreme distaste for and discomfort with the scene. And like I'd said before, public nudity and public sex didn't bother us in the least. It was just the way we wolves rolled. But this instance of public sex had been wrong, it went against nature, against the Forces. And it was used to teach me a horrible lesson.
"And after I rejected her, I made her zeta."
At those words, something in me lifted. Hope began flickering in my chest that maybe today wasn't going to be the day that my Alpha, my Destined One, ripped out my throat. Maybe, just maybe, there was an outside chance that this announcement was to reinstate me as a gamma. That was why he needed me here! That kind of announcement was much better than notice of my execution.
"She is no longer zeta."
Oh, please don't let him say that now I'm even lower than the zetas. That just wasn't possible.
"I say this now in front of you as my witnesses, Neera Karis is my Howl. I accept her as my Destined One, as the Howl sent to me by the Forces in their wisdom."
What?
Two weeks ago, he railed Lindsay Morgan in front of me, in front of all of us, to reject me as his Destined One...and now he was doing a one-eighty and announcing to everyone that I'm his Howl after all? Oops, he made a mistake by rejecting me, by fucking Lindsay Morgan like his life depended on it, like it was his job, and then demoting me to zeta for no reason other than the sheer audacity of me having been revealed as his Howl? Two weeks ago he rejected me, and in so doing, consigned me to a life of pain -- however long it lasted -- since he hadn't issued a decree ordering me not to attack Lindsay Morgan.
Did I just hear him right?
I looked over at Owena and Echo, and they were slack jawed, exactly as I felt, so I must have heard Night correctly.
Pardon me if I was feeling a little whiplashed.
And pissed.
Two weeks ago, this man, my Alpha, my Destined One, put me through hell, and now he was doing a motherfucking take-backsie?
No.
Even the most mild of us have our breaking points, and my limit had just been reached.
"No. No!" I shouted at Night, and everyone froze.
You did not talk to the Alpha like that, not unless you wanted a lesson in respect.
"Right here in this room, two weeks ago, you denied the pull of the Destined Ones when nothing, and I mean nothing, should have been able to keep you from me. Not even the love you have for Lindsay Morgan should have kept you from me. Nothing could have kept you from me, from your Destined One, your Howl!"
Night took a step toward me, to do what, I had no idea, so I popped my hand up to stop him. It was laughable, really, acting as if I had the power to keep him from me -- but he stopped.
Then I looked around the room at all the wolves who were witness to my humiliation on my birthday, and then I looked back at him but not at his stupid face.
"So, Alpha, having already made your choice in front of all these witnesses two weeks ago, now it's my turn to make my choice. I formally reject you as my Destined One. I reject you on the basis of a weak bond that could not stand up to another woman, a bond you destroyed through your despicable actions and did not fight for. I reject the mate brand. I reject being your Howl. And most of all, Night Slaine, I forever reject you."