A/N:
Hi everyone! I just want to apologize for the delayed updates recently. My life has been a chaotic mess as of late, and I just have not been able to catch a break. Luckily, the school term just ended, and I have about a week before the next one starts, so hopefully I can get some writing done.
Thank y'all for your patience and kind words regarding my story. It really makes pressing on so much easier! Much love <3
Warning: somewhat of an emotional and angsty chapter ahead!
~*~
After a long and tiring few hours of driving, Jake pulls over to a semi-deserted fuel station and rest stop. He pulls his hood up and places a black mask over the lower half of his face before getting out the car to refill it. I don't know where we are exactly – I'd been asleep for nearly an hour, and I haven't recognized any of the cities we've passed. If I had to guess, we're probably about six hours from my home.
It feels weird being out here, in an unknown area, on the run from threatening people I'd never even met. It's unnerving and scary. But I have been able to experience a glimpse of Jake's past firsthand. I still don't know how he's lived like this for four years.
Before long, Jake gets back into the car. "It will not be much longer, Flora," Jake informs me before starting the car back up. "Our next stop is in the town over."
While this information should be relieving, it does not make me feel that way at all. My spine straightens almost instinctively, as if we were approaching something dangerous. A weird feeling pricks my senses, but I suppress it for now.
Jake knows what he's doing. There's no need to worry so much.
The thought does little to reassure me, but I try to not let it show. I know Jake is still carrying the guilt of me being in the midst of this, and he might always have that – no matter how many times I tell him not to. I don't want to add any reason for him to blame himself more than he already does.
"Would it be alright if I text Jessy an update?" I ask Jake. It's not like I need permission – he's told me I could message her already. But I feel it necessary to double check that I wouldn't be compromising us by doing so.
Jake nods. "Yes. But keep it vague." I fish my phone out from my hoodie pocket and write to Jessy.
F: Jessy! Update: Jake and I are doing fine. Still hiding but wanted to update you. <3
Almost immediately Jessy comes online, and the little bubbles appear indicating her responding.
J: Thank you SO much for the update, Flora! I've been so worried, but I wasn't sure if I should message you!!
Her message puts a smile on my face, but it quickly fades thinking about everyone in Duskwood. The last I'd heard from Jessy is that things were not going very well. A sense of longing hits me hard, but I hide it.
Despite my best efforts, Jake glances at me questioningly. It's as if he can sense something is off – or maybe I'm just not as good at hiding my emotions as I thought.
He removes his hand from the steering wheel and reaches for my own. I hold it softly. "Flora," he says in a knowing tone, "would you like to talk about it?"
My chest tightens as I open my mouth to speak, but I quickly close it. I genuinely don't know what to say. It should be easy, after everything we've dealt with, to open up to Jake about the things I'm feeling. But the thought of giving him more reasons to feel guilty about this has almost turned into an obsessive fear.
I want, so badly, to tell Jake everything going on in my head – the guilt I'm feeling for not being with Jessy, the desire to return to Duskwood, the fear of losing him and my family – but I know without a doubt that anything I share will only increase his shame and guilt for my being brought into this.
It doesn't matter what I say to Jake – I know nothing will ease his conscience, and the thought makes me anxious. Our relationship was built on trust and confiding in one another, but the circumstance surrounding it was extreme. Now it's becoming more and more difficult to share my feelings with him. I see his remorse and how he's almost punishing himself. Every nightmare, phone call with Jessy, and question about what to do next reveals it.
He may think he's hiding it, but I can see right through the walls he tries to put up. Even though he's begun to share more about himself and his past with me, I can tell he's still on guard. Whether it's for his own protection, mine, or both, I don't know for sure. Though, knowing Jake, it is probably to protect us both.
I can sense him looking at me again. A few tears gather in my eyes, but I swiftly blink them away. "Jake," I breathe out softly, finally deciding to tell him some of my worries. A few quiet moments pass as I determine how to word things. At last, I decide to just be honest. "I'm scared."
The look of sadness I've become accustomed to crosses Jake's face. "I know, Flora, and I'm so-"
"No, Jake," I cut him off promptly. "I'm scared. This guilt you're carrying around all the time isn't just affecting you anymore, and I'm scared that it's going to damage our relationship."
We pull up to a stoplight and Jake looks at me in confusion with a hint of disbelief. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that it feels like I can't talk to you about the things we've dealt with and are going through because every time I do, you feel so guilty and become withdrawn. You put the walls back up and now I'm stopping myself from sharing my thoughts and feelings with you because I'm tired of you punishing yourself for things out of your control!" I end my short tirade with a huff.
It feels nice to get that off my chest, and the tightening sensation I'd been feeling eases immensely. But before Jake can respond, I continue, needing to get the rest out into the open.
"And I know that it's been hard. I cannot imagine what all you're thinking and feeling, but I just don't know how to handle the guilt you're carrying, and you don't either." We start driving again, but much more slowly than before. "We're going through this together now. We need to be able to say what we're really thinking without fear of triggering guilt in one another, but especially in you."
The grip that Jake has on both the wheel and my hand gets stronger. "I am so sorry, Flora." His tone takes me slightly by surprise. It is more raw and real than I think I've ever heard from him. "I did not realize how much this was affecting you, but you are absolutely correct. I cannot keep acting this way – both for our safety and the sake of our relationship. I love you, and I do not want to hurt you in any way."
Something in the air shifts with his apology, as if the mood has lightened the slightest bit. I raise our entwined hands up to my lips and place a soft kiss on his fingers, breathing out a thank you at the same time.
We become silent once more. I assume Jake is pondering our conversation, much like I am. I'm glad we had it. I did not want that fear and anxiety to become a regular thing for us. I have the feeling it would have quickly gotten out of hand had it not been brought up. And while it may happen again, at least we know how we feel about it now.
Before long, we pass the sign welcoming us to the town of Claremont. According to the sign, there is a population of about 2,500. As we continue to drive through it, I notice there isn't much around – which I suppose makes sense considering the size of the town.
A bout of worry creeps into me at the thought of being in such a sparse area. I assumed Jake and I would hide out in another city, which has the advantage of numbers to help hide us.
As we continue through, more and more open land surrounds us. Finally, Jake turns off onto a hidden dirt road, almost unnoticeable to someone who isn't familiar with the area. I get the sense that Jake has been here before.
Dust is kicked up on all sides of the car as Jake drives moderately fast down the road. After about a mile, a small wooden house comes into view. The exterior looks worn down, but nowhere near the way the deceiving car lot from earlier looks.
Jake drives past the house and parks the car behind it. He gets out without a word, quickly walking over to my side of the car and opening my door. With an outstretched hand, he helps me out and then grabs our belongings. I follow Jake up the steps of the back porch, which creaks with the weight of us.
The house seems to be abandoned, no other cars are around, and the chipping paint on the walls looks like it's seen better days. Much to my surprise, however, an older woman with gray hair opens the door and welcomes us in without a word.
I don't know the last time I've felt this confused. Jake still hasn't said anything. He hardly even acknowledged the lady, who has now taken our bags down the hall.
"Jake, where are we?"
He walks in the direction of the lady, and I follow him. We enter a small bedroom, furnished with a bed, dresser, and mirror. Our bags are placed on the floor in front of the bed, but the woman is no longer in here. I don't know where she went or how I missed her walking out of the room.
A weird feeling comes over me. It isn't one of apprehension, like I thought it would be. Rather, I just feel strange and confused, but safe, nonetheless.
"Flora, this is the home of Mrs. Ira Milton, former director of the department of security with the FBI." More confused than ever, I wait for Jake to explain, but he busies himself with unpacking his computer.
"But I thought –"
Jake looks up from his laptop and gives me a charming smile. "All will make sense soon, Flora. For now, I need to work. I am sorry I cannot yet explain." His smile disappears as he focuses back on his laptop.
The lack of explanation somewhat irks me, but I know that Jake knows what he's doing. Despite this, I still am annoyed at my being left in the dark again.
"I promise, Flora, I will explain as soon as I finish this. I just need a little bit more time."
"Well," I sigh, "I suppose that will have to suffice for now." He doesn't look at me, already consumed in whatever he's working on. I decide to let him be and leave the room in search for Mrs. Milton.
It doesn't take very long to find her, as the house is not large. She is sitting in a rocking chair reading a book.
"Mrs. Milton?" I call out.
She immediately places her book down and looks at me. "Oh, just call me Ira dear." She says, getting up from the chair and coming towards me. "I do apologize for my lack of communication earlier."
"That's quite alright, Ira," I tell her honestly, though her actions still confuse me.
"Would you like some tea, my dear?" She takes hold of my hands and leads me to a small kitchen across the hallway. "It's been quite a while since I've had any visitors, but I always have a stash of tea and coffee for guests."
Her voice is welcoming and warm and eases my confused mind a little. She hands me an intricately designed teacup and pours my drink.
"I imagine you have many questions, Flora." I nod and she smiles at me. "Jake has told me a lot about you and the situation you have found yourselves in. Of course, he will have to be the one to explain everything to you, but I do hope that I can be of assistance to the both of you." She returns to the living room, but not before making me promise to let her know if I need anything.
I finish my tea quickly. Before returning to Jake, I wash the cup and place it back in the cabinet Ira took it from. I make my way back to the bedroom and find Jake sitting on the floor with his laptop. He has his glasses in his left hand with the end of the frame in his mouth.
The sight is cute, and I can't help but laugh a little. Jake notices and puts his glasses back on his face.
"Why'd you do that? You biting on your glasses was cute!" I tease. He just rolls his eyes playfully.
I sit down cross-legged next to Jake and lay my head on his shoulder. I hear him sigh contently, and I do the same. Even though I am incredibly confused and still slightly annoyed, I know that Jake will explain everything when he can.
~*~
A/N:
Ok, so Jake's been working on some things. 👀 We'll get the details soon enough ;) Until then, you and Flora can remain confused. LOL!