When Shouto woke up, he immediately wished he could go back to sleep.
That was the best night's sleep he's ever had in the last few months.
Glancing at the clock next to his bed, the time read 7:30 AM. He was normally up by 6, often finding himself falling asleep at 3 and waking up only a few hours later. Sometimes he didn't sleep at all.
After he had gotten home last night from his talk with Aizawa and Izuku, his head immediately hit his pillow.
Talking about his situation certainly helped him in the long run.
He hadn't been able to sleep at all when he visited Recovery Girl for the afternoon. Izuku and Aizawa immediately took notice of this.
During their talk Shouto was able to go more in depth about his dreams, and why they were affecting him so drastically.
Aizawa made sure to give Shouto a stern talking to about the importance of sleep, as ironic as it sounds.
Despite the man's constant denial, he truly cared about his students.
At the time, he had been afraid of going asleep. He didn't want to be met with the dark void and plagued by distorted voices once again.
Though, after tonight his thoughts changed.
He vividly remembered everything that happened during his dream.
From the way he grew distressed when he wasn't greeted with the same distorted voice, to the way he nearly crumpled in the void he desperately wanted release from.
Then, he was embraced with such a gentle hold. Arms wrapped around him in a way he hadn't even known was possible. They held him with such warmth.
Even considering his quirk kept him warm at all times, the sheer feeling of fulfillment that snared around his heart was impossible to escape. Not that he would want to.
It was almost scary how willing he was to go back.
It was oddly akin to the way his mother had held him as a child, though he had forgotten what it felt like since it had been so long.
He craved that feeling again, sitting up in his bed and wrapping his arms around himself in an attempt to simulate the way that he was held.
He began to wonder, why was he feeling this way?
'Why do I feel so sad?'
Shouto heaved a frustrated sigh as he willed himself to get out of bed, throwing his legs over the mattress. (or rather, futon.)
As he gathered his clothes in his arms he couldn't help but feel as though the person in his dreams seemed familiar. Eerily familiar.
He mentally cursed himself for not being able to turn around to look at them, instead opting to relish in the comfort and warmth they gave him.
He hadn't realized how desperately he craved for someone's touch that bad.
Sure, he hardly felt anything when Izuku gave him an affectionate pat on the shoulder, or when he rubbed his back in encouragement.
When he was held by the person in his dreams, he felt as though he was truly at peace.
Shouto didn't notice that his eyes had filled with tears, streaks running down his cheeks as he stared at the ground.
'Who was that? Why do they seem so familiar? Why can't I tell who they are?'
Shouto unconsciously rubbed his eyes, wiping away the tears that stained his cheeks.
'I should talk to Midoriya and Aizawa after school.'
He pulled out his phone and shot the green haired boy a text, asking him if they could go and talk to Aizawa after school once more. He was met with an immediate text back, the other teen expressing his enthusiasm in talking more on the subject.
--
"The person in your dreams reached out to you???" Izuku spoke exasperatedly as he leaned forward in Shouto's direction, his eyes wide as Aizawa nodded.
"Yes. At first it was just silence. Normally the distortion starts right away, but this time it was different. I grew panicked when I realized that I was essentially stuck in the void by myself until..." Shouto trailed off, hesitating to voice his next words.
Izuku and Aizawa waited patiently for him to gather his bearings, both giving him encouraging looks.
"This may sound a bit strange but... they hugged me. I could feel them." Shouto stared down at the table in front of him, his fists clenching as he described the events of his dream.
"It was comforting. I felt compelled to stay there. Rather than be irritated that I was being plagued by that dream again, the person made me feel welcomed. They did something to me. For the first time in months, I was able to sleep with no problems."
Shouto looked up at his classmate and teacher's reactions, both of them sharing a similar look of interest.
"Do you think this is maybe a side effect of a quirk we could have gotten hit with at the camp...? Maybe Todoroki-kun was more susceptible to it?" Izuku inquired, trying to comb through all of the possible ideas in order to find an answer.
"We can't exactly be too sure what happened at the camp in general. The principal's been telling us to not reveal any information or even so much as talk about the events at the camp. There's so many things that don't add up. And the fact that higher ups are trying to keep anything bad about U.A. from reaching the public doesn't help us." Aizawa spoke as he leaned back in his chair.
"Right." Shouto agreed, glancing back at Izuku.
"There's so much we don't know..." Izuku trailed off, staring at the surface of the table in thought. A few moments of silence passed before a knock on the door, a look of recognition passing through Aizawa's features.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you guys." Aizawa spoke before telling the person behind the door it was okay to come in.
"I filled All Might in on our situation."
"Young Midoriya! Young Todoroki!!" A familiar boisterous voice echoed throughout the room, All Might coming through the door in his small form. He held a small grocery bag in his hands, his eyes small crescents as entered the room with a smile.
Izuku nearly forgot that All Might had already publicly announced his retirement, but soon calmed himself down.
"All Might!" Izuku greeted his mentor cheerily, Shouto doing the same in a more neutral tone.
"Hello! I've been informed of the current situation!! Young Todoroki, how have things been?" All Might took a seat next to his protege, placing the grocery bag on the table.
"I'm sure you're already aware of my... dream situation." Shouto began, wetting his lips before reciting everything he described to Aizawa and Izuku to All Might, making sure he didn't miss any detail.
"I see... While I wasn't there at the training camp, it's clearly obvious that something occurred during that period of time." All Might's voice lowered, beginning to unpack everything in his grocery bag.
He took out various treats for his students, most of them being rather healthy ones since they still technically were training to become heroes.
Healthy body, healthy mind as one would say.
"I, too, have been having these sorts of dreams lately, but not to the extent that you have described. Do you remember encountering any villains at the training camp that could have hit you with their quirk?" All Might inquired, handing a bag of veggie chips to Izuku.
Shouto cringed as he thought back to the forest. There were so many holes in his memory that none of it made sense. It was as though someone hit him with a bat and left him to deal with the consequences.
"I don't think I can-"
Suddenly, Shouto's breath hitched in his throat, his eyes landing on something All Might had pulled out of his bag.
A carton of strawberry milk.
Static filled Shouto's ears, a hand coming up to clutch his head as his ears rang.
His head began to pound, unable to hear the concerned voices of his teachers and classmate.
His vision distorted, eyes staring holes into the carton of milk placed on the table.
It was almost as though it was mocking him.
His vision suddenly went black, thrown into the familiar void he'd seen in his dreams. Only this time, there was a patch flowers at his feet.
The tiny flowers bloomed brightly at his feet, their blue hue lighting up the surrounding area of the dark void.
Shouto could immediately identify the kinds of flowers that laid at his feet, the tiny buds of yellow and blue petals being a dead giveaway.
Forget Me Nots.
As Shouto stared down at the flowers at his feet, a familiar voice came from in front of him. A faint blue light shone in the distance of the void, Shouto instinctively taking a step forward towards it.
With every step Shouto took, flowers bloomed below his feet, his heart racing as the voice began sounding more clear the closer he got.
"So, your fight with Izukkun was pretty intense. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time!!"
This voice... It sounded so familiar to him, yet he couldn't quite place his finger on it.
"You were all like 'bam!' 'wham!' and 'fuah!' while Izukkun was all like 'boom!' 'kapow!' and 'kaplam!'"
Shouto clutched his head in pain, his hands clutching at his mix-matched strands as he tried to pinpoint whose voice it was.
"Your fire side is really cool, y'know?"
"Actually, let me rephrase that, you're cool."
"You're strong, Todoroki."
Shouto let out a pained groaned as his body began to feel heavy. The closer he got to the light the farther it went away. The flowers at his feet bloomed with a new conviction, just as he was determined to move forward.
What he wasn't expecting though, was to hear his own voice.
(a/n: The underlined text is Shouto.)
"Are you okay? Do you need me to go get you some water?"
"I'm fine, don't worry about me. I'm just really glad we got this over with."
"You look like you're burning up."
"Just give me a sec. I never knew one conversation would leave me feeling so drained."
"It would be best to take off that jacket."
"But it looks nice..."
"It doesn't matter if it looks nice."
...
"Happy?"
"Yeah."
"If you'll allow me..."
"Are you going to be my portable air conditioner?"
"..."
"We're besties now, right?"
"...Huh?"
"Well I always hear Mina calling you and Jirou her 'besties.' Is that what we are now?"
"Haha! You- You really are something! Of course we're besties!"
"Right, besties."
Shouto gave a pained gasp as his head pounded, his head filling with voices and conversations he doesn't remember having. He crumbled to his knees, the scent of the forget me nots below him providing him with some semblance of comfort.
It felt as though his head was being split open, the pain becoming almost unbearable.
He quietly whimpered as he clutched his head in his hands, tugging at his white and red locks as if that would help his pain.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"
"Not really."
"Do you... want to talk about it...?"
"I'm afraid if I tell you my life story you might just get traumatized."
"I'm just really tired, y'know?"
"...Sorry about that..."
"Did you need something?"
"No, it's just..."
"You... looked like you needed a hug..."
"Yeah, a hug would be nice."
Shouto felt a sense of dread as his own voice and the other reverberated in his brain, his heart beating faster as if he already knew something bad was coming. It felt as though his body had been frozen, and while he was used to the cold, the feeling of despair was much more powerful.
For some reason, he dreaded the next words he would hear. He wished he could stop this madness, stop these voices from continuing.
He didn't have a choice.
The sound of crying echoed through his head. He hated it. Not because it was annoying to him, not at all.
He hated it because he could feel the pain and anguish the person crying was experiencing. He could feel their sadness and guilt.
"I've got you..."
"Thank you..."
A beat of silence.
The pierce of a blade.
"Y/N-"
The feeling of a blade in his shoulder.
"Y-Y/N? A-Are you-?"
The sight of a blade sticking out of a girl's neck.
Shouto slapped a hand over his mouth as he resisted the urge to vomit, his eyes wide in horror as he desperately tried to compose himself.
He leaned over the flowers and coughed a few times before he couldn't hold it in anymore, retching into the ground below him, vomit covering the once blooming forget me nots.
He sputtered and coughed for a few seconds, mind swirling with questions.
However, one stood at the forefront of his mind, the cogs turning as he tried to answer it.
'Who is Y/N?'
The question repeated itself over and over in his head until he could feel himself spiraling. His mentality was slowly degrading.
'Who is she? Why am I having to listen to these conversations? I never knew a Y/N. I know I didn't. But if that's the case then why... Why was I hearing myself talk to her? Was she a real person? Was she a figment of my imagination? No... No. That can't be it. She had to have been real. If she wasn't then why do I...'
Shouto panted heavily as he stared at his own vomit on the ground, the forget me nots painted in a fluid that could only be described as vile.
'Why do I feel so sad? Why do I feel so cold?"
Shouto shakily brought his hands to his mouth, wiping off his lips with the end of his sleeve.
He felt violated, dirty.
The feeling only intensified as his mind continued racing, searching for some logical explanation for what he just experienced.
His vision began to grow dark, static ringing in his ears as he spiraled.
'Was Y/N a friend of mine? Who was she? Is she dead?'
'Why couldn't I prevent it? Why would I want to prevent it in the first place?'
'She was important to me.'
'She meant so much to me.'
'If she did, why can't I remember her?'
'Why can't I remember what she looks like?'
'Why is my mind so messed up?'
'Why can't I have those memories back?'
'Give them back.'
The presence of another person pulled Shouto out of his own mind, his eyes focusing on the now clean flowers below him, eyes widening when a pair of bare feet entered his field of vision.
He immediately looked up, identifying the person in front of him yet not quite able to make out their face.
They wore a white sundress that hung off of their figure perfectly, the fabric ending just an inch above their knees.
While he could make out their torso and lower body, their face was obscured by a shadow. It was almost as if the void was concealing their identity.
"Are you Y/N?? Please, I need answers. I feel like I'm going insane." Shouto pleaded, gently grasping at the person's hand in a desperate attempt at grounding himself.
The person in front of him squeezed his hand back, the small gesture causing Shouto's heart to flip.
"Please..."
Shouto placed their hand on his forehead, trying to convey just how much he needed some sort of closure.
"Even if you aren't, please, just explain what's going on."
Shouto closed his eyes, praying to whatever god out there that this person was who he hoped.
His body swelled with warmth as the person in front of him dropped to their knees, wrapping their arms around his neck in a tight embrace.
Shouto gave a light gasp at the familiar feeling, immediately reciprocating by wrapping his arms around their waist.
The pain in his head was gone within an instant, completely relaxing in the other person's hold as they hovered over him slightly. He felt as like he was on cloud nine, his nerves calming as he melted into the person's arms.
The scent of strawberries filled him with content, his mind buzzing with the familiarity of it all.
'Strawberries...'
'Y/N...'
'Y/N...'
'She was my...-'
"You look like a mess."
Shouto slowly lifted his head up, breath hitching in his throat when he was met with familiar diamond eyes and periwinkle white hair.
"Y/N..." He breathed out your name, arms tightening ever so slightly around your body.
You responded with a simple nod of your head, the action making Shouto's heart swell with relief.
"Do you... really remember me?" You spoke shakily, eyes searching Shouto's for an answer.
Shouto pondered over his answer for a moment, mouth opening and closing like a fish. It made you giggle.
"You don't have to answer me right now. I'm sorry I put you through this. This is all my fault."
"No! I-!" Shouto was filled with the overwhelming urge to tell you that you were wrong. That none of anything was your fault, even if he didn't know what. He was cut off by you placing a finger on his lips, effectively shushing him.
"At least you remember my name." You spoke with a small, sad smile on your face.
"I remember bits and pieces... Mostly just conversations." Shouto mumbled against your finger, to which you gave a small laugh and pulled your hand away, but not pulling away entirely. Shouto seemed set on keeping you in his arms, even if he himself didn't know why.
"I see... Well it's some progress at least." You spoke, your eyes lowering to rest your gaze on Shouto's scar.
You gently brushed your finger against the reddened scar, eyes softening at the sight. Shouto's grip on your waist seemed to tighten ever so slightly, leading you to smile cheekily.
"I know this doesn't make a lot of sense right now, but it will in due time. What you're experiencing... It's all because of me. I'm doing this. I've been the one altering your dreams. It took me a while to learn how but... I'm here in front of you now, aren't I?"
Shouto could only stare at you dumbly, not entirely processing what you were saying. All he could focus on was the overwhelming relief of having you safe in his arms. As if some harm would come to you.
"You are... You're right in front of me right now. You're alive..." Shouto's face contorted into one of confusion, his mind racing with questions.
"But... you're supposed to be dead. You were cut in the throat-" Shouto's head suddenly began to pound as flashes of memories from that fateful night passed through his mind. His hands flew up to clutch at his hair, only for gentle hands to be placed over his.
"Hey, it's okay. Calm down. I'm right here." Your soothing voice brought him back from his crisis, hands gently prying his hands away from his hair.
"Don't hurt yourself." You guided his hands down to his lap, rubbing small circles into the back of his hand with your thumb.
"But you- I know you. You're Y/N... But why... Why did I forget...?"
"We will be taking Y/N back home now. There is no need to fret over her any more than you already have. She's made a big enough mess as it is, so I'd advise that you all return to your normal lives. I know how much Y/N cares for each and every one of you, so I will spare your lives. However, since our existence is meant to be a secret, we will have to wipe you all clean."
Shouto gasped as memories rushed back to him in an instant.
The event at the forest, your first meeting, your first conversation, the sport's festival, the internships...
The entire first semester of his time at U.A. came rushing back to him.
This time, with you in his memory.
"Y-You..." Shouto stammered, looking up to stare at your rhinestone eyes in wonder. "You're alive?"
You gave him a small smile, a knowing smile painting your lips as you let go of his hands to fiddle at the fabric of your dress.
"Don't I look it?"
"But how... I saw you... Your family..." Shouto stood up, you following his movements soon after.
"I know, but haven't I said it before? I'm the strongest!" You cheered, placing your hands on your hips as you glanced down at the flowers blooming at your feet. The black void behind you seemed to transform into a sunset, the go round under you guys becoming a grassy field.
"That explains little to nothing." Shouto spoke in a frustrated tone, taking a step towards you.
"Are you okay? How have you been... doing this?" He gestured towards the dream world around them, the once black void now a grassy field blooming with flowers.
"I've sort of tapped into a power that layer dormant inside me for a long time. My mother's, to be exact." You ignored his first question, hands fiddling with the hem of your dress.
"Apparently I have retained some of her powers, and that's how I've been able to contact you guys... I'm not the best at it though. I can only contact you guys in your dreams. I can barely show you guys anything. I tried with the others, I really tried but you just seemed... different." You explained, lifting your gaze to meet Shouto's.
The teen in front of you gave a conflicted look, staring at you with questions swimming in his head.
"Where are you now? I know the class doesn't remember but, I'm sure once they do they will worry about you too." Shouto spoke with a newfound determination, searching your gaze for answers.
God, how he missed those eyes.
"Too"? So you're worried about me?" You teased lightly, a smirk playing on your lips.
"Of course I am." Shouto spoke softly, his eyes displaying an aura of honesty that you had never seen in him before.
"Ah, sorry. Really." You apologized, turning your back to him and taking a step forward in the direction of the sunset. "I really wasn't sure if doing this was a good idea. My family doesn't know what I've been doing yet. They don't know that I've been trying to get you guys to remember."
You shivered as a breeze glided through the air, your sun dress flowing in the wind.
"At first, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. It's selfish of me to ask you guys to remember me. To help me. The amount of pain and trauma you guys have been put through is all because of me, but..." You trailed off, clasping your hands in front of you before continuing.
"I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of this family. I'm tired of doing their dirty work. I don't know if I can save myself. That's why... That's why I'm being selfish and reaching out for help."
You purposefully hid your expression from Shouto, not wanting the boy to see you break down.
"It's been hell. Going back home, I mean. The things they do to me... The things they make me do... I hate it. I hate it so much." Your voice cracked as you stared out into the distance, fighting back the tears that threatened to leak out of your eyes.
"I'm sorry for being so selfish. I'm sorry for being so greedy but I just can't do this anymore. I can't."
Shouto could only stare at you with a broken expression, his arms twitching ever so slightly at his sides as he yearned to pull you in his arms and tell you everything would be okay. That he understood.
"I don't have much time left. So I'll leave you with this." You began, Shouto immediately reaching out to grasp your wrist in his hand.
If only your wrist didn't dissolve in his hand the second he touched you.
"Go to 73748, apartment 5 on Amakusa Street. That's where I used to live. I hid some things there that not even my family could hope to find. Remove the carpet under the bedroom floor. You'll find something similar to concrete under it. Take a mixture of peroxide and any acid with you. Pour it onto the floor and it should dissolve. You'll find everything you need in there."
Shouto could only stare at you in disbelief, trying to make sense of everything you just revealed to him.
Not only had he just gotten you back, but now you were leaving already?
"Will you visit me again? In my dreams?
You gave a light chuckle at his question, nodding your head in confirmation.
"I don't know when, but I'll sure as hell try. It's already pretty draining just keeping this connection open as is."
You turned back to face Shouto, a sad smile playing on your lips before you spoke again.
"I'm sorry that I'm asking you to do all of this for me. You don't deserve this."
Shouto immediately shook his head, his eyes widening ever so slightly as your body began to dissolve slowly.
"Not at all. I'm glad you're back."
The smile on your lips never left, staring into Shouto's mix matched eyes with a newfound fondness.
"I'm really glad I met you, Shouto. For all the moments we shared together, and all of the memories. You've made me happier than you know." You began, your body slowly but surely dissolving into the wind. Shouto could only watch as you were blown away like a dandelion, heart aching at the sight of you disappearing yet again in front of him.
"But, no matter what happens. You cant fall in love with me."
Shouto's breath hitched in his throat as he registered your words.
Not fall in love with you?
What was that supposed to mean?
"Even if you think you already have... it's not real."
'But I...'
Shouto felt your hand touching his cheek, the same sad smile on your lips as you stared at him fondly. He immediately reached out for it again, only for it to dissolve like before. He bit his cheek, a sense of sadness spreading throughout his entire body
"Don't I get a say in all this?"
"You need to wake up now. People are waiting for you."
Shouto could only stare at you as you dissolved in the wind, his eyes glancing down at your lips before settling on your eyes.
"I'm coming for you."
He spoke with such determination you couldn't help but smile, a tiny chuckle escaping you.
"Thank you."
--
Shouto woke up with a loud gasp, the white ceiling painting his vision as he sat upright in the bed abruptly.
"Todoroki-kun!" Izuku exclaimed from beside him, an expression of clear worry evident on his boyish features. "Are you okay?? You suddenly collapsed in the conference room!! Please tell me you're okay!!"
As Izuku pleaded, Shouto couldn't help but find his mind somewhere else, still reeling from the events that happened in his mind.
It took a few seconds for Izuku to realize that Shouto was unresponsive, immediately getting up to alert Aizawa and All Might that he was awake.
He was stopped by a hand grabbing his wrist, pulling the teen back from leaving the room.
"Todoroki-kun...?" Izuku asked carefully, shifting his gaze to where Shouto sat up on the bed.
The half and half teen was dead silent for a good minute or so, seemingly contemplating over his next choice of words in great detail.
It took him some time before he spoke, his voice hoarse from just waking up.
"Midoriya... Does the name Y/N sound familiar to you at all...?"
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
good GOD THIS CHAPTER WAS SO FUN TO WRITE I LOVED ITRHASKDBFG
ive just been on a roll man. UGHHH I LOVE Y/N AND SHOUTO'S DYNAMIC SO MUCH IT MAKES ME WANNA CRY.
well, he finally remembers!!! yay!! after what, 4 chapters???
sorry, the build up was necessary for the story to flow well.
what did you guys think, any thoughts??/
i'm super tired and i have school in the morning so i dont have much more to say.
i'm gonna hit the hay, so good night if it's nighttime where youre at!! i'm going to get some much needed rest.
tysm!!